Send me some jokes to make me laugh! Thank you, God, please help me.

001◎When the mouse shows its power, everyone becomes a sick cat. 002◎I was arguing with a girl about whether whales are fish. Finally, I said, "Japanese people also have personal characters," and she finally agreed that whales are not fish. 003◎There is gold under the man’s knee. I cut off the entire leg and couldn’t find even a piece of copper! 004◎I bury corn in the soil in spring, and I will harvest a lot of corn in autumn. In the spring I bury my wife in the soil, and in the fall I will... be shot! 005◎If you see the shadow in front of you, don’t be afraid, it’s because there is sunshine behind you! 006 ◎ If you are still young after visiting brothels, please use Huiren Shenbao. 007◎Listen to your words and save me ten books! 008◎Appear on the stage at the age of 0, and make progress every day at the age of 10. At the age of 20, you have lofty ideals, and at the age of 30, you work hard to become stronger. The 40-year-old is basically oriented, the 50-year-old is popular everywhere. Playing sex at 60, wandering around at 70. The 80-year-old Lala lives at home, and the 90-year-old hangs it on the wall! 009◎When I take off my clothes, I am a beast; when I put on clothes, I am a beast! 010◎Master Tai, just obey me! ...A long, long time later... Master, please spare me! 011◎ "Dear, I...I'm pregnant...for three months, but don't worry, it's not yours, and you're not responsible..." 012◎We had a little disagreement: she wanted me to turn dirt into gold, and I wanted her to Treat gold like dung. 013◎It is better to study Chinese for 10 years than to chat on QQ for half a year. 014◎I was lazy in bed in the morning, so I took out 6 coins from my pocket: If all six coins are heads, I will go to class! After thinking about it for a long time, I decided not to take the risk... 015◎I bought a Western Zhou clay pot for 80,000 yuan. Yesterday I went to the "Treasure Appraisal" column for appraisal. The expert said seriously: "This is not from the Western Zhou Dynasty." ? This is from last week! ” 016◎I can tolerate fake figures, fake faces, fake breasts, and fake buttocks! ! ! But I just don’t tolerate fake money! ! ! ! 017◎A gentleman pretends to be dead to be a confidant, and a woman undergoes plastic surgery to please herself. 018◎When I grow up, I want to marry Tang Seng. If I can play with him, I will play with him. If I can’t, I will eat him. 019◎One mountain cannot accommodate two tigers, unless there is one male and one female. 020◎Don’t wait until everyone says you are ugly to find out that you are really ugly. 021◎If my friends can sell them for five yuan each, I can make a small fortune. 022◎Marriage notice: The requirements are as follows, A is alive and B is female. 023◎Give me some sunshine and I will rot. 024◎You must eat appropriately to lose weight effectively. 025◎Shake and shake until you reach Naihe Bridge. 026◎Destiny is responsible for shuffling the cards, but it is ourselves who play the cards! 027◎Q: What do you like about me? Answer: I like you to stay away from me! 028◎Come back quickly, I can’t fool you! 029◎Life is like Song Zude’s mouth, you never know who will be unlucky next~~~ 030◎If you fall down, get up and cry again~~~ 031◎In addition to teeth, there is love . 032◎ A dinosaur went to the toilet when passing by Xi'an Jiaotong University. When she came out, she sobbed: "555, I finally don't have to worry about getting married in this life..." 033◎ Life is easy. Life is easy. Life is not easy. 034◎My cousin is in his forties. He started studying literature and failed the exam for three consecutive years. Then he practiced martial arts and fired an arrow in the martial arts field, which hit the drummer and drove him out. He changed his studies to medicine, wrote a good prescription, took it, and died. 035◎How much sorrow can you have, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel... 036◎My life has a limit, and my food has no limit~~~ 037◎There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage, or money! 038◎When we are young, we often make faces in the mirror; when we are old, the mirror is even. 039◎Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw a stone at my head! 040◎When something goes wrong, look for the cause within yourself first. Don’t blame the earth’s lack of gravity for constipation. 041◎Put your head on the decision, pat your chest on your promise, pat your butt and leave.

042◎We move so fast that our souls can’t keep up... 043◎Don’t be like the people on earth~~~ 044◎A girl can transform from a virgin to a woman once and successfully, but a boy needs repeated training to transform from a virgin to a man! 045◎If you come out to hang out, your wife will have to change sooner or later! 046◎When I was a child, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up. But when I grew up, I realized that the whole world couldn't save me... 047◎Everyone who has money is an uncle! But it’s even worse if you don’t pay back the money you owe! 048◎Even if I were a toad, I would never marry a female toad. 049◎Why sleep for a long time while alive? You will sleep forever after death... 050◎A tailor who doesn’t want to be a cook is not a good driver. 051◎Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately - in the end he killed all his students. 052◎On the way to Xi'an for a business trip, a Dalian man boasted about how good Dalian is. Then he said that Dalian held a grand celebration on the 100th anniversary of the founding of the city. Then he asked the person next to him: "The first anniversary of the founding of Xi'an." Are there any celebrations for the 100th anniversary?" Several Xi'an buddies nearby were stunned, and after a while, they forced out a sentence: "I remember that when Xi'an was founded 600 years ago, there was a 'Fenghuo Opera Princes'..." 053◎Diamonds are forever, one will go bankrupt! 054◎In a harmonious campus, the person riding the bicycle may be a doctoral supervisor, while the person driving the Mercedes-Benz may be a logistician... 055◎It is gold, which will always be spent; it is a mirror, which will always reflect light... 056◎My girlfriend should not be a nun The reason was that she had not passed Level 4 and was not accepted in the nunnery. 057◎Celebrities can become more famous if they take off a little more, but I was arrested even though I took off all my clothes! 058◎Looking at a beautiful girl, I have no idea how to strike up a conversation. I picked up a brick on the side of the road and stepped forward, "Classmate, did you drop this?" 059◎When I was a child, my dream was not to be a scientist, but to be a landlord. The young master of my family has thousands of hectares of fertile land. He is ignorant and has no skills all day long. He leads a group of dog slaves to the streets to molest a girl from a good family... 060◎Don't talk about your ideals with me, quit it! 061◎The rose is yours, the chocolate is yours, and the diamond is yours. You are mine! 062◎The so-called surprise is that the rabbit you have been waiting for has arrived, followed by the wolf! 063◎What is happiness? Happiness is when cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Ultraman fights little monsters! 064◎Two farmers boasted: "The chickens on our farm eat only tea leaves and lay tea eggs." "Well, our farm gives the chickens wallets to eat and let them lay poached eggs." 065◎Cockroaches are not afraid of cockroaches. The medicine is gone, but we can’t even get vitamins! 066◎Don’t blame the dog for following you if you look like a bun! 067◎The IQ of a man when he is having sex is second only to Einstein! 068◎Study hard for China! A bag of Chinese money is a lot of money... 069◎If you can't put your woman into a wedding dress, then don't stop unbuttoning her clothes! 070◎Don’t think that wearing dirty clothes can be a taint witness; don’t think that wearing wooden slippers can be a clogs witness... 071◎The career belongs to the country, the honor belongs to the unit, the results belong to the leader, the salary belongs to the wife, and the property belongs to The child's mistakes are his own. 072◎The rebirth of a phoenix is ??Nirvana, and the rebirth of a pheasant is the transformation of a corpse. 073◎If one day I become a gangster, please tell others that I was innocent... 074◎Not only do I have a car, but I also drive by myself... 075◎A woman has countless QQ accounts just to tease a man, and men often use one QQ account. It is filled with all kinds of women... 076◎I accidentally saw the so-called criteria for choosing a mate for contemporary women in a book: "Have a car, a house, and both parents are dead." Depressing. Then he wrote down the criteria for choosing a wife in his fantasy: "The family has a fortune of over 100 million, the most beautiful in the world, virtuous, gentle and sexy, and the father-in-law has terminal cancer..." 077◎Most people only do three things in their lives: deceiving themselves, deceiving others, and being cheated. Bullying.

078◎Sleep is an art - no one can stop me from pursuing art! 079◎In order to avoid domestic violence, I decided not to get married! 080◎You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig! 081◎The lightning is too fast to deceive one's ears and steal the bell, to remain unchanged despite all changes and never deviate from the original, the success is not worth mentioning, this thing is the most missed. In the wind and rain, how can you sweep away the invincible if you don't sweep a house? The sun rises in the east and the rain keeps falling in the west. Look up to see when the bright moon will come. , dumb as a tree, chicken feathers serve as arrows, how can you kill a chicken with a small test of a knife, show your sharpness, surround Wei and save Zhao Baokui, Very good bye, Bagalu Binghua, leap thousands of miles *** Chanjuan... 082 ◎ A blog diary of a certain woman: A certain month One day, I came home drunk, reached out and touched it - my phone and chastity were both there, sleeping! 083◎Beautiful, pure, gentle, sexy, and lovely virgin, like a ghost, men are talking about it, but no one has ever seen it with their own eyes... 084◎I remember the primary school teacher scolded me: "I Kick you out with a slap!" I wanted to laugh but didn't dare. Now, I dare to laugh but I can’t laugh... 085◎If happiness is like clouds, if pain is like stars. Then my life is really cloudless and the sky is filled with stars... 086◎The effect of contraception: If it fails, you will become a "human". 087◎Loneliness is the carnival of one person, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people. 088◎The most tiring thing in the world is watching your heart break and having to glue it back together. 089◎The tragedy of life is that after a night of hard work and beautiful dreams, you wake up the next morning and can’t remember them all! 090◎My father asked me what I want to pursue in life? I answered money and beauty, and my father slapped me in the face fiercely; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively. 091◎Men are all lustful. A little stronger lust is called *, a little stronger lust is called a pervert, and an even stronger lust is called a pervert. If it is particularly strong, it becomes a perverted pervert. If the lust is to the extreme, it is called a body aesthetic artist. 092 I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a text message: "Let's break up!" Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another text: "I'm sorry, I sent it to the wrong one." Now I was completely sad. ...... 093◎Use and defecate are prohibited here, and tools will be confiscated for violators. 094◎When looking at beautiful women on the street, if you look high, you are appreciative; if you look low, you are a gangster. 095◎My dear, we still have a lot to do in this life, don’t waste time playing hide and seek with me, come out quickly~~~ 096◎Women like two flowers in their life: one is money to spend, and the other is money. Spend as much as you can! 097◎An instant hit—it describes female artists... 098◎The unfairness of this world lies in the fact that God said: "I want light!" So there was daytime. The beauty said: "I want a diamond ring!" So she got a diamond ring. The rich man said: "I want a woman!" So he got a woman. I said, "I want to take a shower!" The water stopped! 099 I really don’t understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract boys’ attention, but what boys want to see is girls without clothes. 100◎Occasionally, you will feel great if you are silent for a while, but it will be miserable if you are silent for a while...