Not handsome team slogan

1' s colleague asked me: Is Clinton's wife Chirac?

Once I borrowed money from others, and I wanted to say, "I will pay you back when I get the money."

Say, "I'll take you when I have money."

anxious

One day, a classmate named Yu Jingbo wrote a letter, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the dormitory door: A letter of dry rice noodles!

Our Chinese teacher: Please turn your book to 120 yuan.

The whole class is dizzy, and the teacher is nicknamed "money lover", hehe.

Once a friend watched a CD at home, and the quality of the CD was not good. The friend said, "Why are there so many Marx?" It took a long time to realize that he was referring to Massek!

A buddy got married and gave him a red envelope. Dude, say no politely.

I said, that won't do. Once a year, you must attend.

7 junior high school role reading "white-haired girl"

A boy (Yang Bailao): I pulled two Jin of red rope and tied it for my daughter. ...

Teacher: It's not like wrapping a mummy ...

When I was cooking, I pointed to cauliflower and said: potatoes.

Aunt asked: cauliflower?

I continued pointing to cauliflower and said: potatoes.

Aunt asked again: Is it potato or cauliflower?

I quickly said, isn't this a potato ... er, broccoli?

Now that I think about it, it's enough to make people vomit blood. I'm sorry, aunt who sells rice

When I went to buy a cake, I wanted to say "two huanghuali pies and an egg tower", but I said "two orioles singing egg towers"

What is even more depressing is that the owner actually understood. ......

10 There is a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a classmate from another class sent her a letter. On the envelope, the word "Yun" in the lower part of the word "Yun" has a horizontal line, which has become a dot because it is too scribbled. As a result, this classmate took the letter and called "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? There is a letter for you. " All the people in the corridor ran out to see Liu Mang. As a result, this girl named Liu Yun was scolded as a hooligan for four years.

1 1 There were mice at home for a while, and my mother bought rat poison to keep the family quiet, but none of them were cured. One morning, after getting up, my mother looked at the rat poison in the corner of the door and said to herself, "Why doesn't anyone take this medicine?" ~ ~ ~ "The whole family fainted. . .

12 English teacher teaches grammar. Before class, she asked everyone, "I have finished it." Do you still understand? " We replied with one voice: "No!"

Until I raised my glass to ask the bright moon and sank into the water, I suddenly remembered home.

14 once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, the weather was unbearable. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. "

15 as the saying goes: murder and arson, pay back debts.

In 16 physics class, the teacher said about radioactive elements: radioactive elements are very dangerous, so you humans must stay away from them! !

17 Spit grape skins if you can't eat grapes.

18 received a phone call at the company, which was promoted by a clothing company and kept saying that he made uniforms for a big company and so on. I grabbed the gap between each other's speeches and blurted out: "Our company is not in dressing the!"

The other party whispered for a few seconds, said "excuse me" and hung up.

Teacher of our university: I'm looking for three students, a man and a woman. ...

The class began to look around, looking for Chris Lee.

On the 20th, I went back to my dormitory after studying in the evening, and Lu Yu Fairy mm followed me one day.

I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but I didn't have the courage to go forward until fairy mm was about to enter the girls' building.

I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to ask the mm loudly: Excuse me, classmate, are you a woman?

Later ... later, I enjoyed the eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

2 1 In Allen's class, the teacher was impassioned: How many heroic children are lingering underground? ...

The graduation works of 22 students are made of big red cloth and sewn on black robes.

The teacher who answered the question asked: Why does Phoenix use red instead of other colors?

When the classmate was excited, he blurted out: Because the phoenix is burning! ! Three seconds later, the students who came to see the defense laughed hysterically, and my stomach was twisted with laughter!

When I was in junior high school, my teacher asked me to recite Mulan Ci (the teacher was BT), and I was nervous.

When my brother heard that my sister was coming, he sharpened his knife to his parents (pigs and sheep) .......

The whole class laughed and laughed at themselves, and I forgot all about the rest. Fortunately, the teacher didn't punish me ~ ~

Heaven and earth are cruel, Dou E is more unfair than me!

I bought WSJ for LP. I went to the store for a long time and didn't know what to buy. I just took a bag and asked the owner, "Boss, is this easy to use?" The boss (male) looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I haven't used this either!" " "

When I was 25 years old, my father watched me write my composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. My father smiled and said to my mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!" -_-b

Twenty-six soldiers came to earth to cover up the sea.

My mother once went to the bank to pay the water bill. After paying the money, the people in the bank said, you don't have enough money. This is the second page. You have to pay this, too.

My mother: What's the second page?

Staff: Sewage

My mother: My family never drinks sewage.

The director of our high school office once again angrily scolded us for not listening carefully in class and said, "If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for being inhuman!" "

29 math teacher's signature action

Raise two fingers and say to the students, "Students, the key to learning math well is three words!" " ! ! Do more exercises! ! "

On the 30th day, I said that my girlfriend was as stupid as a pig, and she gave me a twist, which was painful and never let me go. When I was in a hurry, I said, "I told your mother that you abused pigs!" "

3 1 One day, I went to worship Guanyin with my parents and my brother.

I didn't wake up, so I went up and said:

Guanyin bodhisattva of suffering ...

Mom and Dad:-|||

Brother:-|||||

Bodhisattva: T _ _ _ _ T ||||||

When I was in FoxPro class in my sophomore year, a teacher began to count how many people were in our class.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, tick ...

One day, my dear mother asked me to buy pepper.

Mommy: "Go and buy a catty of peppers."

Even: "A catty! Why buy so much? "

Mommy: "Nonsense ~ To cook! ! ! "

I was depressed and surprised when I went out to buy it. When I left, I specifically asked, "Are you sure you want to buy a catty?" ! "

Answer my eyes! anxious ...

When I arrived at the vegetable market, the more I thought about it, the more wrong I was. Why did you buy a catty of peppers? Too many, isn't it? ! Take out your cell phone.-Confirm again!

The answer is still the same: a catty of pepper! ! !

28 yuan, a kilo of peppers, the boss weighed and bagged them for me. I was just about to pay when the phone rang ~ ~ ~ Mom? !

I only heard the roar on the other end of the phone: "Wrong! No! ! Not a catty, not a catty, but one or two! ! ! "

Sweat! ! ! !

When the house was just handed over, there were many people coming and going, and every time the security guard asked questions.

I wanted to say that I am the landlord, but I often say that I am the landlord.

I ran away when the security guard's brain was short-circuited

In my 35-year-old freshman year, I played a "thief" at a party in the yard, which made me famous and won the favor of girls. On weekdays, I am called a "thief". One day, when I was wandering to trade in Asia, I was seen by a Harbin girl who spoke quickly in my class. She shouted at me excitedly, "Alas-thief-thief", which immediately caught me by the people next to me. ...

also

1 unit, a leader said, "I wish you good health ..." Holding your breath, there was nothing to say.

Once I booked a hotel for my boss, and I wanted to ask if there were any services such as free internet access, but I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked him, "Excuse me, do you have any special services here?" "

The other party: "What? Special service We are a regular hotel! "

-__-! ! ! !

Third, the old four in the dormitory got out of bed to find slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Why are my slippers missing?

4 shopping, suddenly my friend exclaimed: "Wow! Virgin bookstore! "I was frightened. I looked up and saw a plaque with four big characters written on it.

-Foreign language bookstore-_ _!

I once went to buy mutton kebabs.

Hold out four fingers and say "three kebabs" to the boss.

The boss received "How much?"

I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

Our general manager is surnamed Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

My last name is Zhu, and I am the administrator of the unit computer room. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" At that time, I yelled at that guy.

When I was waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" " "(Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed and sprayed soup.

One day, I ate slowly and was hungry at the rice noodle shop.

Finally, I couldn't bear to slap the table and roar. I was going to say I would lift the table if I didn't go to the rice noodles!

The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "

The whole store was silent for three seconds, and then there was a burst of laughter under the table ... shame. ...

10 My parents quarreled, and my father said angrily, "I'll go out!"

1 1 High school plays basketball. After getting the ball, A selflessly passed it to B, and B scored easily. After a while, B got the ball, A shouted to pass it to him, but B threw the ball himself. As a result, A shouted angrily, I was really blind just now. ...

Full laughter

In the impression of 12, the monitor in primary school was extremely serious. During a self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... The whole class is quiet.

When we were in 13 university, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was. He said excitedly, "Manchester United lost and Beckham got two yellow plates!" "

14 Don't engage in porcelain work without a gold hoop.

15 At the university, a teacher talked about a new type of material. He said, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..."

16 just went to college for military training. The company commander didn't know where the accent came from and shouted the password-"drill to the left!" " "Drill to the right!"

17 when I was in college, I heard a girl order food: master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

18 In the second year of high school, our Chinese teacher was an old teacher who had just transferred from Nanchang to Beijing. He has a strong accent. His son teaches in the Department of Architecture of Tsinghua University, which is also the purpose of his coming to Beijing. He is very proud of his son and always tells us about his son. Every time, he said, "My Moth (son) comes from the Toad (Architecture) Department of Frog (Tsinghua) University.

If moths jump on frogs and toads, won't they become snacks? ...

19 cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!" " "

A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't reacted yet ~ ~ ~ ~!

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate.

I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "

What's more, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "

At the beginning of class 10 minutes, the deskmate raised her hand and said, teacher, I want to go to the toilet.

The English teacher said unhappily, How old are you and still go to the toilet?

One of my classmates has been reviewing the computer level 3 exam. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the baseline and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car! (in the middle)

I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, boss, how much is Shakespeare? The boss froze on the spot.

The physics teacher said, "It's a thick spring. I push it from both ends to see if it has become dense (constipation). "

Listen to your classmates,

Once a girl in her dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins.

Say to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.

The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food?

Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. . .

26. Senior college student, late for educational psychology ... walked into the classroom and glanced at the blackboard. When the old professor was angry, she asked her to answer the questions on the blackboard. The elder sister faltered for a long time and said, "Sexiness and Sex Theory is too difficult to talk about." The whole class is nervous. (note. Professor's original title:

2 50 brand-new slips of the tongue have now landed! -"Laugh and spill the beans" 2007 hit edition (ZT)

A very good male classmate of mine fell to the ground, and I asked a question to show my concern: "Does your ass hurt?" As a result, I accidentally said, "Your ass fell to death." Sweat ~ ~ The brother stood up and patted his ass, farted and said, "He is still breathing!" " I just fainted.

When drinking with leaders and others, he raised his glass and said loudly, "Let's die together!" " My brain was too hot. ......

Once, the photographer of our newspaper interviewed the Jane Doe star and talked about how he met the star at the meeting. The boss looked at a pile of photos on the table and made a joke: I see you have become his royal photographer. But the boss can't speak Southern Mandarin clearly. He pronounced "Yu" as "Japanese". Since then, this poor photographer has been called "everyday photographer" by us. When he works overtime, he will of course become a "night photographer".

Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card?

3 1 Our colleague went on a business trip, so the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating across the street, so it's free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet manager, "I'm here for dinner!" " "

I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the holiday. Because the recent holiday was too chaotic, I couldn't figure out the contents of the order, so I asked, What are you?

A friend of mine just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes. He is very interested in "beating the dog with a stick" and often plays jokes on others.

One day, as usual, he. Kick someone and shout, "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!" " "

When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays.

I want to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant.

I'm nervous because I'm a child, and this is my first job.

Originally, I wanted to ask the manager if he needed a job, but I also wanted to say that it would be more subtle to ask him if he needed manpower.

The result said, "Manager, do you need a thug here?"

I almost found a hole to get into.

Once I went to the market to buy food and prepared to treat me to dinner. A Korean friend bought lettuce and asked 2.4 yuan for it. He gave all the change to the vendor, but he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-

"I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair."

The peddler was silent for a long time and replied-

I don't want your hair.

Managers usually say to smokers in meetings: smokers are strangled! !

I remember that when KFC went out to spread its wings, I heard what others said because I didn't see the advertisement. I always thought it was Liu Xiang who spoke for KFC. When I get to Ken, just tell the waiter that I want Liu Xiang to fly high. . .

After the 38 KFC Sudan Red Incident, I went to KFC, and the waiter asked, What do you want to eat? I didn't even think about it: a pair of Sudan red. The waiter suddenly choked up.

I went to a small shop for dinner with some colleagues after work the other day. At that time, there were many people in the shop. A fat waiter is as busy as a bee. A colleague shouted: "waiter ~ ~", and the girl ran over: "What are the accounts of several nodes?" At that time, we all fell down and went to this restaurant for dinner. When ordering food, we first shout "waiter's bill" and then shout "order!" ! "

I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The devil asked, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. My colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" I'm dizzy ~ ~ ~ ~

4 1 my colleague asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how do apes exchange it with Japanese yen?

42 dormitory brothers watch Prison Break, which is a scene in which a man takes out a blade from his mouth and kills people. The boss suddenly said, "I'm K. I can still talk with my mouth hidden in the blade. I'm convinced." . . "

One noon, mother asked her brother to move the dining table aside. My brother hasn't moved for a long time. When my mother was in a hurry, she said this:

"Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table two kilometers to the side. "

=_=! ! !

After the impassioned speech of the trade union chairman, the last sentence reached a climax: Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole house fell.

Our teacher is very good. One day, he said, "Take out your homework, let's check the answers, cross the correct answers, and then write the correct answers on it ..."

I called a friend I haven't contacted for a long time and learned that he was "suspended with pay"

There are many beautiful women in Jiangshan, and countless heroes shoot big eagles. . . . . .

I went to the cinema to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Before the movie started, there was a trailer for Transformers. When I saw the fanatical leader, I couldn't remember that Megatron and his team were called Decepticons. Because I was so excited, I was a little exclaimed, "How handsome! It's Nanbatian! "

The terrible thing is that there was no movie sound effect at that time, and suddenly it was very quiet. N people stared at me and laughed ... What a pity!

Have dinner with a group of friends

One of them may have been betrayed by his brother. He was depressed, drank a lot of beer, and then stood up with a loud cry.

Brother! Not for sale! ! !

I think what I'm trying to say is that brothers are not for sale

At that time, more than a dozen people at our table were lying down.

I'm so tired that I've run out of strength to eat shit. ...