The girl angrily tore up the slogan "Hong Kong independence news"

Candidate: I didn't graduate from primary school.

Examiner: Have you ever been in a fight?

Candidate: It's the usual practice.

Examiner: Do you have a criminal record?

Candidate: Just came out.

Examiner: What about physical fitness?

Candidate: Not bad. You can kick over the peddler's tricycle with one foot.

Examiner: Dare to take other people's things?

Examinee: This is my strong point, just like taking my own things.

Examiner: Does the old man dare to fight?

Candidate: Cai Xiao, my father crippled me.

Examiner: You passed the exam. What our city management needs is talents like you!

Examiner: One more question. What should I do if something happens?

Applicant: Just say it's a temporary worker.

Examiner: Go to work tonight.

2. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned back and said, "Are you sick?"

The man was puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can you cure it?"

The whole car is funny!

The bus driver stopped and laughed on the steering wheel!

Second:

The bus was very crowded, and a woman stood at the door.

A GG pushed out of the car from the back and said to the woman, "Sorry, get off.".

The woman didn't move.

GG stepped on her when she pushed past.

As a result, this woman was so powerful that she kept cursing: "You are crazy! You're crazy! ~ ~ ",loud enough for the whole car to watch.

GG hasn't spoken. When he got off the bus, he couldn't stand it. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!"

There are some interesting children in the back. They have been playing the scene just now.

A said, "You are crazy! ............................... "B" said: "You repeat the machine, you ..."

The whole car laughed ~!

Later, a little MM also got off the bus, squeezed past and said timidly, "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not crazy ~!" "

The whole car laughed again ~!

The woman didn't speak, and a word came from the side: "Are you out of power?"

The whole car is laughing ~!

3. Confucius said; Fight with bricks, don't play chaos! Press your head! Whether you are dead or not!

Buddha said; Bullshit! I am kind! Stop playing! A brick is dead! ! !

On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but 1 yuan. Sitting from the starting point to the finish line, it was calm all the way. But when I got off at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "When an adult goes out without anything, it is not shameful to lose him." - "

On Tuesday, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. - "

On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet, which contained 100 counterfeit bills. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "It is illegal to hide a large face value, so please turn it over to the relevant department consciously. - "

On Thursday, I took an envelope containing a stack of overdue People's Daily of Talented People in the Straits. When I arrived at the terminal, I found the envelope was still there. I took out my newspaper and looked at it. The newspaper was replaced by the latest straits talent newspaper, with the remark of 1: "Now is the consulting era. Only by updating information in time can we seize the opportunity and win success! - "

On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the mobile phone was still there, and there was another note: "Please don't make such jokes, which will affect the normal work of our company. - "

On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it in my waist. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone and a note was stuffed in my pants: "I hate you robbers most, you have no technical content at all!" " Confiscate criminal tools! - "

On Sunday, I was about to get on the bus, but there were too many people to squeeze in. While waiting for the next train, I felt in my pocket and found that I had more money from 20 yuan and a note: "Big Brother, it's not easy to do our job all day. This is 20 yuan. You can take a taxi to where you want to go, please don't mess with us. "

6. One day, there were too many people on the bus, which was hot and boring. I don't know who farted, which made the environment worse. My friend can't stand it, and I don't know who it is. I can't help it As it happens, the conductor is asking, "Who didn't buy the ticket?" My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly, "Fart didn't buy a ticket!" " Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly, "I have bought the ticket!" "

7. A sculpture was completed in the new building of a university: a girl held a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. This name was publicly solicited from students outside the school, and as a result, many people's slogans coincide-reading is the best for a bird!

9. The loss of bicycles in school is very serious. The new car disappears in the blink of an eye, but sometimes with luck, the lost bicycles will reappear every few days. One day, my roommate Xiao Jing bought a new gearbox car. She showed off to everyone and said, "I locked this car with the latest lock!" " The next day, Xiao Jing came back from self-study at night and looked depressed. He still holds a note in his hand, which reads: Don't be the master here, I borrowed the car, and I will pay you back in a few days!

A few days later, the thief really returned the car. Xiao Jing is very happy, but she is worried that the car will be "borrowed" again. He bought ten big locks, locked the car tightly, and put a note on the thief: See how you "borrow"! When Xiao Jing went downstairs the next morning, she found five more locks on the car, and there was a note on the lock: See how you ride!

There are three tadpoles at 10. They went to a restaurant for dinner ... and waited for a while. The first course was fried frogs. ..

Three tadpoles sang in unison: I don't want to grow up. ...

1 1 One day, Cao Cao arrested Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei. Cao Cao said to the three of them that each of you should go to the orchard and choose a fruit. After a while, Zhang Fei took out an apple. Cao Cao said that if they can put the fruit they brought into their ass, they will be released. Zhang Fei tried for a while without success, so he was killed. After a while, Guan Yu came out with three grapes and Cao Cao said the same thing to him. Guan Yu started stuffing things ... when he stuffed the third one, Guan Yu suddenly smiled, and as a result, he smashed the grapes again and was killed. After arriving in the underworld, the prince asked Guan Yu, "You are so stupid, why are you laughing?" Guan Yu sighed and said, "If you don't laugh, you won't die." I don't want to! Jealous beauty! When I stuffed the third one, I suddenly saw Brother Liu coming out with a durian ... "

12, I went to eat KFC yesterday. The man behind me looks like a couple. Seeing that they ordered a lot of food, they sat next to me. After sitting down, the girl began to eat hard, as if she had been hungry for several days, while the boy chewed French fries one by one, as if he had something on his mind.

Suddenly, the boy put down the French fries, leaned down and asked seriously, "Qingqing, can I chase you?" "

Without looking up, the girl said directly, "No!"

The boy asked again, "Is this completely impossible?"

The girl simply said, "Not at all!"

The boy froze, looked straight at her and stayed there …

At that time, the girl held a chicken leg in one hand and a hamburger in the other. She thought the boy was watching her, so she stopped eating, then looked at the boy with poor eyes and whispered, "So ... can I still eat?" "

Everyone around me, including me, laughed. The boy said helplessly, "Eat, eat ..."

This MM is so cute ... if I don't let it go, I must chase it ... desperately! ! ! !

13, I have been restless at school. I taught myself for the first time when I was a freshman. I was depressed sitting in the classroom, and then I ran to the aisle to smoke.

Not long after I lit a cigarette, a PL girl came over and asked me, "I'm teaching myself now! How did you get out? "

I said, I'm bored by smoking. Well, which class are you in? How also ran out.

PLMM pointed to our classroom and said, that class!

At that time, I was particularly excited to say, are we in the same class? What, are you depressed?

She said: well, a freshman in our class came out from self-study and I came out to find him.

I smiled, it seems that someone still can't sit still. What do you want from him? You're not his mother!

MM: I can't help it. I'm his head teacher!

I was cheated ...

A minute later, I choked up and said, Teacher, you look so young …

14 dad is a worker in a glass factory and has the habit of working with gloves.

One night shift, he took a taxi home. When the car passed a small forest in the suburbs, a cool breeze blew. Dad felt a little cold, so he took out the glove strap from his pocket. The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and asked cautiously, "Brother, what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing, I'm used to it. I always wear gloves when I work, so I won't cut myself or leave any marks ... "

15 A middle-aged man went to a local private hotel on business.

When eating the night before, the middle-aged man was very upset when he saw several stains on the edge of the plate.

He asked the hotel owner, "This dish looks dirty." The boss replied, "Don't worry, mineral water will make it clean."

Hearing this answer, middle-aged people began to eat very comfortably.

A week passed, the middle-aged man ate in the hotel every day and met a big dog in the hotel.

When leaving, the middle-aged man walked out of the gate, and the dog reluctantly caught up with him and held him tightly and wouldn't let him leave.

Seeing this, the hotel owner went to the dog and patted it on the head. He said softly, "Let the guests go, mineral water."

The hunter hunted and saw two birds in the tree. He shot down one with a gun and found it hairless. Just wondering, another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: Damn, I just coaxed her to take off her clothes, and you shot her down. . .

A parrot was hung in front of a hotel. When a guest arrived, he said, "Hello, welcome!" " An old customer thought, I'll go in and see your reaction. One day he ran in and the parrot said, "Damn it! You scared me! ! ! "

18 A child in the delivery room smiled after birth. The midwife was very surprised. When she gathered around to observe, she found the child's fist clenched tightly. After breaking it, she found that it was an abortion pill. She only heard the child say: He *! Do you want to kill me? It's not that easy! !

19 After the performance, the leader took the stage to hold the beautiful Mongolian actress's hand and asked her name. The actress said excitedly, Maragabi

20 stops are higher and you can see farther; Clear water means no fish, while lowly people are invincible! Go your own way and let others take a taxi. Wear other people's shoes and let others find them.

2 1 what is depression? Just hit more than 30 people, hugged a handful of hemp, stole a wallet, and my wife ran away with someone. At home, when I smelled porridge, it was still rancid. As soon as my eyes turned, the ambulance went to the hospital and fell into a ditch!

Moon cakes fall in love with steamed bread and pursue it desperately. Steamed bread swears to death. The moon cake is sad: (Hong Kong accent) What is this for? Steamed bread: My mother said that your stomach is full of huahuachangzi.

One day, hens were flying around on the roof, and the owner said angrily, "Come down, or I will kill all the cocks here and make your life worse than death." The hen smiled and said, "Finally, we can find the duck."

An American, a Frenchman and an China were walking in the desert. They saw a bottle. After opening the cork, a man came out. The man said, "I am a fairy, and I can satisfy each of you three wishes!" " Americans first said, "My first wish is to ask for a lot of money." The fairy said, "it's very simple, it satisfies you!" Tell me about the second wish. " The American said, "I want a lot of money!" " "After the fairy fulfilled his wish, the American said his third wish:" Take me home. The fairy said, "No problem. "So the United States

Americans returned to America with a lot of money. The fairy asked the Frenchman again. The Frenchman said, "I want a beautiful woman!" " "The fairy gave him a beautiful woman. The Frenchman said, "I want more beautiful women!" " "The fairy also satisfied him and gave him a beautiful woman. The Frenchman finally said, "Send me back to France." After the fairy sent the French back to China, she asked the China people what they wanted. China people said, "Let's have a bottle of Erguotou first." The fairy gave it to him. Ask him what his second wish is. China people said, "Another bottle of Erguotou!" The fairy asked him what his third wish was. China said, "I miss China and Americans very much. Please bring them all back. " The French and Americans are extremely popular, but they are helpless, so the three of them can only go on. Walking, I saw another bottle. When I opened the plug, another man came out. The man said, "I am the younger brother of that fairy just now, and my magic is not as strong as his, so I can only satisfy two wishes of each of you." The French and Americans think it's best to let China speak first, so as not to be brought back by him later. So China people said, "Let's have a bottle of Erguotou first." The fairy realized his wish. The French and Americans urged the people of China to express their second wish as soon as possible. After drinking Erguotou, China people slowly said to the immortal, "OK.

Okay, that's okay. Go away. "An American, a Japanese and a China are exploring in the jungle. As a result, they were all arrested by cannibal tribes. But the tribal chief said, "I'm in a good mood today. I won't eat you, but you all have to get a hundred boards, but you can have a wish come true before you get a board." "Americans are the first to get the board. He said, "Before hitting the board, put 1 mat on my ass." Mats, boards rained down; In the past, 70 boards were ok. After hitting 70 boards, the mat was smashed, and then there was blood on the board ... After that, America always left. When the Japanese saw it, they asked for a 10 mattress. After 1, 2, 3 ... 100, the Japanese got up and patted their ass, but nothing happened; Then he bragged about his imitation ability and re-creation ability with his smelly mouth, and wanted to sit in the Chinese drama. The China people slowly squatted down and said slowly, "Come, give me the Japanese mat." …

A farmer went to the city for medical treatment. When he saw the doctor's promise, he said,' Doctor, I have a stomachache'. When he saw a farmer, he said angrily,' Go and have a urine test, a stool test and a blood test'. Farmer Shao Qing looked pale and said to the doctor, "Doctor, I swallowed blood and urine, that's all." .

Shit. . . . I can't swallow anything I say-#'

1 The child asked his mother, "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! Is this child B from the C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF doesn't wear it, and there is a small GG. "

2. The four results of breast enhancement: 1 are very different; 2 very different; 3 different; Four is different.

An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your boobs grow on your back?" The camel said, "Stay away from death, I won't talk to anything with a lucky face!" " "The snake laughed hysterically after listening to the conversation between the elephant and the camel. The elephant turned to the snake and said, "Laugh! You have a face, Qi Ji, you are not qualified! "

The driver sent the leader to the literary evening, and the leader entered the venue. The driver was stopped by the security guard. The driver said that I and the leader are a system. The security guard said, "JB and eggs are also a system. JB went in, can eggs go in? "

An adult man came to a hotel. He saw many beautiful cars in the garage, so he asked the boss why there were so many beautiful cars. The boss told him that I have a five-year-old son who can do three things. If you can follow suit, you can pick a car here and drive away. If not, get out of your car. Many people can't do it, so ... he thought, a five-year-old child can. The boss took him to a room where there was a beautiful naked beauty. The child kissed her and he kissed her in return. Then the child touched the beauty's whole body, and he also touched it. The third thing, the child took out the little Didi and bent it three times. ...

A man saw an advertisement: no surgery, no hospitalization, let your genitals become bigger and thicker easily! I am ecstatic and remit money immediately. A few days later, I received the parcel and eagerly opened it! ! It's a magnifying glass!

A village woman went to town for the first time and wanted to go to the toilet. She hasn't seen each other for a long time, so she asked the policeman in desperation: Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the mother toilet?

I feel like a pervert. I have Oedipus, and I like the best mature women. Why do I think of Cao's grandmother every time I see the face of the supermarket supervisor?

Some people's love is erotic, some are erotic, some are comedies, and some are literary films; I am the worst. My love process is literary films, comedies, third-rate films, pornography, suspense films, action films, and finally horror films. What's more, there are tmd advertisements ...

I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" " Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong." This can be very sad. ...

One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and roared: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver is also furious: I see where you pay for it!

Someone has just been abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to meet his ex-girlfriend flirting with her new lover in the street. The more he watched it, the angrier he became, trying to humiliate them. So I said hello politely and said contemptuously to my girlfriend's new love, "You don't dislike my used second-hand goods!" Just as he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said, "One inch outside is old, and everything inside is brand new!" "

Taiwanese businessmen doing business in Chinese mainland like to go to entertainment places every night because their families are in Taiwan Province Province. One day, he was unfortunately caught by the police, and the Taiwanese certificate was stamped with the word "prostitute". He was very unhappy, so he spent some money through his connections to get rid of this indecent term.

A week later, his friend told him that it was finished. He thought, as long as there is money in the mainland, what else is impossible? After receiving the Taiwanese certificate, he excitedly opened it and saw three big characters covered inside: non-prostitute.

Later, he tried to get rid of the word "non-prostitute" through stronger people, because he felt that these three words were still indecent, so this account must be solved. Because he will go back to Taiwan Province Province next month ... My friends have repeatedly assured him that there will be no problem, but politeness is absolutely indispensable.

Another week later, his friend came to him and said, "It really worked this time!" " ! He hurriedly took the Taiwan Province certificate, I saw it read:

"African fire worm"

In the evening, one of the four people fell asleep in the dormitory, and three people discussed how to express their confession after chasing girls for the first time. The discussion was heated, and the sleeper woke up ... and said, Don't say anything, let's go to bed. ...

A 67-year-old couple went to a sex clinic for treatment.

The doctor asked, "What's the problem?"

The man replied, "Do you want to see us have sex?"

Although the doctor was a little confused, he agreed.

After that, the doctor said you did a good job, no problem.

So I charged them $32 for medical treatment.

In the next few weeks, the couple came to see the doctor several times. They all made an appointment first and came to the clinic to ask the doctor to watch them have sex. The doctor also announced that there was no problem every time and charged $32 for treatment.

On this day, the doctor couldn't bear it anymore and asked, "What problem do you want to find out?"

The old man replied, "No, he is married, and we can't go to his house. I can't go to my house when I am married. Holiday Inn charges $60, Hilton Hotel charges $78, and you only need to pay $32, and I can deduct $28 from my medical insurance ... "

In order to cooperate with the overall sales of Viagra pills in China, a pharmaceutical sales company invited a group of advertising elites to write advertising words.

After racking their brains, one of them still got nothing and was ashamed of the host's hospitality. When handing in the paper, he handed in a blank sheet of paper in shame and said, Sorry, I can't think of it.

The next day, the best advertising language was announced and everyone was shocked. Viagra China's slogan is:

I don't want to ... show up ...

The professor asked: What do rotten radishes and pregnant women have in common?

A student replied, it's all bugs. Only get 60 points.

Another student got full marks, and the answer was: It was all because he was late.

Dong Zhuo gave a banquet to entertain Lu Bu, Marotta and other confidants, and the story of Dixin was also accompanied. In order to test everyone's loyalty, Zhuo is famous for painting black breasts. During the dinner, the candle suddenly went out. When we look again, everyone's hands are black and clean. Zhuosui rewards cloth, smiles, and is stupid.

Q: Who is the most pitiful person in the world?

A: Artillery company cookhouse squad soldiers!

Q: Why?

A: I wear a green hat to take the fall and watch others have sex all day!

Several little boys scraped together a dozen dollars to buy toys, but they were very worried: What can a dozen dollars buy? One suggestion: go and buy sanitary napkins! People don't understand and ask why. The boy said, I don't know, but TV says that with it, you can climb mountains, water ski, play ball and skate, and be happy without worry!

The condom said to the sanitary napkin: Sister, don't go to work. As soon as you go to work, I will have no business for seven days! Sanitary napkins to condoms: Big Brother, are you satisfied? If you fucking leak, I won't have a job for ten months!

There is a man and a woman crossing the bridge. A tiger glared at the bridge, and the woman took off her clothes after a little thinking. The man also learned to undress, but was tackled by the tiger. Men don't understand? The tiger said, do you think you have a stick to beat Song Wu?

The female reporter asked the farmer about the origin of mad cow disease. The farmer says I have to milk ten times a day, but cows can only mate once a year. The reporter is puzzled; The host said loudly: Rub your breasts every day and have sex once a year. Can you not be crazy?

1. Brother, stop touching it! You touched the top and the bottom, and your hair fell out. With such tender skin, you have touched all the water! How do you want me to sell it later? These peaches are all fresh, so don't buy them!

A row of women are waiting for guests in the street. The 80-year-old lady was curious and asked, What are you waiting for? * Women have a bad temper: wait for lollipops! The old woman joined the queue for candy and was caught. The policeman asked the old woman, Can you do without teeth? The old woman smiled and said, I can lick it.

A mosquito came to town and was very hungry. Seeing a young lady with a towering chest, she took a sharp bite. As a result, her mouth was full of silica gel, so she sighed: "Alas, food safety is too problematic! Where can I find safe milk? "

One day, there was a power outage at home. I picked up the phone in all kinds of boredom, but no one answered my friend's phone. Put the phone down, I'm tired of walking around the room. Just then, the phone rang. I almost jumped to the phone.

"Hello, hello." I seldom use "hello" when I answer the phone at home, which shows how excited I am after a long drought.

"Hello, this is China Netcom Customer Service Center. "The girl's sweet voice.

"Ah, well, that's all right."

"ah? What did you say, sir? "

"Uh .. didn't say anything. What can I do for you? " Obviously, I am a little overexcited.

"I want to pay a return visit to the use of broadband in your home. Excuse me? "

"Don't bother, of course, don't bother, it's too much trouble." At this time, the other party must think that there is something wrong with my nerves, or I have taken too many stimulants.

"Do you feel that your home network speed is fast?"

"Well, I can't say what is fast."

"You can visit our website, where there is a broadband area. There are free movies. "

"Ah, I have been there." More than 500 movies can be watched online for free.

"How do you feel?"

"This movie is older." I'm sorry to say.

"(The other person couldn't help laughing and quickly recovered his normal tone) I mean, how do you feel about the speed? Have you stopped?"

"Ah, well, all right. I just paused while watching "Amazing Stars". "

"Really? Is the pause long? "

"About thirty minutes."

"ah? Impossible. " She still doesn't believe it. "Why did it stop for so long? Did it collapse? "

"It didn't crash. After I cancel the timeout, I will continue the game. "

"ah? Did you pause yourself? "

"Yes, what's the matter, I have something to go out, can't you pause? Then you didn't say so earlier. " I am really wronged.

"... (On the phone, the other person whispered to a colleague for a tissue to wipe the sweat) No ~ Nothing, you can pause if you want. "

Then he asked, "Are there any other questions?"

"Let me see .. by the way, I can't download the song" I do "sung by Faye Wong. I like Faye Wong's songs best. They have unique tastes. Do you like them? " I really like Faye Wong.

"Me?"

"How did you say she divorced Dou Wei? I like their two songs very much. For example. 。” I said more than 30 songs by Faye Wong and Dou Wei in one breath. Speaking of fun, I also sang a few words. It is estimated that there are more than 20 minutes, and the other party is a little overwhelmed.

"Sir, your singing is very good, but I'm working, and I can't listen any more. It's a pity. "

"Oh, yes, you are working. Oh, look, I forgot. Which unit are you from? "

"Net .. Netcom Customer Service Center." The voice on the phone choked me.

"Oh .. netcom. Why did you call me? "

The voice just fell and I only listened to the phone. 1, and then I heard many people calling her name anxiously. ..

North Korea: Big Brother, I'm going to do a nuclear test.

China: OK, when?

Chao: 10。

English: 10? 10 What? 10 day or 10 hour?

North Korea: 9, 8, 7, 6. . .

China: Your uncle.

Dear Wukong:

I am slow to write this letter because I know you can't read it quickly.

We have moved, but the address hasn't changed, because we brought our house number when we moved.

It rained twice this week, the first time for 3 days and the second time for 4 days.

Yesterday we went to buy pizza, and the clerk asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I said 8 yuan is enough, 12 yuan can't be eaten.

I sent you a coat, so I cut the button and put it in my pocket for fear of being overweight.

Chang 'e was born, because she didn't know whether it was a man or a woman, so she didn't know whether you should be an uncle or an aunt.

Finally, I told you that I wanted to send you money, but the envelope was sealed.

Mid-Autumn Festival is coming, don't forget to tell the children something long, long ago:

It was blue then,

The water is also green,

Crops grow in the ground,

Pork is safe to eat,

Mice are still afraid of cats,

The court is reasonable,

Marriage is falling in love,

Barbers only cut their hair,

Drugs can cure diseases,

Doctors save lives,

You don't have to sleep with the director to make a movie.

Wear clothes when taking pictures.

You must pay back the money you owe,

The father of the child knows very well,

Sell dog meat without hanging sheep's head.

You can't marry MM,

You have to pay for things,

One day, a couple was walking in the park. When a girl suddenly wanted to fart, she said to the man, "honey, do you want to hear me sing like a cuckoo?" The husband said that the girl farted while imitating the cuckoo. The girl asked the boy if he looked good. The boy said the fart was too loud and he didn't hear it.

"Why did my girlfriend get pregnant after I ate more than a dozen pieces of Yuting?"