It’s Chinese New Year, can you post your secret jokes from 2018 to make everyone laugh?

Just for fun. It is said that there are two poor scholars from the same town, A and B, who go out to work. One day, scholar A found scholar B and asked him to return to his hometown with him. Scholar B didn’t make enough money and didn’t want to go back. So I asked Scholar Jia to bring a letter, but there were some words that I couldn't let others know for fear that Scholar Jia would peek. So I drew four pictures:

One, seven ducks. Two, a goose and a knife. Three, a tree, some leaves fell. Four, a man bent over with his butt stuck out, a cloth bag wrapped around his waist, his head facing a house, and a woman standing at the door.

Along the way, Scholar A read the four-picture letter from Scholar B countless times, but he still could not understand its meaning.

Scholar A returned to his hometown and handed the letter to scholar B’s wife. Scholar B’s wife was overjoyed after reading it. Jiaxiu asked, sister-in-law, what did our brother say in the letter that makes you so happy? Scholar B’s wife didn’t answer.

Scholar A was curious and sent his wife home to find out. Women talk to women easily. Scholar A’s wife and Scholar B’s wife chatted for a long time. Now let’s get down to business. What did our brother say in his letter? Scholar B’s wife took out a letter from home: 1. My wife, 2. You want to kill me, 3. Autumn is coming, 4. I have earned enough money and decided to go home (decision, stick out my butt, stick out my butt).

This is a true story caused by a joke...

Yu Tielin is thirty-six or seventeen years old and is a security guard in the factory. Last year, things turned around and he was appointed by the factory security department as the person in charge of the gate post. This person usually works responsibly and is a good person. But there is a problem. I like to joke with my colleagues when nothing happens...

On this day, an old man in his sixties came to the factory gate, claiming to be Yu Tielin's father. He came to the city from his hometown more than a hundred kilometers away, specifically to find his son...

It happened that Yu Tielin had just returned to the dormitory to rest after working the night shift. Because he usually went too far in joking with others, this time he finally gave his colleagues a rare opportunity...

So the guard on duty said to the old man, "Are you looking for Yu Tielin? He has become the section chief..." Mr. Yu was very happy to hear this and kept saying, "Easy to say, no matter how high up he is, he is still my son..." "The guard added, "Section Chief Yu changed his name after he became an official. Now he is called Yu Guanglin. He will fight anyone who dares to call him 'Yu Tielin' again..."

The old man was very angry and said, "How can the name be changed randomly? He is a generation of iron men. If his name is Yu Guanglin, he will be the same generation as his grandfather...". How did the old man know? Because his son had a few pockmarks on his face, he was secretly called Yu Guanglin by his colleagues...

The guard did not accept the answer and said, "Section Chief Yu drank too much while receiving foreign guests yesterday and is currently resting in Room 103 of the dormitory. Go find him. Remember, call him Yu Guang." Forest…".

The old man was so angry that he came to the door of Room 103 in three steps and two steps. He slapped the door with his hand and shouted: "Tie Lin, Tielin..." There was no answer inside. It turned out that Yu Tielin was working the night shift and was sleeping soundly, so he didn't hear it. The old man thought, "Is it possible that he is an official now, and his son has grown up?" When he thought of this, he patted the door and shouted softly: "Guanglin, Guanglin...",

Yu Tielin had just fallen asleep when he was woken up by someone calling him an insulting name. He was very impatient, "Which child is it? What are you talking about?" He only heard the voice at the door: Guang Lin, Guang Lin, I am your father. …", "You bastard, I am your father"! He said outside the door, "I am really your father...", "I am really your father, I am your father, look at me beating your child", Yu Tielin As he spoke, he sleepily grabbed the leather shoes in front of the bed, opened the door, and slapped the people outside with half-open eyes...

Until the people outside the door fell to the ground. Only then did Tielin realize that something was wrong. Why didn't this man hide? He took a closer look and found that he was actually his father... What he couldn't understand was why his old father came to him so early in the morning and shouted insulting names...

Besides, this old father got together in the truck in the middle of the night. He was freezing all the way and didn't take a sip of hot water. He came to see his son for an emergency, but he was beaten so hard by his son's shoe rival that he collapsed due to an original vascular disease. He passed away and by the time he was taken to the hospital, he was already unconscious...

This incident caused a big fuss in the local area and seemed to involve human lives, so the joking doorman was fired from his job and was suspended by the court for two years in accordance with the law...

Do you think this joke is still like a joke?

I have a joke that I don’t know is funny or not. I told a first-grade primary school student. The teacher asked him to use "But "When making a sentence, the students didn't understand what but meant, so they asked the teacher. The teacher explained that but is a turning point, so the students used but to make a sentence: It took three buts from my home to school.

On the day of the Mid-Autumn Festival in 2018, I went to the street to buy vegetables. There was a woman in her thirties wearing a skirt. She was taking her children to buy eggs, and there was an aunt beside me selling pumpkin cakes. , but her child’s hand was holding her mother’s skirt and crying, asking her mother to buy pumpkin pie to eat. Her mother scolded the child, and the child held her mother’s skirt and cried lazily, pulling her mother’s skirt down to her buttocks. , the red briefs her mother was wearing were seen by others. Later, the child's mother pulled up her skirt and ran away, and everyone in the audience laughed.

I have learned to be a chef. A few days ago, I carefully made a pot of soybean soup using various high-end spices and meat ingredients. The Spring Festival is coming soon, and I will save it for the New Year’s reunion dinner for my big family. Yes, my wife wanted to eat stewed sauerkraut two days ago, so I took out the old soup and wanted to cook some pork belly to make sauerkraut. At this time, a guest came, and my wife said she would do it and asked me to accompany the guest. I thought she had let the chef sleep for half his life, so just do it. The guest left, but I was stupid. Why? My wife is crying in the kitchen! It turns out that my wife used all the old soybean soup, added sauerkraut, pork, vermicelli, and seashells to make a big pot of the so-called Northeast pork stew with sauerkraut. When it was cooked, she saw that it was broken, not to mention very salty, and the taste was five-flavored. It was messy and dark red in color, so I could only say with a smile, "It's okay, it's okay. Wife, you and the chef haven't had enough sleep for half your life!" Come on, let's go back to the bedroom and sleep.

One time I went to the market to buy dried shrimps. I asked how much a pound of shrimps cost, and he said sixteen to a pound. Another guy went to buy it, and asked him how much it cost per pound, and he whispered 12 yuan. One pound. I bought it for five yuan. I took Shopee to the Industrial and Commercial Office and asked to be convicted of extortion. I happened to meet two self-employed people who were applying for business licenses. They said that pricing was the seller’s business. I said this was personality discrimination. . The staff of the Industrial and Commercial Office explained that if you buy something for five yuan, you will actually pay about one yuan more, which is a small matter. With this sentence, I went to find the hawker, but when I arrived, he had already fled.

I made a joke about something that happened around me. The old woman favored sons over daughters. On this day, the grandma took out a pear and gave it to her grandson. When her granddaughter saw it, she cried loudly and said, "I also eat mud (pear) grandma." Talking about what kind of mud you kid eats. My granddaughter's mother came when she heard her crying. Tell me clearly why you are trying to stop her from crying. After hearing this, my granddaughter burst into tears and said that I had eaten clearly.

It’s Chinese New Year, let me tell you a New Year’s joke. I still remember last year during the Spring Festival, you took me back to your house for New Year greetings. Your dad and I played chess equally. We were playing back and forth. In the end, all the chariots, horses, artillery and soldiers were gone. Cross the river, your father will use the elephant to trample on my handsome, I will fly to your father's general with the shi, your father will use the elephant to trample on my handsome, I will use the shi to fly to your father's general, your father will be like my handsome. , I admire your father's generals, your father is like my handsome man, I admire your father's generals, your father is like me, I admire your father, your father is like me, I admire your father, your father is like me, I admire you dad. . .

My 18-year-old wife and I have known each other for more than a year. She told me that when her family introduced a partner, there was a boy who chased rabbits in her hometown of Fuping