When children learn to curse, how should parents guide their education?

I see everyone saying that parents must set a good example. Yes, parents themselves cannot say bad words, but besides parents, won’t children be exposed to anyone else? As children get older, they will always have playmates. Children in kindergartens or playgrounds. If one of them likes to swear, your child will probably follow suit.

Moreover, do you think that, in a sense, swear words are actually quite "powerful"?

"Please leave" and "Get out of here" are completely different levels of toughness. How could the child not feel it?

At a certain age, such as four or five years old, some children still enjoy swearing. Seeing their parents going crazy and angry because of it but showing them as helpless, they will feel that they are suddenly powerful. So energetic.

How should you deal with a child swearing?

First of all, parents cannot use swear words, and their children’s kindergarten teachers cannot use swear words. Other children in the kindergarten are not allowed to "use swear words continuously for a long time." Don't give your children an environment with a lot of swear words. If other children in the kindergarten always say swear words, please ask the teacher to deal with it.

Secondly, there is the technical approach.

There are two situations when children say swear words. One is that the mood is not up and down, but they are just a little unhappy and say swear words to vent. For example, if a child wants to eat snacks and the parents don’t give them to him, the child will say, “What the hell, there’s something wrong with your brain. Why don’t you give them to me?”

At this time, parents should pay attention and hold still. Don't be angry about your emotions, calm down for a while.

When you feel yourself relaxed, go to the child and say to the child in a very gentle but firm tone: "I heard some bad words from your mouth. Come with me." "Bathroom, spit those bad words into the toilet."

Then take the child to the bathroom and ask the child to spit in the toilet. At this time, the child will spit some saliva into the toilet, or say dirty words to the toilet. Just let him say it to the toilet.

When he wants to leave, you ask him "Have you finished vomiting?" and he says "I've finished vomiting." Then you ask him to open his mouth, and you check again to see if there is anything left in his mouth. Dirty stuff. If you feel that there is no more dirt in his mouth, ask him to press the flush button to flush away the vomited things. If you think there's still a little left, ask him to spit some more and then rinse it away.

(If the child talks dirty words to the toilet for a long time, tell the child that you will wait for him at the bathroom door. When he has finished speaking, he will come out and tell you. Then you close the bathroom door and let him A person said in the bathroom. )

Another situation is when the child actually has a clear request, such as wanting to go to grandma’s house, but cannot go due to objective conditions, the child’s mood swings are particularly high. Very angry, extremely dissatisfied, crying and yelling, "You bad mother! You are shameless, why don't you allow me to go to grandma's house! Rotten things! Stinky things! Bad guys!"

When a child is particularly emotional, When the whole person is trembling with anger, adults should be careful not to interact with children, do not reason, do not explain, do not entangle, do not accuse, and do not get angry.

No matter how the child yells, adults only need to say gently to the child: "Baby, if you yell and talk like this, mommy can't hear what you are saying. Can you speak to mommy gently?" ”

At this time, the adults should do other things, such as cleaning the house and mopping the floor. They should not surround the children, but make sure that the children are within sight.

The child may come to interfere with the mother mopping the floor, and then the mother repeats to him: "Baby, if you yell and talk like this, mother can't hear what you are saying. Are you ready to talk gently?" Did mom say that?"

Slowly, when the child has had enough trouble, he will try to ask his mother in a low voice, "Why can't he go to grandma's house?" Then the mother will tell the child why and negotiate with the child. When can I go next time?

If you did not agree with your child to buy toys before, you can also negotiate with your child at this time about the conditions under which you can buy them, such as waiting until next week, or the child saves his own pocket money to buy them.

After the negotiation is completed, say to the child as usual: "Mom just heard you say something bad, let's go spit it in the toilet."

Then Take your child to throw up in the toilet.

The advantage of this is that the child will understand that swearing and yelling are not normal ways of communication. If he encounters conflicts with other people in the future, he will try to calmly deal with them. Express your demands.

If you spit dirty words in the toilet, your child will also understand that "dirty words" are probably the same as poop, which is not good and needs to be flushed away by the water in the toilet, so he will not keep talking. .

Of course, this pattern is not immediate, and the child will still say swear words again and again. However, as long as you stick to this method, it won't take long for your child to lose interest in swearing and stop saying it. This process may take a week or half a month. From my experience, a month at most is enough.

Qin Yuhui, Department of Psychology, Wuhan University

Let me talk about the situation of seven or eight-year-old children.

1. Set a correct example for children and help them establish correct behavior patterns through demonstration learning. Many parents will think: "So what if I curse a few times in a hurry? What do children know at such a young age?" But the psychologist Bandura did an experiment. He divided children with an average age of four and a half into two groups and showed them two videos. In one video, an adult male was punished after attacking a doll. In another video, an adult male is rewarded after attacking a doll. Afterwards, Bandura took the two groups of children into similar environments. As a result, children who observed an adult who attacked a doll being rewarded showed more aggression than children who observed an adult who attacked a doll being punished.

This shows that although the children are still young and did not show aggressive behavior on the spot, they have actually learned this strategy through observation. This behavior can explode when the right situation arises. The same goes back to the topic. When parents or other elders curse, children have silently observed the behavior of their elders. If he finds that swearing can vent his anger and shock others, when he needs to vent and shock, he will naturally adopt this behavioral strategy and feel at ease (my father/mother is like this, and I am like this) It’s also possible).

Therefore, parents need to lead by example and solve problems themselves without using curse words. And you can make a three-part agreement with the child: "Child, the habit of swearing is not good. If any of us makes this mistake, it is the puppy, and it must bark three times!" In this way, on the one hand, the child will worry about being punished , falling into an embarrassing situation (like a puppy, barking, barking); on the other hand, the child will become a supervisor and improve the awareness not to curse. Over time, he will internalize the concept that "swearing is wrong" and form strong self-monitoring.

At the same time, the very practical situation is that it is difficult for parents to control other elders, such as grandparents not to curse. If a child says, "Grandpa is a puppy and wants to bark, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof", the scene will be very embarrassing. Therefore, parents can also vaccinate their children: "Child, the behavior of swearing is indeed bad. But when grandparents are old, it is very difficult to correct them. We also need to understand them, okay? I also hope you can give Form this good habit, otherwise it will be difficult to correct it when you grow up. “In this way, children will adjust their absolute thinking (I do this, everyone should do this), and slowly learn to understand others and adapt while maintaining their own ideas. environment.

2. Adjust the child’s understanding of the scolding behavior and treat the scolding behavior coldly to make this behavior pattern subside. Many parents may be very tired when they return home after a busy day. They sit on the sofa watching TV or playing on WeChat, and lack enough attention to their children. Only when children have bad behaviors, such as swearing, will parents become anxious and pay more attention to their children's growth. Therefore, many children will form the concept that only if I make trouble and behave badly, my parents will pay attention to me.

Therefore, they will use negative methods, such as swearing, to gain parents' attention, while ignoring the negative impact of such behavior.

In the face of this situation, parents need to tell their children the disadvantages of swearing and adjust their concepts and motivations: "Child, swearing is a very bad behavior. XXX child often curses, so everyone does not follow him Although the teacher often mentions him, he actually doesn’t like him and doesn’t want to care about him. So if you often scold him, there will be no children to play with you and you will not be loved by the teacher. First, the child will fully realize the serious consequences of swearing (no one will play with me, the teacher will not like him), thus reducing his motivation to continue to curse.

In addition, parents need to adjust their own strategies: pay attention to their children only when they behave well, and deal with their bad behavior coldly to make the scolding behavior subside. Parents can tell their children: "Child, your father/mother will play with you only if you behave well. If you curse, your father/mother will ignore you for half an hour." When a child curses, parents should tell them immediately. He: "You cursed, so we stopped talking for half an hour." In this way, the children will understand the reason why their parents ignore them, and understand that scolding will not get attention, and only by performing well can they get attention. Over time, the behavior of swearing to gain attention subsided.

3. Strengthen correct coping methods and help children establish positive interaction patterns. After letting children understand that "swearing to solve problems" is wrong, parents should also help their children develop correct coping strategies. When a child curses because he is being excluded by other classmates, parents can ask him: "Child, do you think swearing will make other children like you and play with you? Or will it make them stay away and ignore you even more? ""If you can take the initiative to talk to them, share toys with them, and give them some delicious food, will they understand you better and be more willing to be friends with you? "

Passed? With this kind of guidance, parents will give their children an expectation: approaching and sharing toys and food can help me make friends, while swearing will push friends away. Such expectations also strengthen the child's positive interaction style and make him more motivated to get along with others in a friendly manner.

When a child adjusts his scolding behavior and adopts a more positive and friendly way of coping, parents can also cook him a table of delicious food, or take him to the children's playground and tell him: "My child, you can be kind." Get along well with children, make a few new friends, and your parents will be proud of you." Children will understand that friendly interactions are encouraged and will be praised by parents. Therefore, in response to love and praise, he will also reduce his swearing behavior. Be more positive and friendly with others. Once he has had enough successful experiences with this kind behavior, he will be able to reinforce himself through a sense of control and accomplishment, eventually forming a positive pattern of interaction.