Who can tell me some cold jokes?

1: One day, mosquitoes and mantis went to peek at a woman taking a bath. Mosquito proudly said, look, I stung her brother twice ten years ago, and now it's so swollen. Mantis said unconvinced, what's the matter? I cut her between her legs ten years ago, and now she is bleeding every month. ...

In the hospital, a family is very happy to have a baby. When the baby was born, he spoke. The child said, "Grandpa." Grandpa sighed when he died. The child said, "Grandma." Grandma sighed when she died. The child said, "Dad." His father died and saw that he was not dead. At this time, the child's uncle died.

3: Kangaroos and frogs go to Shaolin to float chickens. The kangaroo finished it with three strokes and two strokes, and only listened to the frog next door all night. One, two, three. Hey! I envy the package sd mouse. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! ~ ~ Brother Frog, you are great! . "The frog said," Cao, I didn't jump on the bed all night! " ~~"

4. An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?" The camel said, "stay away, I don't talk to things with dicks on my face!" " "The snake laughed wildly after listening to the conversation between the elephant and the camel. The elephant turned to the snake and said, "Laugh! You have a face on your penis, you are not qualified! "

5. The mother taught her daughter: "Choosing a husband is a lifetime event, so how long will it take? Look at your dad, he can fix everything: he fixes cars, household appliances and faucets himself, even if the wardrobe is broken, he can fix it himself ... "My daughter interrupted," I see. ""I know your sister, if you find a husband like your dad, you will never need anything new in your life. . .

6. A fire broke out at the Buddhist Pavilion in Shaolin Temple. After the fire was put out, the old monk sat in front of the Buddhist pavilion, tears streaming down his face. Xiao He was puzzled and asked, Why is Master so sad? The old monk said, I have dysmenorrhea!

7. There are five eggs in the refrigerator. The first said to the second: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ~ ~ It's terrible ~! The second said to the third: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ~ ~ It's terrible, it's terrible ~! The third said to the fourth: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ... The fifth egg heard it: get out ~! Lao zi is kiwi fruit ~! ! !

8. Wukong! You are Po Hou! Thanks to your mother and uncle, otherwise I'll see how the teacher scolds you! How many fucking times have I told you, but after the banshee catches me, wait for my signal, wait for my signal to save me! Don't giggle! When you look at being a teacher, you get soft every time you suddenly break in. Do this a few times and you will never be a teacher again. What a pity! Wukong loves his disciples. Look at the teacher's tears and swear it won't happen again, okay?

9. On the mountain road, a car approached, and at the entrance of the roadside temple, a young monk held high the banner of "returning to the shore" and shouted: Look here, benefactor! A young man in the car laughed and scolded through the window: awesome! Turn away in an instant. 10 seconds later, he collapsed and fell screaming. That night, in the meditation room, the young monk said to the abbot, Master, wouldn't it be better to just write "The bridge ahead is broken"? 10. It is said that a boy A hurt his finger in junior high school class and shouted "I'm hurt!" Another boy B immediately said kindly, "I told you not to compete with dogs for food." A replied angrily, "Oh, C, I didn't know your father was so cruel."

1 1. Father: "When I ask you to take a cigarette, you must listen to me." Son: "I don't know what you mean." Father: "that is to say, if a guest comes in the future, I say' bring a cigarette' and you really take it;" I said,' Have a cigarette' and you left. Don't come back.

12. In winter, the farmer found a snake frozen stiff. He felt sorry for it and held it in his arms. When he got home, he found that the snake was not awake, so the farmer put the snake in the jar. In order to make the snake recover soon, the farmer put 30 grams of ginseng, 500 grams of Lycium barbarum, 100 grams of Radix Rehmanniae Preparata, 4,000 grams of rock sugar and 5,000 ml of white wine in the jar.

13. Wife: Do you want to exercise at night? Husband: I've been thinking. Wife: Then don't say that you are tired after work, that you have no spirit at night and can't fool around. Husband: You must. Wife: I washed all my clothes that night.

14. Today, my friend suddenly said, what did you say ... what did the first guy in the world know about milk drinking do to cows? /

15. Guanyin Bodhisattva, please cancel the accounts of the black bear monster, the green lion monster and the old demon with yellow eyebrows. We can't afford it. Shit. You sent us to deal with Tang Priest and his disciples, but you raised their level to such a high level. How to fight? Especially the Monkey King, equipped with high attribute points and summoning skills, the most exasperating thing is that physical attacks are invalid, fire immune attacks and magic immune attacks ... Don't say that we are single and the team can't beat us! Forget it, I got off, 88.