Humorous phrases of network celebrities

Humorous phrases of network celebrities

Humorous short sentences of network celebrities, in our daily life, we will find that many people like to say some humorous sentences, which often make us laugh. Let's learn the humorous phrases of online celebrities.

Humorous short sentences of network celebrities 1 1 I usually read books because I am curious, and I read books before exams because I have a desire to survive.

Don't call me immature. When I am mature, I will naturally fall from the tree.

3. Does anyone have a crush on me? Don't be ashamed of the person who has a crush on me. Say your love!

4, please be old, don't hold me with inferior thread in the future, it will be broken every three to five.

5, can shout out, is the truth, can recognize from a distance, are fat.

6. Don't think I look good? If I were the most beautiful person in the world, I wouldn't have a crush on you.

No matter what kind of disaster you will have in the future, in grandma's eyes, you will always be a hungry little yellow dog.

8. There are two me in the world, one is intermittent hard work and the other is persistent depravity and indulgence.

9. Look at your child's length. I'm really sorry for the head shape, the head shape is sorry for the face shape, the face shape is sorry for the neck shape, and the neck shape is sorry for the body shape. You are simply deformed!

10, beautiful people, even if they make mistakes, others can easily forgive them. Ugly people can't be forgiven by others because of their looks, let alone make mistakes.

1 1. The night gave me a black mouse, but I played with it until dawn.

12. Some people say that 99% of things in the world can be solved with money, but what they don't say is that more money is needed to solve the rest 1%.

13. I used to think that people who rely on relationships must be very incompetent. After contact, I found that people are better than you.

14, if poverty limits your imagination, why can you think of so many ways to save money?

15, if you like me, just tell me. People have to experience the feeling of being rejected by beautiful women all their lives.

16, swearing is a profound knowledge, and not everyone can try it casually, so you'd better stop trying in vain.

17, my mother often told me: looking for a partner depends not only on the looks of others, but also on your own looks. Others are not blind. It's really a poke.

18, the hurdle of life, if you can't cross it, it is the valley of death; It's over, and there are new hurdles waiting for you.

19, they are used to criticizing you behind your back because they don't have the capital to confront you face to face. You are the winner, don't be afraid.

20. Taking a courier feels like reuniting with your long-lost flesh and blood, but often after unpacking, you find that the child looks like Lao Wang next door.

2 1. I just made a very risky investment. If I succeed, I can make hundreds of millions at once. If I fail, I will beat Shui Piao with these two dollars.

22. Girls often want to find a white horse, but when they open their eyes, they find that the world is full of grey donkeys.

23. When in love, couples often lament what virtue they have accumulated in their previous lives; After marriage, couples often think about what crimes they committed in their previous lives.

24. There are often pictures of women's heads leaning against the bus glass in Korean dramas, which look particularly beautiful, so I tried it shyly when I took the bus and almost got a concussion.

25. Overtime sometimes forgetting to eat and sleep may be a sign of inefficiency and working ability.

26. Be modest, listen to other people's opinions, and then carefully write down who has a problem with you.

27. Pigs have pig thoughts, and people have people's thoughts. If a pig has a human mind, it is not a pig, but a pig.

28. You can refrain from looking for him, but you can't not reply when he looks for you.

29. You can't go back and make the same mistake again. You must look ahead. If you want to make mistakes, you will make new ones.

30. Now parents let their children participate in various interest classes from an early age. In order not to let their children lose at the starting line, as we all know, some people were born at the finish line.

3 1. If you feel sick and retching when brushing your teeth, don't brush your teeth in front of the mirror again.

For a lazy and delicious person like me, the only way to lose weight is to shit more.

33. It is more useful to say "no" than "hurry up" when urging food; It is more useful to say "look again" than "cheap" when bargaining; It is more useful to stay and say "go away" than "don't do this"

34. In the past, mail was slow, and I only loved one person in my life. Now the network technology is developed, and 50 people can be green in one day.

35. The three tragedies of the dinner: the person to be invited didn't come, and the person who came has nothing to do with you. Only you were awake when you checked out.

36. I felt special when I was a child. I didn't know it until I grew up. It's very common.

37. Don't think that with Ximen Qing's face, you can pursue your eldest sister. She is not Pan Jinlian.

38. I didn't know until I was so old that I had so many phobias when shopping, just because I was poor!

Don't talk about meeting the right person at the best age. I just want to get something for nothing at the best age, and I can surf and lie around at any time.

40. You are my sleeping pill, but it fails occasionally, giving me a terrible headache.

4 1. If you can't eat at night, why are there lights in the refrigerator?

42. Those who have money and face are called male gods, those who have money and face are called husbands, those who have face and no money are called blue faces, and those who have no money and no face ... Sorry, you are a good person.

43. As soon as I emphasize keeping a low profile, you have to applaud me.

44, high school is enough money, not enough sleep; College is not enough sleep and money; Now that I'm at work, I don't have enough money and sleep.

45. Nothing has changed since my trip except what I should do.

46. You blame me for smashing the light in your house, but how can I discredit you if I don't smash the light?

47. It will only take a moment. Time is so precious that we can't waste it on sadness.

48. Inappropriateness means poverty, no feeling means ugliness, love at first sight means beauty, and deliberate means money. That is the reality.

49. Why try to make money? Because I'm afraid to shake hands with people. They wear Cartier and you wear rubber bands.

50. Have you had enough? Is it really enough? Do you want some more? Aren't you afraid to hold on? Do you want to pull?

5 1, I want to be with you, I'm afraid you can't even eat shit when I leave.

52. I have mastered 100 ways to hurt my girlfriend, and now I am short of girlfriends.

53. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when you are online, I am invisible.

54. Be sure to remember those who chat with you late into the night. It is because of them that you stay up late, resulting in heavy dark circles and poor skin.

55. I wanted to eat my sadness in one bite, but I became fat in one bite.

56. Remember those people who chat with you late into the night, because they make your dark circles so heavy and your skin so bad.

57. The so-called love story means that if you don't even believe in yourself, you want the other person to believe it.

58. Mom said, don't be puppy love. You are talking about other people's wives in the future. Hearing this, oh, other people's wives are excited to think about it.

59. Things can't be delayed, words can't be much, and people can't do it. Don't think, ask or say anything that has nothing to do with you.

Maybe time is the best antidote. You see, I can't remember the day when you lent me money last week.

6 1. Only by knowing yourself, surrendering yourself and changing yourself can we change others.

62. I like to eat, but I can't hide it. Even if you cover your mouth, saliva will still overflow from your fingers.

63. When I fell down in the street and people around me laughed at me, I got up and fell several times, killing them with laughter.

64. The weather is very cold. After waking up, I silently opened my roommate's quilt.

65. When you are young, try not to fall in love early. Knowing that you are ugly, ugly and short too early will affect the exam.

66. More lonely than a person eating hot pot is that a person has no money to eat hot pot!

67. Every time I want to sneak up on my friends from behind, they always find me coming in advance. Maybe my poor voice betrayed me.

68. What people want to see is not you at the starting line, but you at the finish line.

69. We are not good at expression, so that we are used to guessing.

70. As the saying goes, everything is difficult at the beginning. As long as you get through the beginning, you will find it difficult in the middle and even more difficult in the end.

7 1, amnesia when entering the examination room, paranoia when leaving the examination room!

72. My mother told me from an early age that you can't make irresponsible friends. I think I did it all, and I did it well. Because all my friends are idiots.

73. There are two you in the world, one is good at communication, cheerful and generous, and the other is half dead and lonely.

74. Don't worry about the girl with fat hands. The gold ring from my boyfriend will be bigger in the future!

75. The new year has begun, and my single life has also made a new start.

76. When you meet someone you like, you must confess. It doesn't matter if you are ugly. In case he is blind, sooner or later, a blind person will have a crush on you and have nothing to say with you.

77. If you were born with jade sacred beam, if you were born with delicious food, if you were born with fat, if you were born with bangs, if you were born with me, why didn't you have my partner!

78. I really don't understand why I can eat so fat when I am so poor!

79, women chasing men's compartments, men chasing women's compartments, maybe it is not allowed to return to the compartment suite!

80. Actually, I didn't grow up on purpose, because I am afraid of heights. If I grow too tall, I'm afraid.

Humorous short sentences of network celebrities II. MMD, I've never seen anything so archaeological.

Second, if you chase me naked for two kilometers, I will count myself as a rogue!

On the other side of the mountain, there is an ancient legend, which has become a classic in the past and even now. Want to know what this legend is? Listen carefully: there is a temple in the mountain, and there is an old man in the temple. Now he is reading short messages, giggling!

Fourth, your parents should spend those ten minutes walking!

5. Why does the moon look at you and laugh at you as an idiot?

Sixth, there is no doubt that you will die: people are shameless and invincible in the world: you can't buckle up when you hit the wall with an invincible slap! ! !

Seven, if the tree is not peeled, it will die, and people are shameless and invincible.

Eight, the heart is beautiful, it snows; Heartbeat, the wind blows; My heart is warm and the sun is rising; As soon as I got excited, I went into the water. What water? Drooling. My eulogy is only? Nautilus crashed into Bird. ? What happened? Sang? ⌒ Just fold the stool!

Nine, after hearing what you said, a sense of superiority in IQ arises spontaneously!

Ten, you say you, grandpa, I teach you to practice sword, you practice sword, you still practice sword, but practice sword! Jin Jian doesn't practice, practice silver sword!

Eleven, the long night is so hard, I really want to fly to your side. Appreciate your lovely sleeping face, stroke your soft hair, look at you until you open your eyes in the morning, and then whisper to you gently: "You wet the bed!" " "

Twelve, dragonfly sand, uncanny workmanship

Thirteen, the meaning of your life is: eat well and sleep well; Your regrets in this life are: you didn't lose your body fat; Your greatest contribution in this life is: you can't have stewed vermicelli on the dining table! Humans will always be grateful to you!

Fourteen, you stormed into a unit and shouted: Is this the Animal Protection Association? Staff: Yes, who bullied you?

Fifteen, I didn't say you are shameless, I mean shameless people are just like you.

Sixteen years old. Were you kissed by a pig when you were a child?

Seventeen, from a distance, you are a beautiful woman who smiles shyly in the wind, but when you look closely, it turns out that the old demon with bones is playing tricks; From a distance, you are a handsome guy who dances gracefully, but from a close distance, it is difficult for Bajie to have a complete face. It's the weekend, don't scare me to sleep!

18, you wear a hemp and a pot cover on your head. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact, you are a fool! Fuck you, mom!

I had a dream last night, and you were the main character! I dreamed that you were panting after a pig with a kitchen knife. The pig suddenly knelt down and begged for mercy, saying, we are born from the same root, so why fry each other!

If you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit.

Twenty-one, you didn't contact me at the weekend. Don't you forget: without my company, your mood will be miserable and gloomy, happiness is doomed to miss you, life will be full of tears, and you can only keep company with pigs!

Twenty-two, a cricket and a pig bet: I jumped into the grass and you couldn't see me. The pig said, What should I see? So the cricket jumped into the grass. The pig is watching, the pig is watching! The pig is still watching! Why is the pig still watching? !

Twenty-three, compare wages with wages, forget it, don't want to live. Take care of yourself, forget it. Compare the stars, forget it. Compare scarlet to scarlet, forget it, it's you. Have a nice weekend and stay young forever.

24, so shameless, so heartless, your weight should be very light, right

Twenty-five, when you were born, were you thrown three times and only caught twice?

Twenty-six, you waste air alive, and waste land when you die.

Twenty-seven, ducks are too noisy, always croak, kittens love pets, always meow, and puppies are always too noisy; You'd better count, even on weekends, stay in the circle and sleep. Happy weekend!

Twenty-eight, you go shopping, have a candlelight dinner and feel romantic. The problem is that I don't have it. Lend me 0.0 1 10,000 first, and wait for me to fulfill my promise!

Twenty-nine, looks very sci-fi, looks very abstract!

30. I think there are only two kinds of people in the world who can attract people. One is beautiful, the other is you.

Humorous short sentences of network celebrities 3 1. The best way to ruin a good song is to set it as an alarm.

2. If two people have been together for a long time, gazing at each other is also a romantic thing.

3, the so-called good man, is not allowed to play cool with his wife, not allowed to make her jealous, quarrel must give in, and you must hold on!

4, commitment, like fart, earth-shattering, and then pale and powerless. Fortunately, I am ugly and have never experienced your love and hate.

If you treat me as a game, I will abuse you to death.

6. Those conceited people will crow among the cranes forever.

7. Do you know why beautiful women have been unlucky since ancient times? That's because no one cares how long ugly people can live.

8. Singing in the toilet when you are in a bad mood.

9. A brain is a good thing, but if you have big breasts, you can do without a brain.

10, it is said that men have gold under their knees. I quickly scraped off the skin and didn't even find a piece of iron!

1 1, I am a very emotional person. When my feelings are lost, I find that I am a very heavy person!

12, there will be a road in the end, I can't stop it.

13, life is your own, don't live in other people's eyes and saliva; Not all statements need to be understood by others, and not all choices need support from others.

14, I used to think that I was poor for three generations, which means that I will not be poor after three generations. When I grow up, I know that the third generation is too poor to even marry a wife, so there will be no fourth generation.

15, there are so many people walking around, why do you feel wronged?

16, in fact, ancient people are optimistic, and when they have a little leisure time, they wonder how to live forever. Modern people calm down and collapse in bed after a busy day. There are only four words in their hearts: I don't want to live.

17, as long as there is a courier still on the road, I think there is still a little hope in this life.

18, you unruly, just want to hurt me.

19, don't talk to me here, I think the dog barks too hard.

20. Women in the new era went to the hall, climbed over the fence, fought for mistresses, and beat hooligans, but they couldn't get out of the kitchen.

2 1, tolerant people are not stupid, but cruel to themselves.

22. If you are unhappy, just say it to make everyone happy.

23. People say that companionship is the longest confession. In fact, being good-looking is companionship, and being ugly is tangled.

24. In troubled times, I don't know how many flowers I have missed in my life; Above the world of mortals, I don't know how many passers-by we have passed, but we are all living in a hurry. We always cycle between missing and getting. Although, I miss the first meeting in my life; However, the story will always be the ending of Hengtai's Autumn Painting Fan.

25. The typhoon is coming, please watch your girlfriends. If it blows to my house, I won't return it!

26. Only after paying the phone bill can I feel that what I said can be so valuable!

27. The secret of staying young is to have a restless heart.

28. Bored people will choose to rot together, and interesting people will flourish together.

29, the pain of myopia: 10 meters away from hermaphroditism, 20 meters away from people and animals, 30 meters away from six parents do not recognize.

When I was a child, I often spent money at school. When I grow up, I am used to spending money at work.

3 1. Never quarrel with your parents. If you win, you will be beaten; If you lose, you will be scolded. You lost anyway!

32, the peacock desperately opened the screen, but it showed its ass!

Everything in this world can be fake, but the only thing I can't stand is that the money in my hand is also fake.

34. Now many men have become pure men, and many women have become pure men.

35. If life deceives you, don't be sad or impatient. As long as you are cheated a few times, the habit will become natural.

36. I am good to you on the premise that you are good to me. I am too old to export unilaterally.

37. I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.

38. Learning is my first room, and my mobile phone is my concubine. I often think of concubines with my wife at the same time, and I feel guilty about the first room when I am with concubines.

I don't usually dump ugly girls, but you are an exception.

40. If sleeping is to recharge the human body, then I want to say that I have never been full.

4 1, don't be too self-righteous, you have fallen, and there are thousands of people in Qian Qian who can replace you.

42. Feelings are always disappointing, and only fickle feelings will be missed repeatedly.

43. A girl like me can't hold down this beautiful face with a little weight? What if it is beautiful?

44. Only after suffering can you be a master. I don't want to be a master, but I still can't let go of my suffering in this world.

45. Blink your eyes if you like me, and put your left foot on your right shoulder if you don't like me.

46. I still like you. Like a dog, I can't help eating shit.

47. I was also an infatuated seed, but it rained and drowned.

48. I once passed a man, and he was so full of sparks that he almost moved a brick.

49. You don't have a doctor's qualification certificate. Why do you say I'm crazy?

50. Don't talk big all day, just pretend to be forced when you go out. If you don't have Jin Gangzuan, don't accept the job of porcelain. You talk like a fart. Fart still smells. You don't even smell!

5 1, what people know is life, but what people don't know is art.

52. People who used to be recognized by ashes can't be recognized by makeup now.

53. Everyone praised me for being virtuous and idle.

54. Women save money to spend on their husbands in the future, while men save money to spend on other women in the future.

55. We can't extend the length of life, but we can broaden the width of life. It means: we can't grow taller, but we can gain weight indefinitely.

56. I am brave, far-sighted, practical, with excellent taste but diligent in introspection. Although I have many shortcomings, I hope everyone will be honest!

57. Men don't make money, women are anxious, and men make money and women regret it.

As a matter of fact, it is not necessary to read all the guidebooks. Condensed into four words: bring more money.

If you are in good health, I will prepare a spare tire for my old age.

60. We are best friends. I'll give you a hand when you fall, but only after I finish laughing.

6 1. Although your facial features are complex, it can't hide your simple IQ.

62. When I have a fever at home, I will stick to surfing the Internet. When I sneeze at school, I think it's terminal cancer.

63. Life is like poop, and we are intoxicated with it like dung beetles.

64. Youth is like a skunk. You think you have caught its tail, but what you smell is just a fart.

65. I envy those who leave coldly. I can't. I have to take something from you when I leave.

66. The leather factory is going to collapse, and my sister-in-law is going to run away. I love you until I am old.

67. Eating at home is called eating. Eating at school and work is purely for survival!

68. During the Ching Ming Festival, it rained in succession, and the girl from Lu Yu hooked her soul and asked where her aunt was. The girl pointed to the grave on the mountain.

69. Everyone who shakes his legs has a sewing machine in his heart.

70, losing weight is not so easy, every catty of meat has its temper, after eating fat, it is better to give up if you are entangled.

7 1. When I was a child, I saw my parents' wedding photos hanging on the wall, without me. I always thought it was because I was too young to climb such a high wall!

72. I just forgot to bring money when I was eating. Tell the boss to make it up next time, but the boss won't make it up! I called 10 in a rage, and finally took all the money for the meal!

73, laying hens, cockfighting.

74. I have the ability to pick up girls, but I am a girl.

75. When your life is not satisfactory, don't panic, just look at your wallet and savings and cry.

76. Sincerity does not mean blaming others for their shortcomings, but not praising them.

77. Don't talk to me about feelings. Talking about feelings hurts money.

78. Why do you always meet love rat? Give me a good reflection. Is it because you are so beautiful?

79. If I go down one day, remember that I will come up for you.

80. Whenever the teacher asks questions, I will bend my head to pick up things and persist for many years.

8 1, don't live up to your sufferings, so kind and hardworking you will definitely get all the good things you once dreamed of.