Please tell me your funniest irony?

There may be several women who don't eat, and none who are not jealous. -Gu Long

A woman kissing a man is a kind of happiness, and a man kissing a woman is a kind of luck. -Han Han

Children regard toys as friends, while adults regard friends as toys. -Zheng

How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside. anonymous

Test gold with fire, test women with gold, and test men with women. -Han Han

It's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with people who try their best to get you to end it. —— Zhou Libo

Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it. -Han Han

People can't extricate themselves, in addition to teeth, there is love. Chyi Chin

Marriage is the grave of love-without a house, you can't even get into the grave. Degang Guo

I often tell myself not to hang myself in a tree, and as a result … I got lost in the forest. -Han Han

The earth is moving, and a person will not be in an unlucky position forever. Yu Dan

Iron pestles can be ground into needles, and wooden pestles can only be ground into toothpicks. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again. -Li Ao

If you want to know a man thoroughly, you'd better be his friend, not his lover. -Han Han

This news event is very humorous.

Recently, it was reported that Jerry Lee Wilber Pan Guo Chao brand "MLGB" filed an administrative dispute because of invalid trademark rights, and was finally upheld. The Beijing Higher People's Court held that the trademark had a negative meaning in the network environment, and it should be considered that the disputed trademark itself had a negative meaning and a low style. At present, "MLGB" company claims that this word means "My life has become better".

In fact, Jerry Lee and Wilber Pan don't believe it is reasonable. After all, BYD doesn't have to swear in the network environment, no matter from pronunciation or Jiaodong font, but doesn't BYD also claim that BYD means to bring you dreams? Why can it pass the audit?

Author: According to prose? I agree.

Author: Then write an essay.

Author: Then send it according to fairy tales.

Author: Really, then send it in ancient Chinese.

Second: once, a writer borrowed a book from a stingy neighbor, and the neighbor said, "Yes, yes. But there is a rule: books borrowed from my library must be read on the spot. "

A week later, the neighbor borrowed a lawn mower from the writer. The writer smiled and said, "Yes, yes. But there is a rule: the lawn mower borrowed from my house can only be used on my lawn.

When I went to work in the morning, I saw a child burning paper by the roadside. He steals several examination papers from time to time and throws them into the fire to burn. While burning his mouth, he muttered, "Grandpa, you are old. Doing problems there is good for the brain and can also develop intelligence. If there is anything wrong, you can take my class teacher away and let her teach you. "

I am glad to answer your question. I hope you will like my answer.

A pair of good girlfriends went to take a shower, and then one looked at the other's underwear and said, "Wow, you and your husband are so loving!" " "Even underwear is worn by couples!" Then they froze.

Last year, when I was 26, I met my first girlfriend. I love her very much, and she loves me. One day, I couldn't help hugging him and saying, I want to kiss you. She was frightened: mom said that kiss would get pregnant! I said, but I can't. So I kissed her. A month later, she was pregnant. I became a father today, so happy!

3. Just now, a courier suddenly came in to send flowers, and the person who sent flowers was one of our male colleagues! We all speculated that he was gay, or that his sister was chasing him. I saw that he looked at the flowers for a while, and suddenly patted his head and said, "Shit, the recipient and the recipient filled them backwards!" " " "

One day, I took a bath outside and blew my hair after washing. I saw a girl standing in front of the hair dryer and another girl waiting in line. I'll wait in line at the back. Wait, that girl plays very well. The girl in front may be impatient and leave. I've been waiting and waiting. I waited for a long time and finally blew it. Then, he unplugged the hair dryer, put it in his bag, despised me and left brilliantly! I will belong to you. You said that!

Shortly after a woman came out of the toilet, the male security guard came to remind her: "Miss, our monitor left your mobile phone in the toilet lid."

Woman: "Thank you, thank you."

Here I wish you all the best, happy every day and all the best!

1. In the hotel, the family is raising a glass to celebrate their son's entrance to the university. A young waitress slipped and accidentally spilled soup on prospective college students. Before she could apologize, the people at the dinner table scolded: My son is about your age and has been admitted to college. Can't even serve a plate well. . . Seeing this, the invigilator hurried over to make a ceremony: I'm sorry, she is the top student in the college entrance examination this year in our city, and she came here to work to earn tuition.

2. When I got married, a buddy gave me a red envelope by force. "We are all friends, and we still send red envelopes?" I said to him in a slightly reproachful tone. He smiled and said, "I'm embarrassed to come without a red envelope ..." In the evening, I opened the red envelope he gave me, which turned out to be a lottery ticket bought with two yuan, and there was a note that said, "Brother, it depends on your character if you miss it."

3. The jumping up and down of A shares also makes brokerage analysts crazy. I asked the brokerage analyst: What do you think of the market outlook? Analyst A: Being bearish has political risks, while being bullish has moral risks, not unemployment risks. . .

I went out to eat hot pot last night. I thought for a long time and finally got up the courage to say to the waiter, "Hello waiter, you have worked hard. Excuse me. I wonder if I can discuss something with you. If I'm wrong, don't mind, just consider it my fault. Can you help me add some water to the pot? Thank you. If it is unnecessary according to your experience, don't add it yet. . .

Aunt Li took the bus, and as soon as she got on the bus, someone offered her seat. She sat down, stood up again and offered her seat to a child. Someone offered her seat immediately, and the aunt did not hesitate to let an old man sit. Everyone cast admiring eyes and offered their seats in succession. Aunt said it was not easy for office workers, so she put two tired young people, a man and a woman, on their seats and finally sat down with peace of mind. In this way, Aunt Li's family of five found seats.

After going to physical education class and coming back from class, we felt that the dormitory was very hot, so we decided to go to the water room to play. In order not to get wet, I took off my clothes before going. In the corridor, you have to run faster than anyone. Can you imagine two big men screaming and running naked in the corridor? The most embarrassing thing is to meet the teacher to check the dormitory hygiene. We were in the water room, shivering naked.

Share some wonderful things I have encountered in my life!

1. Received a fraud message: Dad, I have been kidnapped, and I need 50,000 yuan urgently. My account number is XXXXXXXXX. Then I tried my password online three times a day, but I didn't try my password for more than half a month. Later, I received a message: dude, please give me a break. It's my first time to work, and my salary is still in it!

I spent 500 pocket money every month after using it. Wear VIKE, eat Kangshuaifu, drink pulse robbery, use vivi for mobile phone, Pepsi for coke, and a bottle of Leibi, use blue moon shell laundry detergent for washing clothes, use melon seeds for treating fragrance, functional drinks and red noon, drink walnuts and nutrition formula for breakfast, and eat Guangdong-Guangxi biscuits. It's really delicious!

3. Teach everyone a way to impress in QQ group!

The first step: suddenly say in the group: So the material mass given by strong nuclear force and the part explained by Higgs field are independent of each other, right? Step 2: Hurry up and say: Sorry to send the wrong group!

4. I borrowed 50 from my teacher, 50 from my classmates, and spent 97 on a lollipop. The remaining three dollars, teacher 1, classmate 1, roadside beggar 1, teacher 49, classmate 49 = 98, beggar 1 = 99. Where is the other piece?

There are many beautiful things in life. As long as you are good at observing and paying more attention to life, you will certainly find many happy things in life!

Our neighbor, who lives in Room 805 on the eighth floor, got married on 10/5 last year and married a girl from the northeast. She is very picky about food and likes to eat those expensive dishes. As long as there are few dishes in the vegetable market, her subjective consciousness is fresh. As long as there are more expensive dishes in the vegetable market, she feels delicious. Once she went to the vegetable market and bought three pepper seedlings to go home. It was not enough to say "You bought these things and planted them in flowerpots".

1. The general took his lover for a walk by the sea and saw a warship parked not far away. The general pointed to the warship and said to his lover, "The money I spent on you these years can buy a warship."

The lover said discontentedly, "Then why didn't you say that the cannon you hit me could liberate the island of Taiwan Province Province?"

On the bus, a migrant worker was sitting in his seat when a modern girl came over. Because the migrant workers will get off at the next stop, they get up and give their seats to the girl. But the girl disliked that the seat had been occupied by migrant workers, so she took out a paper towel, carefully wiped the seat and sat down. But when this girl's expensive ass was about to sit down, it burst into a fart.

At this time, the migrant workers who gave up their seats snorted and said, "People are really civilized now, and they have to blow by bus."