Recommend a joke to me!

Call on the phone》

......

A: I was playing chess with your father yesterday.

B: How was it going?

A: Finally, I still have a knight, and your father also has an elephant.

B: Then it’s time to draw!

A: I think so too, but your father won’t do it!

B: What should we do?

A: Finally, your father said that we should not let both the knight and the elephant cross the river. I agreed. Your father resembles me with his elephant, and I punish your father with his elephant: Your father resembles me, and I punish your father with my elephant. Your father is like me and is your father. Your father is like me and is your father. Your father is like me and is your father. Your father is like me and is your father. Your father is like me and is your father...

Finally you Dad is not like me anymore, I am simply your dad.

The Five Most Hated Jokes in Japan (1)

Four surgeons sit around and talk about the kind of people they like to operate on.

The first doctor said, "My favorite surgery is on librarians. When you open up their bodies, everything inside

is arranged in alphabetical order. "

The second doctor said: "My favorite thing about operating on accountants is when you open up their bodies and everything is in numerical order."< /p>

The third doctor said: "My favorite thing is to operate on electricians. When you open up their bodies, everything is coded with

colors."

The fourth doctor said: "I like to operate on Japanese people the most." The other three doctors looked at each other with doubts. One of them asked what. The fourth doctor said it was because they had no hearts, no spines, and their butts and heads could be interchanged.

The five most hated jokes in Little Japan (2)

A man called a Japanese businessman and said: "I'm looking for Mr. Taro." The operator said: "I'm sorry, he's on Zhou passed away

"The next day, the man called again and wanted to talk to Taro. This time the operator got a little bored and said: "I've been telling you he died last week. Why are you still calling?" The man said, "Because of me." I just like hearing about it. "

The five most hated jokes in Japan (3)

A Japanese was eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a plate of lobster, the Japanese asked: How do you deal with the leftover shrimp shells? "Of course it's thrown away," the waiter said. "NO!" NO! NO! "The Japanese shook their heads and said, "In Japan, the leftover shrimp shells are sent to the factory to be made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China.

"After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit. The Japanese pointed at one of the lemons and asked: "How do you

dispose of the leftover lemon peel? "Of course it's thrown away," the waiter said. "NO!" NO! NO! "The Japanese shook their heads and said

"In Japan, leftover lemon peels are sent to the factory to be made into fruits, and then sold to you in China. "

When checking out, the Japanese chewed gum and asked the waiter with a smile: "How do you deal with the leftover chewing gum? "Of course I'll spit it out," the waiter said. "NO!" NO! NO! "The Japanese shook their heads and said proudly, "In Japan, the chewed gum is sent to the factory, made into sets, and then sold to you in China.

" The waiter asked impatiently: "Then do you know how to dispose of used condoms in China? ""Of course I threw it away

. "The Japanese said. The waiter shook his head and said: "NO! NO! NO! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum, and then sold to Japan. "

The five most hated jokes in Japan (4)

A taxi was driving on the road leading to the Chicago Airport, with a Japanese tourist in it. At this time , a taxi passed by, and the Japanese shouted: "Look, Toyota!" Made in Japan! How fast! "After a while

another taxi passed by.

"Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! It's too fast!" Another taxi passed by.

It passed. "Hi! It's Mitsubishi! Made in Japan! It's so fast!" The taxi driver is 100% American. Seeing so many Japanese cars passing his own American car, coupled with the Japanese's arrogant language , can’t help but feel a little annoyed.

As the taxi entered the airport parking lot, another taxi passed by. "It's a Honda! Made in Japan! It's fast

Excellent! There's no cure!" The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed at the meter angrily, and said: "1,500 US dollars

. "It's so close!" "It's made in Japan! It's so fast!"

The five most hated jokes in Japan.

There was an American, a German, a Japanese and a Chinese on a plane. The plane was halfway through the flight

Suddenly it ran out of fuel. The captain announced that one person must jump off the plane to reduce the weight. So the American showed his personal heroism and walked to the hatch of the plane and shouted: Long live the United States and the nations! ! Then he jumped! The plane continued to fly... At this time, the captain announced again: The weight was still too heavy, so I had to jump off alone! So the Germans

stood up, walked to the hatch of the plane, and shouted: Long live the German Empire! He also jumped down! The plane continued to fly... At this time, the captain announced: No, it's still too heavy, and one more person must jump out! The Chinese looked at the Japanese

and stood up and walked to the plane hatch. The Japanese quickly came over and held the Chinese's hand tightly:

Good brother, I don't know how. Forgot yours! The Chinese people shouted: Long live the Republic of China! ! Then he kicked the Japanese down

! ! ......

There are nine members in my family, and everyone is very friendly. I have a kind and kind mother, a healthy and cheerful father, a sincere and honest father, a brother who is in high school, a middle brother who has been dropped out of school, an eldest sister who is considering dropping out of school or having an abortion, and one whose gender is not yet known. 's nephew. In fact, there is still grandma, but grandma is running away and grandpa is in jail, so he is not here.

I think grandma has a longer life, because it is always better for the elderly to exercise more and not sit all the time. Grandpa, do you think so?

My mother usually likes to talk on the phone because she can run a sex phone line while working at home.

Dad A likes to plant flowers and grass during the holidays, but the crops he harvested recently were confiscated and destroyed by the police. Is it wrong to like all kinds of poppy flowers and marijuana? He is not very happy these days, so Dad B will comfort Dad A: "It's not a good time, so why not come to work in the company."

Dad B likes to cook supper for everyone, so he goes to work very late every day , just to be Midnight Cowherd.

My eldest brother often plays computer games and manages the list of classes that collect protection fees. He is the first in the South District. I am proud of my eldest brother. The second brother wanted to work in Dad B's company, but Dad B thought he would wait until he was older. The eldest sister’s hobby is to collect fire boxes. She has collected more than 990 fire boxes so far. She said her goal is to burn down this home one day.

I admire the police uncle the most. He lurks near my house every day and makes us feel safe. Moreover, he comes to my house every day and asks me: "Is daddy back?" I am so moved by the police uncle that he takes the initiative to care about our family Members, it is said that the police and the people are of one mind, so we must respect the police uncles.

My family has a harmonious atmosphere, the house is kept clean, and not a single bullet casing can be found. My father specifically told me how to take care of his pistols, submachine guns, and grenades after each use. I learned from this that I must take good care of and maintain things after use, otherwise I will regret it when I use them. My father told me a lot about how to be a good person and do things. With such a happy family, I have to study hard and study hard to live up to the love and care my family gives me.

"Child, all the land in the Southern District will be yours in the future!" Encouragement from family will always warm my heart

One day the teacher asked Xiao Ming, what is 1+1? When he said he didn't know, the teacher asked him to go back and ask his parents. When Xiao Ming got home, he asked his mother what 1+1 equaled. Her mother was playing mahjong and said: "Eighty thousand!". Xiao Ming asked his father again. His father was looking at Newton's works and said: "Newton!". Xiao Ming asked his brother again, who was playing games and said: "It's cool!".

Xiao Ming asked his sister again, who was calling his boyfriend and said, "I'll wait for you downstairs." The next day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming how much 1+1 =, and Xiao Ming said, "Eighty thousand!" The teacher asked: " "Who told you?" Xiao Ming said, "Newton!" The teacher gave him a slap, and Xiao Ming said, "Great!" The teacher asked him to go out, and he said, "I'll wait for you downstairs." The teacher was stunned on the spot. .

One day, the teacher saw Mary chewing gum in her mouth and extending her feet into the aisle, so he said to Mary: "Spit the gum out and put your feet in!"

A mentally ill person The patient escaped from the mental hospital with a pistol in his hand. He asked a passerby how many 1+1 =. The passerby thought for a while and said: "2." The psychotic patient killed him, and he blew the gun and said: "You know too much."

One day, Ah Shuang died, and his lover cried: "It feels so good! It feels so good!" A man asked: "What's so good?" "It feels so good! It feels so good"

< p>Xiao Wang used to be in the Human Resources Department on the 10th floor, but was later transferred to the Political Department on the 9th floor. One day, Xiao Wang’s friend called the human resources department and asked for Xiao Wang. Xiao Wang's colleague said: "Xiao Wang is no longer alive." Xiao Wang's friend asked in surprise: "When did this happen?" Xiao Wang's colleague said: "It happened recently. You can go there Find him below."

1. I went home on the weekend and got addicted to cigarettes after dinner, so I planned to take an excuse to go for a walk. When I was changing my shoes at the door, my dad asked me why I was going there. I said, "Go and smoke!" As a result, my father found a bag of white sand from my body and beat me severely.

2. Once I went to my wife after coming out from my mother’s place. When I saw my wife, I habitually shouted: “Mom!”

3. When I went to work in the morning, I found that my bicycle was not there. I was angry, so I wanted to ask my mother to push me outside the door to cheer me up. As a result, I said: "Push my tire out." My mother was confused. I smiled and quickly corrected it, but the result was: "Put some air in my car!"

4. One time I drove, The female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked: "Why do you drive without a condom?"

5. One time I was in the toilet and ran out of paper. I said to my wife: "Bring me the paper towel!"

6. A girl was heartbroken, and I advised her: "Two-legged toads are hard to find, but there are plenty of three-legged men!" ”

7. Two people were quarreling, and suddenly someone next to them said: “You are really full and have nothing to do!”

8. Colleagues are arguing with others and are anxious. He opened his mouth and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he grew up on.

9. In computer class, a classmate had a problem with his machine, so he shouted: "Boss, change the machine!"

10. While eating, reading posts and reading classics I told my wife about it, and she laughed to death, so she said to me: "Read it after eating, otherwise your brain will suffer from indigestion!"

11. Once I asked a short-sighted person what the degree of his eyes was. I wanted to say 400 degrees, but it turned out to be 400 watts as soon as I exported it. My stomach hurts to death!

12. Once the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected recess exercises. After the end, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce the "disbandment", but in a moment of urgency, he forgot the words, held it in for a long time, and shouted: "Retreat!" < /p>

14. A group of classmates went to play at a classmate’s house in the suburbs. We bought some watermelons and put them in the kitchen. I asked a classmate to get a knife to cut it, and when he came back after a long time, he came back holding a cut melon in his hand and said in panic: I cut the pumpkin.

Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even more. It turned out that he was holding a winter melon in his hand!

15. There was a teacher in high school whose surname was Jiang, who looked exactly like Luo Jiaying (who played Tang Monk in Journey to the West). I went to ask him a question and blurted out: "Teacher Tang, this question..."

16 , I have a colleague. One day I was driving on the road and my tire was flat. I asked where I could get inflated tires. My colleague said, "There are tire abortists everywhere on the street!"

17. I once went to McDonald's to buy a sweet bucket. , finally it was my turn, I couldn’t wait to say: "Give me two rollers!" Unexpectedly, the waiter said loudly to me; "Two rollers, four yuan!"

18. I met A girl whom I had admired for a long time came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close to her. After holding it in for a long time, she said: "You are taking a bath. Are there many men in there?"

19. One time I went to dinner and ended up When paying the bill, I said to the boss: "Husband! Check out!" The boss's wife was nearby at the time...

20. There was a teacher who stayed up all night at mahjong. When he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is playing banker today? Blackboard Don’t even rub it!”

21. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law applying Dabao and suddenly shouted: “Your skin is so good, why do you still use Shubao?”

22. I just bought a house. I called a buddy in excitement and said, 'I bought a house, but it's just a small house (I forgot to say "blank") and I still need to decorate it. The buddy said, "Is there only one toilet?" So where do you live? ”

23. Being left to do homework by the teacher, I copied other people’s work if I didn’t know how to do it. Then I went to the office to hand in my homework. When I saw the teacher, I said: “I’ve finished copying!” ”

24. Taking a colleague home, he couldn’t find the key and screamed: “I can’t find the door to open the key!” ”

25. Go to McDonald’s and say to the waiter: “Here comes a box of Colonel’s Chicken Nuggets!” " (Colonel's chicken nuggets are KFC's signature dish)

26 Xiao Ming went out and saw his uncle buying vegetables, so he said, "Old Cai, where's the uncle?" Xiao Ming's uncle said, "This kid can't even speak." ”