A joke that can make girls happy

A joke that can make girls happy. In real life, many funny jokes can bring us a happy mood. Such jokes have the effect of arousing * * * and are moral. Here are some jokes that can make girls happy.

A joke that can make girls happy 1 1. The girl refused the boy's confession and said, "I am one year older than you." The boy said, "When I was 1 month, you were 13 months, and you were 13 times my age. When I was two months old, you were 14 months old, and you were seven times older than me. When I was one year old, you were two years old, and you were twice my age. We are always getting closer and closer. " The girl said, "Don't be silly. After I finished the big class, I went to my grandmother's house to go to elementary school. "

Xiaoming came back from the exam and said to his father, "Today, we had an exam." Dad said, "Do you have any questions that you can't do?" Xiao Ming said, "there is a question: what is 3 times 7?" I forgot. " Dad said, "How much did you fill in?" Xiao Ming proudly said, "Whatever, I filled in 28."

My brother is married and the bride is a nurse. One day I asked the buddy, "Why do you like her? Is it because she is beautiful? " He adjusted his glasses and said seriously, "When I was young, I was often ill. Every time those nurses and sisters will stab me with a needle, I swear I must stick it back when I grow up! "

King Jinjiao turned the gourd upside down and shouted "Monkey Sun". Wukong replied and was sucked in. He saw that besides the Monkey King, there were Song Wu, Sun Quan and Liu Er, a group of monkeys. The king was surprised: "It's just Monkey Sun. Why are you here?" At this moment, Bao Hulu spoke: "These are the people you may be interested in ..."

5. Zhang Sanfeng: "Promise, how much do you remember about my Tai Ji Chuan?" "More than half." "Not bad!" ... "How much do you remember now?" "I have forgotten more than half." "It's hard for you." ... "How much do you remember?" "I have completely forgotten." "Very well! Very good! I just made a mistake, and now I'll teach you again. "

6. Zhou Yu, Sima Yi and Cao Cao came to the underworld after their deaths. Yan: All three are outstanding talents in the world. What regrets have not been realized? Zhou Yu, Sima Yi and Cao Cao said, We all admire Zhuge Liang, so we might as well sigh. We hope to be better than Zhuge Liang in the next life. Hades: Well, as you wish. Zhou Yu, Sima Yi and Cao Cao were reincarnated together and became three cobblers when they grew up.

7. There is a monkey with bananas and durian in front. Guess which one it will choose? Bananas! Wrong. Durian? Well, durian. Why? Don't monkeys like bananas best? Because, because, sometimes monkeys, sometimes monkeys, would rather choose durian than let go.

It is said that an old man was accidentally knocked down by a luxury bus, and the old man got up immediately without saying anything. There are many comments from the onlookers: "It's good for the elderly", "The quality of the elderly in Beijing is so high that they don't touch porcelain" and "The elderly are in good health". Then the old man spoke: "Come on! When I am stupid! If you don't get up, your ass will be cooked! " .

9. On the way to work by bus, a young pregnant woman and a beautiful woman (visual inspection, best friend) sat next to me and started chatting. Pregnant woman: "I like spicy food since I had this baby!" " Beauty: A hot and sour girl must be a girl! "Pregnant woman:" Will I have a boy if I eat sour now? " Beauty: "no, it's a woman at most!" " "

10 A beggar in Lu Yu said to me with tears in his eyes, "Have pity on me, I can't remember the last time I had a full meal." I felt sorry for him and comforted him: "Don't worry, you will always remember it when you think about it slowly."

1 1, a: "Where did Brother Tai graduate?" B: "No talent, the latest college." A: "Famous schools!" B: "it's too harsh. Dare to ask your Excellency? " A: "Brufley is studying." B: "Wow! The future is boundless! " I walked by without looking at anything else. Isn't this the New East and Lan Xiang? There's nothing to show off in an ostentatious manner!

12, a woman asked a Taoist priest to exorcise ghosts and said, "Master! It's been really weird lately. First, I went up the stairs, and the wooden stairs were smashed. Then I sat in the chair, and the chair was broken! The most terrible thing is that when I sleep at night, the bed actually collapses. Please ask the master to help me! " After hearing this, the Taoist priest took out his peach wooden sword, waved it, pointed it at the woman and shouted, "You should lose weight!" " "

13, the white snake was injured and showed its original shape. Xu Xian went to the West Lake to find the boatman. Anxiously asked, "Tell me where my wife is? Where's my wife? " The boatman looked blank: "I, I don't know ..." Xu Xian grabbed the boatman like crazy: "You didn't know there was a ferry? ! "

14, it is said that to test whether a boy likes you, you can stare at him 18 seconds to see if he can kiss; To test whether a girl likes you, you can stare at her for 18 seconds to see if she will laugh. I don't think this experiment can succeed at all in Northeast China, because it is estimated that the following dialogue will take place in less than 5 seconds: "What are you staring at?" "Look at you!"

15, a lot of facts have proved that women can't be provoked: Qin Shihuang provoked Meng Jiangnv, and the newly built Great Wall was cried down; Cao Cao provoked Xiao Qiao, and Chibi was burned; Li Shimin provoked Wu Meiniang and Jiangshan was taken away; Xianfeng provoked Cixi, and the Qing Dynasty perished. Huang Shiren provoked the white-haired girl and was knocked down ... so respect every woman around you.

16, I feel uncomfortable with a cold. She texted her boyfriend "I have a cold" in bed and decided to kick him if he answered "Drink more water". After a while, the mobile phone vibrates, and the short message reads: "Open the door." This big idiot! Who sent him! She got up and rushed to the door. At this time, the mobile phone shook again. She opened the door with one hand and excitedly opened it with the other: "Breathe more fresh air and exercise more."

17, a famous disabled person in high school Chinese class. The teacher gave examples of Zhang Haidi and Hawking, and then we took it as a topic. A classmate directly stood up and said: Yang Guo! Then Mei Chaofeng and Duan Yanqing came out below, and the climax was a classmate shouting: Dong Fangbubai! The teacher got angry on the spot ... a joke to make you happy!

18, once I walked on the road and found 80,000 yuan. The landlord wants to return it to the owner in the spirit of finding money, so he has been standing in the same place waiting, waiting, waiting! It's been more than four hours and the owner hasn't come yet. If he doesn't come to get it when something goes wrong, how can he play mahjong with few words? I am really worried about him! ! !

19, Tang Priest: Our road expenses are over. As a last resort, we must sell one of you for money. Wukong: This kind of sacrifice should be understood. Bajie: I just don't know who to abandon. Friar Sand: Give up the goods with the lowest contribution. Seeing everyone's eyes glancing at himself intentionally or unintentionally, Bai quickly reminded Tang Priest: Master! Who will ride instead of me? ! Tang priest smiled with relief, and then Bai was sold …

20. On that day, I chatted with my father: "Dad, if you are young, you will suffer more. Maybe I am the rich second generation, the official second generation. " Dad said, "You are suffering more now. Your son is a rich second generation and an official second generation." Me: "Why should I suffer and let that little bastard enjoy happiness?" Dad: "That's what I thought ..."

A joke that can make girls happy 2 1. A kind-hearted man caught a turtle and wanted to eat it, but because of his face, he was embarrassed to eat meat directly, so he put an iron plate on the cooked pot and let the turtle climb over. He said to the tortoise, "Life or death is up to heaven. You shouldn't die if you can climb over. "

If you fall down halfway, don't blame this kind-hearted man for breaking the precepts and ending the cruelty. "The little turtle endured the high temperature and climbed over. The man was startled, looked around for a while, reached out and grabbed the turtle and said, "Little turtle, you are the best, good boy, let's do it again!" The little turtle swears, "Don't be so hypocritical. If you want to steam, don't think I don't know! " "

2. Answer: "I earn more than 10,000 yuan a month, but my wife has a salary card, so I can only get 500 pieces of pocket money." B comforts A: "You are not bad. My salary is just a message to me! "

3. The sheep and the lion walked into the restaurant successively.

The boss asked the sheep, "What do you want to eat?"

The sheep said, "Please give me a green grass set meal."

The boss asked the lion again, "What do you want to eat?"

The lion said, "No, thanks."

The boss confirmed, "Really?"

The lion roared impatiently, "No, I'm waiting for that sheep to eat!" " "

Anything bitten by her in the family must be bad. Because they are delicious, I can only find their wrapping paper in the trash can at most.

I heard that my father-in-law likes playing mahjong in the future. I deliberately accompany him to the park every day, and I also deliberately lose money to him. After a while, I became a close friend who talked about everything. Finally one day, I told him the truth.

Me: "Uncle Zhang, I like the beauty of your family, so you agree that we are together?"

The future father-in-law shook his head: "No, no!"

Me: "Why, don't worry, I will be good to her!" " "

Future father-in-law: "you don't know, my daughter learned from her mother, and money is tight." You two are together, do you still have money to play mahjong with me? "

Me: "This ..."

6. My son asked me for 5 yuan for school this morning. After school in the evening, my son took out a small medicine bag from his schoolbag and scattered it all over the room.

I asked, "Son, what did you do?"

Son: "Dad, there will never be high temperature in our house again. I spilled rat poison at home! " "

Me: "What's with the rat poison?"

Son: "prevent rats from cooling down (in summer)."

Me: "..."

7. There is a popular saying that if you have had enough fun, you will find an honest man to marry. In fact, if you think about it carefully, there is nothing wrong with an honest man. You don't have to do anything, just wait for the beautiful woman to marry him. Therefore, when I was a child, my father often taught me: "Be honest!"

8. A young man walked into a newly-opened theme restaurant, and the waiter said, "Hello, sir, our restaurant has launched a Valentine's Day activity, where couples eat to send their lungs and couples eat to send love tofu ..."

The young man waved impatiently and said, "Stop dawdling and give me a gift from a single person!" " "

After a while, the waiter brought a small dish of dog food.

9. Xiao Li, who studied fashion design, traveled to the Qing Dynasty and met Yong Zhengdi. What does the emperor want?

Xiao Li can't wait to say, "I heard that there are ten kinds of pants in Manchu." Let me see them. "

10, hair and scissors quarreled, and scissors said angrily, "Hum, I ignore you."

1 1. A foreigner spilled coffee all over me. In order to show the quality of the people, he said he was sorry, but I said it didn't matter. I love coffee. . He may think I'm sick. .

12 one day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

13, seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project to build a 30-meter chimney. The construction period is two months, and the cost is 300,000, but it needs funds. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. ! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig wells!

14, a drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

15, the doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. One of them passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

16, the tortoise is injured. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours later. The snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry to scold: if I don't come back, I will die! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: you said I wouldn't go!

17. If someone keeps a pig, he will get bored and abandon it. However, if the pig knows the way home, it is useless to abandon it. One day, he drove a lot of cars and abandoned the pig. He called home late at night and asked, "Is the pig coming back?" Answer: "I have come back!" " It growled, "put it on the phone, I'm lost!"

18, the elephant accidentally stepped on the nest, and the ants they built climbed onto the elephant. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it".

19, in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon was all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are dead, too." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up and said, "I'm not dead yet!" " "The teacher said strangely," the whole class is dead. Why don't you die? "

20. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

A joke that can make girls happy 3 1. A mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day.

A nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient jumped up and shouted, "What's the matter with you? Can't you see that the fish tank is empty? "

2. "You see I am as strong as a bull, because I eat beef every day."

"Really, but I eat fish every day. Why can't I swim now? "

3. Let's chat: Where there is water, there should be fish.

Lao Li: I don't think so. Is there any fish in the open bottle?

4. "section chief, I sent you some fat and big carp."

"Oh, it's the company's rectification. I can't accept this fish."

"Then I'll give it to your wife!"

"I can't control this, she is a mass."

5. "Hey, why did you pour the medicine into the lake?"

"I want to feed the fish some appetizers. The fish here have a bad appetite and don't eat the bait I made with sesame oil. "

6. My classmate is plump and likes singing. He sang Richie Jen's song while washing clothes: "I am a fish ..."

I smiled: "How can there be such a fat fish?"

He said with a straight face, "haven't you seen dolphins?" ! "

7. Sleeping in class: A student sleeps in class and is found by the teacher. Teacher: "Why do you sleep in class?" A student: "I didn't sleep!" " "Teacher:" Then why do you close your eyes? "A student:" I'm closing my eyes! ""Teacher: "Then why do you nod?" A student: "What you just said is very reasonable!" " "Teacher:" Then why are you drooling? A student: "teacher, you speak with relish!" "