Humorous short paragraphs

What is indispensable in life are some wonderful humorous jokes, which can make us happy physically and mentally, relieve our troubles and relieve boredom. Next, I carefully prepared a humorous sketch for you. Welcome to watch!

Humorous short stories (popular articles) 1. Background: Medical male, liberal arts female. Send text messages to chat with two people on weekends (omit a few hundred words in the middle). Liberal arts woman:? Green children wear them for a long time. I think I'd rather not come without them. (implicitly complainING ing)? Medical man:? Please speak Chinese ...? Liberal arts woman:? I don't come to you, and you don't come to me. ? Medical man:? ...？

2. The old man fell on the road, and a student-like young man stepped forward to help him. The old man said in horror. Classmate, which university are you from?

3. I never used my own number to buy things on Taobao. Instead, I registered a vest with the information of 19 years old, female, and dance academy, and then changed my avatar into a super-tender model of Baidu, and then registered a QQ corresponding to Want Want information, and put a lot of semi-naked photos in the QQ album. So when bargaining with the merchants, I said that Want Want was not easy to use, so I added QQ. Generally, as long as I add my QQ merchant, I will get it at less than half price! Do you still keep in touch often? (@ Screenwriter Zhenghu Li)

4. The new fraud method first puts on a suit and glasses, holds a file cover in his left hand and a pen in his right hand, and then walks with a serious and calm face. Choose a middle school at random, walk to the back door of a class, then glance at your glasses. When you see someone with their heads down, go up and knock on the table twice, and the students will take the initiative to hand over their mobile phones, then leave calmly and fly out of the school gate. ...

Friend A has been secretly in love with a tough girl B for a long time, so she took the opportunity to ask her for help. When it was done, a man said, How can I thank you? I want to marry you! ? B looked at him carefully and said:? How can you bite the hand that feeds you?

According to legend, when you collect seven dragon balls, you will get a wife. Then. . . You must grant all her wishes.

7. Whenever the husband feels uneasy, depressed, disappointed and powerless, the virtuous wife will say nothing, just silently swipe the credit card and secretly put the bill on his bedside, and he will immediately regain the courage and strength to struggle. If you have such a wife, what else can you ask for?

8. One day, the teacher scolded the students in the class: "You are so stupid, and your IQ is negative. My IQ is one hundred times that of you! " Student:? (negative 100 times, the negative is even worse)

9. The teacher said: What's it like to be in love? The student said: Xtep, unusual feeling! The teacher said: Are you still in love? Students say: Anta, never stop! The teacher said: How much do you love her? The classmate said: 36 1 degree, I once loved it! The teacher said: Where in the class? The classmate said: Red Star Hongxing Erke, number 1! The teacher said: Who will love you like you? The classmate said: Kappa, follow me if I love you.

10. The manager made a trip to hemorrhoids surgery, and his colleagues made an appointment to visit the hospital together. Seven or eight men and women came to the ward and giggled at the manager. No one is embarrassed to ask him about his illness. I only heard the driver Lao Zhang cough twice and asked the manager seriously: I heard? Chassis? Something's wrong. Are you better now?

Humorous essay (classic) 1. Shanzhai mobile advertising: rich and uneducated, please use Nokia; Who wants to be crazy, hurry to buy Samsung; Buying Siemens is definitely disgusting; Want to buy Sony Ericsson, guarantee two months bad; Who wants to die early, use waveguide; If you can't find someone to get married, use Panasonic quickly; Don't play dopod if you are mentally underdeveloped; If you want to find a job and buy an iPhone4, if you want someone to love you, you must use a fake one!

2. There was a man who claimed to be a good chess player and often boasted in front of others. Once, he was asked to play chess, and he lost two sets. The chess watcher thought he had nothing to say, but he didn't expect to explain it like this. The first chess game tells the master not to win the first chess game, and the second chess game tells the master to be a master! ?

3. Being a man is to be Conan. Become too just, get a female voice; Sell cute, pretend to force; Learning chemistry well requires anesthesia; Play football well and play to the limit; Find gay friends and hook up with Lori; Broke a big case and became a triad society; If you can fly a plane, you can avoid machine guns; Stopping the explosion caused an avalanche. The best thing is to have a good girlfriend, who has only met him for more than ten years but still lingers on.

The biggest difference between Newton and Jobs is that one of the things invented is above the table and the other is under it. ......

5. Dear children's shoes, if you receive your mobile phone from the teacher next time, please boldly pick up the phone and dial 1 10? The teacher forcibly confiscated your mobile phone, which is robbery. Whether you bring it or not, it's your private property. If it is collected in the dormitory, it is called burglary. If it is a multi-person mobile phone collection or multiple collections, according to the criminal law, the sentence is 3 ~ 10 years! In addition, if he threatens you in the process of confiscation, he will be sentenced to two years! Do you feel good?

6. I went to the bar with several technical houses in my dormitory. As a result, I was drunk alone with some girls. The next morning, I heard from the dormitory next door that those goods in your dormitory are really awesome. They stole a tricycle last night! ? I was scared and stole something. It doesn't matter! Go back to the dormitory and denounce them! As a result, they replied plaintively:? If you don't want to lie in it, why should we steal ... (@ Cao)

7. Where Pan Shiyi teased about "Steve Jobs' death" in Weibo, netizens created a new house price measurement unit "Pan" (one Pan = 1 1,000 yuan/square meter). A few days ago, due to the price adjustment incident in Taobao Mall, netizens created a rental unit "Ma" in Taobao Mall, with a horse = 1.6 million/year. Ghost: Ask a buddy how much money he has. I have thousands of horses.

8. M: Ah, a nosebleed! Woman: It serves you right, who told you to poke with your finger! A few days later, the woman: Ah, my period is coming! Man: You deserve it. You poked it with your finger ~ (@ Laugh too much and you will get pregnant)

9. A buddy's name is Wu, and a new colleague in his office is Deng.

10. Critical judgment: 1. I don't even want spilled water. 2. Because of yours? Excuse me. I decided to talk to you? It doesn't matter? ! I'm just used to having you and can't live without you. Don't smile at me with your pirated Mona Lisa. I said, why are you always disgusting recently? Only a liar is sincere in the world, because he really cheated you. 6. Mistress, thank you for taking away this man who is not worthy of my love. Brother 7 is not a social person. But there are people in society.

Humorous short paragraphs (selected articles) 1. The thin man will never understand the sadness of the fat man standing on the scale, and the fat man will never understand the desolation when the thin man is easily pushed down.

2. Before the meat stall, the urban management took 2 Jin of meat and paid 100 yuan. Butcher: I can't find it. I will give it to you next time. In front of the food stall, the urban management took two bags of vegetables and gave them 100 yuan. Vegetable vendor: I can't find them. I'll give them to you next time. Before the fruit stand, the urban management took 1 watermelon and paid 100 yuan to find 85 yuan. People have never seen a fruit seller again?

Everyone must understand a truth: falling in love does not delay learning, but ... unrequited love!

Because my husband thinks that there is no hope of becoming famous in this life, he places all his hopes on his daughter and often urges her to study hard so that she can become famous and get married one day. One day, as soon as my husband came home, my daughter in elementary school excitedly shouted at him:? Dad! I'm in the newspaper! ? Husband is both happy and excited: huh? Tell dad what's in the newspaper. The daughter said:? I put the newspaper on the ground and stood up. ?

I found a very interesting thing. Usually, those female students who say that they don't know anything and whisper every sentence as if they didn't swear, will always be held in the arms of men in bars or hotels (especially in universities); And those girls like buddies usually call names and play hooligans, and usually stay at home after class, like a real lady.

6. It is said that once, a performance competition imitating Chaplin was held in a certain place, and there were always as many as thirty or forty participants. Chaplin himself participated anonymously and won the third place. Chaplin thinks this is the biggest joke of his life!

7. The company recruits the general secretary, my colleague is responsible for the initial test, and I am responsible for the second test. A beautiful woman knows nothing, but her colleagues let her enter the second interview. What was the initial comment? Dude, don't get me wrong. I just want you to see the best beauty. You can stop her. Don't be a bitch, boss? I was in tears. This is the real brother. Later, my colleague sent a text message to the girl, "I really want to recruit you. The examiner for the second interview is too cheap." What happened afterwards? They are together.

If I were a real estate agent, I would immediately develop a private garage, and the advertisement would be based on? Apple, Google, Amazon, Hewlett-Packard, Disney, Harley, Barbie and Youtube are all made in the garage? For the theme, hit? 65.438+000 million to buy a garage and earn back 65.438+000 billion market value? Stunt, and get a few successful lines to fool the owners of small and medium-sized enterprises who are keen on pretending, there is definitely a chance.

9. Girlfriend: What do you think of your husband? You are not good enough, and you are ugly without money. Anonymous: On a blind date, an old lady next to her fell down. Without thinking, she picked her up and ran to the hospital. Ask him when you come back. Aren't you afraid of being scolded? He said he should do it. At that time, I thought, such a kind person is hard to come by. Girlfriend: Oh, it's rare. What happened to the old lady? Anonymous: So? Become my mother-in-law