Selection of long jokes

On the Internet, there are countless jokes and jokes, which are deeply loved and sought after by the majority of netizens. I wonder which long jokes have you seen? The following is a selection of long jokes that I have compiled for you. Hope you all like it.

Excerpts from long jokes

1. Our teacher said that it is too naive to fall in love at your age. If you really like someone, do it every time you miss her. After finishing a math problem, show it to her and tell her that this is proof that I like you. So, I did it, and after doing two questions, I found that I didn't like her anymore.

2. The brother on the lower bunk is introverted and asked me one day: How can I have a good relationship with my roommates? Me: Why don’t you buy a pack of tissue paper and put it on the table!?

3. The invigilator saw a young man who was very unnatural. When he went over and looked at the book on his lap, I said: Classmate, this course is open book. You can take the book to the table. He said: It doesn’t feel like taking an exam!?

4. A classmate named Shi doesn’t study hard and always makes trouble. Teacher: Are you excited? ?He:?My surname is not Shi, my surname is Shi. ?

5. One classmate is particularly good at sleeping. One morning when he was reading in the morning, while he was sleeping, the teacher walked up to him and slapped him!? Bang?! The voice was loud, so the teacher gave him a scolding. After the teacher left, he shook his head and asked me: "What's wrong?" I said: "You were caught by the teacher while you were sleeping, and he slapped you, and you asked me what happened." ?He said:? She slapped me? Me:? She didn't slap you, how did you wake up? He said something that almost shocked me to death:? I heard a snap, which startled me, and I woke up! ?

6. I met a friend today and politely said to him: "I'll treat you to dinner another day!" As soon as he finished speaking, he took out his mobile phone and said: "What day? I'll make a note." ?

7. I went to a restaurant with a brother. As soon as I sat down after entering the restaurant, my brother asked, boss, how much frog lungs did he have? Boss: Hello, we don’t sell frog lungs. Brother: I mean frog lungs~ Boss: Sorry, we don’t have frog lungs. Can you try stir-fried frogs? Brother: I mean WiFi with wireless advantages. Me: Boss, I don’t want to eat this. I don’t know this person.

8. When buying socks, ask the boss: How many pairs are there? Boss: Two pairs per pair. I said: How to sell? Boss: Sell in pairs. I clenched my fists: I’m talking about the price! Boss: The price is absolutely fair! I said tremblingly: I’m talking about RMB! Boss: It must be in RMB! This is China! Boy! I felt extremely broken inside at this time: I ask again: What's the price? Boss: I told you, it's the market price! You've been wondering for a long time whether you want to buy it or not!? I see clearly, you are deliberately looking for trouble! Brothers, come on.

9. A Korean star pooped, and his fans gathered around to eat it. Passerby: It’s really disgusting. Brainless Fan A: How dare you say this shit is disgusting? Go ahead and poop it. Brainless fan B: If you can't pull it out yourself and you call others disgusting, you are obviously jealous of them. Brainless Fan C: You haven’t seen how seriously my XX is doing it, and you don’t understand the hard work behind it. Brainless fan D: Why are you scolding someone? You don’t understand them at all. I can tell what they ate yesterday from this piece of shit. Passerby: I mean what you guys are eating is disgusting!

10. I was at work when a message came to me on WeChat. It was from my supervisor. I am in the toilet now and I didn’t bring any paper. Who can help me? As soon as I saw the opportunity to make meritorious deeds, I immediately put down my work and ran to claim credit. When I arrived at the door of the toilet, I saw the supervisor standing there. When he saw me coming, he smiled and said: If you use your mobile phone at work, your bonus will be gone this month.

11. The employment survey of college students has been released. The top five income earners are construction majors, safety engineering, geological engineering, mechanical electronics, nursing, etc. The top five are roughly translated as: moving bricks, security guards, digging Coal, network administrator, nanny.

12. To be honest, don’t make too many friends. One or two true friends are enough. A life-and-death close friend is more real than many casual friends. The most important thing is that you can give a lot less when you get married. Red envelope.

13. The only original chicken stood up: "I'm not targeting you, I'm talking about everyone here," it paused and continued, "They are all spicy chicken garbage." ?

14. Go out to eat with your wife. After eating, I realized that neither of them had any money.

So, I had an idea and said to the waiter: Well, waiter, I don’t have any money with me. My wife is sitting here, can I go back and get the money? After the waiter heard this, he looked at my wife and said leisurely: You don’t bet enough~

15. Chinese Americans The Jews were drinking together, and three flies flew into their drinks. The Americans asked for a drink, but the Chinese drank it without paying attention. The Jews grabbed the flies and shouted: "Spit it out! Spit out the drink you drank!" ?

16. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grows up in her composition book: 1. I hope to have a lovely child; 2. I also hope to have a husband who loves me. As a result, I found that the teacher wrote a comment: Please pay attention to the order. ?

17. One time, my best friend accidentally rushed into the men's room after drinking too much. In front of the panicked faces, this guy even pretended to be calm and shouted: "What are you afraid of! I'm afraid again" Didn’t bring a ruler~?

18. Do you know? I really want to take you out to experience the charm of KTV! Do you know what KTV is? It means beating you, kicking you, and finally I'll make the V sign again!

19. There are 23 pairs of human chromosomes. One day, the old man who taught biology asked slowly: "How many pairs of chromosomes are there, classmates?" ?Some idiot in the corner replied loudly: ?64 That’s right!? The old man nodded calmly and seriously: ?Well, tell me now, what is your purpose of coming to earth?

20. There are two The little birds saw a hunter aiming at them, and one said: "You protect the scene, I will call the police!"

Appreciation of long jokes

1. Two drunk men drove Running wildly in the car. A: Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. B: What? Aren’t you driving?

2. A farmer’s daughter was so ugly that he had to let her go to the cornfield to be a scarecrow to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but three crows were so frightened that they sent some corn back.

3. ?I have liked to pursue the truth since I was a child. When I grow up, my dream is to be a detective. Now I am the editor-in-chief of a newspaper. What about you? I like to play since I was a child. When I grow up, my dream is to have a lot of money. Traveled around and now works as a bus conductor. ?

4. When I went home at night, I heard crying in the alley. When I looked closer, I saw that it was a disheveled woman crying. Asked what happened, the lady replied: "I was violated by a pervert!" Me: "Are you okay?" The lady replied: "He suddenly grabbed my breast from behind and then let me go." I said: "Then why are you crying?" The lady replied: "Because" the pervert actually said, "It's so unlucky that I got a man." ?

5. A gecko accidentally fell into the crocodile pond and died. The gecko suddenly got smart and hugged the crocodile and shouted: "Mom!" The crocodile was stunned and immediately burst into tears: "My child, you are all thin." Now that it's like this, don't go to work anymore! Take a rest during the holiday. ?

6. A policeman went to Thailand to handle a case and called a girl at night. After several twists and turns, the young lady kept touching the policeman’s penis while he was in his arms. The policeman was very comfortable and asked: "Do you want to come again?" The lady sadly said: "No, I just miss it a lot. I used to do it too." ?

7. Today I told my wife: Scientists say that men who do housework are prone to dementia. ?Then my wife said: ?Hmph, men who don’t do housework are prone to death!?Me.

8. My girlfriend asked me: Are you annoying me? I smiled and said: Even if I am annoying the whole world, I will not bother you. ?Girlfriend: ?How dare you say you’re not bothered? Didn’t you say that I am your whole world?

9. I was born in a scholarly family, and my upbringing was very strict since I was a child. Even the details of my life are strictly regulated. , must be etiquette. For example, when I was young, my dad always taught me: Don’t shake your legs when smoking! ?

10. I had an argument with my girlfriend today, and I said rudely: “You are so lazy and you are so lazy.” Don't you feel ashamed? She didn't show any weakness: "Why don't you look at yourself? Which man like you has accomplished nothing and has nothing to do with it? Since you think I'm not good and I think you are not good, then we can simply . ?I took a puff of cigarette and sighed: ?Let's just stay together for the rest of our lives and don't go anymore. ?

11. On the sound machine, a girl said: "I am a girl, and I particularly respect our manager as a person. He once took good care of me when I was drunk and sat there all night, so I want to do something for him." Click a song. ?Which song is "What Kind of Man"?

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12. I had a fight with my boyfriend and said angrily: Bastard, are you there? I have something to do with you. Boyfriend: Can’t you speak politely? Me: Turtle, are you there?

13. A girl said something that explained to me what a surprise is! She said: "I am pregnant for ten months, and I am worried every day." , I didn’t expect that the child would actually be my boyfriend’s after the child was born, I was surprised!?

14. Me: Husband, have you ever had any experience of being cheated? Husband: Yes, you told me before you got married. You can't get fat no matter how you eat, tsk tsk, now look at your body shape!?

15. My wife has a twin sister, and I heard that twins have telepathy! One day I asked my wife: When we have sex When it clicked, did your sister feel it? My wife raised her head and glanced at me: You little thing, I can’t even feel it, but my sister can?

16. My husband is going to work, and my wife: ?I know when I go to work every day, can you stay with me? ?Husband:?I want to make money!?Wife:?Okay, okay, go to work, go to work, and don’t know who is in this class? What a bitch, I fuck her every day and give her money!?

17. Wife : If you don’t go get foot wash, I’ll get angry! My husband reluctantly looked away from the computer screen and said to his wife: Don’t be angry in the future, just have babies.

18. There is a popular saying on the Internet recently. Jack Ma is the richest man. He has 150 billion. There are 1.3 billion people in China. If he gives each of us 100 million, we are all billionaires. He still has 148.7 billion, and he is still the richest man. I was deeply moved by this sentence.

19. I took a taxi to my friend’s house. I dozed off for a while on the way, but the driver took a detour of 30 yuan and turned it into 80 yuan! I said proudly: Brother, I’ll give you 100 yuan, so you don’t have to look for it. !?The driver looked around in the car and said, "Where is the money? Where did you put it?" I got off the car and ran, shouting to the driver: "I told you not to look for it. You can't find it even if you look for it!"< /p>

20. During the exam, the invigilator used a deskmate’s auntie towel with 2cm of underwear leaking out as a cheat sheet and pulled it out on the spot?

A collection of long jokes

1. My security door broke two days ago, so I called the manufacturer. After half an hour, the technicians couldn't get it open no matter what they did. I had no choice but to call 110 to call the police. When the police came, they brought a newly caught thief with them and said: "Hurry up, I'll give you ten minutes, I'm still in a hurry to get off work." ?The thief looked at the lock: ?No, it only takes five minutes. ?After a while, click, the door opened. I saw the technicians from the manufacturer looked ugly!

2. The retired husband and wife felt very lonely sitting at home, so they decided to call a young couple they knew to see what they were doing. After a while, my wife put down the phone and said, "They are drinking coffee and chatting. How about we do the same thing." ?The husband said: ?Okay, let's make a pot of coffee. ?Soon, they made coffee and sat down, staring at each other. The husband said: "Go make another phone call and see what they are talking about." ?

3. There is a 6-year-old cousin at home. Super precocious, he saved a lot of personal money. It was her father's birthday yesterday. She knocked on her father's door early in the morning and said seriously, "I heard they said today is your birthday. I don't have anything to give you. I'll give you 100 yuan and you can buy a cake like the one I had for my birthday!" Her father was stunned for three seconds and then burst into tears and said: Your mother only gave me 10 yuan at a time. Now she is showing off everywhere that she is really his daughter!

4. There is a parent-teacher meeting at school. Xiao Ming failed the exam and was afraid that his father would beat him. After thinking hard, he quickly made a placard and went to the labor market. The sign read: Recruiting temporary fathers for parent-teacher meetings, price negotiable!

5. Liu Zongyuan met Li Bai in prison and asked why he came in. Li said: "The crime of spreading rumors, flying down three thousand feet, is measured by others." Okay, not that long? Liu said: "To each other, I said that birds can fly across thousands of mountains, but someone reported that there is another one on the tree." Just as he was sighing, Du Mu came in. Everyone asked, how did you get in? Du Mu said, "Oh, you are suspected of soliciting prostitution." ?Everyone said in unison: ?Should you stop the car and sit in the Ai Fenglin night??

6. One day the young man asked the master: Master, I am thirty and haven’t found a girlfriend yet. Can you tell me why? ? The master said nothing, took out a piece of lotus root and took a bite.

Young man: Oh, I understand, please let me be more attentive! Master: My sister, come and say to me, Eat Lotus Root Chou!

7. Remember my wife called me last weekend Come over and say: "Buy more delicious food and drinks outside. Don't treat yourself badly." ?I said: ?Honey, don’t worry, I will take care of myself, don’t worry about me. ?My heart is very bitter: ?You have the salary card, you still don’t know how much you give me a month, what do you want me to buy for food? ?

8. Last night I watched a movie in a private room at an Internet cafe and bought a bottle of Nutritional Express drink to put next to it. While I was drinking, I saw the funny point and couldn't help but spray it all over the computer screen. When I was wiping with paper towels, the door suddenly opened. I will never forget the look in the network administrator's eyes at that time!

9. My surname is Nie. I just went to the airport to pick up a customer. After meeting, the customer greeted me very warmly. Come over and shake hands: Hello, Mr. Nie! Hello! At this time, his secretary is looking at me with strange eyes? Your sister! You are the bastard, and your whole family is bastard!

10. When I was in junior high school , there was a buddy who was very naughty and was often punished by his class teacher to kneel down and get his butt kicked, but this guy never said a word. When we asked him if he was okay, we always said: "It's okay, it doesn't hurt. Anyway, it was his father who was beaten!" We always felt that he had such courage! Until we went to the toilet together, he took off his underwear and took it out from behind his buttocks. A photo, I was shocked! I really don’t know how he did it, the photo is really his class teacher’s father!

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