Let's look at the subtext that avoidant attachment might say.

Let's look at the "subtext" that avoidant attachment might say.

1, "I don't want to talk about it."

Subtext: I'm afraid of arguing. When you started to raise your voice, I unconsciously let myself avoid it. The reason why I talk to you patiently is because I really don't want to ruin our relationship, but I really don't like quarreling with you.

2. "Thank you for your invitation, I have already eaten."

Subtext: Try to talk less about feelings and cut the crap. I know, it's not necessary for you to wear clothes in cold weather and eat at night. I like to speak directly and don't want to get involved in those complicated interpersonal relationships. We hope to provide each other with more value and less greetings. If your idea makes me feel very useful, then I will admire you very much and I will do as you say. Correspondingly, I also like people who actually do things. I don't like people who brag and force others to kiss up and please others blindly. I like people who can really be themselves.

3. "How do you think I did?"

Subtext: I want to be recognized, even if I will pay more, I try my best to do everything, hoping to be affirmed, but when I am alone, I deeply hate myself. Excellence is for others to see. I can only stay late at night and sail for myself. But I will get up tomorrow and put on the perfect shell, hoping to get everyone's approval.

4. "Well, I don't want anything special."

Subtext: I can't say what I need directly, so if you understand me, you can give me what I want when I don't say it. I really appreciate you. It is easy for me to give up one thing. There is nothing I must not give up, but it is too difficult for me to say what I want. I didn't get the hug I wanted at the age of two, the toy I wanted at the age of three, the freedom I wanted at the age of ten, and the love I wanted at the age of eighteen. Maybe I am a person who has nothing and I don't deserve it in this life.

5. "I'm a little busy at the moment. Let's meet again in a few days. "

Subtext: I don't talk because I don't like you. On the contrary, I'm really considering going with you. At this time, you are different from those ordinary friends in my heart. If the sedan chair is an ordinary friend, I would like to talk and laugh with you, but now that you are at the door of my defensive castle, I wonder if I should let you in. Letting you in means that you will make a mess of my castle. At this time, letting you leave may not happen, but I really want to try the feeling of two people and forgive my entanglement. I really don't know what to do. There has been a voice in my head advising me to break up with you, which makes me very uncomfortable.

6. "I'm not sure I can really go to the end with you."

Subtext: I can't give much, because I don't have much myself. You have 100 love, and you are willing to give me 50. I am very grateful to you, but I only have 1 copy, but I dare not tell you that I am so "poor" that I can't give you this little bit. I hope you are happy, but I don't want you to be sad. I am kind by nature and have no malice towards anyone, although the world is not friendly to me. You think I didn't give you what you wanted, you think I don't like you, but you misunderstood. Seeing that you are struggling, I especially want to give up on you. I'm not love rat, but I can't be with you. I don't have love, I don't know how to give, I'm afraid you'll dump me, and I can't build trust with others because I feel insecure, so I'm always not generous enough materially and spiritually, and I don't want to owe you too much good. I don't want to give my things to people I don't trust without reservation.

7. "He/she is so excellent, how can he have a crush on me?"

Subtext: I always have a goddess/male god in my heart. I hope that the other half in the future can be as gentle and warm as TA, which can give me strength. TA can tolerate everything and accompany me for a lifetime. These characteristics of TA really fascinate me. Forgive me, these have never appeared in my life, because they have never appeared, so I am particularly eager to get them. I know it's unrealistic, but I can't convince myself.

In reality, I will approach people with these qualities, but I dare not approach them.

First, I don't think I deserve it. I can't fall in love with such a person.

Second, I have been unable to walk in with others. If a person is too close to me, I will be very uncomfortable. Even if the goddess really tells me that she likes me, I will feel bored. I have been alone since I was a child, and once someone tries to walk into me, I feel uncomfortable. This feeling is like letting me breathe pure oxygen every day. Although oxygen is a good thing, excessive oxygen and excessive love will make me have problems.

8. "I'm fine alone."

Subtext: I can't trust others, so I have no real friends. I also know that trusting others is honest, but I can't tell others about myself. I don't want to say anything when I think that everyone else knows that I am not perfect, and I also have unhappy past, failed love and bullied experience. I can't give someone a knife to hurt me. I still love myself more or protect myself more. Including my other half, I can't be completely honest and unprepared. Maybe I got married because I am old or think the other person is good to me, but even if I get married, I still can't accept the other person. I am used to being alone most of the time, especially when she quarrels with me. But I will be responsible for this family, and I will be good to her and her children. However, my heart is still a person, I only believe in myself.

9. "Not bad, I don't feel anything."

Subtext: Some people may think that we are basically expressionless and particularly indifferent. What you don't know is that we don't have too many things to make us happy every day. Because it has always been a trash can to accept other people's negative emotions, I was a parent when I was a child, and when I grew up, I was a person who thought we were easy to bully and bullied us. When a person receives negative energy every day, he really can't be happy. Hiding in our own world and doing what we like is the greatest comfort we can give ourselves. Please don't make us as happy as you, we can't. Although we are humorous, cheerful and sunny in social occasions, we just don't want to be out of place with others, but it doesn't mean that we are really happy.

10, "Who can say for sure in the future?"

Subtext: I am not sure about many things in the future, so I can't think about the future with you now. Maybe today we live a sweet life, maybe tomorrow you will abandon me. This feeling really scares me, so when you say when we will get married and have children, it seems like a castle in the air to me. I didn't think it was that far, and I wasn't firm enough. I can only say that I can't give you a long-term commitment.

1 1, "It's too difficult to fall in love. I have to focus on improving myself."

Subtext: this may be what you said to avoid wood strength. Really. I think more about what others can give me than what I can give you. After all, for so long, I basically don't pay much attention to others, and I will immerse myself in my own world and experience most of the time. I will care more about myself and be more selfish. I want to be strong and perfect, so that I won't depend on others and can be worshipped by others forever. So I need a strong guide to tell me how to be a better self. I like the strong. As for those who like to brag or approach me for the purpose, they will bore me.

12, "Forget it, I wish I knew."

Subtext: I care about other people's opinions, so I will dress neatly. I don't want to see any strange eyes. It is also intolerable for me to show my love in public or to be too close to my partner in public.

13, "I think we should take our time and not be in such a hurry."

Subtext: Because I have always been alone, I am not used to having particularly close contact with my partner. Even if I have an affair or a formal relationship, I will not accept too much physical contact with my partner. That doesn't mean I don't like you. I may like you very much, but I really can't get used to being too close to you. At the same time, you can't keep in touch with others often. For example, in love, I may prefer to be alone rather than report my trip to the other half. I hate it when my partner asks me what I'm doing, and I hate it when my partner asks me why I ignore me. I don't want my partner to tell me something that I'm not interested in. I may reply out of courtesy, but I really don't want to reply to those boring news, even though I know my other half cares about me, so I ask. I can be infinitely friendly to a stranger, but I avoid a familiar person. The more familiar I am, the more I want to escape.

14, "I think we should leave some space for each other."

Subtext: The biggest feature of our avoidant personality is that we like to be alone, like to handle things alone, and like to be alone, so even if we have a partner or a good friend, we prefer to be alone. You let me follow your rhythm and keep me in front of you. It's very painful for me, and I can't do it.

15, "I can't sleep when I think about it."

Subtext: I may have poor sleep quality, because I like to think about the east and the west, and I am also sensitive, so I can easily lose sleep and sometimes have nightmares, which may be related to my past injuries, but I won't tell others these basic situations.

16, "I'd better not talk."

Subtext: I am very, very afraid of unfamiliar people and things, so I have a lot of concerns. In the end, I didn't do what I wanted to do, and people who wanted to get close didn't dare to get close, and I didn't say what I wanted to say, giving others a feeling of being cold, but you don't know how hard it is for me to suppress myself and how intense my inner struggle is, but I just don't want you to see it.