The latest humorous joke text messages in 2009

1. Although Sima Qian was tortured many times, he endured the pain again and again and wrote the great "Historical Records" with tenacious perseverance. Comment: Again and again? Grandpa Sima, is it possible that the spring breeze is blowing again?

2. My father loves me like a relative. Comment: I bet your dad always picks things up from the trash can?

3. The sun is getting closer and closer to us, like a golden pancake. Comment: This student...you came to the exam without breakfast, right? Poor man

4. Premier Zhou’s vision is to make the country prosperous, strong and independent. There are only four words in his heart: serve the people! Comment: Maybe your Chinese teacher can tolerate you, but your math teacher will not forgive you!

5. I hope to have healthy legs and a smart brain... Comments: Same as 4

6. There is a kind of inferiority called self-confidence, and there is a kind of falling called getting up. . Comment: This classmate is the Socrates of the new era

7. A neck without self-esteem cannot support a confident head. Comment: I want to know what kind of neck is called a "respectful neck"!

8. If there is no background, go to the foreground. Comment: At first glance, I don’t know what he is talking about. When I think about it carefully, it seems to be a bit of a criticism of current affairs... But when I think about it again, I don’t know exactly what he is going to say... Is it just to rhyme? !

9. Why are the eyes on both sides? Because they are used to look forward. Comment: Classmate, your logic is beyond the scope of my rationality...

10. Life is like a cup of plain water, plain; but also like a cup of plain water with sugar, sweet; It's also like a glass of boiled water with salt added, salty. Comment: Is this... still plain water? !

11. A thin horse with long hair and fat hooves, but a son who steals his father is not considered a thief; the blind uncle and the blind aunt have spent half their lives without seeing each other. Comment: Classmate, are you the son of Teacher Guo Degang?

12. Montesquieu was born into a noble family. Although he lived a comfortable life since he was a child, he looked at the changing clouds in the sky and suddenly made a decision that shocked history - that is, to devote himself to assets. into the torrent of class revolution. Comment: It turns out that Teacher Meng suddenly had a profound enlightenment while observing the sky at night...

13. Human life is precious, but love is more valuable; if it is a matter of life and death, both can be thrown away. Comment: Ah! You can't abuse Petofi like this just because he has passed the 50-year copyright protection period...

14. As the saying goes: How bold a person is, how productive the land is. With the land like this, how can people be embarrassed? Therefore, we should have great prospects for the future. Comment: I'm speechless...What on earth do you want to say, this classmate? !

15. When I entered the third year of high school, I lived a life of "getting up earlier than a chicken, going to bed later than a dog, eating worse than a pig, and working more than a cow." Although I eat much better than pigs, I do do more than cows. At this moment, my vision is... Comment: Poor child... Touching with sympathy, to Gao Yubao: Have you seen it! Zhou Papi is actually very humanistic towards you!

16. My biggest vision is to have the habit of swearing. Although I have to abide by the Five Lectures and Four Beauties, I am afraid that the only way to relieve the resentment in my heart is to sit on the roof and scold those who do not bring the same thing for three hours. My palms are sweating as I write this, because what I complain about is this test paper, because it determines my future and prospects. I refuse to accept that my twelve-year academic career will be determined by this examination paper, which is less than half a meter long and some ink. But I can't live with the score. Comment: My child...are you ready to go abroad before you take the exam?

17. God gave us seven emotions and six desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence. Comment: Profound!

18. My vision is to get into a good university and find a good job, so that I can have my son get into a good university and find a good job in the future. Comment: Why do I think of the part in the political book where the reporter interviews the shepherd boy? !

19. Many of my classmates even had their eyes done in order to be admitted to the military academy or police academy. Comment: Do? ! Shit...why did you just do it? !

20. Premier Zhou stood on the ten-mile long street facing the sky and lamented: "He died before he left the army, which makes the hero burst into tears." His vision for the bright future of the motherland made hundreds of millions of people speechless. Cry bitterly.

Comment: Ten Mile Long Street...? ! Fake corpse ah ah ah ah ah ah! ! !

21. Tagore said: The night gave me black eyes, but I used them to find light. Comment: Do you believe that Gu Cheng will come to you in the middle of the night with an ax?

22. By the Miluo River, Xiang Yu held a sharp sword around his neck. He shouted... Comment: He shouted: Little brother Qu Yuan, why did you abandon me so early! ! !

23. A drunken man knows very well: There should be no hatred. When we grow up and say goodbye, we will be full... Comments: Su Shi TO Ouyang Xiu: We are all familiar with each other. If you do this, I will accuse you of plagiarism!

24. Tao Yuanming, who lived an idyllic life in Peach Blossom Spring, wrote the famous line "The sparse shadows are slanting across the clear water, and the faint fragrance floats in the moonlight at dusk"... Comment: Okay... I admit it... Actually I can't guarantee that Mr. Lin Bu is not Tao Yuanming's neighbor.

25. When Yu Pingbo threw the harp for Zhong Ziqi, what he was looking for were mountains and flowing water, and the sound of the harp was his vision. Comment: Identified as a time traveling novel!

26. Han Yu followed Liu Bang to fight. One day... Comment: Another article was identified as a time travel article!

27. Madame Curie invented fish radium, and her vision came true... Comment: Madam Curie, you died so unjustly... Who knew that this torpedo was also radioactive!

28. After Sima Qian was brutally tortured, he endured the humiliation and survived because he knew that "there are three types of unfilial piety, the worst is not having an offspring", so... Comment: So... how about? ! Are you looking for a little guy to have sex with a boy?

29. After Sima Qian was tortured, he had to endure the pain of a broken leg... Comment: I beg you! It’s already miserable enough that Grandpa Sima suffered castration “again and again”! Stop torturing him!

30. After Sima Qian was tortured, he wrote the eternal masterpiece "Historical Records" regardless of his body's decay... Comment: It's outrageous! I'm completely speechless...

31. When I saw Sima Qian's great achievements and great vision after being tortured, I couldn't help but sigh: With three hundred and sixty lines, he became the number one scholar. Comment: Dry laugh, yes! I bet you can be the number one scholar in the eunuch profession!

32. A generation of men, Sima Qian, voluntarily accepted castration because of the great vision in his heart - that is, the Tang Dynasty did not have a history book of its own, so he endured the humiliation and completed the "Historical Records" for the Tang Dynasty. Comment: Flip the table! Who did Sima Qian provoke? He has been tortured to this point and yet you still refuse to let him be freed! He also kept tossing him from the Han Dynasty to the Tang Dynasty

Cao Cao took a plane (hilarious)

It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao were on a plane together, and they suddenly met In an emergency, you need to parachute to escape. It was only then that I discovered that there were only three parachute bags left on board. Everyone was nervous for a while. At this time, Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan, cleared his throat, and said, "Let's give the three of you a few questions. Those who can answer them will jump out of the sky. Those who can't answer will have to jump down by themselves." . Others had no choice but to agree.

Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan again and asked Liu Bei: "How many suns are there in the sky?" Liu Bei thought briefly and replied: "One." So he took an umbrella and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again: "How many moons are there in the sky?" Sun Quan replied: "One." He also took an umbrella and went down. Finally, it was Cao Cao's turn. Zhuge Liang asked: "How many stars are there in the sky?" Cao Cao was stunned and was too confused to answer, so he had to jump down. Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea and saved his life. Cao Cao was secretly glad.

The second time four people encountered an emergency on a plane, the four of them discussed it together and decided to stick to the old method. Zhuge Liang raised his feather fan again and asked Liu Bei: "What was the battle in which King Wu of Zhou defeated King Chu?" Liu Bei thought briefly and replied: "The Battle of Muye." Zhuge Liang nodded, so Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again: "How many people died in that battle?" Sun Quan thought for a while and said: "About thirty or forty thousand." Zhuge nodded, Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down. Cao Cao couldn't help but snickered and thought: " Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I know everything about ancient times, especially the military, but you are in trouble this time, haha!" Zhuge Liang asked: "What are they called?" Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard it, so he had to jump down. . Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea again and saved his life.

Cao Cao laughed secretly: "md, I am very lucky, let's see what you, old man Zhuge, can do to me?!"

The third time the same four people took a plane, the plane encountered another emergency. Cao Cao thought, Old Man Zhuge wants to tease me again, so I might as well jump off myself to avoid being insulted. So he jumped down and was descending at high speed in the air. I could only hear Zhuge Liang's laughter coming from above: "Cao Cao, Cao Cao, you are so smart, haha, there are four parachutes on the plane today!"