What's the funny joke?

China, Americans and Jews were drinking together, and three flies flew into their drinks. Americans drank an important drink, but China ignored it and drank it. The Jews grabbed the fly and shouted, spit it out! Spit out your drink! When a recruit practiced lurking in a big tree, it unfortunately led to tragedy. The thing is this: while he was lurking in the tree, two squirrels climbed in along his trouser legs. Only one person said, "Boss, here are two walnuts. Let's eat one by one! " ! ! "One day three dead people were taken to the hospital. The doctor asked, why did everyone laugh to death? The nurse replied: The first man was so excited because he won 5 million! The second man died of joy and sorrow! The doctor asked again, how did the third person die? The nurse said that the third man died while picking apples on a rainy night? The doctor doesn't understand: how can you laugh to death when picking apples? The nurse replied: Suddenly there was a flash of lightning in the sky! He thinks someone is taking pictures of him. My little sister was a sophomore at that time, and both boys and girls were in their infancy. Her family was afraid that her puppy love would delay her studies. So I kept a close eye on her. My little sister was not at home that day and the phone rang. " Looking for Zhou XX. "A big boy timidly said that she was not at home. What's your last name? "I asked quickly." Last name is Wei. "It's quieter over there." Wei what? "I'm pushing my luck a bit." Why? "There was obvious confusion, and then" Why not, because my father's surname is Wei! " "A lady took two noisy children to the bank to withdraw money. The lady didn't want her child's rude behavior to be exposed to so many people, so after entering the bank, she suddenly shouted to her child, "Face the wall and don't talk." Suddenly, all the people in the bank were facing the wall and didn't dare to make any noise. When the millionaire drove past a village in a luxurious extended Lincoln, he saw two beggars pulling grass by the roadside and stopped immediately. "Why do you eat grass?" "We really have no money ..." A beggar replied. "Really, get in the car and go to my house." "I have a wife and two children at home ..." A beggar muttered. "Call them!" The rich man pointed to another beggar. "And you, call home." "My family has a large population. Besides my wife, there are five children. " Another beggar said. "Never mind, call them all and go!" In this way, two beggars and their families got on the bus, but fortunately it was an extended bus. On the way to exercise, a beggar's wife said gratefully, "Boss, it's very kind of you to invite even poor people like us to our home." The millionaire replied, "Nothing, I just came back from abroad, and my house has been neglected.". The lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high, so you can eat enough! " "An old man walked slowly along the street and saw a little boy reaching for the doorbell, but the doorbell was too high to reach. The kind old man stopped and said to the child, "I'll ring the doorbell for you." So he rang the doorbell several times, and probably the whole house heard the bell. Then, the child said to the old man, "Now let's run away, quick!" " Old man: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… What is the reason? " The doctor thought for a moment and said, "This is because the public security is so bad recently that they dare not go out alone." When people are talking about a miser, someone asks, "Who has eaten at his table?" "flies." A poet said. A young lawyer appeared in court for his first case. His client's 24 pigs were run over by a train and killed. In order to emphasize the huge loss, he said excitedly, "gentlemen, think about it, 24 pigs!" " 24 heads! Twice as many as our jury. A man left home for work on Friday afternoon. It was payday, so he didn't go home. He spent all his salary partying with men all weekend. When he finally got home on Sunday night, his angry wife was waiting for him and scolded him for nearly two hours. Finally, the wife stopped nagging and asked him, "What would you think if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "I will feel good." Monday passed and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday passed, and he still hasn't seen his wife. On Thursday ... the swelling disappeared a little, and he finally managed to see his wife from the corner of his left eye ... A complacent father praised his son for being clever. "You know, honey," he said to his wife, "I have passed on all my brains to our son." "Of course," the wife replied coldly. So, before my husband and I went to work, my wife said to him, "Would you please take my leather shoes to the leather shoes shop next to your unit to have them repaired?" "The husband didn't pack anything, so he went out with his hand. Whistling happily on the bus all the way. A man in the car looked at the leather shoes for a long time, and then suddenly realized, "Yes! If you don't want your wife running around, this is the most effective way! "There was a woman who went to see a doctor according to an appointment. Seeing the medical report, she felt cold and hurried home. As soon as her husband came home from work and entered the room, he said to him, "honey, the doctor said I can only live 12 hours." So I decided that we should go to bed and kiss each other all night. What do you think? " "Oh, that suits you very well. The husband replied, "You don't have to get up in the morning!" " Patient: How much does it cost to pull out a tooth? Doctor: "Three dollars." Patient: "You really make money. You earn 3 yuan in 3 seconds. " Doctor: "If you like, I can pull your tooth in slow motion, which can take half an hour." One day, a drunk who smelled of wine got on a bus. He sat next to a priest. The drunken man's shirt is dirty. He has a woman's bright red lip print on his face and an empty wine bottle in his pocket. He took out his newspaper and read it. After a while, he asked the priest, "Father, what caused arthritis?" "Sir, it's caused by wasting your life, fooling around with prostitutes, drinking too much and not respecting yourself." The priest said. "Oh, so that's it! The drunk muttered to himself and went on reading the newspaper. The priest thought for a moment, then apologized to the drunk and said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so direct just now." How long have you been suffering from arthritis? " "Not me, father, I just read in the newspaper that the Pope has arthritis. A rich man put a fly in a sugar jar and covered it. He was asked what this meant. He said, "Now I'm not afraid of the servant opening the bottle cap and stealing candy!" " "Liu is really lucky. She recently found a girlfriend who is not only gentle and beautiful, but also ingenious. No, I personally knitted a beautiful cardigan for Xiao Liu the other day. Xiao Liu is so beautiful that she wears it all the time in the office, and her arrogance is very arrogant. But it didn't last long. Within a week, I saw Xiao Liu put on his original sweater again. Everyone is puzzled, wondering if he has an emotional crisis. At lunch, the kind elder sister asked Xiao Liu what was going on. Little Liu Xiaoxiao said, "Nothing, but my girlfriend knitted another one for her dog with the leftover wool, so when I went out to walk the dog, someone always pointed and said,' Look, that couple's shirt!'" ""Beijing military airport has two maintenance workers who love to drink. One day, they became addicted to alcohol when they were on the night shift, but they didn't bring alcohol and there was no shop nearby. "I heard that jet fuel is the same as liquor. Have some. " One person suggested. So, the two men took out the fuel in the tank and drank as drunk as a fiddler. The next day, one of them woke up and was surprised to find that, unlike usual drinking, he had neither headache nor nausea. At this moment, the telephone rang and he picked it up. "Ah! Are you all right? " It's the voice of another mechanic. "Nothing, don't say, jet fuel is really good, and I don't have a headache or nausea." "Me too, but ..." "But what?" "Did you fart after getting up?" "No" "Then be careful, I am in Hainan Island now." Now the anti-theft system of domestic cars is really powerful. It was not good to see a man sneaking in the car that day. He was fooling around in that car. Suddenly, the car began to call the police in Chinese-car theft, please pay attention to car theft, please pay attention to ~ wow ~ domestic cars are just good. If you have money, you must buy one ~ a customer will eat slowly in the restaurant. When the waiter delivered the bill, he felt in his pocket and pretended to be very alarmed and said, "Oh, no, my wallet is gone." The waiter asked with a straight face, "Really?" So he took the man to the door and shouted to him, "get down." Then kick him hard and kick him out the door. At this time, a customer sitting at another table automatically walked to the door. Squat down in the same way, then turn to the waiter and say, "check out." The salesman trumpeted his product at a public meeting: "Ladies and gentlemen, this automatic razor is very good. Just put in a few coins and put your head on the bracket, and the stepping electric shaver will automatically start shaving. " The audience was jubilant, and a man asked loudly, "Everyone's face is different. How to deal with the razor? " The salesman said, "Don't worry, just shave once." Tourists come to a country road and see a street sign that says, "This road is closed, so we can't move forward." Seeing that there are no obstacles ahead, he is confident that he has rich travel experience and moves on. Soon, he found that a bridge was broken and had to turn around. When he came to the place where the road sign had just been placed, he saw the back of the road sign saying, "Welcome back, fool." "There is only a bonfire on the screen all night!" The husband complained to his wife who came in. "You drink less!" The wife said, "The TV set was sent to be repaired last night. What you see is the fireplace. " An American is traveling in France. One day, a taxi passed the Arc de Triomphe. The American asked the driver, "What is this?" The driver proudly said, "This is the Arc de Triomphe. It took us 40 years to build it. " Americans disdain to say, "This kind of thing in America only takes 10 years!" Passing through Eliza Palace, the American asked the driver, "What is this?" The driver proudly said, "This is the Elijah Palace, which took us 20 years to build." Americans disdain to say, "This kind of thing only takes five years in America!" " Passing the Eiffel Tower, the American asked the driver, "What is this?" The driver said, "I don't know this. /kloc-there was nothing here when I passed here 0/0 minutes ago. " A guerrilla is telling a battle story to the children. He suddenly asked a boy of 12 years old, "Konopka, if you are a guerrilla commander, what actions should the guerrillas take to stop the enemy from using the railway?" Konopka stood up and replied loudly: "We must quickly occupy the ticket office and burn all the tickets!" There is a woman whose children are very ugly. One day, she took the bus with her child in her arms. The driver said: Ah! I have never seen such an ugly child! The woman was very unhappy and sat in the back row. A man asked, what's wrong with you? The woman said: The driver insulted me. The man said angrily, you go get even with him, and I'll lead the monkey for you ... two reporters were sent to Alaska to take pictures of the scenery. One day, they found a bear fishing and eating, so they kept snapping this wonderful shot. Suddenly, the bear found them and rushed at them. When the bear approached them, two reporters found something bad. One of them said anxiously, "George, there are no big trees here." For God's sake, what shall we do? " "I don't know," said his friend, "but one of us will definitely be on camera." A salesman sells a toothbrush to a woman: "All you have to do is plug in the power supply, put this toothbrush in your mouth, and you don't have to do it at all." The price is a little more expensive, but it is very convenient. " After the salesman said so much, the lady was a little tempted, but it was still too expensive. Without hesitation, the salesman took out another toothbrush, which was exactly the same as before. He said to the lady, "This toothbrush is also automatic. It is not only cheap, but also uses no electricity. When you brush your teeth, all you have to do is put your toothbrush in your mouth and keep shaking your head! " One day, there were too many people on the bus. The weather is hot and stuffy. I don't know who farted Now the environment is getting worse and worse. My friend can't stand it. I don't know who it is. The conductor is saying, "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly,' I didn't buy a ticket.' Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, loudly said,' I have bought the ticket'. * A buddy likes to drive fast. One day, he was stopped by the traffic police on the highway. He quickly got off the bus and said to the traffic police, "I'm really sorry, comrade policeman. I may have driven a little faster." The traffic police looked at him and said, "No, you are flying too slowly." A psychopath always thought he was a mouse, and finally recovered with the help of a doctor. On the day of discharge, the patient had just walked to the door when suddenly a cat appeared in front of him, which made him dumbfounded. Doctor: You are all right now. Why are you still like that? Patient: I know I'm not a mouse anymore, but does the cat know? * Patient's wife: Doctor, help! My husband has a public injury and always thinks he is an elevator. Psychiatrist: Bring your husband here and we'll treat him right away. Patient's wife: I can't carry him. He said he was a high-speed elevator, and this floor went straight. * In a mental hospital, a patient shouted, "I am Napoleon!" "Who told you that?" Another patient asked. "Reagan told me." The first patient replied. "Shut up! Reagan had no idea who Napoleon was! " The patient in the next ward shouted. "How do you know that Reagan doesn't know who Napoleon is?" The first patient asked. "God told me." The patient in the next ward replied. At this time, the doctor's roar came from the corridor: "I never told anyone!" " "