Looking for SMS jokes

1. When I met you in the forest path, I was at a loss. As we get closer, I can't restrain my inner confession: whose puppy?

I dreamed that you were singing last night! Your singing is very sweet, and your sentimental expression touched me. I almost vowed to love you for 10 thousand years, but I dare not, because you are singing to a donkey: I will be you when I grow up!

3. "You go! Go as far as possible. Please stop pestering me. I really can't stand you. You will only hurt me. The better you treat me, the more painful I am ... fly away, dead mosquito! "

Due to the ugly appearance of your mobile phone, Beijing Telecom has stopped for you. Please stop the machine before the end of this month.

5. The four ideals of pigs: all the fences around them are removed, and the feed falls from the sky. The butcher of the world is dead, and the people of the whole country believe in Islam.

6. Being single is an understanding, falling in love is a mistake, breaking up is an awareness, getting married is a mistake, and divorce is a great awareness! No lover is a waste, but many lovers are animals!

7. The hunter found a pig, raised his shotgun and killed it. The hunter approached the pig, but the pig stood up. Do you know why? Can't guess? The pig is thinking, too

8. Rooster and hen hatch chicks. There is something wrong with this chicken's thinking. It doesn't eat, drink or rest. Cock hen observes stupid chickens. Silly chicken is not paying attention, looking down at the mobile phone!

9. Please read aloud: When you lie on a plum, you smell the flowers, but when you lie on a branch, you hate it. Invited to smell the wet rubble lying in the spring green.

1 1. Your smile is sweet, your anger is lovely, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and you are the best in my heart. Is it very touching? You pig.

12. I had a dream last night, and you were the protagonist! I dreamed that you were panting after a pig with a kitchen knife. The pig suddenly knelt down and begged for mercy, saying, we are born from the same root, so why fry each other!

13. I wish you a fortune and set foot on Marlboro, and your career is Hongtashan. Your lover is better than Ashima, and your financial resources are all over Greater China!

16. Your five senses look good separately, but they can distinguish animals when combined.

17. In order to test your Mandarin, please read aloud the following poems: dark stone green, dark pink, dark stone passing through Chun Lv, dark stone passing through Chun Zhu.

18. Early warning of mobile phone self-check: there is virus in mobile phone. Please delete all phone numbers and short messages in your mobile phone within 15 seconds, or your sim card will burn your mobile phone.

19. Although you don't have the appearance of a pig, you definitely have the temperament of a pig! ! !

20. Tell me, son! Is it a one-on-one fight or a group fight? Fight! We will fight you one by one! One-on-one, you choose us!

The driver picked up an old woman in the middle of the night. The woman said slowly, do you like apples? Driver: Yes. W: I liked it before I died. The driver turned pale. "But I don't like it after giving birth."

24. Some people always speak ill of you in front of me. Some people say that you are dirty and lazy, some people say that you are fat and stupid, and some people say that you are idle all day. I finally can't help but take the blame for you: don't eat pork if you have the ability!

26. An old farmer went to the garage and took out 2000 yuan, saying that he wanted to buy a Santana. The clerk is puzzled: What? Old farmer: Isn't Santana 2000 written at the door? Shop assistant: Oh, you go across the street, and the Mercedes-Benz 600 is there.

27. Remember the day you asked: How do you spell pig in English? I said, Pug. You said: pig. I said the pig is you! But you insist that the pig is me, so you have no choice but to follow you.

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, eat cucumber and pull watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

28. Someone went to Shanghai on business and lost a dollar in the street. The policeman said, "We will definitely help you find it." When the man went again in January, the street where he lost his money was dug up to build a road, and he could not help but sigh, "Everything in Shanghai is real."

29. One day, a Mr. Zhang left the personnel department of the company and went to a bar. The bartender said, Mr. Zhang, I heard that you resigned recently? ! When Mr. Zhang panicked, the bartender quickly changed his mouth. I heard you were absent? !

30. A young lady had a miscarriage, and the doctor deliberately made it very painful. The young lady shouted: it hurts! I can't stand it! Doctor: If you can't stand it, you have to endure it. Don't come to me when you feel better.

3 1. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull.

32. Bookstore clerk with a straight face: Don't look, this is a book seller, not a library! Customer: What's your attitude? You didn't smile. Shop assistant: Are you here to buy a book or a smile?

33. A meteor flashed in the night sky, and I immediately made a wish that you would become more beautiful. Who knows, just after making a wish, the meteor came back and said to me: big brother! It really embarrassed me, didn't it? !

34. An unexpected boy donated blood to his girlfriend. After breaking up, the boy asked for blood back. Girls throw sanitary napkins in boys' faces: "Here! I will pay you back in installments every month! "

35. The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.

36. Yuan is studying abroad. One day, he found that his living expenses had been used up in advance and was busy telegraphing home for help. There were only four words on the telegram: A Yuan received a phone call from home a few days after he ran out of ammunition and food: Hold on!

You know our friendship means a lot to me. I cry when you cry, and I laugh when you laugh. When you jump off a tall building, I will stick my head out without hesitation: "Wow! Strangely, not dead! "

38. I heard that your mobile phone has no short message function, so I sent this short message to try. If you receive it and confirm that it has SMS function and it is not sent by me, please reply to me: I do, it is yours!

39. Single Xiao Wang asked Lao Li: Why does the law stipulate that a man can only marry one wife? Lao Li said earnestly: When you have a wife, you will find that this law actually protects men.

40. A bad wolf came out for food and heard a woman lecturing her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! As a result, the wolf waited all night and said, shit! The old lady broke her word!

4 1. A young man farted on the bus, and the woman sitting next to him said, "Bah!" The young man asked unhurriedly, Comrade, why did you spit out the nuts when you ate fart?

42. Every time I feed the pigsty, music will be played. Pregnant sows always enjoy themselves in secluded places, and their owners come to catch her. The sow said, "Don't make any noise, I'm giving prenatal education."

43. Health tip: After eating a full meal, don't smoke, take a bath, get angry, loosen your belt under temptation, brush your teeth, go to the toilet and drink alcohol. Do you know that?/You know what?

44. The white rabbit escaped from the gray wolf, who was indignant and gave chase. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and read the newspaper with glasses. The wolf asked, can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the white rabbit that the wolf spoiled? Wolf Shame: Shit! It's in the newspaper so soon?

45. I have a request: invite me to dinner, I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I'll write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it: apply for a certificate.

46. Friar Sand took a math test. The invigilator stared at the beads around his neck for a long time and sneered: Hey! Camouflage the abacus like this, don't cheat, and take it off quickly!

47. I saw her with a shy face and a lovely expression. I couldn't help shivering and asked in a low voice, "What about you ... do you really like me?" She buried her head and said, "Guess!" "I like it ~" Her face is redder and her head is lower. "Guess again!"

48. When we were young, we didn't guess. I sing and you dance. I can sing 200 songs and you can dance 200 dances, so people affectionately call me 200 songs and you 200 dances.

49. Science class. The teacher asked Yingying: When is the best time to pick cherries? Yingying blushed and whispered, when no one is around!

50. A bureau is going through the bottom elimination, and the most useless person is dismissed. Suddenly, someone told Xiao Liu: "The secretary asked if you used the assessment form?" Liu Chong Jr. explained to the director, "I'm useless! I am really useless!

5 1. The traffic police said to the driver, "Where's your taillight?" The driver turned around and said in surprise, "Never mind the rear light, the key is where is my rear trailer?"

I received a letter from a guy yesterday, saying that he would kill me if I didn't leave his wife. If you leave his wife, you are finished! A: But that guy didn't sign the letter!

Do you know where God lives? In the bathroom. A: Why? Because every morning when I hear my father knocking on the toilet door, he always says,' God, why are you still in there?'

54. Customer: Why does your dog like to watch you get a haircut? Barber: Oh, because sometimes I accidentally cut off customers' ears.

55. A group of foreigners were shopping in China and found a sign at the door that said "Be careful skating". The international students laughed. People in China are really interesting. They regard this place as a roller skating rink. Let's skate carefully!

56. When I was in college, I had a buddy in my dormitory. One day, he sang Xiao Qi's Wave After Wave: I want you to watch me and swim in the water with that turtle. . .

57. A man took off his clothes and showed his girlfriend his biceps, saying it was equivalent to 50 kilograms of explosives. He also took off his pants and pointed to his thigh and said, "This is equivalent to 100 kg of explosives. Then he took off his underwear, and his girlfriend rushed to the door and exclaimed, "Oh, my God! The lead is so short. "

58. Gohan and Stupid Bear are drunk. Gofan said to the stupid bear, I knelt down for a whole hour when I proposed to my wife. Are you on your knees? Stupid bear proudly said: My wife said I wouldn't kneel, and there will be many opportunities in the future! ......

59. Bin Laden wrote to Bush: qs-IHSIN. George H.W. Bush didn't understand, and there was nothing the FBI could do, so he sent it to the British MI 6. The answer is: The President read it in Chinese Pinyin!

60. One day when you were walking in the street, someone stopped you and called you ugly. You denied it and got a beating: hypocrisy! I was stopped the next day and called you ugly. You admit being beaten: you are not modest! On the third day, I was stopped again, afraid to respond. I was beaten even worse: ugly is so shameful!

6 1. There is a girl with flat breasts. She was afraid that her boyfriend would know that she was disgusted and never told him. The first time they went to bed, they turned off the lights and got into bed. The man began to touch the girl's chest. Then the boy said, honey, don't sleep on your stomach!

62. I looked at the starry sky and counted the days when I met you. It's been more than three years, we've only met twice, and you're still here. But please don't blame me for not visiting you often, but … the zoo is too far from my home!

When Fang and her boyfriend are dating in the Woods, they can hear her singing in his ugly voice. Xiao Fang: You scared everyone else in the forest away by singing like that! Boyfriend: that's what you want, otherwise how can you clear the field!

64. What should I do if I am hungry? Have a hot pot rinse! What if you are thirsty? Walk around the river! What if I have no money? Find a fool to cheat! What if you have no guts? Practice with bin Laden! What should I do if I miss you? Look at the pigsty!

65. After a student born on the edge of Taklimakan desert was admitted to the university, the villagers beat gongs and drums to celebrate. Tears welled up in his eyes. I was just about to thank you, but I accidentally heard an old man shout: another person is missing to grab water with us!

66. There is only one lap left. He has run 44 laps. I looked at him anxiously. He ran so leisurely. I silently counted: five, four, three, two, one! Bell ... class is over!

67. There are red-cooked chicken on the lunch menu in the canteen at 80 cents each. On the way to the canteen, Xiaoli met a classmate who had already bought a meal and asked, What's delicious at noon? The classmate replied: red-cooked chicken is 80 cents!

68. After attending the activities of Environmental Protection Day, Sanitation Day and Earth Day, the director of the office informed her that she would also attend Water Saving Day and give a speech. The female secretary was furious: I really can't stand it today and tomorrow!

69. Wukong, you clean the glass; Friar Sand, mop the floor. Bajie, the master knows your situation very well. After careful consideration, he decided to give you a chance to show-after reading this message, go and clean the girls' toilet!

70. Don't look down. Look down. I told you not to look. You don't believe me. Your pants are not zipped.

7 1. I haven't lied until now, but today God let me meet you, and I can finally start lying: you are so handsome and cool.

72. The highest way to pick up girls: tear your face, put aside your self-esteem, empty your wallet, empty your mind and run out of time and energy. Nothing can't be soaked!

73. Daughter-in-law washes and cooks, and her husband boasts: "I am capable, I am so happy!" Daughter-in-law brushes the pot and washes the dishes, and her husband praises: "Capable, I am so happy!" In the evening, the husband wants to make out. The daughter-in-law said, "For your happiness, don't do anything."

74. The dragonfly met his girlfriend' Cicada'. The mother asked her son: What does she do? The son replied: She is a singer. Mom snorted and said, what singer? Didn't you dig tunnels before?