Why is there so much violence on Douyin?

Recently, a mother posted her daughter’s Tsinghua admission notice in a class group. She thought everyone would praise her daughter, but she found that she was kicked out of the group by the class monitor...

According to Phoenix.com’s report, the general situation is as follows: This mother works as a teacher in a school in a certain county. Her daughter is very smart, and her academic performance has always been among the best in the school. My daughter took the college entrance examination this year. Before the results came out, my mother attended a class reunion. At parties, whenever she sees an old classmate, she will praise them for her daughter's studies. Everyone also complimented her very warmly. Even the squad leader respects her.

Later, a class group was established, but generally everyone did not talk in the group unless there was something important. The only exception is this mother. She talks to herself in the group every day, posts some photos of her own life, and more often photos of her daughter studying hard. Sometimes she even posts her daughter’s notes to the group.

Later, she sent a photo of her daughter’s Tsinghua University admission notice to the group, “The Tsinghua University admission notice is so grand.”

So she was kicked out of the group

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When she was about to privately seek comment from the monitor, the group leader, she found that the monitor had deleted her as a friend.

Some netizens thought there was nothing wrong with this and that the mother was showing off too much, while others thought the monitor was narrow-minded.

This news has been trending on Weibo and Zhihu for several days. Many people have come out to express their opinions, but it seems that few of them really hit the point.

I think this is a very good opportunity to discuss with you the topics of social interaction and human nature.

1. The poor fight among themselves, and the rich stick together

Capitalists like to stick together and create their own social circles, such as the Taishan Club, the Jiangnan Club, the Huaxia Alumni Association, etc., and they are all very exciting. , there are many tricks.

Of course the poor will also organize this kind of commemorative organization, called a classmate association.

If you look carefully at the comparison between these rich people’s associations and the poor students’ associations, you will find obvious differences and differences.

The rich will be very united, while the poor will not be united at all.

The class reunion has always been a paradise for pretenders, a holy place for broken shoes, and a fear for poor losers.

Revisit the friendship of classmates and feel the purity of campus? Bah!

Take this hot event as an example: showing off, ridiculing, ridiculing, causing trouble for others, and then being kicked out of the group, blacklisted, all kinds of evil, it is just a farce.

Looking at the rich,

Let’s take a look at how big-name entrepreneurs stick together.

Taishan Huiniu Gensheng Mengniu bailout case The melamine incident in 2008 caused Mengniu’s stock price to plummet.

Learning about Mengniu’s predicament at the time, Liu Chuanzhi convened the Legend Holdings board of directors overnight in order to prevent hostile takeovers by foreign institutions, and within 48 hours he transferred 200 million yuan to the account of the Lao Niu Foundation. After hearing the news, Chairman Yu Minhong of New Oriental quickly sent 50 million yuan without saying a word. Jiang Nanchun, chairman of Focus Media, also prepared 50 million yuan for the Lao Niu Foundation to provide emergency relief...

According to public information, in October 2008, after Mengniu temporarily got rid of the crisis of "being acquired by foreign capital", Niu Gensheng tearfully mentioned with gratitude that "more than 90 directors and classmates have provided support from different perspectives, including human, material and financial resources."

Shi Yuzhu of Taishan Society made a comeback. In the 1990s, when Shi Yuzhu was facing the unfinished business of Giant Building and Giant computers were being sued for illegally pre-installing Microsoft software, many members of Taishan Society, especially the founder of Stone Group, Duan Yongji extended a helping hand to Shi Yuzhu and supported him to make a comeback relying on melatonin. At the end of 2003, Stone Group acquired Melatonin for 1.2 billion yuan. In 2007, Shi Yuzhu came back and changed the press conference to Taishan Club. Shi Yuzhu said that when he was at a low point, "Taishan" gave him a lot of spiritual help and experience in starting a new business. Taishan would be an important pillar for his comeback.

The Lenovo voting incident some time ago broke into a scandal, and many entrepreneurs came out to support it, including technology tycoons like Jack Ma and Lei Jun, and even Jia Yueting personally posted on Weibo to express support.

Let’s not say whether these things are right or wrong, but domestic entrepreneurs and wealthy people have indeed formed a powerful circle.

Businessmen like to form groups since ancient times. The term chamber of commerce has existed since the Ming Dynasty. In modern times, due to the popularization of scientific and technological civilization, group exchanges and connections are no longer the exclusive preserve of high-ranking officials. , ordinary people can also organize their own classmates through WeChat and QQ groups.

The reason why rich people stick together is because there is a basis for cooperation. Everyone is loyal to each other and establishes a contractual relationship. It is easy and safe to do business. This is no longer the zero-sum game of ancient rebellion, but a positive-sum game. , work together to make the market cake bigger, and each of us will get a bigger share of the cake. This is a win-win situation.

When ordinary people get together, there are always a lot of filthy things in the market, which make people feel quite vulgar. For example, the parents in this news, at the party, this mother only needs to see a As an old classmate, she would praise her daughter's study to them.

She would talk to herself in the group every day and post some photos of her own life, and more often photos of her daughter studying seriously. Sometimes I even send my daughter’s notes to the group.

Later, she sent a photo of her daughter’s Tsinghua University admission notice to the group, “The Tsinghua University admission notice is grand.”

The rich are uniting and asking for cooperation. Development, but the poor continue to show off their meager achievements and try to gain a cheap sense of superiority and existence by stepping on others. This is really a very sad thing.

2. Socializing on the Internet is even more difficult

Bill Gates said that no one knows you are a dog online.

Zhang Xiaolong also said, From connecting people to connecting everything,

Zhang Xiaolong also said that no matter how small an individual is, it has its own brand.

Huang Jixin later added: Discover a bigger world.

The slogans of the major Internet companies above are actually designed to make it easier for people to socialize and communicate directly with each other.

But in fact it is not easier. On the contrary, due to the advent of the social network era, the social skills of Chinese people are getting worse and worse.

Teacher Zhou Dingyi has been doing public expression skills training all year round, one of which is very important communication of body language and expressions. He mentioned that those born in 1995 and 2000 like to use emoticons very much because they spend all their time online. Affected by emoticons, their real-life expressions will unconsciously imitate these expressions and movements, and they often have some very strange movements when talking to others. This is actually a very bad phenomenon.

For example, in the Spring Festival Gala a few years ago, which was an important offline event, actors and hosts constantly mixed Internet buzzwords into their lines, which was like eating rice and eating sand. Yes, very uncomfortable.

Because Internet buzzwords and emoticons have a very short life cycle. For example, blue thin mushrooms, prawns, magic horses, etc. have all disappeared and become completely outdated. Only the skills are very good. Superb, after the test of time, some new words will be retained and become idioms in modern Chinese.

But this is not the worst thing. The worst thing is that social networks destroy the sense of boundaries between people.

An important prerequisite for maintaining the superficial harmony of society and for everyone to get along well is the sense of boundaries, especially the sense of boundaries between strangers, so that there will be less friction between everyone. Even if someone picks their nose on the roadside, you won't go up to educate them - just leave if you don't like it.

But the Internet is not like this. For example, I encounter a large number of messages every day. Most of them I believe they are in front of me offline and will never dare to say them out.

Why?

Because you are afraid of being beaten by me.

When you see a burly man with a gold chain, a tattoo and a bald head walking happily on the street, these people will never dare to rush up and point at this man’s nose and say: Let me give you something. Suggestions,

What kind of demeanor and open-mindedness do you have? Why can’t you even listen to different opinions?

I don’t want to be your friend or follow you anymore!

But after I published the article every day, as a big man with a gold chain and a fleshy face, a bald head and a protruding belly, some people dared to come over and point their noses and say: You are too extreme, how can you not listen to my suggestions?

You are so ungraceful, lacking in quality and self-cultivation, why can’t you listen to different opinions?

Desistently unfollow!

Essentially, the nature of me happily walking on the street talking on the phone and me happily walking on the Internet talking to myself and posting articles are exactly the same. In the former, no one will ever dare to come and cause trouble. , but there are always people looking for trouble in the latter. The fundamental reason is that the Internet has eliminated the sense of boundaries between strangers. There is no cost or responsibility for speaking online, so you can feel free to display your anger, stupidity and ugliness.

Just like this parent, there is obviously nothing happening in the group. She keeps scrolling every day, detailing everything, and keeps posting details about her daughter’s life all day long, for one reason - to speak in the group. No cost.

Offline she kept praising her, and everyone could go away, but in the group, everyone couldn’t go away, so why not kick her out at this time?

This is actually a good thing for her. It makes her understand that even socializing online has costs and costs, and she must be cautious and care about the feelings of others.

3. Vanity is also productivity

While writing this article, I have been trying to incorporate this class reunion, group, and similar events into my own real life. .

Because I often join this kind of club - people in the world have to socialize.

My friend invited me to deliver a speech at her opening ceremony. I made a special trip from Guangzhou to Shenzhen to see her. I walked on the red carpet and made the audience laugh by talking and singing. Heaps of flattery.

Afterwards, I didn’t say anything in the guest group that day, and directly set the message in the group not to be reminded.

In my industry, there are often various industry conferences that invite me to attend. After I go there, various speakers on the stage will sing and I will appear.

Many netizens reported that my writing style has become better recently. The reason is very simple. I have participated in more such peer meetings and listened to more successful experiences of senior teachers, so I have naturally improved.

Pay attention to the fact that these senior colleagues do not come to the stage to show off, but to share their experiences and methods in a serious and unreserved manner, which has benefited me a lot.

In the group after the lecture, these senior teachers would never show off their company’s sales in the group, they would always talk about how much money they made this month.

And they will never take the initiative to educate a junior or give advice. They will only do two things:

Only when they are formally invited to give lectures will they talk about their experiences. ,

Only when someone asks a question will you answer the question.

Other than that, never take the initiative.

Because taking the initiative to speak out is tantamount to causing discomfort to others.

When you have to speak up, don't show off, but help others solve their problems. She talks to herself in the group every day, and mostly posts photos of her daughter studying hard. Sometimes she even posts her daughter’s notes to the group.

Later, she sent a photo of her daughter’s Tsinghua University admission notice to the group, “The Tsinghua University admission notice is grand.”

If we change our thinking, this mother will change her operations. Method: Organize a class reunion, arrange the sessions properly, set the theme, share parenting experience,

Invite two or three friends or classmates to explain,

Demonstrate and explain the experience yourself,

On-the-spot Q&A, answering students’ questions,

The discussion in the group was lively, and they enthusiastically shared their daughter’s note-taking methods.

If I do this, will I not be kicked out of the group?

Isn’t it annoying?

Even if someone comes forward to express dissatisfaction, will they still get support from public opinion? (This is obviously a serious discussion, why are you so upset!)

In the first part, I said that the rich stick together, while the poor fight among themselves and trample on others. This is not just a matter of differences in ability between people.

More importantly, the rich have various opportunities to easily satisfy their vanity, but the poor do not.

Wang Jianlin was constantly being approached by Lu Yu for appointments with big names, and he couldn't turn him down.

Ma Yun's various large, medium and small chambers of commerce invited him all day long, and he went Just bragging, and gradually I got to the point where I was bragging in front of the TV cameras on CCTV, and I even opened a school myself to brag to the students all day long.

When Liu Qiangdong was interviewed by a beautiful female host, he said: This face-blind man doesn't know whether his wife is pretty or not. Of course this is a negative example.

Everyone thinks that giving a speech, publishing a book, going on TV, and sharing experiences is easy and natural for the rich and they never take it seriously.

But if you change places, these opportunities will be given to you. Even if you don’t have a net worth of 10 billion, you will have the opportunity to speak on CCTV, you will have the opportunity to publish a book, and you do have something. You can talk about it (such as how to train your daughter to go to Tsinghua University).

Would you feel very comfortable and have your vanity greatly satisfied?

Lier is this Lier.

The rich don’t care about this kind of opportunity to get ahead, and are even too annoyed to avoid it. But for ordinary people, they can go on stage to give a speech, with lights on, a microphone in their mouths, and stories to tell.

These were a few glorious minutes.

This kind of honor is much more advanced than posting notes in a group or posting notices in a circle of friends. When the video is broadcast, everyone in the neighborhood will praise you.

So the most important thing for this mother is not to be low-key and have a circle of friends, but to quickly register Zhihu and Weibo accounts.

When you appear as the protagonist of a news event, you can collect likes immediately.

Then you start to share your daughter’s notes and experience of taking the Tsinghua University exam.

Start to keep posting about Tsinghua University. The details of the campus attract attention.

Taking advantage of the situation, I opened a Zhihu live to teach parents how to raise their children and teach students how to prepare for the Tsinghua University exam.

Immediately publish a book after it becomes popular, guaranteed to sell well.

When my daughter graduates from Tsinghua University, she will find that her income is far less than that of her mother.

Human vanity is not a bad thing. Without the promotion of vanity, there will be no one to do various jobs such as celebrities and entrepreneurship. To put it nicely, vanity means professional pride and pride in people.

But don’t pretend to be cool in front of acquaintances, it will arouse people’s disgust.

Open a Douyin Zhihu Weibo and pretend to be cool in front of strangers, there will be countless Fans can also make money by increasing their followers, and making money can increase their followers.

Showing off in WeChat groups will only result in scolding and kicking, but going to Weibo, Douyin, and Zhihu in unfamiliar situations is extremely refreshing.

Even last time Dr. Sun, the man who dominated the high-speed rail seats, was scolded by thousands of people, he himself continued to be shameless and active, and even made a Weibo to add V certification: "High-speed rail tyrants" "The protagonist of this incident."

Real life is so boring. If you want to show off, it would be better and more beneficial to you to choose an unfamiliar online platform.

As for daily acquaintances, do not fight with the poor, do not show off in front of the poor, unity is more important than anything else, and more importantly, whether it is online or in real life, it is better to pay attention to boundaries and propriety.

The above are my three immature suggestions and ideas.

Hope it is useful to you.

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