I contacted my girlfriend when she broke up, but she didn't agree to make up. After breaking up, she sent a message to her predecessor and would reply.

Caption: I have been in love for two and a half years. Last time we met, I was ill. He came to see me, boiled medicine and helped me wash the kitchen utensils. He is very careful. He could see that there was still love, but he insisted on breaking up. After that, I kept in touch on WeChat. When he is sick, he will sympathize with each other and reply. How can he slowly warm each other's hearts? I love him very, very much ...

After reading what the landlord said, firstly, I am willing to meet, secondly, I am willing to help, thirdly, I am willing to chat with each other and insist on breaking up. First of all, I would like to ask a question here. Why are you willing to do this to you after breaking up?

First, guilt. Most people who break up feel guilty to some extent. Everyone wants to do something to make up for each other after breaking up. I hope the other party will not be so sad and feel better psychologically.

I remember asking a friend before how you felt when we broke up. He said this: At that moment, I had regrets in my heart. I promised to be with her easily, but now I hurt her. I'm relieved that I finally don't have to punch in every day. Guilt, guilt is that I hurt a girl who likes me like this.

This psychological analysis can also be said to be: excessive psychological compensation, the source is inferiority and lack of love. Psychologist Rogers said: people have lived in an environment of conditional acceptance since childhood. This environment is very important for others' expectations. Only by doing well can they be loved, and making mistakes is not good.

Therefore, in love, even in life, the subconscious will produce the view that "I will be valuable only if I behave well, and I will be worthy of being loved by others". From this, we can also find that some people who overcompensate are more "good guys", who are strict with themselves and have low tolerance for behavior, but extremely tolerant of each other.

If the man is a rational person and has a strong understanding ability, he can accept his guilt and realize that guilt can't solve the problem, but you have to understand that falling in love is a matter for two people, and breaking up is also a matter for two people. Maybe he won't say what the landlord said, and then he will keep in touch with each other on WeChat. If he is ill, he will sympathize with each other and reply to everything he sends.

Because this kind of person can clearly realize that if he can't handle this emotion well, he will easily be tortured beyond recognition by the burning guilt, his inner voice will be drowned in anxiety and emptiness, and his true self will be covered up.

In the analysis of various emotional energy levels, psychologist Hawkins puts shame in the lowest position, followed by guilt. He believes that shame and guilt are the most harmful negative emotions, and negative scores exceed sadness, anger and fear. The energy level of shame is close to death, which will seriously destroy the body and mind and destroy a person.

Everyone will inevitably feel guilty at times, but we can't always feel this way, because life goes on. Guilt is like a heavy shackle. You just need to put it down. Being born with pity for others is the biggest mistake in life.

Second, I haven't completely let go (in short, the feelings saved by good memories of the past)

Many people think that it is easy for boys to let go of a relationship. In fact, it takes a long time for both boys and girls to let go of a relationship, and some of them will never be forgotten. A girl told me this sentence: Mr. Jin Kun, my ex-boyfriend was my first love, and we broke up almost five years ago.

However, some time ago, I secretly searched my mobile phone number to see his circle of friends, and found that he showed love in his circle of friends, which was like a bolt from the blue. I was crying with the quilt in my arms. I thought I was over it, but when you realized that he would belong to another person and you would lose him forever, I realized that I was a complete loser in this relationship: I gave the most, cared the most and suffered the most. From beginning to end, I was the only one suffering, and everyone else was married. ...

This feeling will also make you take the initiative to do something to care for and help your ex, on the one hand, compensate, on the other hand, end the good relationship before.

Third, it is less likely to be a spare tire (in short, it can get value from you, such as economic value, emotional value, physical value and so on. ), but it does exist in real life.

There is an example in Zhihu: I have talked about five or six boyfriends, and basically all my ex-boyfriends will contact me and be willing to help me. Moreover, after breaking up, I will not take the initiative to contact him, and then after a year or two, they will contact me again. Of course, I'm not saying that I don't want to contact my ex-boyfriend, but I'm willing to talk to them again because I once loved them.

But! I found that all ex-boyfriends seem to have changed since they broke up! Normal people in the past have become distorted! In my previous impression, a good boyfriend with normal world outlook, gentle personality, single-minded feelings and respect for women actually wanted to have sex with me! When we were together, I knew he respected me, and we stopped kissing! I'm all messed up! ! !

Secondly, I am here to ask the second question, why not get back together?

1, has a negative perception of this relationship, and is afraid of repeating the same mistakes (this is inseparable from personality, mode of getting along with reality, so it is recommended to take time to rule them out one by one and write them down).

2, I don't like you as much as before, (from a psychological point of view, it is inseparable from these things, sexual desire, attraction, attachment type, attachment refers to the sense of connection, security and responsibility of both sides)

Finally, how to chat with him and see if I can save this relationship?

First solve the above two problems and eliminate negative cognition+new gravity.

Eliminate negative perceptions: many people may think that breaking off diplomatic relations can be eliminated, but it is not. Today, let's briefly talk about ways to eliminate negative cognition, 1, action dilution, 2, communication dilution, 3, social dilution, 4, lateral suggestion dilution. We can start from these aspects.

For a simple example, we should pay attention to the other three points. First, don't do anything that increases disgust. Second, do things that increase goodwill. Third, straighten out the other person's thinking and let him realize his mistake.

Attraction, I don't want to say more about this. I believe many people will understand, but I still want to emphasize that attraction is not just external attraction. It's not simply to dress yourself up and make some high-value friends. Then your salvation may be in the foreseeable future, because there are similar attractions, satisfying attractions, special attractions and so on.

Second, make a chat plan instead of aimless chat.

For example, according to your situation, analyze the route that suits your friends. You can adopt this framework: the first chat to help, the second chat to help, the third chat, the fourth chat, the fifth upgrade, the sixth attempt to be ambiguous, the seventh expected meeting management, the eighth invitation to meet, and then the meeting action planning.

I hope you can save your success.