Do you have any joke text messages, the more, the better! Just to make my girlfriend happy

1. A soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn, what can we do? If you step on it, you will be compensated according to the price.

2. I haven’t received your message for a long time, and I feel very sad. When I thought about death, I cut my veins with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, jumped over a building with a parachute, and hung myself with noodles. But if Mo is dead, just treat me to a meal and it will last me to death.

Outcome 3. If you feel heartbroken, please call me! If you want to talk about love, please press 1, if you want to talk about work, please press 2, if you want to talk about life, please press 3, if you want to introduce someone to me, please press 5, if you want to ask me to eat, please say so, if you want to borrow money from me, please hang up.

4. The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later the giraffe filed for divorce: I don’t want to live this kind of life anymore! The monkey was furious: Just leave! Who has ever seen someone climb a tree to get a kiss?

5. Fish said: "I open my eyes all the time so that I can never leave you." Water said: "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and pick you up." "Guo said: "It's almost cooked and you're still so stubborn."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive text message. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help but sing: Ya La Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7. You have grown up, and there are some things you should know: the sky is for wind and rain; the earth is for growing flowers and grass; I , is used to prove how great human beings are; you are used to stew vermicelli.

8. When you check in at the railway station but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the train will remind you: wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you are playing tuba by the river but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

9. Money can buy a house but not a home; it can buy marriage but not love; it can buy a clock but not time; money is not everything, but the source of pain. Give me the money and let me bear the pain alone!

10. God, it’s too blue! The sea is too salty! Life is so difficult! Work is so boring! I am destined to be with you! Miss you, sleepless! It’s too far to see you! Alas, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can’t eat with my chopsticks or swallow my bowl!

11. I give you the 12 zodiac signs. I wish you are as smart as a mouse, as strong as an ox, as bold as a tiger, as cute as a rabbit, as confident as a dragon, as charming as a snake, as romantic as a horse, as docile as a sheep, and as naughty as a sheep. Monkey is as beautiful as a chicken, as loyal as a dog, and looks like a pig!

12. The beauty of knowledge lies in making people confused; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of women lies in being stupid

having no regrets; the beauty of men lies in lying. It's like saying hell in daylight.

13. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I care about you, little boy. , I’ll make you dizzy!

14. Have you heard of it? Five hundred times of looking back in the past life are only exchanged for one brush with each other in this life. For close friends like you and me, it seems that we didn’t do anything in the previous life, but just looked back!

15. Two counterfeiters accidentally made fake banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they took a 15 yuan bill, they bought 1 yuan of candied haws. , they cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

16. Portrait of your life: Learn to take a bath by yourself at the age of ten - Zhu Ziqing; shine at the age of twenty - Zhu Shimao; find a job at the age of thirty - Zhu establishes a career; be employed at the age of forty Servants - pigs get servants; learn to play basketball at the age of fifty - pigs shoot!

How to tell the authenticity of RMB?

Prepare one hundred yuan. Fold it in half and then fold it in half again. Put it on the ground and step on it. Pick it up and see if there is anyone on it. Nosebleed, if there is bleeding, it is real. If there is no bleeding, it is fake