How to contact the supervisor of graduation thesis is polite?

For example: Hello, tutor, I am your student XXX. Ask your tutor to read it for you. I feel a lot of defects and don't know how to modify them. Thank you for reading my paper in your busy schedule. Or cut to the chase: hello, teacher, I have finished the first draft of the paper as required, please read it, please point out the shortcomings, thank you.

First of all, you should address the teacher politely and state your name in time, because the teacher has so many students that he can't remember everyone's name clearly. Besides, be polite. If it happens to be a holiday, you can say some greetings first and then talk about paper.