Who knows the lines of Soldier Crosstalk: Sculpture? Urgent! ! !

Sculpture

Ding Bing: Let me tell you some good news, in order to enrich our amateur cultural life, especially to improve the taste of our city. Recently we bought a new sculpture for our garden in the city centre. (Looking left and right) Look, this is the sculpture. (When he said this, Zhao Weiguo looked proud) Everyone, please take a look. The name of this sculpture is "The Proud Man of the Era." Look carefully. This is a male nude sculpture. Why, you get naked every time. Isn’t it just for a photo album? Everyone here is an art connoisseur, so please take off his clothes with an artist’s eye! (Pointing to the arm of the sculpture with the palm of his hand, the sculpture puts one hand behind his head, the other hand behind his butt, and lifts one leg behind his back.) You see, the toned muscles and beautiful figure, if It is placed in France,

Qizhi: I am David! (Looking proud, continuing to pose)

Da: What are you?

Qi: David!

Da: How about it? He’s a pretty good sculpt, and he can speak human language! (Pause for a moment) If it were placed in the United States

Qi: I am the God of Liberty (hands holding a torch)

Da: If it was placed in the United States Egypt

Qi: I am the Sphinx (put your hands on your chest and gather your limbs downward (like a dog))

大: If you put it on Marathon

Qi: I am a woman from the Western Han Dynasty (stopped at this point)

Da: Baby, baby, welcome to visit

Qi: Please do not touch randomly

Big: use your hands and feet

Qi: be careful of electrical charges

Big: fine art

Qi: true reproduction

Da: The proud man of the times

Qi: Eat more calcium tablets

Da: You talk a lot of nonsense here (looking at Qizhi’s mouth Speaking in tongues) What's the use of talking but not doing it

Okay, everyone, please give me more valuable opinions. There's an older sister over there, let's see how that older sister feels (leaving the scene)

Qi: Huh, I'm standing on the side of the road, watching people coming and going. Look at me, I am the image ambassador of this city, the embodiment of beauty, especially lesbians. If you look at me once, your heart will be full of joy. If you look at me twice, you will have random thoughts. If you look at me three times, you will feel that her husband is not as good as me! (When saying this, make one, two, three movements with your hands) There is a big sister coming over there. I want to give him a beautiful surprise and let him feel young again. Yesterday she was 80, today she is 18. The eldest sister Duohua (with a proud look), (immediately made an artistic gesture of putting her hands on the back of her head)

Big: (came on the stage, smiling at everyone) Originally I have been a virgin for eight years and have not touched any man. In the morning I went to the market to buy vegetables and when I came home, I saw a man stripping naked. Oh! rogue!

Qi: Alas, eldest sister, come back and see clearly, I am a sculpture (return to original movements)!

Da: (staring at him) Sculpture, it’s a sculpture, it’s a good sculpture! So ugly!

Qi: What are you looking at? This is the embodiment of beauty!

Da: This is a beautiful flower body. Are you stripping off like this just to improve my eyesight?

Qi: You exercise yours

Da: It’s embarrassing

Qi: You won’t stop watching?

Da: Me I don’t want to see it, you’re dressed like this and you have to force me to see it. I’m a virgin, I’m dozens of years old and I’m watching him do it!

Qi: You don’t understand this is art.

Da: Art is even called art when there are naked bodies!

Qi: This is nude art!

Da: Then if I take off my clothes, wouldn’t it be called art?

Qi: That’s body art

Da: Why don’t everyone take off their clothes, and what I don’t see is still art

Qi: Then we’ve entered a primitive society Sorry, I can’t explain it to you

Da: You must explain it clearly to me!

Qi: There are so many nude sculptures on the street, don’t they beautify society?

Da: Tell me, I have already had an opinion!

Qi: Do you have any opinions?

Da: There are so many flowers one after another in the flower bush, but there is a sculpture of a naked girl in the middle.

The more I look at that garden, the more I feel unhappy! I wish I could tear down those sculptures

Qi: He doesn’t know how to appreciate art

Da: Who said that, then who are you?

Qi: This is the time The proud son

Da: I think you are shameless! change!

Qi: How to change it?

Da: Oh, just in time, I bought a pair of large flower pants at the market, put them on quickly!

Qi: (with an aggrieved look on his face) I am a nude sculpture wearing flowery underpants! Those who know know that I am covering up

Da: Don’t you know?

Qi: You think I’m a pervert!

Big: Hurry up and put it on, I’m looking for a fight, it’s true! (Qi slowly put it on, then returned to the original position) This is the pride of the times

Qi: I think I am the tumor of the times

Da: Let’s go, I’ll give more You go buy a pair of pants (exit)

Qi: You'd better buy me a quilt! Look at this old lady, it doesn't matter if you don't like it, others do! Now let’s show it with applause. Some viewers who like to see these flowery pants applaud! (Applause and count) More than 100 people. Those who like to be naked applaud (Applause again) More than 800 people! Haha, everyone here is an art appreciator, especially this one, you are from the Central Academy of Fine Arts, right? What? From the fourth hospital! Cleaning rooms for mentally ill patients! A businessman came over there, and I'm going to give him another beautiful surprise. (Return to the original action)

Big: (come on stage) It’s time to sell shoes, it’s time to sell shoes! (To the audience) Oh, aunt, I see you are beautiful, let me give you a shoe brush for free! That's impossible, haha! (Seeing Qizhi, he said to him) Hey, why don’t you buy shoes?

Qi: See clearly, I am a sculpture!

Da: Oh, it’s a sculpture. No wonder, he still takes a shower standing up!

Qi: Are you standing on the side of the road taking a shower again?

Da: (staring at him for a moment) Sculpture, what kind of sculpture is this?

Qi: The proud man of the times

Da: The proud man of the times< /p>

Qi: Huh?

Big: (spitting at him) You deserve it too! Are you the pride of the times? Just wear a pair of bragging pants when standing on the street! (Pulls his trousers) I can tell at a glance that you are not a sculpture. There are sculptures of people standing on the street wearing bragging pants!

Qi: A big sister forced me to wear this! (A look of grievance)

Da: Even if you are the proud man of the times, it will never be your turn!

Qi: Then——

Da: At least it’s me!

Qi: You are worthy of selling shoe brushes!

Da: Yeah, I have a pretty big temper. What's wrong with selling shoe brushes? Any business that makes big money starts from small to big! Look at Bill Gates, the richest man, didn’t he start from a small business? Do you know what my previous generation did?

Qi: I don’t know

Da: Selling toothbrushes!

Qi: So now you sell shoe brushes

Da: Hey, this is called growing up from a young age

Qi: You will definitely sell brooms in the future!

Da: Hey, how did you know?

Qi: You have such a big future!

Big: What happened to selling brooms? You can become famous by selling brooms. Once you become famous, you will be a pride and a star!

Qi: That’s true, otherwise there is a saying called broom star!

Da: If you are famous, you are a proud person; if you are not famous, you are a fool. So I am the proud one

Qi: (helplessly) I am a fool

Da: No, you are a beggar! Change, change immediately

Qi: How to change, how to change

Big: Raise that hand high, above your head! Here, hold these two shoe brushes! (Change it for him personally) Hey, give me an advertisement by the way! Hahaha!

Qi: I am the proud man of my era, and I have used two brushes!

Da: That’s great. When others come over and take a look, wow, the proud man of the times, hey, he really has two brushes! (Exits, saying proudly) I really love art! It’s time to sell shoes!

Qi: Why do you love art and waste art! Look at this man, he is dressed as a brush seller, and asked me to hold him a shoe brush. Is he selling arms? I have to give him a bomb. Is he selling mahjong? I have to give him 80,000 yuan.

Is he a bastard? I have to give him a bastard! I put a slogan on my body, "If you want to be a hero, please eat bastard eggs." Am I advertising?

Da: (on stage) Well, everyone, please pay attention. Let me introduce myself. I am here to receive foreign guests in this city. I have great good news for everyone. There is an overseas Chinese, a billionaire, who will soon return to his hometown to invest! He will pass by here in a while. When he passes by, everyone should cooperate. When he comes, everyone should stand more beautifully. Unmarried women should stand in the first row, married women should stand in the second row, and those who look ugly should stay out. It will affect the appearance of the city.

Qi: Here comes a foreign businessman, or a gangster

Da: In order not to affect our image

Qi: Long Those who are ugly are not allowed to meet!

Da: You are a typical example! Not to mention how ugly he is, he also wears big pants and lifts two brushes! Let's go home quickly!

Qi: See clearly, I am a sculpture

Da: Are you a sculpture? What kind of sculpture?

Qi: The proud son of the times

Da: I think you look like the proud son of the times! (meaning pig) What does it mean for a proud man to lift two brushes?

Qi: This shows that there are two brushes in our city!

Da: What should we use to express the style of the citizens of our city in practice?

Qi: How to express it?

Da: First do the actions of a thinker

Qi: Thinker, Rodin's

Da: Well, yes

Qi : Is that so?

Da: Yeah. Look how classy this action is!

Qi: What kind of grade is there? Holding two brushes in the hand is called grade

Da: This shows that we are refreshing the industry. Hurry up and squat down and take a step forward

Qi: What about squatting down?

Da: This is called opposing the war. We have just taken the first step

Qi: It seems we are humble

Da: Hey, yes. Put one finger forward

Qi: I know this, this is called victory in front

Da: Put a good posture, we are the pride of the times. The leader came soon, and I went to prepare (exit)

Qi: (helpless) Those who know know that I am the pride of the times, and those who don’t know think that I am a symbol. Not far ahead of the symbol is Public toilet! (The soldier enters the scene) This foreign businessman is here. I want to give him a good reception and show my enthusiasm

Da: (in a very old voice) Hehehehe, I haven’t been back to my hometown for a long time and I don’t even recognize him. ! There are so many fellow villagers cheering! Hello folks! (To the audience, turn your back to the sculpture)

Qi: Foreign businessmen are good (a bit like shouting slogans)

Da: Hahaha, you are so polite! Thanks for your hard work, folks!

Qi: Foreign businessmen have a harder time!

Da: Well, the folks are all rich, right?

Odd: Foreign businessmen are getting richer!

Big: Have all the folks got a tan?

Qi: Foreign businessmen are even worse! (I feel something is wrong when I say black, so I shut up immediately)

Da: (seriously for a moment) Huh?

Qi: (grievance) a little darker

Da: What do you mean a little darker

Qi: Uh, no, no

Da: I heard that a new sculpture has been added to our hometown! The proud man of the times, let me see the new look of the people in my hometown! (Turns around to look at the sculpture, and gradually begins to cry) Ahhh~ Daddy, Daddy! Your soul in heaven can rest in peace, dad.

I said that the people in my hometown are good, and I even built a sculpture for you, Dad

Qi: Stand up, stand up, stand up, stand up, tell me clearly, how did I become your father? ?

Da: You look exactly like my dad when he was young,

Qi: Your dad used to be the proud man of the times,

Da: He is not the proud man

p>

Qi: He is a thinker

Da: He cannot talk about thinking

Qi: He is a foreign businessman

Da: Ah, he is a person with trauma. Internal injuries

Qi: He was beaten! Did your father do it?

Da: I brush leather shoes

Qi: (Looking like he wants to cry) I am so unlucky to have these two brushes!

Big: My dad is just like you, a poor man can only hold a pair of pants!

Qi: These are the shorts my eldest sister wore for me

Da: Yes, my dad’s shorts are the shorts my eldest sister wore for him!

Qi: Your dad’s brush is also about refreshing ideas

大: Refreshing is a shitty idea. It not only makes the leather shoes shiny, but also cannot paint other people’s shoes. sock!

Qi: That doesn’t matter, pointing one finger forward means victory is ahead!

Big: Fart wins first, he is saying, hey, that person, you are playing with leather shoes and you haven’t paid me yet!