Shorter jokes

1. If the bowl falls, there will be a big scar

2. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

3. If a tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

4. When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. The teacher grabbed XXX in anger and said: XXX, stand on the wall! ~~The whole class is freezing!

5. Once I was driving, and the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked: "Why are you driving without a condom?"

6. Me: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted: "Teacher!"

8. A person in our dormitory drank too much and wanted to pee, and then said something cold Words: If you drink too much urine, you will have too much alcohol.

9. To buy oranges, the boss said: one dollar and five pounds. Me: It’s too expensive. It costs five yuan for three pounds. Boss: No, no.

10. My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said the monitor has a color screen. (Originally I wanted to talk about LCD)

11. Junior high school art party, Q&A session.

Female host: "Everyone, be careful, don't rush too fast. Wait until I finish speaking and start raising your hands."

Then she started to read the topic and said, "Open now... ”

At this time, a contestant jumped in to answer.

The host said, "This classmate is a little too anxious. My 'shi' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you snatch it away?"

12. Listen to a MM shouted in the cafeteria, "Give me a bowl of viper~!"

13. When I was in school

One day a classmate called me and handed it to me and said: "Your mother* *."

I answered the phone and said casually: "Male or female"

Everyone laughed and I was laughed at for 4 years

14 , a high school classmate of my classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle shop and shook his hair coolly: "Boss, 2 liang of green onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, he added: "Please order more rice noodles!" Boss: "...You Do you want rice noodles or green onions?

15. One time, the mother of a classmate in the dormitory called me

I am used to saying "he is not here", but this time I want to say

The result is: "He is... gone"

16. gg handed me a piece of ice cream, I took a bite and shouted: " It burned me to death!"

17. When I went to Li Ning to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?"

18. Once I patted the belly of my dormitory classmate, and she said loudly: "Don't pat, there is pee in my stomach."

19. In high school, everyone was given a name badge. . Before a check-up, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted loudly, everyone, please put on your bras quickly and come for a check-up. . The whole place was silent. . .

20. When I was in school, I went home on the weekend. I got addicted to cigarettes after dinner, so I planned to take an excuse to go for a walk. When I was changing my shoes at the door, my dad asked me why I was going there. I casually said: "Go and smoke!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and beat me severely.

21. Once the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected recess exercises. After the end, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce the "disbandment", but in a moment of urgency, he forgot the words, held it in for a long time, and shouted: "Retreat!"

22. There was a teacher in high school whose surname was Jiang, who looked exactly like Luo Jiaying (who played Tang Monk in Journey to the West). I went to ask him a question and blurted out: "Teacher Tang, this question..."

23 , I have a colleague. One day I was driving on the road and my tire was flat. I asked where I could get inflated tires. My colleague said, "There are abortionists everywhere on the street!"

24. There was a teacher who stayed up all night playing mahjong. Seeing that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is playing banker today? The blackboard is not wiped!"

25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law applying Dabao and suddenly shouted: "You have such skin Okay, why don’t you use Hushubao? ”

26. The teacher left me homework, so I copied it from someone else’s. Then I went to the office to hand in my homework, and when I saw the teacher, I said, “I’ve finished copying it!” /p>

27. Once, we went to Huangshan for a trip, and the tour guide happened to introduce: The Hundred-step Ladder was the scenic spot of Liu Xiaoqing's "Little Flower" back then. Suddenly a man in our group blurted out: "Director..." Everyone was stunned.

28. That time some female classmates came to my house to play. I went to get water. They turned on the DVD player to watch a movie. I heard it in the back room and it was in Cantonese. Then I shouted to turn down the sound. The sound was wrong and I was speechless. My face turned purple~~I almost fainted~~

29. In high school, I went home with my girlfriend after school, and I saw a person at the school gate. The guy selling barbecue said he wanted to eat beef offal, because there were many people in front of the grill, and I was afraid that the boss wouldn't hear, so I shouted loudly: "Boss, five skewers of beef whip" and then there was silence, and three seconds later everyone joined in Laughing violently. Very embarrassing. . . The most embarrassing thing was when MM asked me "What is a bullwhip?" I had to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is the tail of an ox." .

30. I had an argument with my mm on the phone, and she turned up the TV volume very loudly. I was upset, so I said loudly: "Turn off the phone!" Now that I think about it, that's so cold. !