Introduce some short message jokes to amuse your girlfriend. Be funny.

It was a big scar when the bowl fell. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying! When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold! When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?" 6. Me: That's our physics teacher. . . Classmate: What do you teach? Me: Chemistry. . . 7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!" 8. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then came up with a cold sentence: if you drink too much wine, you will get more. 9. Buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five Jin. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: No, 10, my friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I originally wanted to say LCD) 1 1, junior high school art evening, grab the answering session. Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "Then I began to look at the topic and said," Now. . 。” At this time, a player scrambled to answer. The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I'm still in my mouth, so why did you rob me? 12 I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!" 13, one day when I was at school, there was a phone call for me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you." As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said "men and women" Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. My classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and tossed his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? " 15. once my classmate's mother called me, I used to say "he's not here", and this time I want to say "he's gone". The result was: "He ... left" 16. gg handed me an ice cream, and I took a bite and shouted "I'm sorry. 17, went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes? 18, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach. "19, everyone gave out badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . . 20. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said casually, "Go and have a cigarette! "As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good k 2 1. A leader of the Education Bureau inspected the class exercises. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat! "22. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (the Tang Priest who played a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Mr. Tang, this question ..." 23. One of my colleagues, when I was driving on the road, had a flat tire and asked where there was inflation. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions! "24. A teacher probably played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today? "Stop cleaning the blackboard!" 25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?" 26. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" " 27. On one occasion, when we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, the tour guide only introduced that the Hundred Steps Ladder was a scenic spot in Liu Xiaoqing. Suddenly, a member of our group blurted out: "Director …" Everyone fainted. 28. At that time, several female students came to my house to play, and I went to fetch some water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room, and then I shouted to turn down the volume. The tone is wrong, and I am speechless. My face is rainbow and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~ 29. Going home with MM after school, I saw a barbecue seller at the school gate. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." . At 2: 30, I quarreled with my mm phone, and she turned up the TV. I was very angry and said loudly, "Turn off my phone!" " "Now that I think about it, it's cold! 3 1. Have breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. Just as we were talking, while they were wasting their time, two students who ate stuffing came over and said, "You can eat my foreskin when you are finished." All the people who drink porridge here gush.