Super funny text messages

1. Best friend! When I have money, I will flush your toilet with Remy Martin, light your cigarettes with US dollars, give you a bubble bath with 999 roses, and pick you up with a Boeing plane. When I go to and from get off work, I will use Huanzhugege to be your maid! OK?

2. First line: The wind is blowing, the rain is falling, I am waiting for your call back! Second line: Live for you, die for you , waiting for you all my life! Hengbiao: I sent it to the wrong person~

3. A farmer will kill chickens tomorrow. When feeding the chickens in the evening, he said: Eat quickly, this is your last meal! I will see the chickens the next day. He was lying down and left a suicide note: I have eaten rat poison, so don’t even think about eating me. I am not someone to be trifled with~!

4. A mosquito bit me on my left arm and I drank a lot. Once you are bitten, you wake up. The moment you raise your right hand to swat the mosquito, the mosquito says to you: Your blood is flowing in my body!!

5. You are dragging a pig shopping , looking very happy. I passed by and said with sympathy: A person's quality depends on who he is with. Before you finished speaking, you saw the pig abandoning you with disdain.

6. Life is so tiring! You have to queue up to get on the bus, unrequited love is really painful, eating has no flavor, drinking is easy to get drunk, going to work is very tiring, you can’t rob, and you have to pay taxes to earn money. Xiaozhu still charges for sending a text message~!

7. Did you know? I thought about dying without your text message. I used to hang myself with noodles, hit my head with tofu, take poison with Coke, and use a parachute. I jumped off a building and cut my pulse with chopsticks. Yesterday I mustered up the courage to touch the switch, but unfortunately there was a power outage. Alas, it didn't work! You see how much I miss you.

8. It takes five minutes to wait for a subway train, three hours to watch a movie, one month for the moon to wax and wane, and one year for spring to come. It takes a lifetime to miss someone, but it takes a second to say a caring word: put more grass in the nest when the weather gets cold.

9. Find some free time, find some time, and go to the bank with a bomb on your back. The police will prepare a pair of handcuffs for you, and the warden will prepare a blanket for you. Tell reporters about your troubles in life. , talk to the police about the details of the robbery.

10. A woman brought her nursing child to a restaurant for dinner. The child was crying. The woman quickly picked up her clothes and the waiter came to stop her. The woman was furious: Isn’t this also okay? The waiter replied : It’s okay to show your breasts, but you can’t bring your own drinks.

11. A certain boy nicknamed a certain boy in the same class, "Fat Pig". The girl cried to the teacher and the teacher agreed to criticize the boy. The next day the teacher told the class: "This boy is too rude" , you can give others nicknames casually, but you can’t just call them whatever they look like, right?

12. Ge You went to the toilet on the way to eat, and his pants were wet when he came back. Friend: Why are his pants wet? Ge You: Often! Friends are puzzled, Ge You: Often the person next to him is peeing and suddenly turns around and shouts: Holy shit! Isn’t this Ge You?!

13. A centipede is bitten by a snake and must be amputated to prevent the spread of venom. !The centipede thought: Fortunately, it has so many legs~!! The doctor comforted: Brother, be more open-minded, you will be an earthworm in the future~