What should I do after my loved one dies?

Master xingyun

Among many ceremonies, funeral etiquette is closely related to all of us. No one has died in life since ancient times. The so-called "impermanence of life and death" and "life and death are the most important". Birth, illness, death and illness are a process that everyone must go through. Since ancient times, China people have regarded life and death as two major events in life, especially the filial piety thought of "being cautious to the end and pursuing the distance", which has always been a well-known virtue in China's inherent culture, and is quite consistent with the Buddhist thought of repaying kindness.

However, people in our country have different views on funeral etiquette, and many outdated concepts and practices need to be purified and improved. For example, watching Feng Shui, choosing a date, not being buried within eight hours after death, arranging electronic music, floats, parades, crying graves and so on. Funeral period is not only wasteful, but also dignified. Therefore, the funeral etiquette chapter is specially formulated, which expounds the hospice care before dying, the writing of wills and the funeral, burial and funeral ceremonies after death, as the guidelines for our Buddha to handle major events in life.

First of all, hospice care

Death is a great event in life. Buddhism believes that birth, aging, illness and death are human nature, and death is not the end of life, but the beginning of another cycle. Therefore, to say that "life and death are the same" requires us to underestimate life and death, and then explore impermanence. However, when the deadline approaches, how to make patients feel comfortable physically and mentally and die without regret is the most practical way, which is called "hospice care".

"Buddha says impermanence sutra" says: the three methods of old age, illness and death are unlovable, not shiny, not to be read and not to be worried. If you are a monk or a bhikkhu, if you are a good woman, if you see someone dying and suffering physically and mentally, you should be kind and spare money. He said that care for the dying must:

Pay attention to the cleanliness of the environment, the softness of light and the circulation of air.

Provide Buddha statues to make patients have good thoughts.

Declare the compassion of Amitabha Buddha and the solemnity of the pure land of western bliss for patients, and make them feel happy living in the Buddha country.

Guide the patient to recite Buddha, and the rest of the visitors should also ask the patient to recite Buddha, and there are endless voices; The patient's life is dying, that is, seeing Buddha and Bodhisattva holding fragrant flowers to attract people, that is, being happy, and not having to retreat to evil ways.

After death, family members should stop mourning and should not cry loudly. They should take the deceased's new clothes and things that can be used with them, and even invite a mage or chant Buddhist scriptures themselves to repay the deceased's good deeds. Master heptachord and Kumarajiva also said that in foreign customs, a person's good deeds from birth to the end of his life should be recorded one by one at ordinary times, and before his death, his family will tell him the merits of his life, so that the deceased can rely on blessings, have a happy heart and not be afraid of death. It can be seen that Buddhism attaches importance to "hospice care" and "hospice care", and Buddhism also has a set of reasonable and balanced treatment methods for "death". As a Buddhist, practicing on weekdays and participating in various social activities are really the best resources for doing good in the past.

"Hospice care" is not a negative death, but a positive relief. Through the understanding of death, people can be freed from the fear of death and face death calmly and happily. We also hope that the family members will give the dying people all kinds of assistance, such as comfortable environment, neat clothes list, mixed diet, and even guide the patients through the last journey of life with solemn Buddhist names, so that they not only have no regrets in life, but also have the dignity of death and are full of the joy of immigration.

When people talk about death, they always have all kinds of horrible imaginations, fearing that they will go under the knife and suffer all kinds of hardships. In fact, if we know the truth of death, for us, death is like getting a passport to go abroad for sightseeing, and we can travel around the world. Death is inevitable for everyone. What kind of attitude should we take towards this inevitable deadline in order to have a well-thought-out plan and not be surprised or afraid?

1? Understand death

Type of death:

Human beings, and even all sentient beings, whether they are wise, stupid or moral, die a process that everyone must go through, but the circumstances of death are very different. The classic divides death into four categories:

Die a natural death: this is the so-called natural death, just like when the lamp oil is burned out, the lamp naturally goes out. The average person's expectation of prolonging life is actually limited. Between breaths, human life will eventually deteriorate. As the saying goes, "Some people in ephemerality were born in spring and summer, some died in autumn and winter, some died in ten years, some died in a hundred years, and some died in a thousand years. Although there is a delay, how long has it been? " In other words, life is limited and doomed.

The scripture says, "The world knows nothing about life and death, and the naked eye knows nothing about sin and happiness." The life span of all beings is like bubbles on the water. If air dissipates, it will die. Once all your blessings are squandered, people will naturally die. This is the same reason that a rich man who has lost all his money becomes a beggar and will eventually starve or freeze to death.

Accidental death: the so-called "violent death" should not be dead, because it is difficult to know in advance that you were beheaded because of an accident, such as being killed in a war, killed in a car accident, assassinated, or even bitten by a tiger, leopard or jackal. As the saying goes, "the three-inch gas is used in every possible way. Once it is impermanent, everything will rest." Is to describe this change.

Free death: the first three kinds of death are unpredictable and involuntary, but this kind of free death can be grasped and autonomous. This is the realm of "freedom of life and death" in Buddhism. There are many deep-rooted Goodes in Buddhism, who are born if they want to, and die if they want to. Life and death are based on the convergence and divergence of karma and the perfection of Taoism, and are not limited by general life and death.

Death phenomenon

The four ways to die mentioned above will have symptoms more or less. According to the scripture, the death of ordinary people has three symptoms:

Greatly increased: If this person dies because of physical and skeletal problems, he will feel that his whole body slowly sinks and is buried like land in the sea when he dies, and there is a great sense of oppression, like "falling into the water".

The amount of water has increased greatly: if this person dies because of poor blood circulation system, he will feel that he was soaked in water when he died. At first, he felt wet and cold, and then gradually his high fever burned like a flame, just like "water falling into a fire."

Fire has increased greatly: this is a symptom of death due to respiratory disorder, like wildfire burning in the twilight. The whole body feels strong wind blowing, breaking into dust, and pieces of smoke and fly ash are extinguished, just like "fire falling in the wind".

What will happen after death?

Death is the transformation of material form from tangible finite to intangible infinite. So the situation after death is different from that before death, which can be compared from the following points:

Limitation of time and space: people are limited by time and space before their death and cannot do whatever they want. Wan Li has also traveled.

He can't rejuvenate himself and indulge himself, but once he dies and leaves the bondage of his body, his true mind can come and go freely and cross the three realms of time and space.

The burden of the body: the French sentence classic says: "Nothing in the world is worse than having a body. Hunger, thirst, cold and heat, fear, lust and hatred are all due to the body." When we are alive, our health is a great burden. When we are hungry, we need to find something to feed him. We need to add clothes to him when we are cold. When we are sick, we have to endure the pain of the disease. This body brings us more troubles than happiness. After death, gods are no longer bound by the body, and they don't need to wait on this body, so there is no physical torture of hunger and cold, and there is no burden of oppression.

The magical power of man and nature: when alive, man's ability is limited by the body, but after death, he is not bound by the material world. They can walk through walls, see things invisible to the naked eye and hear information that their ears can't hear. Moreover, immortals have the ability to float in the air and fly freely, and the speed of movement can be as long as they are born. Except the diamond throne of the Buddha and his mother's womb, all obstacles in the material world can freely shuttle, which is really "mind-driven".

Where did you die?

We often miss our dead relatives and don't know what they will look like after death, so we pray for their safety by chanting scriptures for them on holidays. This kind of crossing over and offering is certainly good if it shows filial piety and pursues the distance carefully, but most people often have a wrong idea that their loved ones will go to hell after death, so they should ask a mage to cross over for him and read "Amitabha Buddha in the South" several times to let the gods of the deceased rest in peace. This kind of thinking is all wet and disrespectful to parents and elders. Because those who fall into the hell of hungry ghosts are evil, are our parents and relatives the villains in our minds? Why don't we think: when parents and relatives die, do we go to heaven to have fun or live in the pure land of western bliss?

Many religions in the world believe that people will be judged first after death. For example, in our folk Taoism, it is believed that after death, people will be tried by Yamaraja, the Ten Temples, who will go up the mountain, down the frying pan and go to the gate of hell. Catholicism and Christianity also say that people will be judged by God after death. At that time, all the people fell down before the throne of God, waiting for judgment. That's not how we in Buddhism arrange people's whereabouts after death. The judicial power of Taoism is in the hands of Yan Luowang, and the ultimate judicial power of Catholicism and Christianity is in the hands of the Savior God. However, we Buddhists believe that it is not the Buddha, Bodhisattva or Yan Luowang who will judge us after death, but our own karma will judge us. The quality of future reincarnation depends on the quality of past behavior; The fate of The six great divisions in the wheel of karma in the future depends on the cause and effect of one's past karma. In Buddhism, the future happiness and pain of each of us are not controlled by God alone, but in our own hands.

Where do people go after death? Materialists believe that as long as a person dies, there is nothing and no way to go, so life is short and easy to be destroyed. This argument makes many people have doubts and fears about the nature of life and do not know how to cherish life. Now that people are dead, there is nothing left. Some people indulge in pleasure, others commit adultery, and all kinds of crimes. This philosophy of life without causality is really superficial and terrible, Jaken. Although Christianity has a different view of post-mortem judgment from Buddhism, it means that life still exists after death, because it advocates going to heaven and going to hell.

Therefore, people will have different destinations and different karma after death. Some of them can ascend to heaven and become saints, while others can be reincarnated as human beings. They may not all go to hell or become hungry ghosts. And where will you be reincarnated after death? It all depends on what you have done in your life. As the saying goes, "If you want to know the fruit of the afterlife, you will be a doer in this life". There are three kinds of karma that people can rely on after death. They were born with a weight. Just like a bank audit, the person who owes the most must check first and pay back first. After death, according to the karma accumulated the most before death, it will follow the reincarnation. For example, people with deep roots are born with good ways of enjoying themselves; Those who are rich in evil deeds are rewarded with evil, that is, "good is rewarded with good, and evil with evil."

Is to be born with habits: Buddhism believes that people will be born with certain habits on weekdays after death. For example, if a person is used to reading "Amitabha" at ordinary times, it will become natural. Once he died by accident, he would say "Amitabha" on his deathbed, and he could go to the pure land of western bliss.

Born at will: where people are born after death has a lot to do with daily thoughts and ideas. If you concentrate on Buddhism and Taoism on weekdays, you can take this idea to the pure land after death. If you want to go to heaven wholeheartedly on weekdays, you can go to heaven with this idea after death. Therefore, it is very important to keep thinking during daily practice.

True Buddhists are not afraid of trial and death, if they can control their hearts and do good deeds on weekdays!

2? Face death calmly

According to Buddhist scriptures, we live in the world, just like a turtle with a shell on its back, burdened with a heavy burden and clumsy behavior, and death is to get rid of this stagnant shell and turn it into tangible life.

However, in the face of death, some people are desperately clinging to worldly desires, unable to let go of their children's property and unwilling to die. At this time, it is like a tortoise shedding its shell. On the other hand, if you can understand Buddhism and let go of freedom, then death is like getting rid of a body full of hardships and feeling extremely relaxed.

In fact, why do people cry when they are dead? Think of him as a trip abroad, and he will have a good time and be comfortable; Or think of him as ascending to heaven or becoming a Buddha, and live in the pure land of bliss from now on, not suffering from all kinds of storms in this impermanent world, isn't it also good? In Buddhism, death is the beginning of another new life, such as butterflies breaking pupae, insects breaking cocoons, birds breaking out of their shells and entering another brighter and more peaceful world. Why should we living people cling to our selfish thoughts and grieve for him?

Rousseau, the pioneer of the French Revolution, said to his wife before he died, "Don't be too sad! You see how transparent the sky is, that's where I'm going. " It is admirable that a generation of thinkers can face death so bravely without fear. Rabelais, a representative figure of French Renaissance humanism, knew that he was going to die, and said to his friends who visited him, "The comedy has finished, so it's time to close!" Similarly, he is handsome and heroic, without any attachment. In the eyes of many Buddhist Zen masters, death is not the end, nor the end of everything, nor extinction. Death is the change of life and the beginning of another life. Therefore, death is nothing to fear. Facing death, let nature take its course and accept it frankly.

Therefore, when the patient is dying, we should tell him that death is not extinction, not a long sleep, nor the extinction of smoke and dust, but going out of this door into another door and changing from this environment to another; Through the passage of death, people can ascend to a brighter spiritual world There are many metaphors about this concept of death in Buddhist scriptures, and now six of them are roughly explained:

Death is like getting out of prison: all the suffering bodies are like prisons, and death seems to be released from prisons, freed from all kinds of bondage and freed.

Death is like rebirth: "Oil comes from hemp, and crisp comes from cheese". Death is another beginning, not the end.

Death is like graduation: when you are born, you are like studying at school. When you die, you graduate. You should get your diploma and report card according to your professional achievements and performance before your death to be reincarnated and face another world.

Death is like moving: there is no death in life, death just moves out of the shabby house of the body and the soul returns home with high spirits. As the Exotic Classic says, "Deer return to the wild, birds return to the air, and real people return to extinction".

Death is like changing clothes: death is like taking off old and worn clothes and putting on a new one. The Shurangama Sutra says, "All the ten empty realms are in the Tathagata's heart, as clear as a cloud." The world of mortals, all kinds of experiences, are just clouds and just a piece of clothing.

Death is like metabolism: the tissues in our body need metabolism every day, and when old cells die, new cells can grow; Life and death, like cell metabolism, make life more precious. With the right concept, you will know that death is not terrible, and where to go after death is the most important thing. When ordinary people are alive, they only know how to eat, drink and be merry. They only know that fame and fortune are as meaningless as walking dead. They don't know how to find a direction for their lives and arrange a home. They just know how to muddle along. Once the time is up, everything will be empty. So, you have to know how to live before you know how to die. This is the truth that Confucius said, "If you don't know how to live, how can you know how to die?". . It doesn't matter if the body is dead, and the mind is gone. Although still alive, this is the saddest thing!

There is a passage in the classic: after his mother died, the king of Persia asked the Buddha for an explanation with great sadness. The Buddha told him that there are four terrible things in the world: living will lead to old age. Your face is withered when you are sick. After death, the gods will be separated from the body. After death, we must say goodbye to those we love. Everything in the world has a cause, gathering is close, and extinction is scattered. Even if parents are like father, son and mother, once the fate is exhausted, they will eventually be separated, so people should grasp the fate and help each other. Especially when parents are alive, they should be filial. Don't wait until "the tree wants to be quiet but the wind doesn't stop, and the child wants to raise it but not close."

3? (doctor's) critical condition notice to the patient's family

Birth, aging, illness and death are inevitable processes in life, but few people can face death calmly, so they often ignore the important moment of "death"; It is the most precious and decisive moment that determines the "past life". Therefore, if someone in the family is hospitalized, if the medical treatment is ineffective and the patient is conscious and has instructions, the family members should follow his instructions until he is transferred to the funeral home or home after his death.