rich joke

1. I just chatted with a young man who came to our hospital. I asked, "How old is the young man this year?" He said 23, and I said, "It looks like 26." I asked, "Hello? He saidno. He said, "Me neither. "At that time, when I saw the strange eyes of the young man, I wanted to say that I was just chatting. I didn't mean anything by it, and I'm not gay.

2. The rooster crows early every day, which always destroys the dream of the two generations. This morning, Sister Afan got up in a rage, grabbed the rooster and cut off its tail and comb with scissors. Then he looked at the bald-tailed rooster and said, "This looks like a hen. It won't bark again! "

3. Colleagues like to watch running men. Since the first season, the cycle has not dropped. I asked her what she was looking at. She said it was mainly to see the baby's face change. I said I didn't go to the appraisal, which was incomplete. "Not the whole? He she just changed her head. "

4. The Tang Priest was hungry and said, "Wukong, I'm hungry, please find a teacher. Go and eat some vegetarian food! " Wukong will be back soon with only a few cucumbers in his hand. Tang Priest: "Where are we?" Wukong: "Fiona Fang is full of cucumber fields, and I don't know where it is!" " Tang Priest: "Help me up, I must be in the girl country!" " "

5, go downstairs to eat at noon, meet beautiful women and other elevators in the elevator, very sexy and charming, just look at it more. Here comes the elevator, and the beautiful woman enters it. Although it was upward, I followed it in order to see more beautiful women. Unexpectedly, the beauty came out again. I was just about to shut down the elevator by force when a beautiful woman's laughter came from outside.

6. My sister took a nap with the air conditioner on. It wasn't long before she fell asleep and woke up. She found herself covered with a quilt and sweaty. The little niece looked at her sister innocently, and her mother laughed at her. My little niece said confidently, "My aunt said that her menstruation was very cold and her whole body was covered with cold sweat. Let me cover you with a quilt. " God, this Xiong Haizi, it's intentional, it must be intentional!

7. The landlord lived in 1992 and has been single since he failed in love. My mother told me, "Don't come back unless you bring a girl back for the Spring Festival next year." I said, "What if I find one and she takes me home?" My dad is on the side: "Someone wants you, it doesn't matter if you don't come back." Me: "..."

8. The boy saw a beautiful girl in a bar. He wanted to go up and strike up a conversation, but he was afraid. He had a brainwave and wrote a note to the girl: "If you like me, please smile, if you don't like me, please do a backflip." The girl smiled at the note. When she stood up, striking the table was a back flip. ...

9. There is a woman in the personnel department of boyfriend company, who has been engaged in personnel management for many years and has a well-known reputation. Finally, one day, I moved to another place, but many people still asked her about her personnel troubles. She was really impatient that day and shouted: I am no longer in the personnel (boundary)! ! !

10, a young man who just left the army was robbed by two robbers in the middle of the night. The robbers swore at him and asked him to hand over the money. After all, the young man just came out of the army, shouted "hey", immediately punched three sets of military fists, and then was stabbed more than 30 times.

1 1. The second-rate colleague sitting next to me keeps three oriental salamanders. This amphibian will eat the faded skin after molting. One afternoon, it happened that an oriental salamander was molting, and we both watched it molting around the fish tank. Idiot colleague said flatly: "it's hungry, molt and eat!" "

12. Once, when I was halfway, I had a sudden urgency to urinate, so I ran to the wild for convenience. The grass is half a man's depth. I always feel tied to * * when I come out. Because my colleagues screamed so much, I couldn't go back and open my pants. I thought it was a weed, so leave it alone. When I got home, I unbuttoned my pants and saw a grasshopper lying bloody on my * *.

13, when I was in high school, I had a dog at home, and my mother treated it as a child. Once a classmate came to play at home, and my mother held the dog to open the door. Opening the door showed enthusiasm. My mother shook her dog's paw and said, "Call me brother." I don't know why my classmates are pumping their brains, so I shouted "Brother!" "

14, "Give me your most valuable thing!" Faced with the threat of robbers, my boyfriend pushed me out without saying anything. I didn't know whether to be moved or angry at that time.

15, moving bricks all day, tired like a dog. I finally climbed home and fell asleep. I moved bricks all night in my fucking dream, and I couldn't get up at all in the morning.

16. In the past, when my husband was watching TV and sleeping, he always liked to put his hand on my chest and rub it. After I got pregnant, I changed to touch my slowly bulging belly.

17, today's geography class, the teacher asked us, do you know what the wind power tower looks like? My second-class deskmate said in our local dialect: looks like you. I laughed at that time.

18, said a workmate, giggling, several people piled together, and when the pile reached * *, the bottom person couldn't stand the backache and shouted "My waist, my waist, my waist!" As a result, the people above heard me want me to want me to want me to want me. While buying butterflies, the action is bigger.

19, I haven't lost my role for a long time. I remember when I entered the factory, a colleague told me: You Cantonese are dirty and have to take a bath every day. We don't get dirty. We take a bath once a week. I am speechless!

20. The patient in the ward with his best friend is funny and sad. No sooner had he finished chemotherapy than the doctor prescribed antiemetic drugs for him. Then it changed to diarrhea, and the doctor prescribed antidiarrheal drugs. Then I changed my insomnia and the doctor prescribed sleeping pills. Then the headache changed, and the doctor said helplessly that you should not take any medicine.

2 1. I met my brother in the canteen today and wanted to swipe my sister's card, but she wouldn't let me. I immediately took my sister's meal card back and broke it, leaving silently, hiding my merits and demerits and reputation. Come on, junior! Senior can only help you here!

22. A beautiful 25-year-old girl married a 60-year-old man. On the wedding night, the old man held out three fingers to the girl, and the girl said, "Wow, three times tonight?" The old man said, "Which finger did you choose?"

23. One of Einstein's girlfriends called him. Finally, Einstein was asked to write down her telephone number so that she could call later. "My phone number is very long and difficult to remember." "Go ahead, I'm listening." Einstein didn't pick up the pen. "2436 1。" "What's hard to remember?" Einstein said, "I remember the squares of twenty and nineteen."

24. Sister-in-law is a nurse and works in a drugstore. Once an acquaintance of the boss came over and said, do you have that medicine? The drugstore owner gave a box of sex drugs. The next day, the guest came over and asked: Why do you feel hot and blush after taking the medicine for prostatitis?

25. A friend is waiting for the bus by the roadside. When the bus came, he found his legs numb and limped to the ground. On the bus, a little girl insisted on sitting down, but her buddy was introverted and embarrassed. She sat down when so many people argued. Soon I arrived at the station and found my leg healed, but the little girl sitting there was still there. My face hardened, and my buddy limped underground again. ...

26, the girl's father: "I have raised her for 20 years, why should I marry her to you!" Young man: "You only raised her for 20 years. I will continue to support her for 40 years, and I will support you for 30 years. Why don't you marry her to me? " ! "

27. Boyfriend and girlfriend quarreled. The girlfriend said to her boyfriend, "I'll admit that I was wrong first, and then you're saying that I'm right, okay?" The boyfriend agreed. The girlfriend said, "I was wrong." The boyfriend said, "You are absolutely right!"

28. Yesterday afternoon, I rode my scooter on the road without scruple. I was stopped by a traffic policeman at an intersection and asked me to show my driver's license. This is the rhythm of car impounding. When I took out my certificate and handed it to * *, I obviously saw his slightly disappointed expression.

29. The other day, I came to Foshan to play. My friend drank wine, but I didn't. He asked me to drive. Because the road is unfamiliar, I always ask him whether to turn left or right. I don't know if he was tired of asking, and he didn't say much, so I thought I'd just leave without saying anything. After two red and green, I want to ask now! He said please go straight when you hear the next sound, but I have my own navigation.

30. A lady checked in at a hotel. After a while, the phone rang and she answered it. A man's voice: Do beautiful women need service? Ma 'am, you're ready to hang up. The man quickly said, You will be back in less than an hour, 200 yuan. The lady thought, I still don't believe it. Let's go The man came for more than ten minutes, gave 200 yuan and left. The lady looked straight at wait for a while and thought for a long time.

3 1, my daughter is three years old and a little ignorant of gender. She insisted that the toilet she went to was a girls' toilet, so the only bathroom in the house was also labeled as a girls' toilet. Once, my father ran to the bathroom, and my daughter ran after him. Dad, you can't go to the ladies' room! ! Dad is so wronged.

32. Grandma is old and has Alzheimer's disease. Dad couldn't take care of her, so he hired a foreign nanny to take care of her. I asked, Dad, why don't you hire a domestic nanny? The salary is low, and you can chat. Dad sighed: I invited you before, and your grandmother scolded you and ran away. Now this foreigner, your grandmother scolded her for not understanding.

33. My nephew can't walk, for fear that he will crawl around. When eating, we put him in the straight washing machine to play. At first he cried, but he didn't listen for a while and didn't see his little head. I ran over and saw that the little guy was holding his own poop with two small hands and having fun! Seeing this scene, several of us vomited all our food!

34. I think women should choose hotel waiters as boyfriends. Why? Because the waiter never quarrels with the guests, almost all requirements can be met. All right! I'm just a poor waiter and I can't find a girlfriend yet!

35. I went fishing today and got three or four catties of miscellaneous fish. When I got home, I boasted to my wife: "Wife, have you seen me?" No? Come on, hurry up and cook this fish before making an appetizer. " The wife came faintly, "Are you sick? Tell me to kill fish while watching your things. " Shit! Tea comes straight out of the nostrils.

36. An uncle went to the bank to withdraw money and went straight to the window. The security guard came over and said, "Grandpa, press the number." Grandpa: "What?" Security guard: "Press the number." Grandpa thought, it's really a big bank. If you need a secret code to withdraw money, he whispered to the security guard, "The king of heaven covers the land." The security guard had no choice but to help the old man press a queue ticket. The old man thought, You scared me to death, but I was right.

37. I went to a barbecue last night and ordered medium wings. It feels delicious. I squatted on the ground next to me. I thought the dog was cute and threw one to it. Then, then, it smelled it, looked at me, walked away, walked away. Really, I was rejected?

38. After work, I went to buy a bottle of Hezheng. The boss searched for a long time, but he couldn't find it. It's probably sold out. The boss said: "Hezheng changed its name to Jiaduobao!" Finally, I took Jiaduobao and left. ...

39. Dong Zhuo wanted to test his loyalty, so he called all the ministers to the room and asked The Story Of Diu Sim to dance with ink on his chest in black. Suddenly, the light went out and I couldn't see anything. I leaned over and the light came on. Zhuo regarded all ministers' hands as black, but Lu Bu's was white. Xin Ran said that Zhuobu was a loyal minister. Laugh, Lusic.

40. That summer, I swam in the river with my friends in the village. I plunged into a girl's skirt and accidentally plunged into it. And that silly girl thought it was a big fish, and I almost suffocated in my skirt.

4 1, I remember when I was at school, a sister in my class confessed to me, and it was the kind with big breasts. I like her too. She asked me to go to a place where there were few people, and she volunteered that I was holding hands. Finally, I couldn't be together, and now I can't let go of it every time I think about it, which leads to the loss of young memories.

42. My mother is packing clothes, and I'm chatting with her, talking about falling in love. Mom said while cleaning up: "Don't look for people who are too handsome and unreliable!" "I said sadly," mom, do you think you gave birth to me just to let me find a handsome guy? "My mother gave me a relieved look and said," Yes, I think too much. "

43. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: first, she hoped to have a lovely child; Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me. As a result, I found that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order.

44. The leader talked to me today and gave me a lecture. I took off his leg when he went to eat at noon! Now he has a big bag on his head! See if he dares to be arrogant to me! It's really interesting to take off his chair legs!

45. A cold joke I heard when I was a child! It is said that a little girl likes to compare with her neighbors. Win every time! Until I came home crying and told my mother that my neighbor's brother had a penis. Why didn't I? Her mother coaxed her into saying. When you are young, you can have as many children as you want when you grow up. When I think about it, her mother really talks big. Now that I have grown up, I finally understand! Her mother is a person with a story.

46. Caicai: I'm so happy that my composition has finally been written smoothly! Mom: Why do you see such rapid progress? Caicai: In the past, the teacher always said that my comments were nonsense. What the teacher wrote today is nonsense!

Nowadays, people like to play online games. I told you about an online game. I remember that it was the hottest time between dungeons and warriors, and I met a female number. We had a good chat. I helped her buy equipment, become a member and buy a pet. It cost about 3000 back and forth. Finally, when we met, we realized that TM's number was called by a man. I finally hooked him up, damn it.

48. What the fuck is it now? Are you kidding? Is Loki's pro-Semitism fierce and rebellious? Nuochanpa jiaozi? What's the matter with you? Hey? I kept my feet on the bed, so I jumped out of the window with a loud roar and was dragged to the hospital to recognize someone.

49. Tell me about a girl who just returned to the company after lunch and passed by a fruit shop. A beautiful colleague is buying bananas. I suddenly thought of a joke and teased her: Are you eating or using it? Do you want to choose such a big one? Who knows that she has no integrity than me: if you weren't small, would I choose such a big one? Nima, there are many colleagues around, and the fruit shop owner almost suppressed internal injuries.

50. My son failed in the middle school entrance examination and was scolded by his wife. I went to comfort my son: "You must study hard and surpass your father in the future." The son paused, and then said weakly, "I can't guarantee anything else." But I'm sure I'll find a better wife than you in the future. "

5 1, one person sings card 0K. After singing, ask everyone: "How did I sing?" Everyone said, "Do you still sing? Then turn on the air conditioner and sing warm air. "

52, the company's little brother sales department, went out to run the customer to eat a full stomach, came back with a sullen face and kicked over the trash can in the drinking room. Then he went to the director without saying a word: praised my director and answered directly: I like the way you are angry.

53. I found my aunt at the same table coming in class. There is a trace of blood on her skirt. I knew that she didn't dare to tell the teacher, so she gave her a hard blow on the nose and instantly shed blood. I raised my hand: Teacher, I have a nosebleed. I went out to wash my nose and went straight to the store to buy sanitary napkins. Later, she became my wife. . .

54. The centipede was bitten by a snake, so it must be amputated to prevent the spread of virus liquid! The centipede thought: Fortunately, I have many legs. The doctor comforted: "Brother, relax, you will be an earthworm in the future."

55. Eat at the table at noon and then go to bed. When I woke up, there was a sesame seed on the table. I put it in my mouth. Colleagues were stunned when they saw it and said something about the nature of eating goods.

56. I remember coming to my period for the first time at night, turning over and soiling the sheets. The next day, my mother saw it and said, Other children are drawing maps. You're writing a damn book!

The prisoner is being sent to the execution ground. The prisoner complained, "How fucking far away!" * * Comfort: "Dude, you are lucky, we have to come back again!" .

58. There was a handsome guy on the bus, and an aunt came up at the next stop, standing next to the handsome guy. After a while, my aunt said, nowadays young people are so rude that they don't know how to give their seats to older people. After talking for four or five minutes, the handsome boy blushed. I saw the handsome boy take out a pair of crutches from his seat and stood up trembling. As a result, the audience was silent.

59. When I was a child, I went to school with the girls in the village. I don't know why two Lori are embarrassed. That tells me, who are you going to be with? That guy pulled me and said, you can only be nice to me. I am on the horns of a dilemma. The next day, her two friends held hands and were very close. There is no overnight hatred between Lori. That is, she ignored me both. Why?

60. The girl angrily walked up to the boy and threw a glass of chemical reagent on the girl's face standing hand in hand with the boy. The girl lost her face when she said "bitch". The boy became excited. "Are you crazy? How can you throw sulfuric acid at others? You see, now that people can't recognize it, how can you do such a crazy thing? " The girl smiled indifferently. "The makeup remover bought in the supermarket in front."

6 1, the family went to the theater, and they bought tickets upstairs, but the little boy kept looking down on the railing, only to hear a staff member come over and say, "Take care of the child, don't let him fall, there is a VIP seat downstairs, so you have to make up the ticket if you fall ..."

62. When I first met my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law praised me for my clean sunshine, and my second-rate girlfriend said loudly, OK, he dressed up well before he came, saying that he would blind your dog. ...

63. I bought a bottle of canned plums after class and found that the soup inside was red, like blood. I ate plums and gave my boyfriend canned food and soup. I asked, "Is it delicious?" These idiots want to say "delicious, will there be any next month?"

64. I remember eating in the revolving restaurant for the first time. I forgot to rotate, went to the men's room, met the urinal I knew, and felt that the rotating restaurant was very high. A man came in when I was washing my hands. I said loudly, "You are wrong, get out!" The man ran out at once, then proudly came back and said to me, "You're going the wrong way!" " "alas! Awkward. Run.

65. Just bought a 6-user 4G network. There was not much traffic. Suddenly I don't know something. 1M seconds, fucking scared me to death. Buckle the battery quickly. If you slow down again, the traffic will be deducted this month!

66. Just last night, I heard from my colleague that there was no guardrail on the balcony on the second floor of her old house. Our dog strolls on the second floor. When he saw a bird, he ran to catch it, and the bird flew away! It instantly forgot that it was just a dog, and it also flew and successfully broke through.

67. Some people have a poor memory now. You forgot your pet, mobile phone and wallet after filling up. I want to know how you drove away without your car keys. If it isn't * *. You can forget your wife who is going to the bathroom. I am really drunk.

68. When I was in primary school, there was a text called? Waterfall? In the middle, the author turned a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in it. When one of my female classmates was reading aloud, she was also reading aloud: I was shocked when I climbed over this mountain, and there was a rag hanging on the mountain. The whole class was stunned.

69. My father is 75 years old and has a great personality! Always angry and quarreling with my mother! My family advised me many times and bought a lot of things to coax me. The landlord's son is 5 years old! I said that my grandparents would not go to kindergarten if they were angry again! Now I see his grandparents pretending to laugh at him every day. ...

70. There is a beautiful new girl in the company. After working for a few days, I heard that I resigned, so I talked to her. "Xiaomei heard that you resigned, and many boys in the unit are ready to chase you!" My sister was suspicious and said, "A lot? There are only three boys in the company! If you remove those two married people, aren't you the only boy? "

7 1, Xiaomei has a new boyfriend, who is said to be a rich second generation. One day, I asked her, "How rich is this rich second generation?" Suddenly, my little sister wrote the word "worship" in her eyes and said with a happy face, "On our first date, he took me to eat fried noodles with eggs, and even added three more eggs ..." Wow, it's really not ordinary wealth!

72. A young man who likes talking nonsense but doesn't like studying hard pesters Einstein, a great scientist, to reveal the secret of success. Einstein was bored, so he wrote him a formula: a = x+y+z Y+……”“Z. Einstein explained, "A stands for success, X stands for hard work, and Y stands for the correct method ..." "What does Z stand for?" The young man asked eagerly. "stands for less nonsense." Einstein said.

73. I watched the premiere of Iron Man III with great interest, and there was a huge fan sitting next to me. There is a scene where Robert Jr. knocks down the enemy and asks loudly, do you know what power this is? The wonderful flower next to it automatically enters the play with 3D eyes, clutching her chest and answering: This power is iron! This power is steel! More than iron ... I want to kill him!

I really can't stand my female boss. She is thirty-two, ten years older than me, plump and mature. She likes looking for me very much. You said it was okay to find me at work, and she liked to find me after work. Besides, TM is also for work.

75. I remember one day I was sitting in the yard with my grandfather, and I was playing with my mobile phone. Then my grandfather said, "Don't stare at your mobile phone every day, it's bad for your eyes. I didn't have a mobile phone when I was young. I said to my grandfather with a dull face, "What could you play when you were young? "Grandpa sighed for a while and said," Go and ask your uncle to eat. "

76. On the day of breaking up, my girlfriend said, "Actually, I really want to cry, but the reality is that I can't cry." I was so hot that I smiled and said, "You are afraid of losing your makeup!"

77. It is said that Tang Zhongzong Li Xian is the most awesome emperor in history. Why? Because he is the emperor, his father is the emperor, his brother is the emperor, his son is the emperor, his nephew is the emperor, not to mention his mother is the emperor. So history gave him a glorious name: Liuhuang Pill.

78. A friend studied digging for a month. Once she went to her grandfather's house to play, and his grandfather asked, "How is the excavator learning?" He didn't know what was wrong with him and said, "It's no problem to dig your grave." I am very angry with his grandfather!

79. When I was a child, I did something wrong and locked the door to prevent adults from coming in. Then my parents patiently and kindly said it doesn't matter. I promise not to hit you when you open the door. Then there was a stalemate for a long time before opening the door, and he was badly beaten.

80. Chatting with a girl. Me: I said I have never been in love. Do you believe me? Sister: Believe! Ugly, nobody wants it!

8 1. A girl just joined me. I said it was from Wuhan. She said Regan Noodles in Wuhan is delicious. I said you come to Wuhan and I'll give it to you. Turns out she said grass mud horse. I painted myself black before I could answer. Did I say something wrong? My family sells Regan Noodles!

82. A very generous person, he said that he is good at and obsessed with gambling, and he spends millions of dollars day and night. Everyone saw that his middle finger was broken and the fracture was like a knife cut, so they asked why. He smiled and said, "This was cut when I swore to quit gambling a few years ago."

83. When my ex-girlfriend was with me, her ex-boyfriend often called and said, "I'll teach your girlfriend how to play and sing. Now enjoy it! " After that, I directly replied to him: "Nothing, I will pay you back after I enjoy it!" Unexpectedly, they got married a few years later, and what I said really came true.

84. Christmas began in China. The Spring Festival is very popular in the West. This is the result of the initial integration of Chinese and western cultures. Today, I was walking to see my mobile phone, and I met a foreigner who was also walking to see my mobile phone. I accidentally said fuck, and the foreigner answered at the same time!

85. Yesterday afternoon, I went to the Internet cafe. A 40-to 50-year-old uncle was playing lol, playing with the keyboard and yelling: Damn bunny, I can be your father. My name is a pupil!

86. The paper with flies on it will be full of flies in a day. My girlfriend said she was so stupid, didn't she see that all her companions were dead? I came without thinking: if there are a group of people on the road, can you hold back from looking!

87, the nose is a little allergic, sneezing constantly! A friend happened to come over to play. I didn't notice a big sneeze sprayed on her face, which made her tremble all over! I'm laughing, you're scared (fertilized)! I didn't expect her to give me a word, just don't get pregnant! Have I met anyone from division?

88. My aunt sent me three pounds of cherries in the morning, and my father-in-law ate them without washing them. Me: Dad, you are willing to wash and eat, so dirty and unsanitary! Father-in-law: What do you know? It's original, and the smell of washing is gone. what can I say? However, my father-in-law went to the hospital with food poisoning that afternoon.

89. I was so excited to watch TV yesterday that the remote control hit my foot and bounced to the ground. There is still a lot of noise. My mother looked at me with a distressed face, and I was very moved. I just heard my mother ask if there is anything wrong with our floor.

90. Go to the canteen to eat today. A fat sister paper joined our team. I said, hey, you cut in line! She pretended not to hear. I patted her. She turned her head and said, why? I clenched my fist and said. : You cut in line. She: What? Seeing that her fist is bigger than mine, I sweat. My fist instantly put out my thumb and said, you got it right. Inserted correctly.

9 1. In the street, a child clamored for cotton candy. His mother pointed to the little sugar man in her hand and said, "I haven't eaten the the Monkey King I just bought. Why are you so disobedient? " Regardless of the children, stay where you are and continue to clamor for marshmallows. His father hurried home, bought cotton candy in his hand and told him to go. Finally got the cotton candy, the child happily said to the little sugar man, "Great Sage, your somersault cloud is coming!" " "

92. John came back from the outside with a big bill in his hand and said to his mother, "I found it outside!" " "Mother didn't believe it and asked," Did you really pick it up? " "It's true." John replied, "I saw the man looking for it. "

93. Colleagues in the unit have a physical examination together. The doctor asked in the glass house, have you stood up? The colleague replied, stand still, and the doctor manipulated the machine and asked, are you sure you are standing still? Colleagues replied, uh-huh, stand up! The doctor manipulated the machine and then came out of the glass room and lay in the trough. I thought I met an invisible man. Why don't you stand outside the door? It turns out my colleague is standing outside the machine!