SMS jokes are full of joy.

1, m: Honey, I'll buy you a house when I earn money! W: When should I wait? M: I have earned enough deposit. Let's buy it with a mortgage. W: When you pay back the money, the house will become an inheritance. Is that for me?

2. It coincides with the big gathering in the suburbs, and the bus bound for the suburbs is full of silver-haired old people. A slightly younger old lady kept asking another old man to give up her seat, and kept saying, I'll give you my seat. You have been sitting, so you should let me sit.

3.a: What does postdoctoral mean? You don't know either? It's the doctor's wife. A: why? B: Because the emperor's wife is called the queen, the king's wife is called the queen, and the doctor's wife is of course called the postdoctoral fellow!

4. My world is beautiful because of you. I am deeply intoxicated in the world of love, and my deep thoughts overflow my heart. Miss you, hope you, and always love you. You are my attachment in this life. Marry me, and I will cherish you with my life!

On the way back to the dormitory, I met a girl crying in the corner. I went over and asked her what was wrong. She sobbed and asked me, "Will you lend me your shoulder?" I said, "As long as you don't cry! I am willing! " The girl stopped crying and stepped on my shoulder and climbed over the wall to buy delicious food.

6. A lover is a road, but a friend is a pig. There is only one road in life, and there are many pigs on one road. If you have money, don't forget, but if you lack money, don't sell pigs. Don't get lost when you are happy, and feed the pigs when you are resting.

7. What's so chic about you? I am waiting for you alone. I called your cell phone and said turn it off. I'm calling you to copy your phone. You're not on the phone anymore. I hate you. I write your name in the toilet and piss you to death every day!

When I have the right, let the Forbidden City be your bedroom, Shenzhou VI be your special plane, China Grand Theatre be your karaoke room, and Hangzhou West Lake be your swimming pool. Isn't that interesting?

9. The salesman was handing out leaflets, but passers-by ignored him. Suddenly, a man came from far away and asked the salesman for many leaflets. The salesman was very happy, but he saw the man run into the toilet not far away.

10, my friend fell in love with a girl, got up the courage to ask her out to express her mind and borrow my car to pick her up. When I left, I wanted to cheer him up, so I patted him on the shoulder and said, "Come on!" " As a result, he gave me a complicated look and left. I came back at night and found the gas was full, man. I really didn't mean that.

1 1. The difference between a girlfriend and a fox lies in whether it has been caught by the man's wife-a man is a master of love when he talks about love for ten times, and a woman is a fox when she talks about love for ten times. What is this, my friend?

12, the husband asked his wife: My appearance is not so good, but why do you often say that I am cool? Wife: I said you are cool. I used abbreviations. The full name is: you look so cruel that you should be pulled out and shot!

13, rich people have no talent, and talented people have no money. After years of hard work, I found the unity of the two; I have neither money nor talent.

14, someone carved it on the desk: Every time I miss you, the star drops a tear, and this is how the sea is formed. Someone replied: Every time I miss you, I fart. This is how the ozone layer is formed.

15, A: Do you know where God lives? In the bathroom. A: Why? Because every morning when I hear my father knocking on the toilet door, he always says,' God, why are you still in there?' ?

16, attending the ex-girlfriend's wedding, I met an acquaintance and asked: Hehe, why are you here? I said, remember where I fought. At this time, everyone at the same table stood up and greeted me, saying that they were comrades in arms. Come on, sit here!

17, I bought an e-cigarette recently, and I feel good. I stuffed it into my jeans pocket when I went out yesterday. Maybe the jeans are too tight on the switch. The whole subway people were watching my crotch smoke, and I was still absorbed in my mobile phone, completely unaware of it. Until a kind buddy patted me, dude, what do you look like? Blow it up

18, Seven Fairy Lake takes a bath. Pig Bajie wants to peek, but he is afraid of being caught by the Monkey King. He pulls his ears and pretends to peek at the Seven Fairy while reading the news. Look, look, he's pretending!

19, I have a request: invite me to dinner, I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I'll write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it: apply for a certificate.

20. The dialogue between the fortune teller and his sister: "Your life is not good." "Why?" "Because you have a bad omen." "Then can I take off my bra?" "No, as soon as you take off the bad omen, there are two big waves in life.

2 1, classmate A quarreled with deskmate B. A said to B, "My deskmate is an idiot." Hearing this, B replied angrily, "Your deskmate is a fool!" "The whole class burst into laughter.

22. The deskmate fell asleep doing the paper, and put an earth-shattering fart in his sleep, which was extremely unpleasant. Everyone stopped looking at him at once, but he didn't mean to wake up. Looking at the teacher's livid face on the platform, we all tried to hold back our laughter. But at this time, the deskmate actually talked about talking in his sleep, only to hear him say, "It's delicious!" "

23. In the middle of the night, I leaned back comfortably on the sofa, chewed chicken feet, drank cold beer and watched football ... More than 20 millionaires on TV were sweating, running and playing football for me like an asshole. I feel very happy and satisfied!

24. When I got home, I found that the water was stopped at home, and I quickly asked for help in the group. Soon someone came back: hurry downstairs and dig a well downstairs. Me: Then what? He: Then move the well upstairs, and there will be no shortage of water in the future.

25. Dear users, when you receive this short message, please go to the local post office for free mobile phone replacement immediately! The secret code is "If you want to practice magic, wield a knife from the palace"!

The professor is always forgetful. His wife buys him an umbrella almost every month. One day, I came back from a trip in the morning and proudly said, look, I brought my umbrella back this time. Wife: You didn't take your umbrella out.

27. Passbooks and money have been in love for many years. Qian complained to the passbook, "why don't you marry me after all these years?" The passbook reads earnestly: "If I marry (take) you, you are not mine.

28. On the bus, two men quarreled with each other because they were crowded, and the quarrel became increasingly fierce. A man next to him said, "Not like a man." At the same time, two men who were at the limit of patience broke out and severely beat the men together.

I fell in love with you the first time I saw you! You noticed me, too. You smiled brightly and kept waving to me. I can't help hugging you tightly! Ah, the lovely lucky cat!

I have several sons. I don't know where they are and how they are doing. I admit, I am an incompetent father. I didn't know I had such a son unless they texted me and called my dad, telling me that something had happened to them and asked me to remit money to an account.

3 1, strongman standard: keep up with the stock market, run out of the urban management site, buy a developer's property, understand the abacus of the statistics bureau, avoid the steering wheel after drinking, endure the non-mainstream face, fix your own intervertebral disc and stare at the old hard disk.

32. Xiaoming often hugs girls' faces and kisses them in kindergarten. The teacher criticized Xiaoming. Xiao Ming said unjustly, "Why can my father kiss my mother and my mother kiss me, but I can't kiss my child?"

33. One day, I go to school by bus. A pervert took advantage of someone's danger and touched a beautiful woman. The beauty shouted, "Touch me again and call the police!" I was frightened, and another person fell down in a panic. Guess what, another thief is touching someone else's purse.

Tang Priest wishes you a happy life, Wukong wishes you good health, Friar Sand wishes you good luck, Bajie ... Don't you know what you want to say?

35. Feelings are in arrears, love stops, promises are empty, care can't be picked up, beauty is not in the service area, everything is suspended, and life is completely frozen!

36. Today, when I went to the supermarket to buy something, I actually saw my ex-girlfriend and her current wife standing behind me when I checked out at the door. In order to understand the hatred of dumping me, I took five boxes of condoms at the cashier in front of her. Just before checking out, my ex-girlfriend picked up a box of condoms and asked the cashier: Don't you have a bigger size? Freshman? I'm slapping myself.

37. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and there are few generations. Now the only child is a treasure, and it is hard to find without a car or a house. The skin is white and beautiful, why doesn't anyone pick it? Where can I find a reason to be single? Well done in family planning!

38. A: The most manly thing I have ever done is to steal 100 yuan from my wife's wallet, buy a bag of Chinese flowers and kneel in front of her to smoke. B: Stealing money from your wife at this age? Without ambition, I always take it directly from my son's change jar.

39. Go out to play by bike with classmate XXX. Suddenly the valve core of his car was broken, so I took mine out and put it on him. Later, we rode home happily together.

40. You are fake. You are not only fake, but also empty inside. Not only is it empty, it's empty. There isn't even a mural. You are heartless, heartless and spineless. You are not alone, but you are a person-an inflatable person.

4 1, the sky is blue, the grass is green, and the SARS epidemic is fierce. Don't be afraid, don't worry, you won't get sick if you are happy. Exercise more, clean up frequently, and health and happiness will always accompany you!

42. Love is a dish: put emotions into the pot of fate, sprinkle happy oil, pour happy sugar into a bottle of sad vinegar, add bitter salt and colorful peppers, and make the years miserable. When you have a variety of flavors, this dish can be served.

43. thank you Thank you very much. Thank you for your message. Give you 12 thousand gold and a gorgeous beauty. If you want to ask me how, I dream naked tonight.

44. During the rush hour in Spring Festival travel rush, the train was very crowded, and a gentleman took advantage of the parking to put * * out of the window to defecate. The inspector at the bottom of the car found it and shouted: the fat man with the cigar pulled his head back.

45. One day, the boss of the cockroach family cried and said to his parents, why do others say that I am a pest? My younger brother said happily when he came back that others greeted me when they saw me. Hey, bug!

46. Sunshine is everywhere, just like blessings are everywhere; There are flowers everywhere, just as good luck surrounds you everywhere; Radio waves are everywhere, just like I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I think, if you don't contact, I will hit you!

47. When I was a child, my parents took me home. They caught me in the middle when I was walking. Sing "a chicken in the left hand and a duck in the right hand" when you are free. When my father stared at me, he almost slapped my mouth. Who knows, my mother went on to sing, "Tell me to vomit blood at once." "There is a toad in the middle, gnome male-".

48. Are you the one who fascinates me? I don't feel tired watching you all day. I don't need to blink. I will look at you and accompany you every day. I'm so happy! My favorite mobile phone!

49. Some people are too fat. One day he was drinking in a bar. A stranger stared at the glass door and looked in carefully. Then he suddenly knocked on the glass and asked the man, "Is this glass a magnifying glass?"

Lao Wang was tortured by toothache for several days and finally made up his mind to see a dentist. He rang the doorbell with trepidation, and the nurse said, "Sorry, the doctor is not at home." Old Wang Song sighed and asked, "Next time he is not at home, can you tell me if I can come again?" !

5 1, downstairs opposite, 1 1: 55, a little girl screamed and cried and slammed the door, telling her father to open the door. She dare not sleep alone. She wants to sleep with her father. The dead old bean is deaf and unresponsive, and the child has been crying, howling and knocking on the door. Cry. Half an hour passed. I cried in despair, "Dad, open the door! Aunt, open the door! I'm going to sleep.

52. The fruits of the four seasons are fresh, and the blessings will never change. I wish you all the best in "orange", peace every day, all the best in "apricot", all the best in "persimmon", all the best in "peach" and all the best in "plum" Life is like a cantaloupe, and you will be happy forever!

53. A: "My wife often talks about her ex-husband, which is really annoying!" B: "You are so lucky, my wife often talks about her future husband!

54. A: My classmates who haven't contacted for a long time have been selling me a set of encyclopedias. It's annoying! I just told him, don't do this! How did he react? A: As a result, he introduced me to another set!

55. Aunt: Which county is Qianlie County? Is it far? Uncle thought: I don't know, why do you ask this? Aunt: Just now, I heard from the person in front of the doctor that Qianlie County sends salt, and I also want to get some. Uncle: Let's go!

A woman applied for a job. Boss: How many children do you have? What are their names? Woman: Nine, all named Xiao Ming. Boss: What should you do if you call one of them? Woman: Simple. I'll call him by his last name.

57. A romantic couple was walking when the woman pointed to the burning cloud on the horizon and said, honey, look, what a beautiful night! The man stared at the colorful sky and danced for a long time: What's the matter? Isn't it a color screen?

58. Is there? Colleague Alice called SDB customer service department to cancel the credit card. Customer service MM asked why she wanted to sell it. ? Alice said, "I broke up with Li Bingbing. I don't want to see photos of my ex-girlfriend every month.

59. I love you so inexplicably and without hesitation. I know I won't be the only one in your life, but you are the love of my life!

60. There is a handsome guy on the bus, and an aunt comes up at the next stop, standing next to the handsome guy. After a while, my aunt said, nowadays young people are really rude and don't know how to give their seats to older people. After talking for four or five minutes, the handsome boy blushed. I saw the handsome boy take out a pair of crutches from his seat and stood up trembling. As a result, the audience was silent.

6 1, a man and a woman are in love, and the man is much older than the woman. One day, the girl asked him: If you met me a few years ago, would you choose me? No. The woman was very unhappy and asked, Why? The man said: because I am afraid of the law on the protection of minors.

62. A boy in the dormitory likes surfing the Internet. He played in the Internet cafe for one day, seven days and seven nights, and then went back to the dormitory. He fell asleep as soon as his shoes were dragged. He didn't wash his feet for seven days and seven nights. The taste is quite domineering. In addition to him, six people ran out of the dormitory in an instant, and a guy was reading as cool as a cucumber. We asked him if you didn't smell anything. The goods came: "I have a cold and I can't smell it."

63. A: "My wife is really outrageous! Leave a lot of clothes for my mother to wash! " B: "Then what did you do?" A: "I really can't bear to watch my mother suffer! Come and play at your place!

64. The old lady and her wife watched TV together, and a beauty contest appeared. When the old man saw it, he got up and went into the house. The old lady smiled; The old man is quite feudal. After a while, the old man came back and sat in front of the TV with a pair of glasses on his nose.

65. The soldier asked for leave to go home to see his wife. The chief is unhappy: Do you put your love for your wife above your country? Soldier: Now there are tens of millions of men who care about the motherland, but only I care about my wife!

66. The son always asks, "Mom, where did the eggs come from?" "Of course it was laid by a hen." "Oh, the eggs laid by chickens are called eggs, then I am stupid." Mother asked in surprise, "Why?" "Dad thinks I can't do arithmetic and always calls me an idiot." Dad is sweating violently.

67. Instructions for Spring Festival travel rush to take the train: 1 Prepare bedding before buying a ticket and fight a protracted war; 2 when you get on the bus, put your luggage on your head and go forward bravely; Take off your shoes immediately after sitting down, so that the unpleasant smell can be enjoyed; 4 Check whether the shoes are towed away after the cart.

68. "Dressing" culture: It is obviously necessary to dress backwards 9; It is obviously necessary to increase the installation of 8; Obviously it is V, but also increase the weight of W; It is clearly Q, and it is necessary to twist the ankle and install G; It's obviously p, but also B.

69. Mom: "Silly girl, why are you so crazy about the fourth grade!" " Daughter: "Mom, do you know that I'm 1.6 meters, and my senior year is only 1.4 meters!" " "Mom:" You mean, distance makes beauty!

70. A little polar bear woke up in the morning and kept asking his mother if she was a raccoon. His mother replied, "Of course you are a polar bear", but why didn't he believe it? Because he felt cold.

7 1, a man always sees beautiful women on the bus and likes to sneak a look at her after getting on the bus. One day, just glancing at her secretly, I didn't expect the fat woman next to me to come over and say to a man,' Do you want my phone number? Why do you always sneak a look at me? I have been following you for several days.

72. Dear users: Hello! Due to the ugly appearance and outdated style of your mobile phone, it has seriously affected the appearance of the city and hindered the development of mobile communication services. This station decided to send a signal to destroy the mobile phone after 10 minutes!

73. If you are unhappy, I will care about you. If you are unhappy, I will care about you. If you are unhappy, I will care about you. If you're really in trouble, I'll turn it off.

74. The husband and wife divorced for their children, and the wife confidently said, "The child comes out of my stomach, of course it's mine!" The husband said, "Joke! This is complete nonsense. Can the money withdrawn from the ATM go to the ATM? No one inserted the card!

75. A classmate always likes to throw cigarette butts on the ground after smoking, and then stamp them out with his feet. On this day, we went swimming together. He smoked on the shore. After a while, he heard a scream. When we looked up, it turned out that he was stepping on cigarette butts without shoes.

Q: Do you know when Pinyin was invented? A: It was invented when I was very hungry, because the first sentence was "Ah (a), I (o), hungry (e)!

77. My second uncle served as a soldier outside for two years. When I got home, I couldn't remember the way. I rely on asking questions all the way. When I arrived at the village entrance, I saw my grandfather and uncle working in the fields. I went up and asked in nonstandard plastic Mandarin: Excuse me, how can I get to Dai's house? My grandfather recognized it at a glance, so he slapped my uncle and asked me for his shadow area.

78. This short message is made of metal. Lay the floor, I wish you: iron nail success, aluminum career innovation, healthy zinc and zinc prosperity, life will always be rich, and your mood will always be good! Note: no radiation, you can rest assured to forward!

79. The most annoying person on the bus is the smoker. It happened that a man was drunk when he smoked and spit his cigarette in front of a young lady. "Can you have some quality!" "There are already a lot of numbers (quality). Don't you think that wisp of smoke is the number 3?

Thank you for accompanying me to see flowers in spring, sunsets in summer, fallen leaves in autumn and snow in winter. Without you, no matter how beautiful the scenery is, I really thank you … glasses!

8 1, I saw tigers drilling fire rings in the zoo, I saw elephants tug of war, but I didn't see orangutans. I didn't know until I asked the staff that the orangutan was learning … reading short messages. Well, you are very motivated!

82. The eagle chased the rabbit, but because of the rabbit's words, it fell and died. Do you know what the rabbit said? It shouted to the eagle, "You're not wearing a bra!" Hearing this, the eagle quickly covered his chest and fell dead.

83. Six people are crossing the river. There are fish eating JJ in the river. They only have one bottle. How can they cross the river safely? Please reflect on the children's shoes that know the answer instantly.

84. In inertia physics class, the teacher found a male classmate always looking back at his female classmate, so he called him out of the classroom and said, why do you always look at your female classmate? Male students whispered: I like watching girls since I was a child, maybe it's inertia!

85. I was shocked to see that your model of mobile phone radiated a lot on the Internet yesterday! I was just about to inform you that I was relieved to see that people with IQ below 20 were useless. Don't worry, keep using it!

86. What kind of language can express my mood at this moment? What kind of action can express my love at the moment; Whisper your nickname-pig, you are the only one in my life, and continue in the afterlife!

87. The ancients said: If you defeat a soldier without fighting, you won't know him without fighting. Today is the International Child Abuse Day, so I'll let you go first, but on one condition, you have to invite me to dinner if you don't want to be beaten, so hurry up.

88. "Dad, what happened to my boyfriend? Although he has no car or house now, he has an enterprising heart. As for height and appearance, everything is external, I don't care! I hope you can help us. " "Son, don't say, have a meal.

89. Work every year, worry every year, and work overtime every day like a monkey; There is no reason to be scolded every day for working overtime without pay. When you see the boss, you lower your head and shake your head when you get paid. Worried at the end of the month, I don't know when it will end!

90. Two little boys played high one day and wanted to go home. Suddenly, they found that they always had a dollar left on them, which was not enough to go home. So the two boys got on the bus with a dollar. Although there are still many seats in the car, two little boys consciously sit in one position ... what lovely little boys.