2022 collection of light and humorous short messages

1. Dude, I never mess with you. Why do you provoke me? Since you started it, why did you give up halfway? Hehe, on the other hand, life is to smile at others and make them smile again. I wish you happiness every second.

I admire you very much. Your family members are all literate and have a good understanding of the five elements. If you know what is missing in your life, add a word to your name. For example, if your brother is short of wood, he is called Asen, and if he is short of gold, he is called Axin. By the way, your name is Ed.

My friends and I went to the top of Mount Tai to watch the sunrise. A friend pointed to the sky and said, "I see it!" " "I saw it too!" At this time, someone in the distance came out with trousers and scolded: "See it when you see it!" " What are you yelling about? "

Both Party A and Party B boast that they are the most diligent people in the world. A said that I bit off the umbilical cord when I was born and shared my mother's pain. B said, what is this? I will cook for myself in my mother's belly!

Mom came to the house and scolded her wife when she saw that the house was in a mess. After my mother left, my wife picked up her mobile phone and called her mother-in-law to complain. For a long time, the other party said: Call again after reading the number next time, I am your mother-in-law!

6. Did you find out? National Olympic team uniform: China people, like scrambled eggs with tomatoes; American, like blueberry yam; Russian, like snowflake beef; Italian, like chocolate. Haha, I wish you enjoy the Olympics!

7. A man knocked down a strange old man on a motorcycle in downtown! That man was scared out of his wits! More and more people are watching! Suddenly, the man hugged the old man and cried in tears: "Dad, wait for me, I'll find a doctor for you!" " "After that, he ran. The old man struggled and shouted angrily, "Come back!" "Everyone expressed their feelings:" This son is really filial! "

8. North Korea: Big Brother, I'm going to do a nuclear test. China: OK, when? North Korea: 10. English: 10? 10 What? 10 day or 10 hour? Chao: 9, 8, 7, 6: Fuck you!

9. Dad told Xiaoming that if young people don't work hard, old people will be sad! Xiao Ming said to his father, don't worry, I will be a magician when I grow up! Money becomes money when you are short of money, and toys are short of everything when you are short of toys! Dad said, then how did you become a magician?

10. After receiving this message, please look at the beautiful woman 10 second to the left, the handsome man 10 second to the right, then look up at the sky 10 second and look down at the ground 10 second. How's it going? And swallow the saliva back. Thankfully, thanks to a parenting encyclopedia, otherwise I really don't know what to do.

1 1. Some people admire the singer Wu Bai and always boast that Wu Bai is his brother in front of friends. One day, he boasted to the girl he just met, "Wu Bai is my brother, my name is …" Before he finished, the girl said, "Oh, 250."

12. A drunk drove home in the middle of the night. Lu Yu police, policeman: "Comrade, please show me your driver's license?" Drunk: "What driver's license? Naked photos can't be taken casually! My wife has them all. I didn't bring it! " May you be happy every day.

13. Once, I went to the hospital for examination. The doctor took my case report and said to me, "It's a good thing you came early." When the words came out, I was sweating all over, only to hear the doctor say slowly, "If you come late again, I will get off work."

14. Xiaoming finally woke up naturally today. He stretched himself, looked at the woman next to him and said with a smile, "Hi! I don't know your name yet. " "I don't know your name either, but I know you will definitely fail this course." The invigilator finished and took away his white paper.

15. I bought a new wireless mouse, quietly plugged the receiver into the usb port at the back of my classmate's case, and then secretly moved the mouse aside. The students were amazed when they saw it, then changed the mouse, unplugged the network cable, disinfected and reinstalled the system.

16. "scolding you" means cherishing you, "beating you" means loving you, "cheating you" means liking you, "being angry" means caring about you, and "being in a daze" means missing you, buddy. How have you been recently? The spring is loose, so I'll help you hold on to it.

17. I went to the pedicure shop downstairs to wash my feet yesterday, which was washed by the new young master. The super hand was so strong that it pinched my sister several times. I said "be gentle" more than five times. My sister couldn't help but say it again gently. The young man was shy and said weakly, "If you are lighter, you just touched it."

18. The Acrobatic Troupe invites you out. Your performance is simple: bark like a dog, you will never obey, and you will strictly abide by your self-esteem. As a result, you will be scolded: it is so difficult to bark like a dog, you are really a pig! The message is harmless, just to make you laugh.

19. A friend is selling popsicles in the park for the first time, so I am embarrassed to shout. Then suddenly someone shouted "sell popsicles ~ ~ ~ sell popsicles ~ ~". Hearing this, my friend shouted happily, "Me too ~ ~ Me too ~ ~".

20. You asked me how much I love you, how much I love you, my love remains unchanged, and my love does not move. The moon represents my heart, sleeping under your name, sleeping with you, sweet, warm and fragrant-dear "orangutan".

2 1. Someone was practicing in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psycho came after him with a kitchen knife. The man turned his head and ran until he reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, here's the knife. It's your turn to chase me.

22. The rich man said to an actress: Do it with me once and give you 200 million yuan, ok? Actress: Yes! After some intimacy, the rich man threw the used condom and its contents in front of the actress and said, "200 million, the extra is a tip!" "

23. A friend of mine is an intern in Unicom. One day, an old man came up and said, "Can you get me a mobile card?" Then the friend said without looking up, "Master, someone is coming to smash the venue!" " "

When Hans came to Beijing to study Chinese, he fell in love with this beautiful and generous language teacher at first sight. One day, Hans looked up the word "fans" in the dictionary and asked the teacher excitedly, which is stronger, fans or wires? The teacher said, wires, of course. Hans said seriously, "teacher, I am your wire!" " "

25. Husband: Brothers are like brothers and women are like clothes. Wife: You can go out without arms and legs, and dare to go out naked? Husband: I can ask my brother to buy clothes for me. Wife: Are you sure your brother won't try on clothes for you?

26. Write a riddle for you to guess? The two men stood face to face and took off their clothes. One welcomes guests, the other sees them off, and a stick is divided into two halves. I'm so tired that I'm sweating. The answer is sawing wood, think about the crooked wall!

27. Looking up, I found that it was moonlight, and I bowed my head to study; If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, they will say that I am studying in class; Sitting up critically ill, I didn't attend self-study today; Looking for him in the crowd, I suddenly turned around, but the man was studying in the classroom-while studying.

28. I fell in love with dice when playing cards, cups when drinking, quilts when sleeping, socks when wearing shoes, and princes when bragging. When I miss you, I think of your boys and old friends. How have you been recently? I wish you happiness!

29. I don't like your flowers. Your smoke can kill peony and steel petals, howl and tremble, and make life desperate and crazy. Oh, bomb, if I were God, I would make you never blossom and make the world peaceful forever!

30. Dad asked his 8-year-old son: Why were you detained by the teacher? Son: Because I look at my female classmate's skirt. Dad roared, how can you tease the skirt of a female classmate with a worthless thing? Dad used to tease the skirt of the female teacher when he was a child!

3 1. When the lion was sleeping, he heard a mosquito buzzing around and gave the lion a good bite. How can a lion disturbed by a dream stop there? He was furious and insisted on killing mosquitoes. I heard from the mosquito that people had a crush on you for a long time, so I secretly kissed you. Don't be angry.

32. Today is neither Chinese New Year nor Chinese New Year. It's strange why I sent you a message. Want to know why? Actually, the answer is simple. Shout "eggplant" into the mobile phone. See what? Haha, I wish you a smile every day. Slow down, slow down, don't grin, save some money

Judging from your long portrait, you look like yourself on the front, Guo Da on the top, Huang Hong on the left and Zhao Benshan on the right, so everyone affectionately calls you "four unlike". Hehe, may you laugh often.

34. If I pass you on the road and strut away without saying hello or smiling at you, it's not because I pretend to be arrogant, arrogant and playful, but because I don't have my glasses.

35. It's more exciting to listen to yourself in other people's mouths than to watch a big movie. You will find that you have done nothing, but you have acted in many versions of romance, kung fu, action and suspense films, and each one is richer than the last one!

36. Have you eaten? I'll treat you to a big meal: steamed good luck, spicy good luck, Muslim peace, healthy vinegar, happy skewers, a plate of pistachios, a bottle of Wahaha and a cup of Coca-Cola. May you eat well and be happy every day.

37. I will endure the first offense; If people make me again, warn me; People still tease me, I scold; I get angry when others make me again; I feel angry when people do it again; I can't stand it if people do it again. I'll give you a "green hat"!

38. My sister was eating a bag of potato chips in her hand, and my brother wanted to eat them, so she said to her sister, Sister and brother will help you taste the potato chips. This is because my sister carefully took out a piece and put it in her mouth, saying it was crunchy while eating.