Who has a super funny joke? Don't give me the URL! Just write the joke straight down, and don’t have too many words! Speed, very urgent!

Fake

I’m so hungry from eating meat skewers today. Go to the hospital for a check-up, damn! This is rat meat, gutter oil & Sudan red, 7456! I'm going to sue him. The person next to me also said: "What kind of fast food restaurant is called 'Ken Technetium'? The stinky tofu they sell is fished out of the cesspool. It was so smelly that I was robbed by a swarm of flies before I could eat it. As a result, the flies were all over my body." Explosion!"

"That 'Pulse Crotch Lao' wants my life too!"

"'The Needle Hatch' is really rotten!"

"I'm in such a miserable state! I went to 'Krypton Addiction' and got a bad stomach, and then I went to 'Renmin Yiyuan' and prescribed a bad medicine. What else did I write like, 'Longtai dares to chaff, and sticks to virtue to provoke leprosy'?" They also said that the medicine was shit!”

“Damn it, the Qing Aluminum Spring Testicle sold by ‘Huang Chu Bing Gu’ caused my intestines to perforate, my girlfriend’s chest ruptured, and her lungs collapsed. The guy with the sign saying "Cooking Loan Shi" said he would be fine!"

Toilet

There are six rich men, one Japanese and one Russian. A Frenchman, a Norwegian, a German and an American.

They went to the mall together. Being rich, they have little left to buy. Only the weird stuff can attract their attention. Just as the mall was promoting the new art toilet, the six rich men stopped to watch.

After watching for a while, one of them suggested: "Such a novel toilet is indeed very unusual. How about buying one and trying it?" Because they are all rich people, no one is far behind, and everyone plans to buy it. One goes back.

The Japanese love cleanliness, so they bought a "super hygienic toilet"; the Russians like textured things, so they bought a "granite toilet"; the French value art, so they bought a "painted toilet" "Toilet"; Norwegians favor wood products, so they bought a "pure wooden toilet"; Germans advocate high technology, so they bought a "computer-controlled toilet"; Americans value freedom and relaxation, so they bought a "music toilet" .

Six people happily transported the toilet home.

A month later, six people got together again during a business meeting. During the chat, the topic unknowingly turned to the toilet they purchased last time.

The Japanese were indignant and spoke first: "I have returned the damn super hygienic toilet. The instructions say that the toilet will be automatically disinfected after each use and a plastic film will be put on the toilet seat. , sprayed with the words "It has been disinfected, please feel free to use". But now the procedure is completely messed up. Before I could stand up, it started spraying plastic film on my butt. I now have "It has been disinfected, please feel free to use" written on it. Use '!"

The Russians then complained: "I've also returned the damn granite toilet. These people polished the granite so smooth that it immediately slipped and fell as soon as you sat on it. Several times, it was inconvenient and my butt was bruised."

The Frenchman was not to be outdone and cursed: "I also returned the damn painted toilet. The printing quality of the painting is too bad. The paint on the toilet seat is all gone!”

The Norwegian was also furious: “I’m returning the damn pure wooden toilet! What’s the quality of it?” I don’t know if there was any control at the time, but they also said that the management will be completely based on ISO9000. I’ll come along with you, but I’m full of scum!”

The Germans couldn’t bear it anymore: “The damn computer controls the toilet. I also want to return the product! I don’t know what operating system I use, but it keeps crashing. I was only halfway through the process when it started shouting: ‘The toilet computer has crashed. Please put on your pants and stand up, cover the toilet seat, close the toilet seat. Then open the toilet lid, remove the toilet seat, take off your pants and sit down again, the toilet computer will restart. Thank you! Technical support phone number 12345678.

'snort! ”

Finally it was the American’s turn. He said angrily: “Damn musical toilet, I can’t do it without returning it!” Originally, it stored 3,000 songs and could be played randomly when convenient. However, nine times out of ten, it played the same song - the American national anthem, which made me immediately have to pick up my pants and stand up to salute as soon as I sat down! "

Three ghosts

The three ghosts came to God and said in unison: "I died unjustly and should go to heaven!" "God: "I will only let the most unjust one go to heaven. Let me tell you how you died first. ”

A: “I am a cleaner. One day, I was sweeping the floor on the roof of an old, low-rise building without a security net, and accidentally fell down. I grabbed a sewer pipe, but the sewer pipe was pushed down by some bastard. Because the building was short, I didn't fall to death. As a result, a refrigerator fell from above and killed me. ”

B: “I went to someone else’s wife’s house to have an affair, but her husband came home and I hid in the refrigerator.” As a result, the refrigerator seemed to have fallen from the window without a security net. Because of the refrigerator protection, I didn't die. As soon as I came out, someone fell from above and killed me. ”

C: “When I went home, I saw my wife with another man from the window at home. I was so angry when I got home that I knocked down the sewer pipes, threw away the refrigerator, and had a big fight with my wife. As a result, I accidentally fell out of the window, hit my head on someone's head and died. ”

God: “You all died unjustly. Let’s all go to heaven.” ”

The secret of the toilet

Country A developed a spray toilet. Once, an envoy from country B came to country A and used their toilet and found it very comfortable. So B The country also wants to develop a water-spray toilet and show off to the envoy from country A: We also have a water-spray toilet! But the envoy from country A is coming on the second day and it is too late to make a toilet...

The envoy from country A I tried the toilet in country B, but I didn't expect that it not only sprayed water, but also had a towel to wipe my butt. In order to understand its structure, the messenger stood up and pressed the button again. The two hands of the towel stretched out from the toilet...

The Three Little Pigs

One day, the wolf wanted to eat the three little pigs. Two of the three little pigs were at the door. One is on the roof. (Pig 1 and Pig 2 are at the door, and Pig 3 is on the roof. Pig 1’s name is “Who”, Pig 2’s name is “Where”, and Pig 3’s name is “What”.) So wonderful There is a conversation.

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig 1: Yes

Wolf: What?

Pig 1: "What" is on the roof.

Wolf: What's your name?

Pig 1: My name is "Who"?

Wolf asked Pig 2 again: Who are you?

Pig 2: I am not "who", he is "who" (pointing to Pig 1)

Wolf. : Do you know him?

Pig 2: Yeah!

Wolf: Who is he?

Pig 2: Yes. Wolf: What?

Pig 2: "What" is on the roof!

Wolf: Where?

Pig 2: "Where" is me? >

Wolf: Who?

Pig 2: (Pointing to Pig 1 again)

How do I know? >Pig 2: "Who" are you looking for?

Wolf: What?

Pig 2: He is on the roof?

Where?

Pig 2: It's me.

Wolf: Who?

Pig 2: I am not "who", he is "who".

: Oh my God!

Pig 1·2: "Oh my God" is our father.

Wolf: What, is it your father?

Pig 2. : No!

The wolf couldn't bear it anymore and sighed: Why?

Pig 1·2·3: Do you know our grandfather?

Wolf: What?

Pig 1: No, our grandfather is "why".

Wolf: Why?

Pig 1: Yes!

Wolf: What is it?

Pig 1: No "why".

Wolf: Who?

Pig 1: "Who am I".

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig 1: Yes, I am "who".

Wolf: What?

Pig 1·2: He is on the roof. …………

Reason for arrest

Someone yelled: "The President is an idiot!!!!!!!!!" As a result, he was arrested, but the charge was not "insult" President", but "revealing high-level national secrets"!

Intention

Someone sent a text message to a friend saying: "I want to send you a red envelope!" He was very happy, but later he became unhappy. It turned out that the next page of the text message read: "I have sent a mosquito."

Antonyms

One day, the teacher walked into the classroom, and the students stood up and shouted: " Good morning, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily: "What about my afternoon?"

Then the students shouted again: "Good afternoon, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily: "What about me in the evening?"

The students shouted again: "Good afternoon, teacher!"

The teacher nodded and said: "That's enough, now shout it again!"

The students shouted in unison: "Teacher, good morning, good afternoon, and good evening!"

The teacher said: "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. I will say something and you will say the antonyms out loud. Start now."

Teacher: "The weather is very good today."

Student: "The weather is very bad today."

Teacher: "The sun is shining everywhere."

Student: "It is cloudy everywhere."

Teacher: "The road is crowded."

Student: "There is no one on the road."

Teacher: "Young."

Student: "Old ."

Teacher: "Stand down."

Student: "Lie down."

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."

Student: “There was a young man lying down on the road.”

Teacher: “I picked up a dollar.”

Student: “I lost a dollar. ”

Teacher: “I picked up a dollar and gave it to the teacher.”

Student: “I lost a dollar and stole it from the teacher.”

Teacher: "Wrong, you can't say it like this!"

Student: "Correct, you should say it like this!"

Teacher: "Wrong."

Student: " Correct."

Teacher: "This is not allowed, this is illegal!"

Student: "This is okay, this is legal!"

Teacher: "I said it was wrong."

Student: "We said it was correct."

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher says is correct!"

Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher says is wrong!"

Teacher: "You are stupid."

Student: "We are smart.

"

Teacher: "Stop! ”

Student: “Continue!” ”

Teacher: “Stop now!” Stop talking! ”

Student: “Let’s continue now! More to say! ”

Teacher: “You stupid pigs, I say stop!” ”

Student: “We are all geniuses, we say continue!” ”

Teacher: “You listen to the teacher!” ”

Student: “Teacher, listen to us!” ”

Teacher: “Students must listen to the teacher!” ”

Student: “Teachers must listen to their students!” ”

Teacher: “Stop practicing now! ”

Student: “Now let’s continue practicing! "

Teacher: "Are you done? ”

Student: “We have a beginning and an end!” ”

Teacher: “Then stop!” idiot! ”

Student: “Then we should continue!” genius! ”

....Then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily holding the book in his arms

Misunderstanding

One day the blind man and the lame man went out to do errands on bicycles, and the blind man Riding, the cripple looked at the road, and suddenly a deep ditch appeared on the road. The lame man screamed: "Ditch, ditch, ditch!" ” As a result, the blind man thought he was singing, and sang back: “Oh kind, oh kind, oh kind!” "As a result, the blind man and the lame man fell into the ditch together!

The consequences of not understanding

A prostatologist met an airplane pilot. Because the language was different, he had to make gestures.

The doctor made a "1" gesture.

The driver made a "5" gesture.

The driver gestured "big"

The doctor gestured "down"

The driver gestured "up"

The doctor went home and said: "There is something wrong with that man! I say men have a small, droopy prostate. He said men have five large, upward-facing prostates! ! ! ”

The driver went home and said, “There’s something wrong with that guy!” I said that our airport has five planes. The airport is very big and the planes fly upward. He said there was only one plane at their airport, the airport was small and the plane flew downwards! ! ! ”

An American child asked a Chinese child: “How do you say thank you and no thank you in Chinese?” "

"Thank you, you're welcome. "

"You are talking nonsense! How can you say shit shit when you say thank you, and bull shit when you don't thank me? ! "

The boss said to his subordinates: "Report (money) in advance. "

"I'm going to be a turtle. "But it became kelp." ”

“Who am I going to imitate? "They are all bad." ”

“I want to drink some water. "Don't drink too fast." "

"I want to fly quickly. "But the stewardess is very cool." ”

“Today is really unlucky. "You are indeed weak." ”

“You are right. "You are very well-behaved." ”

I was looking from a distance and saw how many prostitutes were accompanying their clients on the beds in the brothel.

I want to molest and then fry...

One day the devil caught the princess

The devil: "You can break your throat by screaming... no one will come Save you..."

Princess: "Broken throat...broken throat..."

No one: "Princess...I'm here to save you..."

Demon King: "Say Cao*Cao* and I'll be there..."

Cao*: "Devil King...what did you call me for..."

Demon King: "Wow...I saw a ghost"

Ghost: "Damn! I was discovered..."

Fuck: "Ghost, you can see me... ."

Devil: "Oh, My God!"

God: "Who called me?"

Who: "No one called you..." ."

No one: "Where can I be? I'm just pretending!"

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me?"

Who: "You're talking about me again?" ?Are you looking for trouble?"

Trouble: "Which one is looking for me?"

Which one: "Looking for you? I'm not... Hey, there are a lot of people here. "

Many people said: "I just arrived...who are you?"

Which one: "I am not who you are."

Who: " He is not me."

Princess: "Are you all here to save me?"

Everyone: "I am not here to save you, I am here to watch the fun. ”

Lively: “What do I have to see?”

God: “It’s none of my business, let’s go first.”

Devil: “You Answer one question before leaving, why do so many people save the princess? How can I continue to play the role of the devil?"

Go on: "If you don't want to be a good devil, why do you play me?"

Princess: "If no one plays the devil, I can leave."

No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go..."

How could it be: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the fun."

The fun: "Watch what I do?"

What: "You actually want to "fuck" me ?Rogue!"

You actually said: "Where am I?"

Me: "What does it have to do with me?"

The Demon King: "Damn! I I'm going crazy..."

Fuck: "Why are you calling me!..."

Crazy: "What do you want me to do?"

You want me to say: "I don't know anything!"

I don't know anything: "I don't know!"

I don't know: "I am Here! Is someone calling me?"

Someone said: "I didn't call you!"

I didn't: "Who called him?"

Who: "I'm wronged...I didn't..."

I didn't: "I didn't accuse you wrongly..."

You: "I forgive you I don’t dare.”

Forgive you: “Who said I don’t dare!?”

Who: “Please...I didn’t say anything”

I have nothing: "What do you want me to say?"

I have nothing: "...you...aren't you my long-lost brother?"

My long-lost brother: "...I will be called even if my name is so long..."

Who: "...I want Hurry up and leave this place of right and wrong."

Right and wrong: "So this is my territory..."

I don't do anything. No: "Don't make any noise. Allah is talking. La..."

Don't make any noise. Alas: "I'm not talking..."

I'm not: "I'm not talking!..."

I have nothing: "-_-"...Let's go...go outside and chat..."

Go: "I'm sorry...(Niggle )"

I have nothing: "It's none of your business...flash..."(

The two brothers walked out angrily)

None of your business: "Ugh...why did you drive me away..."

Why: "I didn't want to drive you away. ..Be good...don’t cry”

I didn’t: “Oh...it’s none of my business again”

It’s none of my business: “What? Did someone call me?” ?"

Someone: "Who wants to call you..."

Someone: "I really have to leave...T.T"

Let's go : "I'm really sorry...*V.V*" ("Who "fell to the ground")

None of your business: "...Aren't you my cousin?"

None of my business: "...Cousin...Long time no see..."

Long time: "I'm not here..."

Demon King: "Are you done?"

Ended: "He doesn't have me"

You: "I don't have him"

I do: "Who said that?"

Who: "Why did you ask me to do it?"

You: "You actually want to fuck me?"

You: "I'm the one who said that?" I don’t know how to fuck him”

I said: “Who said I can’t?”

Who said: “That’s unfair! I didn’t say...”

Said: "What do you want me to do?"

You two are so shameless!"

You two: "I want it! I want it!"

Face: "Who wants me?"

Who: "I don't want it"

The Demon King: "Hurry up, I'm going to chase you away"

It's people : "Kick me out? Looking for K"

K: "Who is looking for me?"

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, I will kill him if you mention it again!"

Him: "Don't kill me"

Me: "Who wants to kill me?"

Who: "Finally let me catch one, kill him... ………”

One said: “Don’t catch me”

Me: “I’ve had enough. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go!”

Who: "Look at my Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms!"

Me: "Look at my Nine-Yin White Bone Claws!"

Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms : "What's good about me?"

Nine Yin White Bone Claw: "What's good about me?"

What's good about me: "Brother, I finally found you! ”

What’s interesting: “Brother, let’s go out and chat.”

Devil King: “Damn it...this is a marriage recognition meeting...”

In the end, the devil suffered from schizophrenia

I was bored and surfed the Internet, and my money was about to be laid off.

I went online, fell in love online, and my naive mind was deceived.

I fell in love online, I became invested, and my relationship went to a dead end.

I got involved, met in person, and no more phone calls than before.

We met, regretted it, and the girl turned into a devil.

I regret it, I am unlucky, and my emotional investment has been wasted.

If you don’t take a shower during spring sleep, you will smell smelly feet everywhere. The big bear came at night and was defeated by athlete's foot.

With the moonlight in front of your bed, eating shit is the healthiest thing. After X-ray, my butt was covered with sores.