"I go to work, you bully my daughter-in-law at home!" See how die-hard fathers discipline their sons.

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Some time ago, a little boy cried and "played" 10 minutes of game video.

There is a piece of paper on the wall with the word "game" written on it.

The boy kept patting the paper with his hand, and his father was holding a timer to strictly time 10 minutes.

It turned out that in order to punish his son for not listening to his mother, the boy father came up with this hard-core punishment method.

Dad said to his wronged son, "Come here! I go to work, you bully my daughter-in-law at home and start playing games for ten minutes! "

Besides "playing games", Dad also wrote many projects on the wall: TV, playing with mud and iPad. ......

For example, punish children to "brush" the iPad with a brush.

Some netizens also questioned whether this method is really useful. This kind of punishment is only interesting to adults, and children may feel humiliated in their hearts.

We can't beat and scold. Children are disobedient when they make mistakes. How can we "make rules" well?

Beware of venting punishment

When punishing children, there are indeed many parents who can't control their emotions, go to extremes and forget the original intention of punishing children.

2065438+0919 At 4: 45 a.m. on February 5th, Xu Peng, the captain of the railway police Duty Brigade, received an alarm from the passenger 1 10:

There is a boy in thin clothes begging at Shanghai Railway Station.

The police rushed to the scene to take the begging boy to the duty room. Upon inquiry, the boy was complained by the teacher for not doing his homework. His father took him to the station in a rage, gave him a bowl and put down his cruel words: I'll pick you up at dawn. And all this, boys and mothers don't know.

Finally, with the help of the police, the boy's mother came to pick it up. The police said that this behavior not only made children sick, but also affected the public order at the station like begging.

After criticism and education, parents realized their mistakes. Rational education and careful guidance are the key.

At the end of 20 19, Yueyue Zhou, a million-fan parenting blogger, published a long article and shared his experiences in punishing children.

Because the 6-year-old second daughter didn't finish her homework, Yueyue Zhou left her alone at home, and she and her husband went to Changlong, Zhuhai to play.

The main points are as follows:

This punishment is because the second child didn't finish his homework.

(2) The 6-year-old second child is afraid and doesn't want to be alone at home. He cried and begged, but Yueyue Zhou refused.

(3) Nanny and neighbors want to accompany their children, but Yueyue Zhou refuses, so she can check her daughter by turning on the monitor.

My daughter called twice for help. She didn't go home to pick up the children at the first time, but arranged another task.

This punishment is very effective. All three children are obedient and thank themselves for their ruthlessness.

However, what if the 6-year-old child is left at home alone and the child is burned? What about running away from home? What if you are kidnapped?

Does such punishment bring children growth, knowledge and progress, or timidity, fear and even destruction?

Child psychologists once said: Parents' violence is fatal to a child, which will affect the child's personality and personality development throughout his life.

"Angry punishment" seems to win the child, but the final outcome is: not only lost the parent-child relationship, but also did not make the child really "good".

What is the punishment of science?

George Washington was the first president of the United States and served as commander-in-chief of the Continental Army in the American War of Independence. George Washington was born in a large manor family with many orchards. One day, Washington accidentally cut down the only cherry tree. Washington was afraid of being punished, so he covered the cherry tree with miscellaneous trees.

In the evening, the father came to the orchard and found the cherry tree that had been cut down. Knowing that his son had done something wrong, he pretended not to know and praised his son and said, "You are really capable. You not only cut down so many trees in one afternoon, but also piled up all the chopped miscellaneous trees. " After listening to his father's praise, Washington told his father the truth in shame and asked him to blame him.

The father put his hand on the child's shoulder and said meaningfully, "Of course, I am sad to lose a tree. I should criticize you, but I am also very happy because you have the courage to tell me the truth without lying or making excuses. I forgive you." You know, I'd rather have a child who dares to admit his mistake than an orchard full of lush cherry trees. Remember that, son. "

Washington, who is not yet sensible, looked at his father and asked inexplicably, "Why is admitting mistakes more precious than a thousand cherry trees?" My father taught me earnestly: "Only when a person dares to admit and take responsibility for his mistakes can he gain a better foothold in society and gain the trust of others."

Academician Zhong Nanshan also mentioned something that had a profound influence on him when he was interviewed by everyone.

When I was a child, Zhong Nanshan was very naughty. He took the initiative to spend the food money that should be given to the school to buy snacks.

No matter how the adults asked, he bit to death: "I don't know, learn to ask the teacher yourself."

He thought he would be beaten when the story came out.

However, as a medical expert's father, he didn't beat and scold him, but let him reflect on himself:

"Nanshan, think about it, are you doing the right thing?"

Zhong Nanshan was deeply influenced by his father's education mode of not beating or scolding.

In his later life, Zhong Nanshan always remembered his father's education, was an honest man and told the truth.

Adele Faber, the author of How to Make Children Obey, once said: Invalid punishment deprives children of the process of deep reflection on their mistakes, and every child needs correct punishment.

Ding Dangfa has a good habit of sharing the method of "punishing" children in the book How to Say Children Will Obey;

Step 1: Listen and respond to your child's needs and feelings. Don't comment on the child's point of view, encourage him to tell all his feelings and summarize them for him.

Physical and mental torture can't make children really realize their mistakes.

Only by listening and understanding can children tell the truth about their mistakes and help themselves not to make mistakes next time.

② Step 2: Parents simply state their feelings and needs.

Many times, children are disobedient and don't mean to be against us.

Be sure to express your emotions reasonably. Anger will only make communication counterproductive.

At this point, Professor Li Meijin also believes that parents whose children are disobedient should learn to stop.

③ Step 3: Invite children to find a way together.

Punish the child who made a mistake not because he made a mistake, but to prevent him from making another mistake.

Solve problems with children and let them learn to control themselves.

Step 4: Write down all the solutions you and your child think of, and don't worry about judging right or wrong.

Step 5: Pick out ideas that you can all accept and write out how to implement the plan.

John Lowe, a British educator, once said: "A pair of excellent parents will care for their children's young hearts and cultivate their sense of honor and self-esteem, instead of beating and scolding them."

Adults make mistakes, not to mention children. In fact, it is not terrible for children to make mistakes. What matters is the way parents handle it. Parents should let their children learn from punishment and correct their mistakes, instead of letting them resent their parents because of punishment, thus becoming more rebellious and unruly.

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