Classic funny dialogue

1, if you drink half a catty of white wine at a time, it means that you have a good capacity for alcohol; Eight or two are not drunk, awesome; Not a pound, a lot of brothers; You don't care about these two bottles, which means you bought fake wine again.

2. My friend introduced me to the blind date and asked me: What kind of girl do you like? I replied: I can't say clearly! He asked again: Think about what girls you like have in common? I thought about it and answered: * * * The same feature is that they don't like me!

3. Guarantee: Several men are playing cards. Man A said: I promised my wife that I would never play cards again. Man B asked: Then what are you still doing here? Man A replied: But I didn't promise never to lie again.

4. When the officer was patrolling the army, he found that the queue was irregular, and the handsome and tall soldiers ranked first and the short ones ranked last, so he called the captain and gave him a lecture: What do you do? A: I used to sell fruit!

Seasons are vagrants, they always lose their youth when they come and go. It's late autumn. In this sentimental season, anything unhappy can be said tactfully to make everyone happy!

6. In busy days, I may forget to contact, and in physically and mentally exhausted days, I may forget to send my blessings, but today is your holiday, and I will never forget to send my sincere greetings. Happy Halloween!

7. What do you think of our future? The girl wrote the word Wan on the man's hand. A few days later, the girl called to ask why she didn't contact. Man: Didn't you say we were finished? Girl: I wrote I love you!

8. A Dai is depressed. A friend asked him: Are you lovelorn? A Dai: No, I'm in love. Friend: Then you should be happy. A Dai: I love swimming so much. She pushed me down and ran away!

9. The Tang Priest was caught by a banshee and tied to a cave. The Tang Priest asked, "Where is the patroness?" The banshee stripped off her clothes and said, "You lick me." The Tang Priest said, "I'll do as you say." Tang Priest licked it and said, "Delicious!" The banshee showed her true colors and said, "I'm a chicken essence!" "

10, a lazy man asked to introduce the easiest job, but was arranged to go to the cemetery. But he didn't work long before he came back and told the introducer angrily that the work was too unfair. They all lay down, leaving me standing alone.

1 1. American psychologists have so many reasons: First, patients have enough time and money; Second, few patients died because of the second attack; Third, to tell the truth, this kind of patient is incurable!

12, the salesman said to a customer who was smoking, "Sir, smoking is forbidden here." The customer replied, "This is the cigarette I bought from you." Salesman: "So what? We also sell toilet paper! " "

13, 40-minute meeting: 5 minutes to take notes, 10 minutes to pretend to know, 5 minutes to secretly press the phone, 10 minutes to pretend to think, 5 minutes to drink water, 10 minutes to chat. Stay in a daze for 5 minutes, 10 minutes countdown to escape!

14, female: I told you I just came to eat today, that's all. Me: Then you can go. Woman: You ... Me: Eating is just a means. The purpose is to increase understanding and enhance feelings. If you are only here to eat, you can go to the canteen. Eating there is not to increase understanding.

15, female: I have no feelings for you. Me: OK, you can go. Woman: How do you talk? Me: I like direct people. If you tell me how you feel, I will tell you how I feel. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: this is called a frank exchange of views between the host and the guest.

16, female: I have many friends, and several boys are very happy with me. Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this call. Me: You can go first. Woman: That's all right. It doesn't matter. Me: Take care of all your friends. Since they are more important than me, why did they come to see me?

17, Me: Are you free to play ball this weekend? W: Sorry, I have something urgent at home. My grandmother is very ill. Tell you what, how about I contact you next week? Me: No need. Grandma, come to me when you are well.

18, female: I don't like playing ball. Playing ball is so boring. Me: Then you can go. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: I don't need to take care of your hobbies if you don't take care of mine.

19, female: I have a classmate. She said that she came with me today. She has something to do today. Shall we take a rain check? Me: No need to take a rain check. W: What do you mean? Me: You came on a blind date, not her. If you don't have her, you are not you. Then I suggest you marry her.

I know I'm late, but I've already apologized for it. What else do you want? Me: You don't have to apologize, really, if that's your attitude. Classic funny dialogue

2 1, language volume, requires the use of "yes ... yes ... and" to make sentences. A student wrote: Yesterday I went to my grandma's house, and grandma brought me a chicken leg. After eating, I asked my grandmother if she had it. Grandma replied, "Yes, yes, yes"!

22. There was a stampede on the rostrum of the venue. Police investigation, the host is dying: I don't know why, I just said, let's invite the leader to speak (salt), welcome. Everyone rushed up with red eyes.

23. The doctor said to the patient who is about to have an operation: This operation has certain risks. If you fail, you will be paralyzed on your left side. The patient touched his penis with his hand … Doctor: What are you doing? Patient: I will move it to the right.

24. "Q:" "What is the most painful thing about going to work in the morning? \ ""Answer: \ "I met a driver, drove a driver, took a driver, and took a driving road to the company. \"""

25. At noon, I went to the canteen to eat a barbecued pork. When I got it, it was all fat. I was very angry and asked the chef who divided the dishes: Why is all the barbecued pork I want fat? Master: Being fat is safe, which proves that our pork contains no clenbuterol.

26. Aunt: Which county is Qianlie County? Is it far? Uncle thought: I don't know, why do you ask this? Aunt: Just now, I heard from the person in front of the doctor that Qianlie County sends salt, and I also want to get some. Uncle: Let's go!

27. Once an educated youth went to the countryside, a farmer in Lu Yu chased a donkey. The farmer shouted: big, big, big, the donkey is speeding up. When approaching the educated youth, the farmer said: Hey, the donkey slowed down immediately, and the educated youth lamented: Grandpa, how can you speak the donkey so well?

28. The tortoise won the all-around championship in the animal sports meeting. People asked him about his tricks. Tortoise: Nothing. I practice boxing with fish, swim with birds, race with crabs, meditate with frogs and hunger strike with pigs. I didn't expect to win easily

29. Ask yourself a thousand times, why do you always miss you recently? You are always in a dream, and the clockwork message is also for you. I'm sorry to remind you, but I have the courage to ask you: when will you invite me to dinner?

30. The aluminum pot at home leaked, and my son and I took it to fix it. After reading it, the master said, "Change the bottom of the pot to 15 yuan." My son whispered to me, "Dad, we don't change trains here. The hot pot restaurant opposite is' free at the bottom of the pot' ".

3 1, the best b car: Honda without brakes; Best policeman: from the Philippines; B the best unrequited love: a person says he is patriotic; Best blessing message from B: I just hope Bojun smiles on Christmas Eve!

32. Speaking of counter-offer, a friend did so. Friend: How much is this dish? How much is it per catty? Vegetable vendor: 1 yuan. Friend: Eighty cents! Vegetable vendor: ninety cents! Friend: Seventy cents! Vegetable vendor: eighty cents! Friend: Please give me two Jin. Complete works of host words

One day, you held a cup in front of me. I asked you what you were doing, and you held out two fingers and smiled at me. Later, I finally understood that you mean that I am mean (worse than a cup) and evil (oblique seconds)!

34. McDonald's said to KFC, "Stop being a chicken". KFC said to McDonald's: "Don't wear such heavy makeup to meet customers at the door in the future."

35. The Buddha said, "The Tang Priest was named the Buddha of Sandalwood, Wukong was defeated by the Buddha, and Friar Sand was named the golden arhat. Bai was promoted to eight dragons. Hey, where's Pig? " Wukong said, "Bajie is reading a short message."

36. I come from a mountainous area. When I was in college, I saw the phone for the first time. It was very novel, so I shouted in the dormitory every day: Why didn't anyone call! Why didn't anyone call! After a week, my classmates got bored and said, can we change the subject? I thought about it and said: ok! Did anyone call?

37. In Chinese class, the teacher named Xiao Ming to recite Mulan words. When reciting "I smell my sister and sharpen my knife to pigs and sheep", I only heard Ming Dow Jr.: I smell my sister and sharpen my knife to my parents. The teacher said, wow, what a filial son!

38. wake up naturally every day, and your eyes are the most ignorant; Eat delicious food every day, and you are most excited when you meet delicious food; I don't know what you said. Let others do it for nothing. You must understand what I said, or you will understand the consequences.

39. In class, teachers teach students to persevere and have the spirit of dripping water wears away the stone. The next day in class, a student asked the teacher unhurriedly: Why did I hit the floor yesterday and stare at the floor all night without a hole?

40, the onion asked eggplant to introduce him to the object, and the requirement was foreign style. The next day, eggplant and potatoes came on a date. The onion said discontentedly, why don't you introduce me to potatoes? Eggplant flew into a rage: Who said she was no longer a foreign country? Her name is potato!