Does anyone have a funny joke? Every joke, when sending text messages, should not be too long, the more the better, urgent!

1. Once in class, the teacher asked such a question: "What did Fang Zhimin say before he died?" A person wears headphones to listen to the walkman, but doesn't pay attention to his own volume. He said that sentence for Fang Zhimin: "Come on! Hit me with money! . . . . "

2. In the same class, the teacher asked us to say our favorite seat inscription. One of my classmates said without thinking, "It's not too much to kill, but it's also J to die!"

3. One day after turning off the lights, a classmate stood in the middle of the dormitory on a whim and sang, "You said you wanted to have sex, but you didn't bring a condom. Now, you are pregnant. Do you want to have a baby? . . . . "(If necessary, please refer to Zhang Yu's good intentions. The whole song was heard by the class teacher who came to make rounds. .

4, someone's dream-God! Give me a woman! 5. I had a strong dream. One night, I suddenly woke up and heard someone talking nonsense-Brother Yi Dexian, help me get on the horse (Romance of the Three Kingdoms) five minutes later-good start, who will cut it? (Romance of Sui and Tang Dynasties) Five minutes later-Xiao Li's flying knife really deserves its reputation! (Xiao Li flies the knife) Five minutes later-another dimension! (If I remember correctly, it should be a saint) Five minutes later-push, hey hey, wow, hahaha (according to my guess, it may be San Xiao in Ba Shen. . . . . . I wonder what dream he had. . . . .

6. One of my classmates went to see a female net friend one day. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. He gnashed his teeth and said, "Forget it, fucking eunuch-there's nothing to ask for!"

7. I once went out for breakfast with my classmates. A classmate was eating when a dog ran to him and wagged its tail. He looked at the dog for a long time and said something very violent: "Call Dad, I'll give it to you."

On the first day of class, the classmate was caught gossiping, and the teacher looked at him with a straight eyebrow: "You are the person I don't like the most in this class." After listening to this, the classmate replied word for word: "I am honored!" "

In class, the teacher asked, "Who is the founder of Taoism?" A classmate replied loudly: "Lao Zi!" Please stress the old words. . . . . )

10, in a Chinese class, the teacher asked us to make a couplet. He made a couplet: "Looking at the present era, students must make progress." A classmate was more correct, but was ordered to write an 800-word review. He is right: "Look at the world now, teachers are shameless." . . . . "

1 1. One day I went out for a drink and a lot of people were drunk. A man who is not afraid of death rushed to the telephone booth, picked up the receiver and dialed 1 10. When I got through, I said loudly, "Hello! Who called me just now? ! "

12, I remembered a very loving thing at school ~ One night, my roommate dug out his "private kitchen" and gave it to all the people in the dormitory ~ Finally, he said, "Eat quickly, this biscuit will expire after 12 ~" I don't know why, but this sentence is harmonious again. I'm depressed. I'm lying next to my mother today. ~ mom lei, I said, can we not be so bh? !

16, I just told a girl on QQ that I like you. The other side of the road was silent for a while and said, how do you say it like you fucked me …

I am a college student ... during the holidays ... I basically slept until after 12 o'clock every day ... One morning I suddenly woke up and couldn't sleep ... so I got out of bed and started reading ... I don't know how long it took ... My father got up and walked out of the room, and saw me: "Ouch ... it's rare to get up so early to read ..." Then ... I went to the hall to prepare for watching TV. Dad … You are really my real dad …

18, there is a small shop in front of my house. Every day, the advertisement is "the boss has run away, and the boss has no intention to operate. Clear the field." It lasted for a month and was changed to: "The boss's wife came back, the boss came back, and the boss celebrated, with a big discount." The following month is: "The proprietress ran away again, and the proprietress ran away again …"-PS: Is the proprietress tired?

19, I: I want to live in a Buddhist temple for a while and experience the detached feeling of light clouds and light winds!

Wife: Your penis means a big pear!

Me: ..............

20. The wife calls the husband who is a programmer: "Buy a catty of steamed buns and bring them back from work. When you see a watermelon seller, buy one. " That night, the programmer's husband entered the house with a steamed bread in his hand. . . The wife said angrily, "Why did you buy steamed buns? ! "The husband replied," Because I saw the watermelon seller. " (Hint: Do you understand? )

/kloc-building 0/2

2 1. Lamian Noodles is sold in the school canteen, usually Lamian Noodles. Both the teacher and the waiter are wearing small white hats. My boyfriend is nearsighted. He once went to buy beef Lamian Noodles and wanted to take it back to the dormitory to eat. I packed it and took it away, the boss said gloomily. Our noodles are not easy to pack. He said, isn't there a packing bowl on your desk? The Muslim boss was very depressed and put a small hat on his head.

22, just watched a news, a leader died, and then a lengthy mourning ceremony. It took about five minutes to register. Grandma listened and asked, "Are all these people dead?" How many people have spoken their minds.