20 17 Chat records of various routines (2)

Selected articles on some tricks 1, the first category.

The teacher said to move the mouse to the screen

As a result ... I can't believe I saw someone glued the mouse to the screen ... moving slowly. ...

2, "military training for college students, when the instructor gave a lecture, I found someone passing a note, and I will take it. The content is as follows:

"Doing exercises in the morning,

Eat,

Standing posture:

5 km cross-country race:

Tactics class:

Dig trenches,

Fuck,

Standing at night:

Practice class:. "

The instructor laughed without anger and asked, "What am I?" Without thinking, someone blurted out: "touching expert!" " "

The instructor was furious. "Who said that?" The same voice replied, "Crusader without regrets!" "

3. I am in charge of the computer room of the unit, and colleagues often come to me for advice if they have computer problems. Teacher Meng once saw me and said, "Daqiang, my machine is infected with a virus. Can you help me kill it? " I said no problem. At this moment, Teacher Zhang pushed the door and came in. As soon as he was busy, he said, "Help me kill it first!" Teacher Meng said, "My machine is here. It killed me first. " Teacher Zhang said no, and I quickly advised: "Don't worry, everyone. You kill Mr. Meng first. Don't worry, Mr. Zhang, he will kill you as soon as you finish killing him. Everyone will be killed! "

4. User: Why can't I get online?

Customer service inquiry: It may be your cat's problem.

User: OK, just a moment, please. . . Well, my cat told me to close the door outside!

Customer service:! ! ! ! !

5. Do you know what HTML is?

Of course, idiot! It's "Howtomakelove?"

Some funny jokes about the whole person. One afternoon, my classmate was bored working in China Construction Bank. A poorly dressed lady (a psychopath) came to his window and gave him a note to withdraw money.

The note said impressively, "We hereby send Comrade Akihito to your bank to withdraw RMB". Then there are n zeros after l.

The signature is China General Post Office _ _ _ _. My classmate wanted to call the police, but when I saw that the woman with mental illness was very serious, I thought it was a bird's business to call security. (~ I guess the security guard is also very idle).

Sure enough, the security guard said to the woman, "If you want to withdraw money from this note, you have to go to the opposite police station and have the director stamp it. After he seals it, you can withdraw money again. "

The woman walked directly to the police station without thinking. This security guard is really unusual. Usually underestimate him a little.

......

7, 1. Confucius said: "Sleepless at noon, collapse at noon." Mencius said, "Confucius is right!"

I remember, I once decided to be an interesting person.

3. Explaining is hiding, and hiding is telling stories ~ ~

Don't ask me again: How have you been recently?

5. Think about the salary, forget it, and don't want to live.

6. If you have difficulties, you should go forward bravely, even if there are no difficulties.

7. Summer is just not good. When you are poor, you don't even have to drink the northwest wind.

8. Grab your son's hand and drag him away. If you don't leave, you will continue to be towed away if you are dizzy ~!

9. You told me to get out, I got out, you told me to come back, I'm sorry, I got out! ! !

10. I struggled with fat and almost didn't sacrifice.

1 1. Well, give me an affordable grave.

......

8. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" "

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"So. . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no ammonia."

"So. . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " " "

9. "I just came back from breaking up with my best friend, so depressed. . .

He has been with this woman for two years. My buddy is handsome and has a good family environment. Maybe this woman wants to get married.

My friend wants to break up. I have to do this. What the hell

Said he was brave enough to see him.

Just say: I'm gay and have always liked me.

I was embarrassed to cry, and the woman joked that he was gay. . . .

Today's breakup is not unexpected. . . .

It was raining outside Shenyang, and we two gentlemen walked home silently with umbrellas.

When you get on the bus

The elder brothers to a sentence:

"You think it's all fake?" Fuck you! ! ! ! ! "

10, "Waiting for the bus in the subway, a buddy excitedly ran to the police. I wonder if he found his wallet.

He ran to the policeman and said excitedly, "Brother policeman, I just bought a bottle of green tea in the vending machine. If I win, I'll get another bottle.". Where to get the prize? " 1. The construction team was so irresponsible in decorating the house that my boyfriend quarreled with them. I came to stop the fight.

Boyfriend: Just in time, you came. Stand up straight against the wall-look, this is flat! Dare you scream at the bricks on your wall?

Ping? ! !

Construction team: ... (Sun Moon Guanghua)

2. A girl in the building lost her bra and was angry! I don't believe my E-cup bra. He defied me on the blackboard downstairs.

There are girls in our building to wear! ""

That night, the bra hung on the doorknob of the dormitory ... (Memoirs of a Geisha)

3. In the office, the tutor growled, "Nowadays, college students are so incompetent that it is useless to copy porn on my computer.

Stop! ""(I love Nankai)

I was very angry with you the other day!

......"

Some tips of the game classic 1 1. Yesterday, I received a short message from a swindler asking me to remit the money to an account of China Agricultural Bank. Half an hour later, I replied conveniently: 5000 yuan has been deposited, please check it. I received a reply today: "I have been to the bank three times, and I haven't received your money, you liar!" " "

There is a Mr. Huang, whose son is Huang Jun. He often takes the No.8 bus with his son, so there is often a funny scene: Mr. Huang takes his son to the station and sees a No.8 bus driving into the bus station in the distance. He immediately shouted to his son: "Huang Jun, run, the No.8 bus is coming!" "

Once my mother asked me to go out and buy cold salad, which is the kind of mixed packaging with plastic bags. After buying, I went back. Suddenly, a man passed by with a dog, and the dog ran away with the cold salad in my hand. As a result, the owner caught it in time, and I clearly heard the owner say to the dog, "Be rational!" " "I petrified on the spot and watched the man and a rational dog leave in the afterglow of the sunset.

......

12, 1. A driver asked an old man for directions. The old man said, "I'll take you there. Go straight 10 km. " The driver drove 10 km as the uncle said. Grandpa got off the bus and said, "I'm home. I drove back 9 kilometers by the original road and got to the place you were looking for. "

2. Xiaoming: Do you know the Himalayas? Chicken: Yes, why? Xiaoming: My dad built it! Chicken: What's the big deal? Do you know the Dead Sea? My father killed the sea. ...

Zhu Zhu and Lily quarreled and ran out angrily, standing under the street lamp and sulking. Lily chased out, too. When she saw this, she said leisurely: Don't think that standing under the lamp can become a night pearl!

4. A gentleman came to the bookstore to buy books. Because it is really difficult to find a book, he said to the clerk, I want this book. The content is probably like this: there is no murder but hidden murder, there is no love but love and hate, and no detective is always vigilant. Can you introduce me? See the shops with "China Stock Market".

......

13. The three nuns all ascended to heaven after their death, but they just came to the gate of heaven together. St Peter stood there and greeted them respectfully. St. Peter has been congratulating them, congratulating them as servants of God on earth, and bringing countless warmth and happiness to the world with their hard work and selfless dedication. Finally, the soul can be promoted to heaven and get the glory of living with God forever. Finally, St. Peter said that because of their outstanding contributions, God promised to give each of them a reward, so that each of them had the opportunity to return to this world for 24 hours and become whoever they wanted to be. St. Peter particularly emphasized that God promised that whatever they wanted to be, he would unconditionally satisfy their wishes.

......

14, Customer Service: Hello, what can I do for you?

User: Please transfer me to the manual desk!

Customer Service: .............................................................................................................................................................................)

15, "I remember one time, I opened the refrigerator and found a photo stuffed inside. The photo was of a beautiful and charming girl, with a first-class figure and revealing clothes.

"Mom, what is this?" I asked

"Oh, I put that thing there to remind myself not to eat too much at any time." Mom replied.

"Is this useful?" I asked

"It's no use," she continued. "I lost 15 Jin, but your father gained 20 Jin!" "

16, after taking the computer home, set it up one by one according to the instructions of accessing the network, then click the mouse excitedly and surf the internet! Huh? Wrong password! Reset or password error. Reluctantly, I went to the data bureau for advice. The service lady asked, "Did you put P before entering the user name?" I realized that there was such a rule. If you want to surf the Internet, you have to fart in front of your own name (P).

17, "Comrade Director, my marriage report ..."

"Didn't I approve it for you earlier?"

"You see ..."

The secretary took the report and put on a pair of glasses. It turns out that the word "issue as usual" was approved.

18, Xiaozi is a real careless person, which is recognized by everyone except herself. No, I just went out to play for two days and forgot my email password, which was full of customer orders! After a while, the boss called to ask, Xiao Zi was as anxious as a cat on hot bricks.

My husband saw this and presented a plan: "didn't you have a password prompt when you registered your email?" You can use this function to retrieve your password. " A word reminded Xiao Zi, picked up her husband and kissed him, praising me for knowing Mo Ruofu!

Therefore, Xiaozi immediately opened the website, clicked "Forgot Password", and a set prompt question popped up in the window-"What is my greatest personal privacy?"

"Personal privacy ... what is it?" Xiao Zi is worried. My birthday-enter the date of birth, wrong; My home phone number-input, wrong; Wedding anniversary-input, error; Bank card number-entered, incorrect; The anniversary of meeting my first boyfriend-input, wrong; The male star I secretly love-input, wrong; Oh! My richest boyfriend's name "Playboy"-input, also wrong. ...

......

19, "The public security environment on campus is very poor, and bicycles are often lost after being rewarded.

A gentleman lost several cars and flew into a rage.

In desperation, he locked seven locks in the car. In order to annoy the thief, he attached a note that read: See how you steal! !

After class, he was surprised to find that the car was safe and the note was still there.

He was surprised when he came near. He found that in addition to the original seven locks, there was another lock, which became eight. Read the note again.

It's not the original, it's new. It says: Watch how you drive! "

20. "A couple named Huang gave birth to three daughters, and they all reached marriageable age in a blink of an eye. All three daughters are virgins because of strict family education.

Mr. and Mrs. Huang found sons-in-law for their three daughters respectively. Seeing that the day of meeting the bride and entering the bridal chamber is coming, they can't help worrying.

After the lively wedding, the three daughters and their husbands will leave home for their honeymoon. Mr. and Mrs. Huang are very concerned about the integrity of their daughters' first night, so their mother privately said to their three daughters: Your father and I are very concerned about your wedding night and want to know if you are happy. In order not to make your husbands suspicious, you will inform us in secret that your daughters full of joy and expectation have gone out for their honeymoon.

A week passed and Mr. and Mrs. Huang received the first letter. When they opened it, they saw that it was written by their eldest daughter. Only four big characters were written on the letter: "Yaran Simmons mattress". Without saying anything, they picked up the newspaper at hand and looked for the advertisement of Jalam Simmons. Teacher Huang said: Yes, the topic is huge, strong and gentle. At present, the old man and his wife are very happy

......"

See the classic sentences of >>& gt playing routines on the next page.