Short message daquan joke

1 Late at night, George W. Bush saw * * standing in front of his bed and criticizing his head. He was startled and said, How dare you break into the White House at night! * * jilted to jilt chest-length beard, grinning, said, lucky, you are so confident!

2, a person went to prevent and control cotton pests, thinking that the technician said that a small bottle of pesticide could keep the pests away from January. Can't a bottle of medicine last for several years? He did so, and the next day, all the cotton leaves dried up.

The teacher drew an apple on the blackboard. Q: What is this? Classmate: Teacher * * painted the apple red and asked again. Classmate: Monkey. The teacher drew another branch on it and asked again. Classmate: A monkey with branches.

Men show their love by boasting, while women show their love by listening. Once a woman's intelligence reaches a certain level, it is almost impossible for her to find a husband, because when she listens, there must be a sarcastic voice in her heart.

5, a kind of like plus a kind of infatuation, merged into my fiery love for you; Every bit of life is trivial, and I will rely on you closely; No matter the wind and rain, I will be fearless with you all my life. Really need you, money!

6. I went out to play once and got on the bus. After several stops, a very fashionable young man came over. After he got up, he directly found a seat and sat down. The driver shouted that he would pay for the coins. He said slowly, "My father is from the bus company." Everyone was struck by lightning.

Seven, yeah! I accidentally sent it by mistake. I love you. If you accept it, keep it. If you don't accept it, send these three words back to me.

8. The grass flowers planted on the construction site are sick because of their love, so they should kneel down every time they pass by to see if they are sick. If they are sick, just spray them. A mother-in-law selling leaflets nearby saw me looking at these grass flowers and said, you can pick some back if you like. I said: I planted these flowers to make them look like yours.

9. KINOMOTO SAKURA said to Xiao Qiang, "I kicked you in the exam today. You have to show me." During the exam, KINOMOTO SAKURA kicked Xiao Qiang, and Xiao Qiang replied: Meow!

10 Remember to take a bath by the river when I was a child. A child suddenly stopped moving and the whole person was nervous. But I was so scared that I thought I had a cramp, and that idiot yelled at me. Come on, come on, I want to catch a fish with my legs.

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12, first time to see you! I like you so much! You noticed me, too. You smiled brightly and kept waving to me. I can't help hugging you! Cute lucky cat!

13, two missionaries were caught by cannibals, put in a pot and lit to cook. After a while, Missionary A suddenly laughed. B is puzzled. A explanation: I just peed in the soup, hehe.

14, I want to see the sea with you, but I can't grasp the unpredictable future; I want to climb the mountain with you, but I am full of confusion about my ideal; I want to wander with you, but I can't go to a happy paradise; I wanted to go shopping with you, but I met * * and said, no dogs!

15, a shop assistant asked for leave and said that he would go to see a doctor. When the boss went out, he happened to meet the clerk with his girlfriend and asked, didn't you say to see a doctor? The clerk replied: boss, my girlfriend is a doctor!

16, American astronauts and Chinese astronauts met in space. American astronaut: "China is so great that I saw your Great Wall at a glance." The Chinese astronaut took a look and said, "That's a traffic jam.

17, no matter how high a woman stands, squatting can only wet the land under her feet; Men are amazing, stand higher and pee farther!

18, do you still remember the summer by Daming Lake? Do you remember the dying swallow? Do you remember Wei Zi who cried before the speech? It doesn't matter if you forget it completely. Do you remember owing me a meal?

19. When you receive this message, you already owe me a hug. Delete this message, you owe me a kiss. Reply to this message, you owe me everything; If you don't reply, you will be mine.

20. A big mouse strayed into a flower shop and was chased by a Xiaohua Mall. The rat found that there was no way out, so he picked up a bunch of roses to prepare for low resistance. When Xiaohua Mall saw this, he immediately lowered his head and said shyly, Sorry, I'm still young.

2 1, "The child is so cute. Is it yours?" The man with the baby in his arms answered "No". "Your nephew or brother?" "No, to be honest, I am a contraceptive salesman, and the child is invalid to return.

Last night, I bought fruit in a fruit shop, but I met a man chasing me on the way. It scares me. I thought it was a robbery, so I ran. He caught up with me when I couldn't run. I want to grab it, so I close my eyes and wait for him to grab it. As a result, he came to me and said something that almost didn't piss me off. He said, "Big Brother, you said you were going to run away."

23. A sign was put up at the newly-built highway intersection, which read: You can arrive half an hour earlier if you take the new road, and those who can't read deserve to take the old road.

24. My daughter is eighteen. She is not an old woman selling melons and boasting. She is really as beautiful as flowers and jade, with a first-class figure, just like sinking fish and falling geese, picking flowers from the stone. She always cares, just want to have a good family!

25. I met my junior in the canteen today and wanted to swipe his card, but she wouldn't let me. I immediately took my junior's meal card back and broke it. I left silently and hid all my merits and fame. Come on, junior! Senior can only help you here!

26. Kind-hearted person, smart head, handsome appearance, rich connotation, serious attitude and persistent personality. Alas! Do you still want people to live? You didn't say any of this. Oh, I wish you happiness!

27, you gave birth to a child called face, I gave birth to a child called * *. My face was parted in the street. Five years later, you came to my house and sighed: If my face is still there, it will be as big as yours!

28. I like to miss you in a quiet winter night, pray for you silently when it is snowing, snuggle up with you in the wild snow in winter, and then I will put a handful of snow into your neckline, which won't kill you!

29. My friend just bought a new mobile phone, and then the phone rang. He picked up the phone and "hello" for a long time, but he couldn't hear the other person's voice. It was a short message when he took it down.

30. Teacher: Xiao Ming, get out! Xiao Ming: Didn't you say that if you want to do a good job, you must sharpen your knife first? Teacher: Is that why you masturbate in class?

3 1, Huang Zhong followed Liu Bei at the age of 60, Tokugawa Ieyasu at the age of 70, Jiang Ziya at the age of 80, She Taijun at the age of 100, the Monkey King at the age of 500, and White Snake at the age of 1000. Young man, what's your hurry?

32. I spent a lot of effort to buy a mouse from the last century today. The classmate came over and smiled and urinated: "What age are you still using this mouse!" I replied, "Is your mouse as safe as mine? I took the beads away when I left to see who could play. " The classmate was silent for a while and asked, "Where did you buy it?

33. Single Xiao Wang asked Lao Li: Why does the law stipulate that a man can only marry one wife? Lao Li said earnestly: When you have a wife, you will find that this law actually protects men.

I like playing basketball after work. When male and female colleagues were playing basketball, they suddenly "clicked" and the spring leaked out. I didn't know what to do at the moment. At this time, a female colleague said, "Don't wear children with open pants here, go home and change clothes."

35. I met you by chance, paid attention to you twice, dated you three times and four times, missed you very much, and 90% should like you. I'm sure I love you.

36. Our village has a big scar on its face. I asked how it happened. Him? Joseph said that he would go home by motorcycle in the evening of 2008, without going halfway. I'm rocking my motorcycle, as if I'm out of gas. So he took out his lighter, lit a fire and looked at the fuel tank. Fortunately, there was no gas, otherwise we would all die.

37. I'm going to cry. I'm going to make trouble. I stayed up all night and hanged myself with a bottle of sleeping pills and a small rope in my hand. No matter how ugly, you have to fall in love. When the world is full of love.

38. The first part: Sister Furong said with a smile, as soon as the spring breeze blows and the drums beat, as long as there are people in today's world who are afraid, there are still people who are shameless. Bottom line: Brother Sharp has a deep and authentic hairstyle and a good image. I am the most fashionable in this society, as long as someone holds it. Horizontal criticism: pure two idiots.

39. The host heard a knock at the door. It was the neighbor's children who borrowed the record player. Moderator: OK. Children, are you going to have a party at home? Child: No, my father wants to have a good sleep.

40. In fact, in my heart, you have always been a particularly patient, charming, fighting spirit and dedicated person. The most important thing is that you work hard ... sorry, I typed the word "bitter" too much.

4 1, mother mouse A holds a photo of a bat: "This is my boyfriend." Mother mouse B: "How ugly!" Rat A: "But that's a pilot?

42. My cousin likes a girl in the school next door. After a month of observation, she finally scraped the girl by riding an electric car, and then sent her to school again in the name of the perpetrator! Finally, I actually lived in someone else's house on the grounds of taking care of their daily lives!

43. "Grandma, can you sing little stars?" "yes! Then sing it for me? " "good! The star is still the star, uh-huh star! The moon is still bright that month!

According to the latest research by scientists, 100 people participated in the experiment. After drinking 20 bottles of beer, everyone becomes extremely talkative but lacks logic, prone to crying and irritability, impulsive, driving skills decline and weight gain. So scientists have come to the conclusion that beer contains trace amounts of estrogen!

45. Teacher: "What is everyone's greatest wish to study? Do you all want to go to college? " Xiao Ye said, "No, my greatest wish is to have a magic pen of Ma Liang.

46. One day after school, a boy followed me all the way and pestered me. When I got home, I saw the man still standing not far from the door, so I volunteered to blow him away. My brother went out and shouted, I have no eyes, and I have a crush on my sister!

47. I was working on the construction site in summer, and my boss came over and shouted, wear your safety helmet! I said, it's hot and I'm still working on the ground. What are you doing with that thing? The boss said it was my responsibility to drop a meteorite and kill you. After listening, put on your helmet. That makes sense. I'm speechless.

48. "Dad, I may have seen my long-lost brother with Yu Pei in his hand, exactly like this one on my waist ... I'm Yu Pei!

49. One day, a salesman rang the doorbell: Madam, I have a book called 500 excuses for my husband coming home late. You must buy one! A wife: a joke! Why do I have to buy it? Shop assistant: I just sold a copy to your husband!

50. When you receive this message, you owe me a hug. If you delete this message, you owe me a kiss. If you reply to the message, everything you owe me. If you don't reply, you will be mine.

5 1, A: Last night, I was drinking with my friends and thieves visited my house. Did you steal anything? A: My wife thought I was drunk and went home at night. I didn't know the difference, so I beat him up. The thief called for help and * * came and caught him.

52. Shortly after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died unfortunately. The ant cried sadly and his friend came to comfort him. The ant said, you say my life is so bitter? Digging a hole for him will be enough for my whole life.

53. Baiyun never promised to stay in the sky, but stayed with him day and night; To the eyes, the scenery never says eternity, but it is always beautiful; Stars never promise light to the night, but try to shine; I don't contact often, but I have been paying attention!

54. Paper with flies on it will be full of flies in a day. My girlfriend said she was so stupid, didn't she see that all her companions were dead? I came without thinking: if there are a group of people on the road, can you hold back from looking!

55. You have the face of an angel, the figure of a devil, and even the posture of farting is so beautiful. But in public, can you control the rhythm?

You must be nice to your boyfriend in the future. After all, he has the best eyes in the world. Be nice to your girlfriend in the future, after all, she is blind enough!

57. Woman, what should I do if my husband gets angry in the future? I'm telling you, don't go back to your mother's house, sign up for a tour group, please bring the air conditioner remote control, TV remote control, his driver's license, his ID card, his car keys, change the computer and Wi-Fi password, bring his salary card, and then set off with peace of mind.

58. The boy took out his ring and proposed to the girl. The girl threw the ring into the sea. She said, "If you can get the ring back, it means that you really love me and I will marry you." The boy stood by the sea and did not get into the water. The girl was glad that she had let the poor man give up completely, but it didn't take long for the ring to float.

59. I have been waiting for this day for a long time. I will always think of you, your smile and your figure from time to time. Today, you are fragrant and full of flowers, attracting bees. I can't believe I can't sting you!

60. personals: Male, undergraduate, only a few points away; Working in a multinational organization, McDonald's cleans the table; Have a house, many people own it; Have a car, not a motor vehicle; Looking for a beautiful young man * * * went to the grave, a few years later.

6 1, the most painful thing in the world is watching your fading back. I rushed to chase, but you ran forward without looking back. Hey, why don't you wait for me on such a hot day ... dear bus!

62. A buddy told me: Nima, a pregnant woman is so melodramatic. Today, she told me that she wanted to eat grapes, bought one, and then said that she wanted to eat litchi. Well, it's like walking a dog. I said: much better than when my daughter-in-law was pregnant. The buddy asked: What? Me: Khan! This bitch made me eat box lunch on the train.

63. Two drunks got drunk and went home. A drunk knocked on the street lamp and said, wife, open the door quickly! See if it's on, just tell me if it's back to my parents' house. Another drunkard said, cut! Can't you see the light is still on?

64. Long ago, lies and truth bathed by the river. Wash the lies first, put on the real clothes and leave, but the truth refuses to wear lies. Later, in people's eyes, only lies in real clothes are hard to accept the naked truth.

65. There is no fragrant grass in the end of the world, and there is no bosom friend in the end of the world. A bottle of muddy wine makes me relaxed and happy. Say goodbye to Meng Han tonight! I miss you!

66. The beauty doctor asked the patient: What can I do for you when you go back? The patient stammered, I have to go back to work later, if it is at night. The doctor gave a push and said, who asked you this? I mean, have you seen anything unusual since your last visit?

67.ah! Your skin is so shiny and your fragrance is so irresistible. Let me bite you hard, dear ... Braised pork.

68. Mom asked Xiaoming, "What are you doing with a knife?" . Xiao Ming: "Chop wood". Mom: "Then you should be careful not to cut your hand." Xiao Ming: "Don't worry, my brother has wood in his hand?" .

69. Deep in the white clouds, please dare to sprinkle mud and fertilizer on your head on this special day, which will not only increase your height and beauty, but also bring food through photosynthesis. Why don't you try it quickly? Happy Arbor Day to you.

70. The couple have no children for many years. The husband went to the hospital for examination. The doctor said: You have too little sperm, and you may be infertile forever. Husband said: tmd, I wouldn't have wasted so many condoms if I had known!

7 1. A mother was trapped on the fifth floor by a fire. How old is the baby in her arms? The fireman is downstairs, but mom just won't go; Ask for a goalkeeper, and the mother will rest assured of the baby; The goalkeeper is highly skilled, and can catch it steadily and put it underground. Who knows, it is stupid to take a step back and kick the mother out.

72, the ancient road west wind thin horse, the small bridge flowing water people, the setting sun, heartbroken people are waiting for your call, God, help me!

73. Before marriage, when I was in love with my wife, I would wake her up gently every morning and she would say to me sweetly, "I will do this every day in the future." Now, one morning I kissed her, and my daughter-in-law slapped her and said, "Get out! Kiss me without brushing your teeth in the morning!

74. Aju bought a fake mobile phone and showed off her long standby time of 100 days to her colleagues. And he died in a day. Aju ran to the shop assistant for a theory, and the shop assistant pointed to the mobile phone box, which read: "Long standby day"!

75. Little Red Riding Hood walked alone on the road in the suburbs. She hurried home before the sun went down, but she met the wolf. Guess what? As a result, Little Red Riding Hood was eaten by the wolf.

76. Before military training, you were Pan An, after military training, you were Bao Zheng, the sun gave you a whole face, and the instructor gave you a whole shape. I wish you a jade book and a scholar after military training! 12 1, March in haste!

When I was in primary school, I had to take a taxi home every day because my family was poor and I couldn't afford a bicycle. In junior high school, because I was too outstanding in my studies, the school made me study for two more years.

78. Dad went to school to find his son. When he saw his son punished by the teacher, he asked the reason. The son said: The teacher asked me to answer Battle of Red Cliffs, but I won't! Dad poked his son: you silly boy! Fighting with your bare hands is not fighting with your bare hands!

79. In the summer vacation of college, I bought a beautiful skirt and showed it to my mother, hoping that she would give me a compliment. My mother asked me to show her around, and I finished watching it. I asked her, "What's the matter?" My mother said, "it doesn't matter, I have wrapped everything I need."

80. Handsome guys chase girls and never stop talking about the Yellow River. One day, Meimei invited a handsome boy to visit the Yellow River. Handsome guy thought there was a game, but when he got to the bank of the Yellow River, Meimei said, "Aren't you so worried about going to the Yellow River this time?"

8 1, Chaoyang red, our love is empty. The midday sun is as red as fire. Why do I always get hurt? The sun sets at night, all because of women!

82. There are only two seasons for the transition of love: cute or not; There are only two voices in the night sky of love: luck or misfortune; There are only two kinds of scenery on the road of love: mine and ours.

83. A little girl was walking at night, and there was a thief in Lu Yu: "Give me the money!" The little sister replied, "No, even if you rape me, I won't give it!" " The robber looked at his little sister carefully and said, "You want to be beautiful!

84. Confucius said: hit with bricks, hit by face, and should not be chaotic; No more, no more, no more; If you die, you don't have to forget it; No, the deceased was a hero!

85. I want to send you a bunch of roses, but I have no money; I want to send you chocolate every day, but I'm afraid you will hit me if you eat too much meat, so I can only send you a message today to wish you a happy Valentine's Day.

86. The vast sky allows you to fly high, beautiful stories are interpreted by you, kind children have to chase them, and humorous messages are sent to the little turtle!

87. In my junior year, there was no class in the afternoon. I was alone in the dormitory watching Mao movies and had a good time. My roommate pushed the door in. I quickly minimized the window and pretended to be playing a game. My roommate gave me a look, gave a long sigh and said that after three years, we two brothers still failed to treat each other sincerely.

88. I have a husky at home. Today, when I fed it dog food, I picked up a piece and tasted it out of curiosity. Unexpectedly, after looking at me affectionately, the goods moved silently and gave me a place beside the rice basin.

89, sunny and beautiful scenery, the wind and the sun are really happy; Red flowers and green grass float in Liu Suifeng; Breeze blowing, birds singing, kites flying gently; Spring goes to summer, I'll take you to eat grass!

90. A man took part in a gluttonous competition, wolfed down a chicken, nine hamburgers and a large piece of apple pie, and finally won the championship. Before stepping down, he said to others: Don't tell my wife, or I won't have lunch.