Folk jokes

Make love at night.

An old man took his son on a blind date and stayed at the woman's house at night. There is only one kang in the woman's house. In the middle of the night, men and women can't stand loneliness. They sneaked into bed and made noise in the bedroom. Two old men heard this and asked, What's that noise? Maybe the cat caught the mouse. Just then, the frightened young man stood up and leaned against the wall. The old man said, I'll turn on the light. Then he reached out to the wall and pulled the light rope, which happened to touch the guy's straight penis. I heard the old man say loudly: Who put snot on the clothesline? When another old man heard this, he quickly said that the hat was still hanging on the table yesterday.

The girl said Miao.

When the girl got married, her mother invited the maid of honor to live with her. When the maid of honor came back, the mother asked the girl what to say when she entered the bridal chamber. The bridesmaid replied:? Listen to that girl. ? Mom said:? How can people who have just passed the door be wonderful? ? Just wrote a note? Unbelievable? Four words, for bridesmaids, for girls. The girl saw it and wrote a note to reply, which read:? That's great. ?

Guessing characters

An old monk and his apprentice went on a trip. On the way, they were thirsty. They happened to see a woman washing clothes by the river, so they asked the apprentice to find some water to drink. When a woman says what your action is, I will give you water to drink, and then I will see her standing with her hand on the washboard. The little monk guessed it was big. Women say it's heaven. The young monk was impatient and had to go back and tell the old monk. The old monk said to let me go. He walked up to the woman, stretched out his arms and said, guess what this is. The woman said: big characters. The old monk said, no, you underestimate me. This is a wooden character.

Son syndrome

In the delivery room of the hospital, a nurse is holding a newborn baby. At this time, the child's father rushed in, rushed to the nurse's side, and couldn't wait to touch the baby. I only heard him shout: Ouch! Great! Is it a son? What are you doing? Are you in a hurry? Hold on to me tight. ! ? Ha ha ha ha ha-

Stupid son

Once upon a time, there was a stupid son and a lazy father. One day, a guest came, and the lazy father asked the silly son to meet the guest. Before leaving, the father taught his son: If the guest asks where the three trees in front of our house are, you can say that the harvest is not good; If you ask why our wheat straw is missing, just say that the harvest is not easy to sell; If the guests think our pictures look good when they get home, you can say it's nothing. There is one every year. The first time the guest saw his son coming to pick them up, he felt very novel and asked, where is your father? The son said that the harvest is not easy to cut; The guest asks again: Where is your mother? The son replied: the harvest is not easy to sell; The guest said to himself: How can there be such a silly son? The son then replied: nothing, one a year!

Manage funds

Three people got lost in the desert. They come from Lanzhou, Shanghai and Guangzhou respectively. They are thirsty and tired. Suddenly they saw an oil lamp, so they ran to pick it up and wiped it. A giant appeared in front of them and said, "I am the genie of lamps, and I can satisfy your wishes." Guangzhou people said, "Give me a glass of water and take me home. I want to sleep. " Then take me home. I want to take a bath first. "Lamp god has realized their wish, it's Lanzhou's turn. He said, "You bring me a bundle of cold beer first, and then call the two people you just brought back to drink with me. "

Jujube washing

Brother-in-law outside: Sister in law! Is Big Brother at home? Sister-in-law: He is out. Come on in. I am washing dates. I'll give them to you. ? Brother-in-law: Taking a bath? Then I'll go first! ? Sister-in-law: Don't go, don't worry, just change the water for me. ? Brother-in-law: The water is at the door. ? Sister-in-law came out with dates: are dates good? Brother-in-law . . . . . . ?

Name a dog.

There lived an uncle who moved from the countryside to the city. He just added a pet dog to his family. Because there was no official surname in the ancestors, in the generation of children and grandchildren, it was either a dog or a dog. I am puzzled at the thought of giving the dog a nice name. Why do you look sad for a few days? Finally, one day, grandpa was so happy that everyone praised him. Later, I learned that he named his dog: Cadres? .

Give me sleep (tax)

In the mid-1970s, a young female township tax collector went to the market to collect taxes, and they were next to each other. When I meet another young man, I will say:? Please, pay taxes? . The young man feels strange: hi! People who eat public meals are different from ordinary people. They call sleeping (paying taxes). The young man asked the female tax bureau: Who do you sleep for? . The female tax official was impatient and answered sharply:? Do you still have to ask? Give me the tax (to sleep). The young man was startled.

It's really none of my business

There is a custom somewhere that on the day of marrying a daughter, her family invited relatives and friends to cry. The more people cry, the more attention is paid to their daughter at home, which means that they can't bear to part with her. Once, a family married a woman, and people crying filled the room. One of the male guests cried the most clearly, but only cried repeatedly when he heard it? I remember? Three words. People were so surprised that someone asked him what he thought. The man cried even harder and said, I remember wow, it's really none of my business!

It's killing me

In the morning, a rural woman found that her garlic was stolen, so she told her neighbors. My mouth was not at home last night, and two pieces were stolen in one night? Braids? (Shit), my head is so big that it hurts me to death.

Stupid believer

Three scholars will win the highest prize? I heard that a Taoist priest is good at divination? Just asking for advice? The Taoist priest met three people? Just stick out a finger? Then say nothing? Three people don't understand its meaning, and they have to leave without asking more questions? His apprentice asked the master why he didn't say a word. Master scolded:? You are so stupid that three people only stretch one finger. What if they are all together? What if two of them win and one of them loses? If one of them

Health slogan

There's a slogan somewhere that says: Don't pee here casually, or the tools will be confiscated.

Buy shoes

? Do you like it? Yes! ? Do you want it? Yes! ? Then let's try! . . . Can you go a little deeper? what's up Does it hurt? It's a little tight, but it's ok! Is it comfortable? Comfortable. Then let's buy these shoes!

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