Classic funny messages, humorous messages

1. Yesterday, I made a bet with my friend. I said: there is nothing more stupid than a pig in the world. I lost, so it's all your fault!

2. A man is lovelorn. His friend comforted him and said, it doesn't matter. You will soon forget her and find a better girl. No, I can't forget her right away! The man shouted: I bought her a lot of things, all of which were paid in installments.

3. Mom: Which apple do you want? Child: The big one, the biggest one. Mom: Son, you should be polite. I want a small one. Child: Do you have to lie if you are polite?

The mother stood in front of the bank window with her child in her arms. The child ate bread and stuffed it into the cashier through the window. The cashier smiled and shook his head. Mother: Sorry, the child has just been to the zoo.

Mother asked Xiao Xin to buy eggs in the street, but all she bought were small eggs. Mom: Why are the eggs getting smaller now? Xiaoxin: It was born by a chicken. Puppy love is popular now.

6. Mom bought a net bag of fruit to remind her son that you put the fruit where no one can get it. The son said, mom, just put it in my stomach.

7. Money treats me like dirt, and I treat money like dirt! It's all dirt. Who's afraid of who?

8. Look at beautiful women in the street. If you look up, you will appreciate them. If you look down, you will be hooligans.

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this sentence and the first two sentences. I quit.

10. I think I should lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.

1 1. The happiest thing in life is that I can do things that others can't. For example, I can send text messages to scold you, but you don't know who I am!

12. Life is really boring. Last month, a friend of mine borrowed a dollar from me and said that he was going to have plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he has become.

13. Someone asked me, are you handsome? I said I was not handsome. He hit me and told you to lie.

14. My principle is: if people don't attack me, I won't attack; If someone attacks me, I will be angry!

15. Mom: Why didn't Xiaoming give his sister candy? The old hen found all the bugs for the chicks to eat. You should study! Xiao Ming: OK. If I find bugs, I will feed them all to my little sister.

16. Dad told his daughter that his family was poor when he was a child. After listening to the story, the daughter had tears in her eyes and said sympathetically to her father, Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you had no food?

17. Working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your health. But you always say meaningfully: If you don't roll more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in winter! !

18. I saw you that day. You are very uncomfortable sitting in the sun. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: keep your voice down, and no one will call me an idiot when I get tanned!

19. Friar Sand: I changed it sixteen times; Bajie: I changed thirty-two; Wukong: I changed seventy-two changes; Tang Priest: Why don't you change your cell phone on the way? The monster is reading mobile phone text messages!

20. The weather will change recently and start to get cold. You must take care of yourself, don't freeze. As the saying goes: people freeze their legs and pigs freeze their mouths. I've put on my pants, so buy a mask quickly!

2 1. God said to grant me a wish. I said I want world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said to make this person more beautiful. He pondered and said, take the globe and let me have a look!

22. Someone saw you today. You are still so charming, walking slowly in a plaid vest, looking detached and comfortable. It is really cute. I wonder how you beat rabbits in those years.

23. Abandoned? Being bullied? Homeless? Even if the whole world hates you and ignores you, at least there is us-the Animal Protection Association.

24. Not many people know Tang Bohu, and Chou-heung counts as one; Not many people know Jia Baoyu, and Daiyu is one; Not many people know you, Chang 'e counts as one.

25. Are you avoiding me on purpose? Or is there no chance between you and me? But I think about you every day. I won't stop until I get you. Please let me have you, even once, dear ... five million lottery tickets!

26. Dad: Oh, dear! You washed it all morning. What did you clean up? Son: Dad, I washed the soap.

27. In the morning, you approached my bed gently and kissed my face affectionately. Your deep eyes always stare at me. I really can't refuse you The dog is very good and will take you for a walk!

28. I told my mother that I like you and want you to come to my house and stay with me day and night. Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? Through these days of communication, I found that I can't live without you! Really, but my mother won't, she said sternly. Pigs are not allowed here!

29. There is a tacit understanding, a beautiful feeling, a happiness to accompany you, and a longing to see, even a fool will finish reading the message.

30. The biology teacher talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland, but no one listened. The teacher said angrily, you all look at me and listen! How can I know what African wildcats look like without looking at me?

3 1. martial arts is high, and I am also afraid of kitchen knives; No matter how good the intelligence is, a brick will fall; Go your own way and let others take a taxi! Wear other people's shoes and let others find them! Send last Tuesday's greetings and let others envy you!

32. The landlord plays well, which shows that he has brains; Playing well shows clear thinking; Fighting carefully shows that you understand the economy; Fighting is not afraid of bombing; If you win, you will be silent, indicating that you are shrewd; Do not surrender if you lose; Explain that the sense of competition is strong!

I hope you can cooperate with me to do some great things. We won't worry about eating and drinking, and we can travel around the world. I think with your charm, you will earn more than me. Can you promise me? Let's go begging for food.

34. It's already deep at night. I woke up from my sleep because I thought of you. Why do you always leave me quietly when I want to hug you in the middle of the night? I really need you! My beloved pillow, where did you fall?

35. The sky is blue and the sea is deep. Nothing a person says is true. Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; When a man has money, he is predestined friends with everyone; Men are reliable, and pigs can climb trees! !

36. Mother and daughter wash dishes together, and father and son watch TV in the living room. Suddenly there was a sound of breaking dishes, and then there was silence. Son: It must be mom! Because she didn't swear.

37. Failing a foreign language proves that I am patriotic; Showing off all day, in fact, no wife; Grow a small belly and pretend to be Maitreya; Everywhere is chirping, like a big slug.

38. One river springs and one Jiang Tao, and the mountain is higher than the mountain. Send a message to the straw bag, the straw bag must take out his mobile phone, take out his mobile phone and look down, and find himself an idiot.

I have known you for so long, and you have always cared about me. I really don't know how to repay you. I will pull weeds for you in my next life!

40. In fact, every woman is a fairy. Unfortunately, you are the first to land!

4 1. Last night, the stars shone. Where have you been romantic? Tonight, the stars shine. What's embarrassing?

42. I look at three girls with a rose in my hand. Whoever says that he loves me, I will give it to her!

43. Because of you, I believe in fate; Because of you, I believe in fate; Maybe all this is predestined by heaven, which brings us together in some way. I really want to say: What did I do in my last life?

I miss you so strongly at such a time and place. You always give everything silently, and I always abandon you after I finish-toilet paper.

45. I learned the last lesson and gained experience from it, that is, I will never hit you with meat buns again, and I will never come back!

I never regret loving you. I will miss you forever. I miss you so much that I can't sleep. You can't learn if you forget. A little pig is intoxicated in the mobile phone!

47. I dreamed of you last night: we walked by the river and snuggled together. You look up at my eyes and spit out three words affectionately ... woof!

48. Without wind, clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you ... stupid people wouldn't exist.

49. I'm going to invite you to dinner. Do you want to come? Tell me, say it ... after reading the message, the time limit has passed!

50. You grew up lacking calcium and love, wearing a sack, a lid, shorts, a belt, a bare waist and a tie. Who dares to love such a glorious image!

5 1. The shopping mall promoted sales and advertised for refrigerators to send air conditioners. Someone bought a refrigerator and waited for the air conditioner from the mall. The staff in the mall spoke: Sir, where is your air conditioner? So we can send it back to you!

52. Don't call your children rabbits, because from a genetic point of view, it is not good for parents.

53. Three obedience and four virtues: the wife should follow when she goes out, obey orders, and blindly follow if she is wrong; Make-up must wait, remember your birthday, be patient with beating and cursing, and be willing to spend money!

54. If you don't eat for nothing, you will become an idiot. Idiot doesn't eat for nothing. Not stupid, not stupid, but also an idiot!

Don't ask me why I am crying, my tears flow for you and my heart is broken for you. I hate that man. Why did he take you away from me … you thief!

56. Trains get up so fast, I wonder how fast they will get up and run!

57. There are stars and the moon hanging in the sky, the Goddess Chang'e flying to the moon has a lot on his mind, the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl love each other, the myth of the old matchmaker, and a fool who doesn't talk and squints at the phone!

58. From a distance, you look like a donkey. If you look like a donkey, it is a donkey, but you can't ride it. Dead donkey! Anger!

I am happy when you are happy, sad when you are thin, smiling when you are fat, and rich because I sold you, my poor pig!

60. What is an optimist? -Like a teapot, my ass is burning red and I'm still whistling!

6 1. Your smile is sweet, your anger is lovely, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and you are the best in my heart. Touched, right? Pig!

62. The clear river flows with feelings, and great friendship can be known at a glance. Who will you tell about a bright tomorrow? I sent the information to an idiot!

63. Abandoned? Being bullied? Homeless? Don't be sad, don't be discouraged, even if the whole world dislikes you, at least there are us, and the pig farm is your warm home.

64. You grew up lacking calcium and love, wearing a sack, a lid, shorts, a belt, a bare waist and a tie on your head. Who dares to love such a glorious image!

65. You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention. Without you, who will foil the beauty of the world?

66. Hello, hello, you eat pig grass, with more hair and less meat, and you like to take a bath with rice soup. You also said that your skin care effect is very good. You are a rare clown.

67. Take a step with one cup and two cups, hold the wall with three cups and four cups, and hold the wall with five cups and six cups. I won't leave, but my sister took me away after drinking a catty!

68. My colleague is a lovely sister. Speaking of coming home from work last night, there were few pedestrians on the road, and the bag was robbed. My sister froze for three seconds in the cold wind and turned to run in the opposite direction! Asked why, she said: I have nothing in my bag, only a sanitary napkin and a pack of paper. I'm afraid the thief won't find anything. Come back and hit me!

69. You are a book, a bag, a mouse, a cat, wood, glue, pork and a knife. You pay for dinner tonight.

70. You look at the green mountains and green waters from a distance, and you grin at a close look; Looking at the green hills from a distance, there are freckles at close range.

7 1. How to make leaders obey you? It's actually quite simple. Text him!

72. Piggy Piggy has a bulging belly, thick feet and a doodle face. You can't get in with one mouth and you can't get out. Piggy, where is piggy now? Looking at the phone, panting.

73. As soon as I entered the company, my eyes went blank, my limbs were weak in the middle of the night, and my insides were falling apart. Nine years have passed, and I am miserable and helpless … I have to work overtime again!

Let me ask you a riddle: There are two drops of water on the pig's ass. Make a song title-I can't guess, your face is covered with tears!

75. I called your mobile phone the other day, and there was a voice prompt saying: The owner is streaking, please redial later. I'll call your mobile phone later, and there is a voice prompt saying: the owner has rushed out of the service area!

76. Your economy is poor, your personality is inconsistent, your hobbies are colorful, and your life beliefs are in a mess. Everything written on it is inseparable!

77. Do you know what I ate yesterday? Boil you, fry you, steam you; Roast you, stew you and braise you in soy sauce; Fried you, fried you, cold salad you!

78. There is a great little pig. He sleeps until 10 every day, and only five bowls of rice can make it to the bottom. No one dares to compare his weight. Where is the pig? Look through the text messages.

79. Wave when you feel happy, stamp your feet when you feel happy, and shake your head when you feel happy. I wish you happiness-madness!

80. I heard that there will be a meteor shower tonight. It is a big pig. At that time, a big pig will fly from the sky. Unfortunately, I can't watch it when I want to sleep. You wish there were so many people watching you fly!

8 1. Do you know that I met a mentally retarded person yesterday? I've never seen such a stupid person? As for how stupid? Let me tell you this, he may have a lower IQ than you!

You are as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a puppy, as smart as a kitten, as honest as an old cow and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder people call you ... an animal!

83. I really like your big ears, wide face, thick lips and black eyes. Your singing is great, and the lyrics are always in the same tune-hum-hum. You are my pet pig!

84. In the morning, my son saw the girl next door get married and asked, Dad, why is my sister crying? Dad: Because she is going to get married and go to someone else's house, and she seldom comes back later. The son thought about it and said, Dad and Mom always bully us, or we will marry her! Only occasionally let her come back and do our laundry.

85. Everyone who has kissed me will be dumped by me. Maybe you will think I am too heartless. Actually, I miss kissing, too. It really smells good, but what can I do? Eating snails is like this!

I haven't heard from you for a long time. I've been thinking about you these two days, and my heart is in a mess. I have searched all your favorite ponds, dining huts and sleeping lawns, but I still haven't seen you, and my heart is broken. How can a pig with such a big head be lost?

87. The foot of my bed is shining so brightly that you have no money to keep it. Look up at the beauty, bow down and be sad.

88. Man, long time no see. What's the matter? Did you go to your daughter-in-law's house again ... Gao Laozhuang!

89. Let me blindfold you quietly, gently put a watermelon skin under your feet, and then watch you step on it happily.

90. There are two words I have always wanted to say to you, and I finally got up the courage today: First, I love you and I like you very much; The second sentence, never take the first sentence seriously.

9 1. I was deeply attracted by you the first time I saw you. I have an impulse to take you home. I long to hold you to sleep every night. When I wake up in the morning, I can see you by my pillow!

92. You and I walked quietly on the path in our hometown, and you bowed your head shyly and said nothing. When the villagers saw me, they all said: Good boy, dressed neatly and beautifully, but it's a pity to come out to release pigs at such a young age!

93. A pig ran as fast as it could, and suddenly a wall appeared in front of it. It didn't bypass it, but hit it. Why? Don't you understand? It's simple. No sharp turns!

94. Dude, do you need your brother's help recently? I do have difficulties to help, and I will help if there are no difficulties.

95. You are the ugly duckling in the pond, and you are the silly crow on my old tree. This is the big truth after I got drunk. What are you snickering at?

96. Dear users, hello, your mobile phone will stop at zero tomorrow! If you want to ask why, with your IQ, it is difficult for us to explain it to you clearly!

97. Urgent: If you want money but have no money, you must be talented and unattractive. You have been listed as "three noes". You must leave the city within a few hours of receiving the order, or you will be severely punished!

98. I just found out that you have the ability to sink a fish into a wild goose ... When the fish sees you, it is scared to sink to the bottom, and when the goose sees you, it is scared to fall to the ground!

Thank you for accompanying me to see flowers in spring, sunsets in summer, fallen leaves in autumn and snow in winter. Without you, the beautiful scenery, really thank you-glasses!

100. Do you know? We have known each other for a long time. You followed me closely, put your face on me, sniffed me with your nose and bit me gently with your mouth ... At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin.