The latest humorous short message jokes

Super different jokes, text messages and humorous sentences.

Super different jokes, text messages and humorous sentences.

Someone asked the commander: Why would you rather let the soldiers in the army get married? Commander: Because married soldiers can only obey Nuo Nuo's orders even if they are beaten.

Churchill was asked how many planes there were in Britain. Churchill: Can you keep a secret? Man: Yes, of course! Churchill: So can I. Someone asked a gentleman if he believed in an afterlife after death. "Bah!" The wife said, "He doesn't even believe in life after dinner."

Two drunks go home together at night. "Look, Lao Zhang, the thief went in through your window!" "Keep your voice down, don't answer, let him go. My wife thinks I'm back and will give him little shoes. "

Lu Ye: Close the window. It's cold outside. Younger son: If you close the window, will it be warm outside?

Someone farted, and everyone didn't know who it was. They suspected someone and blamed him. He just laughed. Everyone asked: What's so funny? Answer: the one who laughs fart also scolds me with everyone.

If you want to have a happy day, drink more wine; If you want to be happy in January, you must find a feeling; If you want to be happy for a year, you should stop worrying; If you want to be happy all your life, don't catch up with the new trend.

Brother Jiao was in a meeting, and the second brother went to find him, but the doorman wouldn't let him in. His second brother was in a hurry and shouted, I'm the second child having sex, so you don't want me to go in? The young lady said: even if the penis is burnt, it will not be allowed to enter.

The new employee stood in front of the shredder with a straight face. His colleague asked, Is there any problem? Stuff the paper into the shredder. "But where did my manuscripts and copies come from?" The newcomer asked.

A priest advised the poor to believe in religion. He asked a poor man, "Would you rather go to heaven or hell after death?" The poor man replied, "Alas! Look, where the corn flour is cheap, go there!

A sign was put up at the newly-built highway intersection, which read: You can arrive half an hour earlier by taking the new road, and illiterate people deserve to take the old road.

The newly married woman said to the psychologist: Why is there such a big difference between my husband before and after marriage? The psychologist solemnly said to her, "Have you ever heard of feeding the fish you catch?" ?

Actor A anxiously looks for the director: Didn't you say that I should play Wu Dalang? Why did you change people again? The director said impatiently, How many times have I told you that you are not tall enough to play Wu Dalang?

After the heart operation, the nurse asked, How do you feel? Patient: Yes, sometimes I even feel two hearts beating. Nurse: That's right. The surgeon is looking for his watch.

If I had money, I would eat sweet potatoes for breakfast, porridge for lunch and eggs for dinner, minus half of what I ate, and eat whatever I wanted.

Mrs. Swallow: Yesterday, my husband got drunk and threw up. Neighbor: disgusting! Mrs. Swallow: What's more disgusting is that humans occupied my house early this morning and said they wanted to eat bird's nest.

A man asked the farmer, Why doesn't this cow have horns? The farmer said: Some are hereditary, some are lost with other cows, some are sick, and this one is because it is a donkey.

At the party, the husband has been peeking at the gorgeous girl sitting next to him, and his wife whispered beside him, "Talk to her, or others will think she is your wife!" " "

A teacher ran a red light and the traffic police stopped him. The teacher said, please, I'm late for class. Traffic Police: Are you a teacher? Thankfully, I've been waiting for 20 years, and I've written 100 times about not running red lights again. Help if you have difficulties, and help if you don't create difficulties.

Someone threw the leftover bagasse on the ground at will. A glutton picked it up and chewed it, but he couldn't chew any juice, so he cursed: which glutton hasn't chewed juice?

A woman stood in front of a portrait of a tramp in rags. She said loudly: think about it! I don't even have money to buy a decent dress, but I can still ask someone to paint him.

Money makes the mare go, but don't try to get your wife to sign a divorce agreement. It's sunny with your news, rainy without your news, and it's raining cats and dogs without your news. It rained today, but fortunately it cleared up.

A person is too lazy to be surprised. His wife wanted to cut noodles and asked him to borrow a panel. He said, no, cut it on my back! After Daoxiao Noodles, his wife asked him: Does it hurt? He said it hurts, but I'm too lazy to say anything.

Judge: "I hope this is the last time." I don't want to see you here again. " Thief: "What, sir, are you going to change careers?"

A teenager came to buy condoms. The boss was surprised. He said, I want to give my girlfriend a present. The boss said: Do you want to wrap it up? He said, no, it was originally used to wrap gifts.

After talking to the passengers, the captain forgot to turn off the microphone and said to the co-pilot, "I'm going to take a shit first, and then I'm going to fuck the new stewardess." The stewardess wanted to tell him that he forgot to turn off the microphone and fell down in the aisle. An old lady next to him bowed her head and said, "Don't worry, honey, he said he had to take a shit first."

As soon as the recruits got their uniforms, they saw a man in uniform coming towards them. They stood at attention, saluted loudly and said, "Good morning, sir. "The other party replied: Good morning, the post office staff will serve you wholeheartedly.