Collect high-quality jokes

1. Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passed a cornfield every day.

Unfortunately,

one day there was a fire in that cornfield.

All the corns turned into popcorn! ! !

after the bird flew by ...

thought it was snowing, so it died of cold ...

2. Legend has it that

there was a killer,

his heart was cold,

his sword was cold, and

his hands were cold!

So ...

He froze to death! ! !

3. A polar bear stayed alone in a daze on the ice.

When he was really bored, he began to pull out his own hair.

One ... two ... three ... finally, there was not one left.

He suddenly shouted ................................................................................... ! ..................

4. Once upon a time, there was a man named Cai, and everyone called him Xiao Cai.

As a result ...

One day, he was taken away!

5. Once upon a time, there was a lamb.

One day he went out to play.

As a result, he met the wolf.

The wolf said, "I'm going to eat you! ! ！”

Guess what happened.

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

6. One day, the bean paste bag was walking on the road and suddenly had an accident, and his belly was broken. Before he died, he looked at his stomach and said, "Oh, so I am a bean paste bag."

7. On a hot afternoon, a match head tickled, scratched and caught fire.

Remember the match in the afternoon? In fact, there is still a match behind. He felt his head itch. After grabbing it, his head caught fire. Then, he went to the hospital. After the nurse bandaged it for him, he became a cotton swab.

8. A child looks like a tomato. One day, he was walking and suddenly fell down. . . . Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, so funny.

9. There was a penguin who had nothing to do, and pulled out his hair.

He said, It's really cold.

Sequel: There was a polar bear who had nothing to do, but pulled out his hair and pulled it out. He said, That penguin is right ... < So the three of them decided to give it a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! Next jump, there are really beautiful women waiting for him.

The second one is a bookworm and shouted "Book! Books! Books! Books! Books! Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third one is an indecisive person. He can't decide his favorite. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded "s h i t!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

11. There was a fat man ...

He jumped from a tall building ...

He turned out to be ...

Fat man ...

12. Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?

Because it's cold there ..

13. Stones fight with rice cakes, and when they get angry, they kick the rice cakes into the sea ...

Tell a story. Once upon a time, there was a couple who committed themselves to life, but the boy needed military service, so they made a vow with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and promised to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring was used as a wedding ring.

After three years, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't wait. She is so sad that she throws the diamond ring into the sea in despair and goes away from home. In fact, the boy has been waiting for the girl, but the girl remembered the date wrong, so it became a regret forever. The boy was heartbroken ... after a few years. Boys go fishing. Guess what he caught?

...

...

...

...

rice cake

14. Wife: I'm so blind that I will marry you when I step on shit.

Dave: I'm the one who's really blind and stepped in shit to marry you.

...

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it ...

15. One day, there was a fudge walking in the street.

As she was walking, she suddenly said, "Oh, my legs are so soft!" "

16. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits.

He announced, "Children, after picking fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together."

all the children ran to pick fruit.

when it's time to gather, all the children gather.

teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you get?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I have picked apples."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked them."

teacher: "the children are great! What about Amin? "

Amin: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

17. A man left home for work on Friday afternoon. It was payday, so he didn't go home. He spent the whole weekend partying with his friends and spent all his salary.

When he finally got home on Sunday night, his angry wife was waiting for him and scolded him for nearly an hour. Finally, the wife stopped nagging and asked him, "What do you think if you don't see me for three days in a row?"?

he replied, "I feel quite good.

Monday passed and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday passed, and he still didn't see his wife.

On Thursday,

.

.

.

.

.

.

The swelling disappeared a little, and he finally managed to see his wife from the corner of his left eye.

18. This is a telephone market survey of pet food. A child answered the phone.

Market dispatcher: "Little friend, do you have any puppies, kittens, rabbits or birds at home?"

Child: "No, my mother only gave birth to me."

19. Once upon a time, Tomato A and Tomato B kept going shopping. Then one day, suddenly a truck rushed out and ran over Tomato A, and Tomato B stood by and pointed at Tomato A and laughed: "Ha ... ha ... tomato sauce ~ ~"

Little Mara Lala became a marathon ...

21. One day ...

A male deer ran faster and faster ...

At the end ...

He became a ~ "high-speed male deer" ~ ...

22. One day,

a little penguin went to play with a polar bear!

Three years later, he went to the equator and remembered that the door was not closed at home.

It took him another three years to go home and close the door.

Then six years later, he went to the North Pole.

When he knocked on the polar bear, the children said, "Polar bear, I'll come to play with you!"

As soon as the polar bear opened the door, he glanced at the penguin and said, "I don't want to play! Then turn off the children! "

the penguin goes home! ! !

23. A snake bit itself, and when it died, it said: I am a poisonous snake ...

24. One day, a pair of penguin brothers felt bored and began to pluck their own hair. When he finished plucking, he said: "It's so cold!" "

He sent an E-mail to the polar bear who lives in the North Pole. He said: You will be very cold if you pluck all your hair!

The polar bear listened with a grain of salt. He also plucked all his hair, and the result was "so cold!" "

He E-mail the lion who lives in Africa. He also told the lion: You will be very cold if you pluck all your hair!

The lion in Africa didn't believe it at first. He said I would never be cold! He plucked all his hair and said, "It's so cold!"

after listening to this, the bird in the tree thought: I feel very hot now. Will it really get cold if I pluck my hair? ! So he plucked all the hair, and he said, "It's so cool!" I'm going out to fly and watch! After he flew out, he touched it and it died ~ ~!

p.s. How can a bird fly without feathers? ! Haha ~~

25. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road.

The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot.

He said, it's so hot, I want to take off my clothes.

As a result, he peeled off the skin.

As a result, the banana behind fell down ...

26. That day, my head fell.

then she was blown up.

27. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by the wolf. The wolf easily destroyed the straw house, wooden house and brick house. The three little pigs ran desperately, but they were caught up by the wolf. The three little pigs said desperately, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you want. At this point, the wolf grinned and drooled and said,

Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is.

28. Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiaoming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Crying, crying. . He flew. .

29. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

boss: "Oh, I'm sorry, there aren't that many"

"I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

boss: "I'm sorry, but there isn't."

"I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ！”

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" "

3. One day, it takes a bird an hour to fly from Kaohsiung to Taipei. But it took 2 hours when I came back!

WHY？

because it was raining! So cover the rain with one hand and fly with the other

31. A farmer took a horse and a dog up the mountain to hunt, but he couldn't catch it after walking all day, but the farmer kept walking. Suddenly the horse said; "I've been walking all day. Do you want to tire me out?" The farmer and the hunting dog ran away in fear. They ran under a tree. The hunting dog patted his chest and said, "You scared me to death. Horses can talk." As a result, the farmer was scared to death.

32. One day, Zorro went to his mistress's house to meet her. The mistress asked Zorro, "What if my husband comes back?

"Zorro said," It's all right. If your husband comes back, I'll jump out of the window and my horse will meet me below. "

The mistress said: If I hear three knocks at the door, it means my husband has come back.

Zorro said: I see.

after a while, it began to rain. Suddenly there were three knocks at the door: knock, knock, knock. Say it's late, that's fast. Zorro jumped out of bed and suddenly jumped out of the window. When the mistress saw that Zorro had left, she went to open the door.

I saw a horse standing in front of the door and said to her, "Tell Zorro that it's raining outside, and I'll wait for him in the corridor."

33. A passenger plane was flying when it was suddenly hit by a small airstream. The passengers made a pile of panic, thinking that the end of the world was coming. A beautiful young girl stood up and summoned up her courage to say to everyone, "Dear male passengers, who can let me try being a woman before I die?"

as soon as the voice fell, a man in the back seat stood up and said, "I'll do it!" " After that, the young man took off his T-shirt and showed his strong muscles. The young girl looked at the handsome man shyly and admiringly, imagining his next move. I saw that the young man threw the T-shirt to the girl and said, "Iron it!" ！”

34. Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiaoming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Crying, crying. . He flew. .

35. A zoologist went on an expedition to the South Pole.

He asked a penguin, "What do you do every day?" ;

The penguin said, "I do three things every day, the first is to eat, the second is to sleep, and the third is to kiss. He asked 99 penguins in a row and they all said so.

Finally, he asked the hundredth penguin, and the penguin said," I do two things, the first is to eat, and the second is to sleep. "

The zoologist asked," They all kiss. " "

the penguin said" ... because I am kissT_T! ! "

36. Q: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who wins?

A: rabbit ~~

Q: wrong ~! It's a turtle. It is said that it is a fast turtle. It runs very fast. Q: The rabbit is not willing to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will pull it this time?

A: hmm. . Rabbit bar

Q: Wrong ~ ~! That turtle took off her sunglasses, too! It was the turtle that ran very fast just now. ^O^

37. In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

38. A pair of corn fell in love

so they decided to get married

On the wedding day

One corn couldn't find another corn

The corn asked the popcorn beside him: Have you seen our corn?

popcorn: I hate it. I don't know people when they perm their hair.

39. Xiao A said to Xiao B: dig the plug ... it's raining outside! ! See? Little B is very excited: Yes, I saw it. What about you?

4. A second-old woman went on a blind date. She asked the man opposite, "Do you have a Buick?" The man said, "Well, I didn't!" The woman asked again, "Do you have three rooms and two halls?" He replied helplessly, "Neither have I!" The woman said, "Hum, how dare you come and have a blind date with me on this condition? !" After that, she left without looking back. When she reached the door, she heard the man say ~ ~ ~: "Do I have to replace the BMW with Buick and the villa with three rooms and two halls?"

41. Ducks and crabs race to the finish line together, and it's hard to tell the winner. The referee said, Let's have a pair of scissors, stone and cloth! Duck nu: Shit, set me up? As soon as I come out, I am a cloth, and he always