A slogan reminding the old irons not to step on the thunder.

How not to "step on" the thunder that avoids the heavy and takes the light?

It is almost impossible not to step on the thunder, so there is no need to feel regret and blame yourself for getting along with evasive people.

Why?

First of all, you should be clear that it is biased to avoid the cognition of intimate relationship! You dress a person with a nonstandard figure in a standard size, either too big or too small, which makes him uncomfortable to wear. This standard is correct, because it is designed according to the average size of most people, and we naturally think that the other side is also applicable. This is absolutely correct.

The anxious/safe type usually wears this size, so at first we didn't know how to avoid sudden rejection/escape. Yes, he doesn't feel well, his neck is tight, his chest is squeezed and he can't breathe well. But you have no idea how he feels! I bought the most expensive and best. Why do you look so miserable?

Avoidance usually fails to express inner needs. He won't say (or dare not say), but if he can't stand it, he will resist, otherwise the next time he sees you coming with new clothes, he will run away without looking.

So objectively speaking. Neither of you is wrong. The problem is that the clothes are the wrong size, there is no communication, and I don't know each other. That is, there is something wrong with your mode of getting along. What you think is good doesn't really suit him. Maybe it's just the wrong size Maybe he also likes this style and texture. He doesn't need you to pay too much (constantly giving inappropriate clothes), but the core requirement is that you know him (size).

If you step on the thunder (your kindness is rejected/you run away for some reason), then give him absolute space (you don't need to pay anything at all during this time), and when he feels relaxed and wants to get close to you (at this time, you suddenly take out the last dress, which may remind him of his previous discomfort, so I'm sorry that you don't suggest breaking up at this time, so why do you run away), but you can tell him that if he feels uncomfortable, he can change it next time.

In other words, what you think of giving must be based on the premise that Xihe will allow him to refuse. Rejection is not the same as unhappy clothes, otherwise you may be uncomfortable getting along with each other. Comfort doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like clothes, but that clothes are too tight and comfortable. Change the size (measurement effort) When he finally wears this dress to lose weight (instruct him how to adapt), he will still like it and cherish it more.

Avoidance can be imagined as a big fat man who can't wear the world at ordinary times. He has his own needs, and he hopes he can win the prize in the most expensive product. Few people paid attention to his appeal: "Be more relaxed!" Usually people will think that what he refused was the "clothes" itself. This is why there is self-doubt/self-denial.

Therefore, getting along with avoidance must be based on full understanding. Your contribution is just what he needs.