Is there any way to make people humorous?

Speak less and say something surprising, and others will see your humor

Humor also depends on who the target is, just like life does not lack beauty but lacks discovery.

1. You will be too old

In the social history discussion class, the professor explained to us how society’s beauty standards have changed with the times. [For example,] he said, [Miss America elected in 1921 was 1.55 meters tall, weighed 49 kilograms, and had measurements of 76 (centimeters), 64, and 81. What do you think her chances would be if she entered a pageant today? ] The whole class was silent for a moment, and then one student replied: [Not very good. ][Why? ] the professor asked him. [At least,] he pointed out, [she would be too old. ]

2. Photography location

At the university graduation ceremony, there was a project where graduates formed a group to cross a bridge over a lake. His parents, relatives and friends rushed to take photos or videos to capture this memorable moment. At one such graduation ceremony, a photojournalist happened to block a parent's already chosen photography position just as the bridge-crossing ceremony was about to begin. [Can you please step aside? I spent $30,000 to get the chance to take this shot,] the parent said.

3. Help the family eat every day

My younger brother, who is in the fourth grade of elementary school, is really fat and everyone often makes fun of him.

One day, the teacher asked their classmates to start writing down [things they do for the family every day] in the contact book. The younger brother couldn't think of anything, so in the end, his mother had to fill it in for him. She wrote in her contact book: [Help the family eat every day. ] The teacher’s comment is: [I can see that you work very hard! ]

4. Rhymes

In the past, when schools held sports meets, they would always recite some jingles during the games to liven up the atmosphere. For example, the 100-meter track is not too long, the athletes are high-spirited, etc.

Once, I heard a jingle as follows:

The little javelin is sharp and pointed.

Weigh it in your hand.

I flew out with a chirp,

I only saw the crescent moon and the blue sky...

5. Roll call

Yes When a newly graduated normal teacher went to a primary school to teach first-grade students, the first thing she did was to ask the students to write their names in the workbook. Afterwards, she took back the workbook and called them back one by one, thereby getting to know the students. But there was one book that she called ten times but no one came to pick it up... Yellow belly! Yellow belly! …. What happened? Where did the person go? ! …………….

In the end, after all the copies were distributed, there was still one copy left, so those who hadn’t gotten it yet raised their hands! ! At this time, a small girl raised her hand, and the teacher asked: What is your name? …. Huang Yuepo, teacher….

6. Self-admiration

When I was a freshman, a good-looking roommate liked to look in the mirror and feel sorry for himself. Even when the exam was approaching, he still couldn't put down the mirror. Her roommates were worried about her homework and tried to persuade her, but she sighed and said, "Could it be that beauty is also a mistake?"

"Don't worry," the usually taciturn room director suddenly said, "You have never made this mistake. I have never made such a mistake."

7. Men fight over women

There has never been a girl in HKUST since ancient times. Who said that there is no girl in HKUST!

The fallen flowers fade away and the willows grow strong. Is the girl in front of the building hesitant?

With a diploma half-hiding my face, I don’t take you seriously,

I reluctantly married Wu Dalang. You are worse than Wu Dalang.

8. Where is he?

Three school girls were talking about a man who came to school to propose marriage.

A (junior undergraduate): How tall is he and is he handsome?

B (Master’s student): What kind of job does he do and what is his monthly salary?

C (doctoral candidate): Where is he! ! !

(Purely fictional, please don’t mind)

9. Short jokes

History teacher: Why did you leave early?

Bali: I have an important date.

History teacher: Which is more important, history or girlfriend?

Bali: If I'm late again, she will become history! ! !

History teacher: @##$^

10. Deadhead

Deadhead is highly myopic and doesn’t like wearing glasses.

That day, Nao Nao was preparing food in the canteen when he suddenly saw a person at the dining table in front of him who looked like Vision and was wearing a unique black and red sports top like Vision. Nao Nao stepped forward to take a photo. He touched the man's shoulder. Unexpectedly, the man turned around and turned out to be a pretty woman. Dead Brain was at a loss for a moment and made a panicked expression: "Sorry, I thought it was Vision."

After returning to the dormitory, Dead Brain mentioned the matter to Vision. While Vision was laughing, he was also very angry with the woman. Interested, he frequently searched in the dining hall. Huangtian paid off (the kind of shirt is really eye-catching), and he found his target that day. Vision stepped forward boldly and patted the young lady hard on the shoulder. The young lady turned back with a look of surprise and anger that could not be concealed. Vision Yi was so anxious that he forgot the words he had made up earlier. He only vaguely remembered what Dead Brain had said and hurriedly said, "I'm sorry, I thought it was me." "Myself."

11. TV Bug

TV Bug Ferguson especially likes to watch TV. Students look for him in their free time and nine times out of ten they see him sitting in front of the TV, so everyone They all call him the "TV bug". No, when the astronomy teacher announced in class: "I suggest you watch the lunar eclipse tonight." Ferguson immediately asked: "What channel?"

12. Change positions

Peter was famous in the class for deserting in class. No, the teacher was talking endlessly in front of the blackboard, but he was staring at the basketball court outside the window in trance. The teacher criticized: "Peter, you are always inattentive in class. You are in the classroom, but your mind is in the playground." Peter replied: "Teacher, change your position! Let me be in the playground, and my mind is in the classroom."

13. Famous quotes from Rome

Freshman year: All roads lead to Rome

Smooth university road

Sophomore year: Rome is not a day Caused by

College is not completed in four years

Senior year: Rome has been built

College has not been completed yet

Graduate n: Rome has fallen

Still studying in college

14. Examination

The teacher said: Normal exams are snacks, and you will never tire of them; Duan exams are dinner , timed and quantitative; the joint examination is a Manchu-Han banquet, once is enough, why don't you study hard?

The student said: Tell the teacher, we are losing weight! ! !

15. Zi Zai Chuan Shang said:

A teacher asked his students to translate a passage from The Analects of Confucius. Zai Chuan Shang said: The deceased is like a man, regardless of day or night!

As a result, the talented student showed his supreme Chinese language skills accumulated for more than ten years and said: The son said on the bed: I slept very comfortably and didn’t do my homework!

When the teacher heard this, he was amazed, touched the student's head and said: You are a century-old talent! I teach you in anger

(You are really an idiot who only appears once in a hundred years. The more I teach you, the more unhappy I become)

16. Team coach

This It was my professor who told us that he used to teach in the United States. Some students on the team had never gone to school, but they still had to graduate from college. After that, they could enter the professional basketball team and play in the NBA. After retirement, they often returned to their alma mater to coach the team. .

There is a student (let’s call him Jordan) who is about to graduate, but he can’t pass calculus so he can’t graduate and play in the NBA! So he asked his coach, who was also the coach of the school team, to help intercede.

Coach: [Professor, please let Jordan pass! The NBA has been waiting for him for a long time! ]

Professor: [Okay! Since the coaches have come to help and beg for mercy, I will give you one last chance]

[What is one plus one equal to? ]

Jordan immediately answered without thinking: [2]

Coach: [Professor, please give him another chance! ]

17.My m. c.

Why haven't you come yet?

Little Yingying is in the second grade, and her family sends her to learn English. One day when I got home after class, Xiaoying shouted as soon as she entered the door: Mom, my mother. c. Why haven't you come yet? Everyone from Xiaohui next door is here. Mom was shocked: Xiaoying, who taught you these things? c. Some don’t.

Xiaoying: I’m a cram school teacher. Mom, tell me my m. c. Why hasn't it come in so long? Mom blushed: "Ask your dad." Dad pretended not to hear. Just then the postman came.

Dad then said casually: "Ask the postman uncle

Xiaoying had no choice but to ask the postman uncle: Postman uncle, my m. c. Do you know why it hasn’t come yet?

Postman: Come on, come on, look at this? This is the m you have been waiting for all night. c.

The latest mail-order cartoon alarm clock is morningcall

Mom and Dad:………….

18. Peep comics in class! !

Everyone has the experience of peeking at extracurricular books in class. Especially reading comic books in class.

When I was in high school, my favorite thing was reading comics in class, especially classes that would make people sleepy. I remember one time, my classmates were reading new comic books during class. There are textbooks on the table and comics in the drawer. Turn page by page and savor it. Slowly, the teacher walked up to him and said, "This student, you don't need to put it under the table." Because the board in front of your drawer is gone. 』. The whole class burst into laughter.

19. Remember to brush your teeth! !

In a biological experiment one day, I observed my own saliva cells, looked at them with a microscope and recorded them... While everyone was observing and studying happily, there was a scream... Ah~~it turned out to be the message from the beautiful teaching assistant... The professor thought something had happened, so he ran over to look at her microscope. He told her: next time you finish your work, remember to brush your teeth and rinse your mouth! !

20. How old is the teacher this year?

During class, the teacher asked a question that he thought no one could answer:

A turtle can walk in one minute. Five meters, an ant walks three centimeters in one minute. Ask: How old is the teacher?

The whole class was silent...

I saw Xiaodai lowering his head in thought, and after a while he raised his head. Hand answer: 44 years old

The teacher was very surprised after hearing the answer! ! Asked Xiaodai how he knew...

Xiaodai replied: I have an uncle who is 22 years old this year and has a smart mind. If I multiply his age by 2, then...

Teacher: …. #$@#$$^#

21. For the sake of fairness! !

One day in a certain junior high school, the inspector came to the school to take the exam and announced to the students at the meeting: "For the sake of fairness, I will take the first grade this year, the second grade next year, and the third grade the year after that." After the students heard this. ． ． ． ． ． ． ．

22. Big?

The son asked his father: "Which one is bigger, one or twenty?" ]

Dad: [Of course it’s twenty! ]

Son: [Then I got 20th place in the exam. Isn’t it better than first place! ]

24. Simple question.

A professor of biology often goes to various universities to teach [Genetics]

Once on the way to give a lecture. The driver said to him: [Professor. I have attended your lectures no less than fifty times. I already remember it well. I dare say. I can also teach this class]

[Oh! Yeah. OK! Then wait a minute, let’s switch roles! ]

Arrived at school. The driver went to give a lecture. And finish the class word for word. But just as he was about to leave. Suddenly a student asked a question...

The driver couldn't answer for a while...but he still said it calmly. [This classmate. The question you asked is too simple...for you to understand. How simple it is. I decided to ask my driver to answer you! ~]

25. Sex Education

One day. Xiao Ming returned home after class very sadly.

My mother asked Xiao Ming: What happened?

Xiao Ming replied: Everyone in Xiaohua in the class knows where he comes from. But I don’t even know.

Mom thought that this was also the time to tell Xiao Ming about things between men and women, and to give her some correct sex education. Mom started telling Xiao Ming: Boys fall in love with girls. Then get married... also mentioned how the sperm met the egg. The mother told Xiao Ming everything she knew.

When the mother completes the teaching to her satisfaction.

Xiao Ming is still confused. Look at mom. With a few tears dripping from the corners of his eyes, he said:

Xiaohua said he was from Yilan. But my mother said a lot and I still don’t know where I came from.

26. Philosophy professor

A philosophy professor at Oxford University is telling senior students that "no matter what they do, smart people will think twice, and only fools will rush into it." Conclusion."

"Are you sure that's the case?"

"I'm sure so," the professor replied affirmatively.

A mathematics professor was hit by a high-speed car on the road. The driver of the accident slipped away without stopping. When the traffic police came to ask for the license plate number of the car, the professor thought for a moment and said: "The moment I was knocked down, I only saw an equation on the car: XY minus 517, the final difference is 24 ..."

27. A blockbuster

Outside the examination room of the Conservatory of Music, a failed girl stopped the examiner and asked: "Mr. Professor, don't you believe that my singing voice will be successful?" Will you become famous in one day?"

"Of course, Miss, when you are frightened or attacked"

28. Long-handled spoon

Psychiatric Professor. I visited a psychiatric hospital and asked the attending doctors how patients were determined to be cured or not.

"We fill the bath with water, put a teaspoon on the edge, and then ask the patient to drain the water. If the patient holds the spoon and devotes all his energy to the task, it means that he has not yet Cured. If you remove the plug in the bath, you will be a healthy person."

The professor shouted: "Why don't I have such an idea in my mind?"

29. What kind of place is the Kingdom of Heaven

Glenn Smith asked Professor Peter, the astronomy teacher, what kind of place the Kingdom of Heaven is. The professor replied: "I have spent my life studying the mysteries of the universe and existence, and I hope that heaven will be a place where I will no longer be asked questions, but can ask: 'What is the answer to this question?'"

30. The efficacy of revision

John, a writing teacher, found it difficult to convince his students of the need to revise their essays.

For them, the draft is the final draft. Finally, John put a large sign on his office door.

Through this method, many students have developed the habit of revising articles. The sign read:

"Oh, it's hard, you know. I can't decide whether to kill myself, you know." Shakespeare's Hamlet, Scene 3, Scene 1, draft.

31. Banknotes

When the Chinese teacher taught "Two Parts of Zhimo's Diary", he explained what Xu Zhimo said: "The number is big" is the concept of beauty, for example: From Wuji Looking down at the earth from the blue sky is beautiful; the sea of ??clouds on the top of Mount Tai, the tall cloud peaks calming in the morning light, is beautiful... The teacher asked Xiaobang in the class: "Can you give other examples to illustrate 'counting stools'" Is it beautiful?" Xiaobang immediately replied: "Money."

32. Double Happiness

A female teacher in my college is pregnant and walking around with a big belly. go. It happened that the results of the high school entrance exam were announced, and her eldest daughter got top marks in six subjects. She was very happy and hurriedly told the students the good news. After hearing this, one of the students jokingly said: "What a double happiness, mother and daughter are pregnant with 'Liujia' at the same time."

33. School Jokes (1)

Instructor: Why Do you skip classes quickly and frequently?

Dumb: There is no way, he is gifted.

Instructor: But you don’t have to climb the wall anymore.

Dumb: Really? Has the fence been taken down?

Instructor: No, you have been expelled, you can go through the gate!

34. Campus Jokes (2)

On campus, the honesty movement is greatly promoted.

Jia Sheng: How to reward you if you find money?

Yisheng: If you pick up gold, you will be rewarded once.

Jiaosheng: What about pornographic films and comics?

Yisheng: Will the instructor believe that you picked it up?

Just leave it to me.

35. Campus Jokes (3)

The teacher said: The weather is very good today, we should go for an outing.

The student said: Teacher, do you mean to trample on the girl wearing blue clothes?

36. Campus Jokes (4)

During class, a classmate was reading comics.

The teacher found out and asked: What are you doing?

[I'm looking for something. ]

[What are you looking for? ]

[Look, look for.... ]

The classmate sitting next to me replied: Make excuses.

37. Campus Jokes (5)

Jiasheng: Do you know why A-yin insists

that I introduce a female classmate from Beijing to him?

Yisheng: Because he is a "rabbit".

38. Short jokes

College entry test question: [If there is an old lady standing next to you on the bus {you are sitting}, what will you do? ]

Bali: I will tell her, old lady, you are so old... , don’t always save money by taking the bus, it’s safer to take a taxi.

39. Short Jokes

Teacher: You can’t cheat in exams!

Bali: Yes! We can't sit still and wait for death!

Teacher: I’m so big xxxxxxxxx

40. Geography class

The teacher asked: [Where is Brazil? ]

Dumb: [In the geography textbook, page 51. ]

41. Rats

A middle school computer classroom must purchase 100 rats because it needs to use Windows. Soon I received an official letter from the accounting office. Due to limited funds, please purchase a pair of mice in order to breed offspring.

42.Which hole are you drilling?

Today’s swimming class teacher changed to wood ball.

Aces classmates in our class

are aiming at the goal and preparing to score a hole-in-one

Unexpectedly, the mallet swung...

The ball actually went into the butt of the girl next door who was squatting and talking

Teacher: Which hole are you playing?

aces:! @#$@#$^

Me:………. (Already laughed to death!!)

43. Too sleepy...

There are three guys in a certain class who are good at sleeping. The class gave them the nickname "Sleep God". Sleeping Saint and Sleeping King.

One day, the three of them decided to compete with each other and start studying in the morning. After sleeping until noon, Sleeper got up. Knowing that he had lost, he went to eat lunch alone. When school was over, Sleeping Saint got up and walked home by himself. During self-study the next morning, I saw the sleeping god with his eyes closed, cursing secretly: Damn! ! After sleeping for so long, I was still studying early...

44. Causes of low back pain

A classmate went to see a doctor because of low back pain

After taking an x-ray, the doctor said:

Here , it’s your liver that doesn’t have cirrhosis….

This is your stomach, there is no problem...

This is your kidney, no stones...

This is your stool. It’s not clean, so your waist will hurt...

45. You are not allowed to go anywhere

There was a teacher who was a very devout Buddhist

Once he told a child how wonderful heaven was

Asked the children if they wanted to go to heaven

Only one child did not raise his hand

Then he told the children how scary hell is

Again, the child who wanted to go to hell was asked to raise his hand

The same child did not raise his hand

So the teacher felt it was strange... Why don’t you go to heaven and hell?

Just ask this child: Why don’t you go to heaven and hell?

The child said: Mom said that after school, we should go immediately Go home, not allowed to go anywhere...

46. Electric shock

In the medical class, a male student asked: "How can I move your heart?" 』

Female student: 『Didn’t the teacher teach you? Use electric shock. 』.

47. Surface tension

Two biochemists were sitting in front of the laboratory drinking coffee, and a beautiful woman walked by outside.

The more mature and cautious biochemist saw the look of dementia on his colleague’s face and said: She is just like us, more than 75% is water. The colleague still looked stupid and said: Yes, but look at their surface tension!

48. Jokes I heard in class

When I was taking a highway engineering class, the professor said that if there was a paint stop on the highway, most people would rush over, and he was no exception.

He went on to say that when international students are abroad, if there are paint stops on the ground, they usually abide by the rules and park. At this time, Xiao Wu made a surprising statement, because he didn't know what the words on the road were, and he stopped to press the translator, so he stopped.

49. Words of caution

Once I was reading a reference book and fell asleep, and I accidentally glanced at two sentences in the book:

Why sleep for a long time when you are alive

You will sleep forever after death

Wake up immediately...

50. Be considerate?

One time when I was in the dormitory, I wanted to say that I hadn’t contacted my high school classmate for a long time and asked him to call me (I was afraid that the company phone number was urgently used, so I asked her to call our dormitory from home). It happened that I saw a very introverted junior pick up the phone and seemed to call his pen pal of the opposite sex. It was rare to see him finally take the first step. I wanted to wait until he finished typing before calling me, so as not to let him know that I was there. I stood aside so that he could continue talking (ps. he is a very shy person). I didn’t expect that he talked for more than half an hour. In my opinion, he could talk for five minutes at most. I wanted to call my classmate later. It happened that he put down the phone and seemed to have finished speaking. Just when I was about to call, he inserted the phone card, which made me confused. However, he only spoke for a minute this time. When I asked him later, I found out that the previous half hour was I'm practicing how to say it. I'm not hitting on you at all. a, b, c,...x, y, Z