Who can give me some funny jokes or short messages?

1. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

After coming out from my mother, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out, "Mom!"

3. I found that my bike was flat when I went to work in the morning and wanted my mother to push it outside to refuel.

As a result, I said, "Push out my tires." Mom was confused, so I smiled and quickly corrected it. As a result, I said, "Fill my car with gas!" "

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

5, the last toilet was convenient, and there was no paper. He said to his wife, "Bring me the paper-wiping donkey!"

6. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "Two-legged toads are hard to find, and there are many men with three legs!" "

7. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a person next to them said, "You are really full and have nothing to do!"

8. Colleagues argued with others and opened their mouths in a hurry: "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

10, reading a post while eating and reading a classic to my wife made her laugh to death, so she said to me, "Read it after dinner, or your brain will get indigestion!"

1 1, once asked a nearsighted person how many degrees his eyes were. He wanted to say 400 degrees, but as soon as he said it, it became 400 watts, and his stomach ached!

12, a leader of the Education Bureau inspected the recess *. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

13. Many teachers were listening to a physical education student's internship class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind was blank, and he abruptly uttered a sentence: "Attention, attention! Flash! ! "

14, a group of students went to their home in the suburbs to play. We bought some watermelons to put in the kitchen. I asked a classmate to take a knife to cut it. I haven't been back for a long time. While wondering, he came over with a cut melon in his hand and said in a panic, I cut the pumpkin. Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even harder. It turned out that he had a melon in his hand!

15 There was a teacher surnamed Jiang in high school, who looked like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

16, a colleague, one day I had a flat tire while driving and asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

17, go to McDonald's to buy sweet barrels, and finally it's my turn. I can't wait to say, "Give me two rollers!" " "I didn't expect the waiter to say to me loudly;" Two rollers, four dollars! "

18, I met a long-cherished female helium who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close to her. She held back for a long time and said, "Take a shower, are there many men in it?"

19, once I went to dinner, I said to my boss when I checked out, "Husband! Check out! " The proprietress was nearby at that time. ...

20. A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard had not been wiped. He was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

2 1, once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

22. I just bought a house and called a buddy excitedly:' I bought a house, only a dime (I forgot to say "blank") is about to be renovated. "The buddy said," Is there only one toilet? So where do you live? "

23. Our teacher stayed to do his homework. If he can't do it, he will copy others'. Then he went to the office to hand in his homework and saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" "

24. A gentleman was particularly nervous on the day of driving test. The examiner embarrassed him and asked him to park his car where there was a fire hydrant on the side of the road. This Curtis said nervously, "Report the fire hydrant. There is an examiner on the roadside. No parking!" " "

25. The company keeps a dog named Xiaobai. One day, everyone teased the dog. Colleague A said to the dog with a biscuit, "Xiaobai, only you feed me in the whole office." Three seconds later, the whole office burst into laughter!