Long-distance relationships are so hard, I don’t know how long I can last.

Maintaining a long-distance relationship is difficult and requires dedication from both parties. Here are 10 suggestions on how to maintain a long-distance relationship to help you find lasting love. As follows:

1. Set some principles and rules for your relationship

In a study of long-distance relationships, Dr. Greg Gudner found that 70% of long-distance couples Without setting principles or handling changes, they parted ways within half a year. This means it's extremely important for both parties to set some principles that will guide your long-distance relationship. This includes agreeing not to date other people, to communicate every day, and to see each other for at least two to three months.

2. Communicate every day

Part of a successful long-distance relationship is the ability to model a normal relationship. One of them is daily communication. The advent of the internet has been a godsend for people in long-distance relationships. Not only can you communicate via email and instant messaging for free, but you can also chat with each other via the free Skype service. This eliminates the $500 monthly phone bill.

3. Express your feelings

Expressing your feelings through email, instant messaging, and phone calls is very important for the development and stability of your relationship. One of the more stable ways to improve your relationship is to reassure her/him that you will be responsible and reassure her/him that you will be responsible. When you express your feelings, you let the other person know that you are giving and that you will maintain your relationship.

4. Send love from thousands of miles away

From time to time, prepare something to send to your partner who lives in a long distance to express your concern. Here are some items for reference only (plan your own, of course I don’t want you to send them all at once):

Books, phone cards, well-meaning chocolates, music, video messages, intelligence tests, candies, real roses, Postcards, stuffed animals, fake roses, holiday stuff, messages in bottles, chocolate roses, embossed flowers, your photo, engraved roses, gift cards, jewelry, "keys" to the soul, bubble baths, movies Tickets, personalized poetry.

In fact, regardless of whether it is a long-distance relationship or not, there is still a major prerequisite for falling in love. Everyone must, must, must! ! ! ! To understand, that is - men are from Mars and women are from Venus! ! ! !

Long-distance relationships will amplify this inherent difference in thinking by N times, so you must think about this!

(I would like to suggest that everyone who is in a long-distance relationship should get a copy of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus". Oh, actually, I was sent by Xinhua Bookstore to recommend this book, haha).

One thing about Chinese education is almost blank. Whether it is parents or teachers, from childhood to adulthood, it seems that they have never instilled in their children the concept that "men and women think differently" - maybe they themselves have also have no idea. Therefore, when we grow up and need to build the most intimate relationship combination in the universe with people of the opposite sex, we often regard the other person as belonging to the same language system as ourselves, and many conflicts arise from this.

Let me give you a common example.

Case 1: The girl caught a cold and texted: "I have a cold and my throat hurts." The actual purpose was to seek comfort and ask for help.

The answer that didn’t understand the girl’s heart was: “Go and take medicine!” “I know, but it’s still uncomfortable.” “Then go to the hospital quickly!” The girl felt very unhappy at this time. Do you think I don't know how to take medicine and see a doctor? That's not what I want. They don't care about me at all. Huh, they just don't love me.

The answer that knows the girl's heart well is: "Huh? What's going on? Why don't you know how to take care of yourself? Remember to take medicine on time, cover yourself with quilts, wear more clothes, and drink more boiled water. I can't help you. You have to take good care of yourself, otherwise I will feel bad." The girl smiled with satisfaction.

I would like to say that the kind of answer that does not understand the girl's heart is actually the usual thinking of men. For men, when a companion signals to him for help, his instinct is to provide him with a solution. So when you tell him that I have a cold, his first reaction is to take medicine and see a doctor.

He didn't understand that when a woman sends a signal for help to her companion, she is usually asking for comfort and complaints. . .

I give this example to illustrate how much difference in thinking affects how we look at problems. Many times his answers are unsatisfactory. Don't rush to conclusions. First, step away from the main premise of the difference in thinking between men and women and think about it from his perspective. Maybe you will suddenly become enlightened.

Text message issues

The above differences in the way men and women think also apply to text messaging.

I once struggled with the length of text messages and who took the initiative to send such issues.

Later, after a quarrel and communication, I discovered that as a man, he didn’t take this seriously at all.

For him, love is a major premise that does not need to be verified through various subsequent tests.

A woman will pile up the very small details in her life to verify the huge proposition of whether he loves me or not.

For example, I believe that many girls have taken the initiative to contact me. If he sends me long text messages, it means that he loves me, and vice versa. But after some of my understanding, it seems that men really don’t equate the two.

So on the one hand, girls should think clearly, not to use everything to prove whether he loves me or not, but to have confidence in his feelings for you. Love won't run away so quickly.

On the other hand, girls should also instill our female thinking into your one from time to time. You are enlightened about the difference in thinking between men and women, but you don’t understand it yet. So you have to tell him this difference. Otherwise, if you understand and he doesn’t understand, you will have to accommodate him every time. If he also understands female thinking, then he will take a step forward, and you will take a step back, and everyone is done!

The knowledge of quarrels

Every couple has probably had quarrels. However, my experience is that cold war is the most taboo in long-distance relationships. It is better for everyone to have a quarrel and make everything clear. However, the premise is that the quarrel is based on the facts, try to express everything you want to express, and try to solve one problem at a time, so as not to backlog the problems and turn them into time bombs later.

Actually, the quarrel I am talking about may be more like a negotiation in a certain sense. Really, I am actually a very hot-tempered person. But after so many years of long-distance relationships, I find that my temper is getting better and better. Many times I was actually furious, but I could still hold back my prejudice and have a tepid discussion with him on QQ. After the discussion, the anger subsided. Always remember that there is no point in simply arguing. If you can move from quarreling to communication, and then to understanding the other party better, then such a quarrel will be meaningful.

How to treat his shortcomings

Actually, this is a general understanding of love, which I realized recently.

It is said that no one is perfect, but people in love always think that the other person is very beautiful and clean, but this state basically cannot last too long. Later, some flaws and problems in our human nature or personality will gradually be exposed.

Don’t be surprised or sad. There is a saying that I think is right: "Before getting married, you should look at the shortcomings, and after getting married, you should look at the advantages." What does it mean? Before getting married, when two people are still in the understanding stage, it is best for us to know the basics of each other, understand each other's weaknesses and limitations, and not to deify each other too much. If his unbearability and shortcomings do not touch your bottom line, then OK, you can consider each other's bottom line, and it should be smoother after marriage. After getting married, you should be tolerant and accommodating and turn a blind eye.

Then let me use myself and my other person to analyze and give examples. He grew up in a relatively poor family, and his conditions were not very good, so low self-esteem and strong self-esteem should be the two emotions deep in his heart. One time, I had an argument with him. The reason was that I wanted to help him save money, so I always chose inexpensive options when eating. He felt a little unhappy, so he said, why should we eat? I was angry at that time, and the meal ended on bad terms. I even forced him to give the money to him when I was finally paying. (Although I immediately regretted it) Then he stormed out of the restaurant.

Anyway, the end result was that he wanted me to go away and die, and I apologized to him and he has been very cold to me. Then I actually walked home, and he called again to ask where I was. When he knew that I was almost home, he said that he would also go home. Only then did I realize that he had followed me all the way and never left. So I went back to look for him, and he still hid with me, watching me anxiously looking for him, but in the end we reconciled.

Although we reconciled, his words: "You can go and die." and his subsequent deliberate hiding from me while I anxiously looked for him, made me feel very chilled. But then I started to analyze his childhood environment and family education, and I felt relieved.

He has lacked love since he was a child, so he used words to stimulate me and then hid in the dark to see how anxious I was for him, much like a child who wanted to attract his mother's attention when he was young. I think it must be because he didn't receive enough care when he was a child. His family situation is not good, so he is very sensitive to the word self-esteem. My previous actions really touched his bottom line.

After thinking about this, I found that my understanding of him really deepened.

I want to tell my sisters the above personal experience. When your partner says something and does something, and after you get angry, you may want to rationally analyze the reasons for their occurrence. The reason why he becomes who he is is often because of his environment that shaped him.

When you look at him and love him with this mentality. Maybe he will give you a lot in return.

A brief discussion on how parents can solve the problem

As for how parents can solve the problem, how about I contribute?

When I was thinking, I couldn't reveal anything and suddenly shoot my parents, otherwise the chance of you two dying is basically 100%. You have to think about it, to your parents, he is a complete stranger. How can you make them suddenly believe that this person can bring happiness to their precious daughter?

So I suggest that you brainwash your parents in a planned and conditional manner. When brainwashing, you should pay attention to the following points.

1. Wash gently. I can tell you from time to time that I have a good friend XX, and how he is doing (the examples must be able to reflect his quality.) Never directly state your subjective feelings about him, remember to let the facts speak for themselves. For example, once I told my husband that he didn't come home during the May 1st holiday, my mother asked why he didn't come home. I said that he was afraid of causing a burden to the family and was trying to save money. Then my mother thought he was very sensible, hoho~

2. Find someone who is easy to be brainwashed. Parents, one has a red face and the other has a white face. Find a good implant.

3. Both parents are tough, so break through from the outside. For example, if your father listens to your aunt, you can chat with your aunt.

4. If you encounter their opposition, be prepared for a protracted war. Many long-distance relationships involve people living apart from each other, which can be troublesome.

5. Don’t let your parents think that you fell in love with him just because you were hot-headed. You must gradually let your parents know that you have foreseen all difficulties, and they can give you happiness. Of course the premise is that this is true.

Exotic Love

First of all, I think all girls and boys who insist on exotic relationships are gods and worthy of everyone's worship! !

Being in a different place coupled with the time difference, basically all time and space are out of sync, but we can still fall in love, how worthy of admiration! ! !

I think foreign love is more difficult than long-distance love. One of the difficulties is overcoming jet lag. But in fact, the most difficult thing is probably how to synchronize the changes between the two of you, and how to maintain spiritual communication between two people in completely different places.

People will change as the environment changes. Some people become more, some people become less, some people become faster, some people become slower. I always feel that the most fundamental basis for two people to finally be together, hold hands and grow old together is that these two people have basically the same outlook on life and values. In a different place, especially a foreign country, different environments and different cultures can easily lead to inconsistencies in the views of two people, which ultimately leads to various conflicts and breakups.

For example, A and B were two similar people. A went to the United States and B stayed in China. Four years later, under different circumstances, many of their ideas may have changed. Same. At this time, they are no longer who they were before. Things can't be discussed together, so it's easy to break up.

How to solve it? It's easy to say it's easy, but it's hard to say it's difficult. In fact, to put it bluntly, you must be soul mates, and you must regularly share some of your thoughts with each other, so as to maintain the same direction and speed of your changes.

Love that begins when you are young is often a process of growing up together. Through this form of sharing, it is possible for the other person to grow up at the same speed as you. Although the world is changing rapidly, to each other, the reality remains the same. In other words, through good daily communication and sharing, your outlook on life and the world will remain similar after a few years. Then, your relationship is equivalent to having a fundamental foundation.

What to do if there is no more *** with the same topic

First of all, don’t be afraid of running out of things to say, and don’t be too anxious if you run out of things to say. Because this is bound to happen. The thing about being awesome after your relationship has evolved is that when you weren't awesome before, you thought, "Oh, I have nothing to say. How can I be silent? What should I do? What should I do?" Then my heart exploded. After that, when I became awesome, I thought, "Don't speak." Why do we have to talk if we are not in silence?"

The young lovers who meet every day have nothing to say after a long time. They are in a long-distance relationship and are not together. If they are friends, it will be smaller. , it’s easy to be left speechless.

How to solve it? I have a few ideas...

1. If you both like movies, then agree to watch the same movie together. Then after reading it, we can exchange ideas and so on.

2. If you both like reading... (the same process as above)

3. If you both like XX...and so on, haha

4 , if possible, try to turn his friends into your friends and your friends into his friends. Like me, there are two girls in our dormitory who are both his wives (囧), many of his college friends have become my good friends, and we are in the same class in high school, so there is no need to talk about it, just Afraid of too much.

5. A permanent solution. It must be spiritual communication, spiritual communication, spiritual communication! ! ! ! ! In other words, communication should focus on quality! ! ! Don't discuss eating, drinking, and sleeping all day long. The discussion must go into each other's hearts. In fact, this is not only important for long-distance relationships, but also for any kind of relationships! The girls and boys on Douban have a natural advantage. It is understood that those who like Douban are basically more in-depth (hide your face, haha) and pay more attention to spiritual communication. So, let’s take advantage of everyone~~

Why should I understand him without him understanding me first?

Okay, let me talk about this issue. This girl must have asked the thoughts of many girls, because I have also struggled with this "why" for a long time.

In this day and age, we girls have all been brainwashed from childhood into thinking that men and women are the same, that men and women are equal and so on. Men and women are indeed equal, but in many cases feminist education goes too far, and some of the accommodation and humility that should be required are overridden, which puts oneself in a passive position.

When I say accommodation and retreat, I don’t mean that you have no bottom line and principles at all. But many times, we are too stubborn, so stubborn that we blindly adhere to the so-called principles (for example, a girl cannot take the initiative to apologize and must be coaxed by a man, etc.), but we have also entered a strange circle.

When two people get along, it is a process of coming and going. If you are obsessed with who gives first and care about your own contribution, it will be easy to keep arguing and remain in a stalemate. When the time comes, both parties will suffer. It is better to adopt a gentle policy and let go of your reserve. When you really do this and give, as long as he is the person worthy of your sacrifice, he will definitely understand your thoughts.

In fact, the person who takes the initiative to understand is the person who controls the overall situation.

Regardless of men and women, there are always a few days every month

I don’t know if you all feel this way. Sometimes you will feel particularly depressed, and then you will be particularly pessimistic and disappointed, and you will often hide under the quilt. I cried as I thought about it. I feel like how can this relationship be like this? Why can others see each other every day while I can only have sex with my phone and computer, and then I get upset and so on.

Later I discovered that every time I felt particularly pessimistic and disappointed, it always came with the arrival of my aunt. After basically being pessimistic and struggling, my aunt also came. Then I realized it was premenstrual syndrome.

Many times what you think is a big problem is actually just a little hormone causing trouble.

If you are a young man and your girlfriend is intermittently unsure of herself, don't blame her, it's her hormones. If you are a girl and you also have this problem, then you have to try to restrain yourself. When you have bad thoughts, you have to tell yourself that these are hormones! ! ! ! ! ! No big deal! ! ! Don’t let the tears and pessimism caused by hormones destroy a man’s confidence!

After talking about the days of women, let me talk about the days of men.

According to incomplete observation, my man is a typical patient. Sometimes, he would suddenly feel depressed, which was manifested by being very dull on the phone, and then directly telling me: "I don't want to talk." At the beginning, every time I heard him say this: "I don't want to talk," I felt like I got angry again, and then I insisted on him talking. I also made him collapse.

Later I read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", and there is a picture in it about this, saying that men sometimes let themselves hide in holes, and then as long as you give him enough space, he will crawl out of the hole and return to you obediently. (The tone of voice was too flattering, but this book is really good...)

Then I followed the method taught to me in the book. Anyway, as soon as he wants to crawl back into the hole, I let him crawl and do his own thing. Anyway, he will come back before long, and when he comes back, he will be very enthusiastic and clingy.

What to do during the bottleneck period? Communication is king! ! !

I now feel that falling in love is an upward spiral process. As you talk, the two of you will sometimes encounter certain difficulties and resistance, or you may feel that you have nothing to say or feel as you talk, as if everything has faded away.

Usually at this time, I call it the bottleneck period.

He and I seemed to have encountered a bottleneck period. That time it was because I encountered resistance at home, and then I had a very bad mentality. I got angry with him and became indifferent to him, and then the two of us became so cold.

How cold is it? It's so cold that two people are in the same room, facing each other for 40 minutes, and then are speechless. I wanted to break the embarrassment, so we went to West Lake together, but we had a big quarrel by the West Lake, and he left me alone...

The solution is very weak. That's communication. Let go of all baggage, all prejudices, and all discomfort and communicate. This is what both of you need to do and talk openly. Then what you get from communication must be practiced and observed.

As long as you take the warm step, after the bottleneck period is over, the relationship will sublimate.

What to do if you don’t feel safe in a long-distance relationship

Being afraid of this or that is a common emotion in long-distance relationships. Afraid of not knowing when they will break up, afraid of not having a happy ending in the end, afraid of a man meeting a new love and abandoning the old love. Anyway, I am afraid of everything and always feel that I have no sense of security...

Basically, the only solution is to save yourself.

First of all, the ultimate sense of security can only be given to yourself. A man's performance is just an external measure. If you are weak and unconfident on the inside, no matter how firm and loyal your partner is, you will still feel that he will run away at any time.

Secondly, the most fundamental reason for lack of security is lack of confidence in yourself and your love. So you have to try to believe it.

Don't always think that long-distance love is awesome or awesome, but think of it as a test, so that the love will start from being frivolous to become thick, and the two people in love will start to become tough from being naive, and from simply enjoying the relationship. Happiness turns into taking emotional risks.