Ask for a prank

1. While waiting for the bus, I drove past a BMW, and a tall man next to me said to the people around me, "Look, that's IBM."

2. A friend of mine is an intern in Unicom. One day, an old man came up and said, "May I have a mobile card?" Then the friend said without looking up, "Master, someone is coming to smash the venue!" " "

3. Colleagues may be nervous when they meet customers. As soon as they opened their mouths, they said, "Hello, Miss Liu, what's your name?" Sweating.

4. In the past, the geography teacher was a man, which was particularly violent. Whoever speaks or is distracted will be punched, but he didn't hit the girl. A new girl doesn't know equality between men and women. Once, when she was stealing cartoons in class, she was found by the geography teacher and came to her without warning. The girl turned pale with fear and shouted: indecent assault. Our geography teacher waterfall Khan.

5. My classmate said: I put too much washing powder. The other asked: What? Your brother has too many wives?

6. On a windy day, the bicycle fell down one after another. I only heard a classmate say while helping the car: whose Mercedes ran over my BMW?

7. I called my boyfriend's dormitory before, but he didn't answer. I was a little embarrassed, so I made up a name and said, "Is XX there?" If you want to pretend that you have the wrong person, it's over ~ ~ The other party hesitated and said, wait, I'll call you. I was confused! Hang up the phone in a hurry. Later, I asked my boyfriend, and he said that a boy in the dormitory opposite them asked me to make up that name.

The last time I was abroad, I saw a handsome guy selling cakes in the street. I told my friend that he looked like Elvis when we bought it. When he heard us talking about him, he asked us what to say. I thought for a long time: "kingofmiaomiao."

9. My girlfriend in the dormitory is chatting with a net friend. She is obviously excited: Hello, I'm Wang Xiaoliang. Guess who I am? Can't afford to faint ...

10, I learned a sentence from a friend: I'll give you ten words-fuck off. I remember when he said this sentence to a group of us for the first time, he saw all the people pointing to the bottom to see if there were ten words ... What's more, I told N friends with this sentence that basically more than 90% of them would hesitate for a moment, meditate or move their fingers slightly, and then smiled and said, Shit, it's really ten words. It always works, hehe!

It's so cold, it's winter, and it's harmful ...

One day, eggplant was walking in the street and suddenly sneezed a lot. It wiped its nose and said angrily, "Damn it! Someone took a group photo again! "

There are 30 frogs in a pool, and only one frog wears underwear. Why? Because he took a shower! )

There is a pig. He walked and walked and came to England. What has he become? -Pigs.

In class, the teacher recited the text at will. Piggy, puppy and kitten all raised their hands. Who will the teacher call? -villain, because want want is humble.

Butterflies, ants, spiders, centipedes, they work together, which one didn't get paid in the end? -Centipede, because you won't get paid for nothing.

The elephant's nose is the longest in the zoo. Who is the second longest? Elephant.

What kind of fruit has the worst eyesight? Mango.

Which two kinds of fruits have mobile phones? -radish and green vegetables, each has his own love.

If there is a car, the driver is a prince and the passenger is a princess, whose car is it? -If

Jin Mu is a land of fire and water, whose legs are long? ham sausage

Cobra dated an elephant. After greeting, it said, "Come as soon as you come. It is so welcome to lead such a big pig. "

I think as long as I have some modest qualities, I will be a perfect person.

One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend. He was very sad, so he kept crying, crying, crying .............................................................................................................................................................. ~ ~ ~

Two jellyfish collided at the seaside. Jellyfish A: "What the hell! You can't swim with your eyes! Jellyfish B: What are eyes? Jellyfish A: I don't know. Last time I met a man, he called me that. Jellyfish B: Oh! That's right! 」

In primary school science class, the teacher told us that if we tap our knees, there will be knee jumps. When I got home, I picked up a hammer and hit it on my dad's knee. And my dad stood up and kicked me. Facts have proved that the teacher is right!

If one day I become a hooligan, please remember to tell me that I am innocent.

The first lie in life begins with writing a composition in primary school, and the truth begins with writing a love letter.

The brothers Grimm were very prescient when they wrote Snow White. The man who finally saved Snow White and lived happily with her is called "Prince Charming". And now the female compatriots all want to find the prince charming in their minds, why bother? Because the pinyin abbreviation of Prince Charming is-BMW, or Z series.

A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted, "honey, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" " Hearing this, the man jumped with a whoosh. The policeman said, "You really shouldn't threaten him like this!"

Shit and urine are good brothers. One day, I was killed by a car when I took a shit crossing the road, so pee said, I really want to take a shit …

Think of a number in your head, multiply it by 2, add 5, then subtract the number you thought at first, multiply it by 8, subtract 5, and then close your eyes and you can't see anything, right?

A man fell down while walking. He got up and walked on, and fell down again. So he said; If I had known, I wouldn't have got up just now.

The drizzle fell on the river, and the river got goose bumps.

Which anime characters are the most devoted? Answer: Mermaid (because she can't cheat)

Xiao said to Xiao B: Unplug the plug ... it's raining outside! ! Have you seen it?

Xiao B is very excited: Yes, I see you.

One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves.

Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them.

The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up. Whatever.

At this time, the wolf smiled and drooled and said, "Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is."

The diver's movements are very difficult. He turned three times, then somersaulted forward three and a half times, and then somersaulted backward for a month.

Which animal has the darkest teeth?

Guo Meimei's "Not Afraid of Not Afraid of Not Afraid of Not Afraid of" Lyrics: Hehehe (ants have black teeth)

I dreamed of you on New Year's Eve. Happy New Year to you: Happy New Year! A sneeze woke me up from my dream. I know you miss me, so I immediately called you and said, bring me the red envelope!

A new year is coming. I don't think I can give you anything, and I'm not going to give you too much. I only give you 50 million: be happy! Good health! Be safe! Be content! Never forget me.

I wish you a new year. When you are busy with your work, you will win money by playing cards, your passbook will be infinitely increased, your pocket will be full of dollars, beautiful women will be crowded in front of your bed, and your lover will be fierce and sweet.

Pig, you are safe, pig, you are happy, pig, you are desperate, pig, you are safe.

Heroes stride horses, beautiful women send blessings, the wine is not intoxicating, and the color is not charming. I wish you a new year: go out to make money, fish online, catch fish, eat abalone wings, and soak up beautiful girls every day!

Happy new year, I wish you: good health, all the best, happy family, happy life, successful career, long life, wealth, invincible!

As the saying goes, a year's plan lies in spring. Tell you a secret of getting rich in the new year: seize the opportunity to ignore the old chicken; Both the ram and the ewe should steal.

Click on your face all winter; Copy your enthusiasm and paste it in my heart; Download your breath and save it forever; Delete all gray viruses, welcome the brilliant new year, bid farewell to the old and welcome the new!

A new year is coming. May you receive gifts and red envelopes every day and win a lot of money at cards. Newcomers love you like tofu, setting off firecrackers all over the street, and greeting whoever catches you. You are not afraid of the police, you know! Good luck!

With the coming of the new year, I hope you are a leisurely mouse, a strong cow, a tiger, a good rabbit, a noble dragon, an auspicious snake, a swift horse, a gentle sheep, a clever monkey, a diligent chicken, a loyal dog and a happy pig!

A catty of melon seeds and a catty of dates, I wish you good luck and come early; One catty of candy and two jins of bananas, good luck not to run; A catty of peanuts and a catty of peaches, I wish you money rolling into your pocket!

On New Year's Eve, send four dishes and one soup: happy braised pork, steamed friendship, stir-fried wealth, boiled health, happy soup every day, a bottle of Lanling old good luck wine and a bowl of worry-free rice forever. Happy new year.

In the New Year, I made you a couplet! The first part: I am bitter for you, tired for you and shed tears for you. Bottom line: crazy for you, crazy for you, hitting the wall for you. Horizontal batch: related to the position. I wish you a happy New Year!

The new year is approaching. For the sake of global environment and resources, please reduce the purchase of traditional paper greeting cards. You can use a pencil to fill in the congratulatory message on large denomination RMB and send it to me! Thank you for your support for environmental protection! I wish you happiness!

Good luck in the new year! May your fame surpass Notre Dame University, your wealth dare to be the mother of Bill Gates, your heroism surpass Saddam Hussein, and your handsome enough to catch up with Beckham. You are an international superman!

When I am rich, I will flush the toilet for you with remy martin, light your cigarette with US dollar bills, take a bubble bath with 999 roses, take you to work by Boeing, and use Princess Zhu Huan as your maid! Happy new year!

No matter how watery the sea is, how big the mountains are, how many legs spiders have, how spicy the peppers are, no matter how fierce the ghost D is and how tired the United States is, in short, you are the most beautiful in the Spring Festival! Happy new year!

There are two main purposes of texting this time: one is to exercise fingering, and the other is to contact feelings. I am very responsible to tell you that today is New Year's Eve, and the Chinese New Year is coming soon. Send a technical sentence: Happy Spring Festival!

Four blessings: book a New Year's Eve dinner, go out to stop a taxi, drop in to collect lucky money, and have a holiday until the fifteenth day of the first month; I wish you positive wealth, partial wealth, windfall and rolling financial resources; Family, friendship, affair and good luck!

Considering that there will be an overwhelming blessing message blocking the network in a few days, this unparalleled cosmic super invincible genius with ideals, foresight and extraordinary wisdom makes a wish in advance: ancient times are as big as death, Apu team, well, hey!

A new year is coming. Do you miss me? If you miss me, press it again. Do you miss me very much? I didn't press it until I said I wanted to. Press it again! I didn't expect you to think of me like this. I'm so touched! Press again! Tears filled my eyes.

I asked trouble, it doesn't love you at all, it says it will never talk to you. Let me tell you not to flatter yourself! Also, health let me bring you a love letter: it has a crush on you for a long time, and it will never change! Happy new year! I bought two pounds of fashion in the specialty store, three pounds of romance in the supermarket and eight pounds of happiness. I give you countless cares in my heart as a gift for the Year of the Ox!

1. The teacher asked us to make sentences with the word "sure enough". My deskmate wrote: I haven't bathed for three months, and my body really stinks.

2. Introduction of the teacher's appearance. It should be "teacher's face", and occasionally it will be written as "teacher's paw face". Our Chinese teacher is almost crazy.

/kloc-the 0/00 meter sports meeting finally started, and the students ran out like wild dogs.

The PLA uncles crawled forward one by one, just like green bugs crawling on the ground.

6. "I was in the classroom because of illness ..." "My brother shaved his head newly, just like the little bald donkey in Shaolin Temple ..."

9. When I was in primary school, I used to write about good deeds. So people always write down money. So, in order to exaggerate their achievements, someone wrote in the park and found 1 100 million yuan, all of which were 10 yuan, and the thickness was as thick as the document (level 4). The teacher read it out on the spot, and the students estimated that it was extremely cold.

10. The old lady took out four 500 yuan RMB.

1 1. "I have a classmate who is neither tall nor short, 1.76 meters above, 1.78 meters below ..." My junior high school classmate's work. ...

13. The primary school teacher wrote a semi-propositional composition: "My xxx". So, my classmates wrote a topic: my comrade Qiu.

17. Do you remember the tadpole looking for his mother in primary school? At that time, the teacher asked us to imitate this and write a composition about * * * * … A classmate wrote: My mother has a white belly and protruding eyes …

18. I once peeked at a girl's composition. The coldest thing is that if I become a nurse in the future, I will treat patients like a lover.

19. A sister's nephew made a sentence with "brand new", "A brand new vegetable was born." ... (Zhao Benshan's credit). !

2 1. This classmate wrote: "Guoqiang (one of my classmates) is sitting on a stool with a butt as big as a pumpkin in the field, and a large piece of underwear is exposed under his clothes." The teacher read it out in class and said that the classmate described it vividly. After class, this classmate was beaten by him. ...

22. When I was in the third grade, I was once changed by another teacher. We were asked to write about a corner of my home. So I wrote: The corner of my house is beautiful, round and bright, and it is a toilet.

23. On an opaque night, the tadpoles in the pond are basking in the sun!

25. Classmate's famous sentence: Wild geese fly by; The round moon is like a bow.

27. When I was in primary school, I heard that wild donkeys run fastest, so I compared a classmate to "He runs faster than wild donkeys". Later, the teacher said I shouldn't write like this. I want to know why I can't. ...

28. I walked into a department store. Ah, it seems that people's living standards have really improved. Look at that old farmer, with a refrigerator in his left hand and a TV in his right, and he left quickly.

29. My classmate's content is probably: Once I was ill, he gave me a tutorial rain or shine. It rained cats and dogs that day and it thundered. I thought he wouldn't come, but he came in the rain ... He died of a high fever the next day, and I will always miss this good friend.

30. There is a reading question on the primary school Chinese test paper, to the effect that a mother suffered a lot for her children and finally died. After reading, ask the students to say a few words to their mother in Tomb-Sweeping Day one year later. A pupil wrote: "I wish my mother Tomb-Sweeping Day happiness, happiness as the East China Sea and longevity as the South Mountain!" .

1' s colleague asked me: Is Clinton's wife Chirac?

Once I borrowed money from others, and I wanted to say, "I will pay you back when I get the money."

Say, "I'll take you when I have money."

anxious

One day, a classmate named Yu Jingbo wrote a letter, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the dormitory door: A letter of dry rice noodles!

Our Chinese teacher: Please turn your book to 120 yuan.

The whole class is dizzy, and the teacher is nicknamed "money lover", hehe.

Once a friend watched a CD at home, and the quality of the CD was not good. The friend said, "Why are there so many Marx?" It took a long time to realize that he was referring to Massek!

A buddy got married and gave him a red envelope. Dude, say no politely.

I said, that won't do. Once a year, you must attend.

7 junior high school role reading "white-haired girl"

A boy (Yang Bailao): I pulled two Jin of red rope and tied it for my daughter. ...

Teacher: It's not like wrapping a mummy ...

When I was cooking, I pointed to cauliflower and said: potatoes.

Aunt asked: cauliflower?

I continued pointing to cauliflower and said: potatoes.

Aunt asked again: Is it potato or cauliflower?

I quickly said, isn't this a potato ... er, broccoli?

Now that I think about it, it's enough to make people vomit blood. I'm sorry, aunt who sells rice

When I went to buy a cake, I wanted to say "two huanghuali pies and an egg tower", but I said "two orioles singing egg towers"

What is even more depressing is that the owner actually understood. ......

10 There is a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a classmate from another class sent her a letter. On the envelope, the word "Yun" in the lower part of the word "Yun" has a horizontal line, which has become a dot because it is too scribbled. As a result, this classmate took the letter and called "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? There is a letter for you. " All the people in the corridor ran out to see Liu Mang. As a result, this girl named Liu Yun was scolded as a hooligan for four years.

1 1 There were mice at home for a while, and my mother bought rat poison to keep the family quiet, but none of them were cured. One morning, after getting up, my mother looked at the rat poison in the corner of the door and said to herself, "Why doesn't anyone take this medicine?" ~ ~ ~ "The whole family fainted. . .

12 English teacher teaches grammar. Before class, she asked everyone, "I have finished it." Do you still understand? " We replied with one voice: "No!"

Until I raised my glass to ask the bright moon and sank into the water, I suddenly remembered home.

14 once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, the weather was unbearable. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. "

15 as the saying goes: murder and arson, pay back debts.

In 16 physics class, the teacher said about radioactive elements: radioactive elements are very dangerous, so you humans must stay away from them! !

17 Spit grape skins if you can't eat grapes.

18 received a phone call at the company, which was promoted by a clothing company and kept saying that he made uniforms for a big company and so on. I grabbed the gap between each other's speeches and blurted out: "Our company is not in dressing the!"

The other party whispered for a few seconds, said "excuse me" and hung up.

Teacher of our university: I'm looking for three students, a man and a woman. ...

The class began to look around, looking for Chris Lee.

On the 20th, I went back to my dormitory after studying in the evening, and Lu Yu Fairy mm followed me one day.

I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but I didn't have the courage to go forward until fairy mm was about to enter the girls' building.

I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to ask the mm loudly: Excuse me, classmate, are you a woman?

Later ... later, I enjoyed the eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

2 1 In Allen's class, the teacher was impassioned: How many heroic children are lingering underground? ...

The graduation works of 22 students are made of big red cloth and sewn on black robes.

The teacher who answered the question asked: Why does Phoenix use red instead of other colors?

When the classmate was excited, he blurted out: Because the phoenix is burning! ! Three seconds later, the students who came to see the defense laughed hysterically, and my stomach was twisted with laughter!

When I was in junior high school, my teacher asked me to recite Mulan Ci (the teacher was BT), and I was nervous.

When my brother heard that my sister was coming, he sharpened his knife to his parents (pigs and sheep) .......

The whole class laughed and laughed at themselves, and I forgot the rest. Fortunately, the teacher didn't punish me ~ ~

Heaven and earth are cruel, Dou E is more unfair than me!

I bought WSJ for LP. I went to the store for a long time and didn't know what to buy. I just took a bag and asked the owner, "Boss, is this easy to use?" The boss (male) looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I haven't used this either!" " "