What are some jokes that are suitable for telling girlfriends?

1, added 320 yuan oil and left in a hurry! On the way, I remembered that 80 yuan hasn't called me yet. Go back to the gas station! The young lady at the gas station insisted that it was for me. I searched my pockets and my car, but I couldn't find 80 yuan's change! Money is a small matter, but face is a big thing, so it is required to adjust monitoring! Monitor it. It's amazing. Not only did 80 yuan not give it to me, but I also didn't give it to 320 yuan.

I went to get a haircut. I didn't expect the barber to be an ex-girlfriend. The moment of looking at each other was quite embarrassing. After washing my hair, she cut it for me and asked me what hairstyle to wear. I told her it was the same as before! Then close your eyes and think about our happy time together. Suddenly I heard her say yes. I opened my eyes and said in surprise, how did you cut my bald head like a monk? She said angrily, we have been together for more than a year, and you haven't touched me yet. You are the most suitable monk.

I just bought a bottle of water and two yuan of Nongfu Spring in the convenience store. I remember giving it to the proprietress 10 yuan, but she forgot to give me 8 yuan. Just go back and ask, it didn't have much money, but she had a bad attitude and refused to admit it. Just as her husband came back, he said that he would just adjust the monitoring directly, and then monitor the fast forward. As a result, she saw the proprietress kissing a man and punched and kicked her on the spot. Now, 1 10 is coming, and a large group of people are watching. I want to ask.

I forgot to bring paper to the toilet today. I thought I would pick up a clod at the door and deal with it. After I went in, a buddy came over. I've been waiting for this guy to finish and leave, and nothing has happened for half an hour, so I just want to take it out and use it directly. As soon as I took it out, the buddy next to me said, buddy, can I have half a piece?

5. I went to the bank to deposit money this morning, and the uncle in front "handled the card". The sister at the counter took great pains to help her fill out the form. After nearly twenty minutes, she finally got it. Uncle said, "Your card here is so big, how can you plug in a mobile phone?" The audience was in chaos.

6. When I was a child, my mother often took me to the women's bathhouse to take a bath. Every time I'm bored, I don't want to be in the bathhouse. I once let my aunt take a bath. When can I not come to the women's bathhouse? Aunt said, "Don't come if you want." When I grow up, I remember what my aunt said, and my heart of worship arises spontaneously. Aunt, how can you be so accurate?

7. Children's Day is coming. Several brothers and sisters asked me to organize an activity, saying that adults and children can participate to stimulate parent-child games. Then, I will take them to have a paternity test! Everyone ran away.

The eldest son is five years old and the youngest son is three years old. One night, mom and dad did a shameful thing by the bed. The youngest son was awakened. Sit up suddenly. Scared dad. The father kowtowed to his youngest son and complained, Go to sleep quickly. The youngest son was stripped naked and burst into tears. Dad felt embarrassed and stiff. The eldest son burst out laughing. Say to your brother: Ha, brother, look, you scared dad! You ah! I just can't remember how many times I told you to sleep and watch. You have to sit up and watch. No, you've been beaten! Dad has been depressed since then, and many treatments have failed.

9. There is an 80-year-old grandfather next door. Yesterday he found a black snake under the community tree. He was frozen stiff! He held the snake in his arms to give it some warmth. He hung a sign on the tree early this morning: "No defecation anywhere".

10 A lady walked into a shoe store and tried on several pairs of shoes, none of which fit. The boss squatted down to measure her feet himself. This lady is a little nearsighted. Seeing the boss's baldness, she thought her knees were exposed and quickly covered them with a skirt. However, she immediately heard a muffled sound from her boss: "What a jerk, the fuse is broken again."

1 1. I got drunk at night and called a driver. I got on the bus and broke the membrane. I woke up the next day and found that the driving service last night was great. Not only send me home, but also settle me down. There are still many good people in the world, and I feel quite comfortable! If I hadn't eaten too spicy last night, my ass would be very hot and I would be in a better mood now.

12, I passed the Chinese hamburger shop after work today, and a banner was printed in the shop: A Chinese hamburger 5 yuan after 5 o'clock. I resolutely waited for half an hour and bought two tickets after 5 o'clock! When paying, he asked the stall owner: "Why is the meat folder after 5 o'clock 5 yuan? How much is it before 5 o'clock? " Stall owner: "4.5 yuan!" Me: Uh, I'll go.

13, the snail was sick and was pushed out by the tortoise in a wheelchair to bask in the sun. Snail: "I'm a little dizzy". Tortoise: "Is the sun too poisonous?" Snail: "no, it's too fast." I'm a little carsick. "

14, once farted in class, not to mention how smelly it was. It happened that the teacher came to me at that time, which made me even more embarrassed. I didn't dare to look up all the time. But after class, the buddy behind me said to me: The teacher is really a fucking thing. He came to fart on me and almost smoked me to death. He went to the podium and smiled at me, damn it! ! !

15, the car has been driving for some distance. I looked at the meter and said, "Master, I'm from the countryside, but don't think I don't understand. It costs 93.8 yuan to drive for more than ten minutes. Do you have to force me to call the police? " I remember the atmosphere was awkward. I knew it might end up being thrown out of the car or something. Life is like this. Do you know where to go next? People eat people, even drivers. At this time, the driver suddenly said, "I won't talk about your fucking art, you idiot. Look carefully, that's the radio, and this is the meter!" " ! ! "