Wonderful and funny copywriting, killing people without paying for their lives.

1. Cousin weighs 200 and has money to open a factory at home! Blind date was rejected dozens of times, and this time I cried at home. Her mother comforted: "Don't cry, girl, we will always meet people who are greedy for money."

2. You will find that many people will give their seats on the bus, but few people will give their seats on the subway; No one will give up his seat on the train, and there is basically no need to give up his seat on the high-speed rail, let alone the plane! Therefore, taking care of the old, the young, the sick and the disabled is the business of the poor.

Hungry, go downstairs to buy something to eat and shout to the boss, "Boss, come and pack the cage". The boss probably didn't react, so he replied, "What stuffing do you want in the cage ..."

4. I drove out to eat with my colleagues, and there was no parking space where I ate, so I had to park on the side of the road. When asked if he would give my friend a ticket, he said nothing. He took a ticket out of the box and stuck it on the window. After dinner, I came back safely ...

5. The boy took his girlfriend for a walk and passed by the restaurant. The girlfriend exclaimed, "It smells good!" The boy with a hard bag on his back said very gentlemanly, "If you like, we'll walk to the front of the restaurant again."

6. I just found a 5s and want to return it to the owner. As a result, I sent a message: don't call my mother back, or my boyfriend will buy me one. 6. I fucking accuse you of stealing my mobile phone!

7. If the bride is not me on your wedding day, I will send our ambiguous chat records, short messages, telephone recordings, photos, etc. to your wife as a CD, and then it will say: Give you a CD of the past and listen to our love at that time.

8. A couple wants a divorce. They fought for custody of three children in court and both wanted two children. The judge was annoyed and said, "Well, don't divorce first, go back and have another child, and then divorce next year. There is no need to argue."

9. It's immoral to knead instant noodles in the supermarket, but it's really stressful. I tried it today, and the work pressure disappeared immediately, and I was fired from the supermarket.

10. Science has proved that women's IQ is second only to Einstein when they find fault, their fighting capacity is second only to Altman when they are angry, and their danger is second only to Tibetan mastiff when they are crazy! Gentlemen, give up resistance. This is a creature not to be taunted. Spoiling her is the only way out!

1 1. My sister's boyfriend is from Japan. Yesterday, my sister took her boyfriend home for dinner. The whole family thought that my sister could speak Japanese. As a result, my sister went on a business trip while serving food. The tradition in my family is that we can't move until the guests move. As a result, my sister's boyfriend kept moving, and my father was so hungry that he said, "Taijun, Miss Big."

12. On the elevator last night, a girl of seven or eight years old asked me what time it was! I said in a weak voice, can you see me? The girl said with a lovely face, Uncle, you are so fat that no one can see you!

13. Husband can't sleep, and his wife asks him what's wrong? Husband said: the boss invited them to drink coffee today. The wife said: Why do you drink coffee when you know you can't sleep? Husband said: I can't sleep without drinking things that don't cost money.

14. If your mother-in-law asks you for a bride price of 200,000 yuan, you can do this: go to the bank for a loan 1 0.2 million yuan, take 200,000 yuan as a bride price, and leave the rest110,000 yuan, and then the two divorce, that is, you only need to pay back half, that is, 600,000 yuan, leaving 400,000 yuan. Use this.

15. A girl got on a black car, and the driver said: If she is investigated, she will be called my daughter-in-law. The girl said: ok. On the way, I met a black car inspector. The driver said, this is my wife. The transport inspector is preparing to release the goods. Suddenly, the girl said, honey, I get off here. You give me 200 yuan. I went to the supermarket in front to buy something and go home by myself. The driver took out 200 yuan Ninja's tears and said, Wife, go home early!

16. Once the school beauty confessed to me, I turned her down and gave her a photo. After reading it, she said, Your girlfriend is really beautiful. Then I gave up. Hum, really, you are not as beautiful as me in women's clothes, and you want to be my girlfriend?

17. Senior year, seldom go to class. I was informed to check today, so I went to class. As a result, the teacher saw so many people coming today and said, what's the matter, school leaders are cheating? I'm so nervous with so many people in class!

18. I was moved by my girlfriend again. I accompanied her to have an abortion today. She said to me weakly in the hospital bed: honey, if it's not your child, I don't want it!

19. I'm always late for school, and my teacher asked me to call my parents. After dad went to school, he said a word to the teacher: Thank you, teacher. This is the disease he brought out in the womb, and the expected date of delivery is more than two weeks. ...

20. On the subway with my daughter-in-law, there is a couple sitting opposite. Boys are everywhere and girls are quiet. The girl said to her boyfriend, "I looked at my best friend's new boyfriend today. It's really ugly. " The boy said: Is it uglier than me? At this time, my daughter-in-law and I felt that the girl would comfort him and say that her husband was not ugly. Three seconds later, girl: it's not ugly to be with you.

2 1. When I was in high school, I fell in love with a boy in the next class. Seeing him from the stairs one day, I got up the courage to put a love letter in my pocket and left shyly. I wonder how he will react when he sees the love letter. As a result, the love letter was still there, and a dollar was gone.

22. I'm going on a business trip for a week. I left my dog at my boyfriend's house. At that time, the dog was pregnant. A week later, my boyfriend told me that the dog was pregnant. I want to tell him that the dog was pregnant when he was born, but he knelt down and cried, I slept with it all night! Just one night!

23. As soon as a well-dressed young man entered the restaurant, he shouted, "Hey, serve anything delicious. I don't care how much it costs. " The waiter was very unhappy: "Dude, money is a fart. You don't have to be someone else's son, even if someone asks you to be a grandson, you dare not do it! " "The young man flew into a rage:" Who dares to take advantage of Lao Tzu? You say, who is desperate and dares to ask Lao Tzu to be his grandson? " The waiter answered slowly, "Your grandfather! "

24. The elder sister who washes the dishes is often called aunt. She disliked her aunt's bad taste and gave herself a cool name: Empress Dowager Washing Porcelain. The master who mended the tire next door was inspired. He gave himself an international name: take a broken wheel. Hearing this, the welding electrician also named the welding workshop: Emperor Wu of Welding. One day he went to the candy store next door to show off. As a result, the owner of the candy store took him to see his name: Emperor Taizong. Not far away, the owner of the cake shop is installing a signboard, and the name of the shop is Han Bingzu. At this time, a dung truck passed by, and he found that there were three big characters written on it: Emperor who tackled excrement.