Santana funny slogan

The supermarket guide sold me a kind of chocolate. I asked how much a box of 400 grams cost. "80。" The shopping guide lady replied.

"Mom, it's so expensive." I blurted out and waved quickly.

Not far away, I heard her say to a colleague nearby, "You see, when I heard the high price, my life changed."

Mother Mosquito: "What's the matter with you, son?" The little mosquito cried and said, "Today, the little fly bullied me and said that I was bloodthirsty and a vampire." Mother mosquito: "Ignore it, their family is not a good thing, they all grew up eating shit."

A tramp was stopped by a robber while walking at night. The robber shook his head and shouted, "Money or death."

The tramp thought, I can't support myself. Why do I need another life? I still want some money, so he said to the robber, "I still want money."

When the wife cleaned the room, she found a photo of her husband and a strange woman, so she asked her husband what was going on. The husband said disapprovingly, "This is a photo taken with my girlfriend five years ago. I have already broken up with her."

The wife said loudly, "Did you put on the sweater I knitted for you five years ago last year?"

One day, Xiaoming took tomatoes, watermelons and strawberries to the streets. At the crossroads, tomatoes were run over by a car. Xiao Ming said, "Ha ha ha! Ketchup! " At another intersection, the watermelon was hit. Xiao Ming said, "Ha ha ha! Watermelon juice! " At the third intersection, Xiao Ming was run over by a car. Strawberry said, "Ha ha ha! Scum! "

I came home late at the weekend. As soon as I entered the door, my wife asked me, "Why didn't I go home until 7 o'clock?"

I said, "I attended a press conference this afternoon." My wife rummaged through my bag and said, "What cloth is it? I just want to make a pair of pants. "

A couple love each other very much.

W: What are you thinking now?

As you think.

The woman immediately slapped the man and scolded him: you rascal!

Wal-Mart's bass, 9 yuan, is a kilo. When it dies, two pieces of 7 yuan will be put on the ice, just as fresh. A brother rushed to buy it after work, but it was often bought. One brother stood in front of the fish tank and waited, sometimes one died for a long time.

A brother fished with a net and hit the fish on the head with his hand.

The waiter couldn't stand it any longer, so he came up to his brother and said, "Sir, those who passed out don't count ..."

A farmer went to a car sales center and saw that he took out 2000 yuan and patted the table: "Give me a Santana." The salesman was shocked: "You don't have enough money!" The farmer is puzzled: "Isn't Santana 2000 written outside?" Shop assistant: "oh ... then go out and turn right." That company's Mercedes is only 600! " "

Two Beijingers met.

"What's your name?"

"I dare not say, I am afraid you will eat it."

"Last name is Fan?"

"No."

"Surname Yu?"

"Not yet."

"Then what's your last name?"

"History."

Going to take a bath, people around me asked me: How old are you? A dozen?

I am glad to say that I am 27 years old.

She was frightened: I don't like it!

Looking me up and down several times, he said, your chest has not developed well, how can it be 27!

1, these days, people are worried about housing, developers are worried about selling houses, entrepreneurs are worried about housing planning, producers are worried about the box office, officials are worried about the second house, men are worried about private saving, women are worried about breasts, the elderly are worried about renting houses, hospitals are worried about delivery rooms, married new houses, and ordinary people are worried about demolition. Hey! Sex is really depressing!

2, men like golf, because the scenery of each hole is different, even the same hole, there are different ways to enter; Women like golf because every shot feels different, even if the strength and angle of the same shot are different, the feeling is different!

3. Some portraits of "smart people":

He put up with it when no one fought for his interests.

He watched someone fight for his interests.

When someone won benefits for him, he said, "I deserve it."

When someone tried to win benefits for him but failed, he said, "I said it was useless, but he still didn't believe me."

When someone was persecuted for his interests, he said, "Look at the way he shows off in an ostentatious manner, this day will come sooner or later."

There are more and more "smart people" now!

4, shocking hospital course record:

The patient is conscious, in good mental state, able to eat and drink, and the knife edge is growing gratifying.

Today, the weather is warm. I went on a tour with the director. The director asked the patient how he was, and the patient said he was fine. The director smiled, and so did the patient. ...

The director braved the heavy snow and walked into the ward, holding the patient's hand tightly and asking, Lao Wang, are you better today?

The director made rounds. He didn't say anything today!

First, the difference of education.

How to cook braised pork?

Undergraduate students said that they should put meat in a pot and add something to cook.

Graduate students say this is not enough, how much meat, how much other seasonings, how to cook and how long to cook;

A month later, the doctor published a book entitled "How to cook braised pork" and opened the catalogue, "Chapter 1, How to raise pigs".

Second, 1. Chess tells you: everything is to keep handsome.

Mahjong tells you that all you do is for your own success.

Go tells you that everything is either or, and anything is possible.

4. Military chess tells you that the official level can really crush people.

Beijing opera tells you that all roles have been solidified, from division of labor to manners.

Third, in life, there are many fleeting moments, such as saying goodbye at the station, just hugging each other, and in the blink of an eye, they are all over the world. Most of the time, you don't understand, and neither do I. That's it. When you talk, you change. When you listen, you will be tired. When you watch it, you will be tired. You will slow down when you follow. When you walk, you spread out. When you love, you fade. When you think about it, you will forget it.

Each of us is like a clown, playing with five balls, which are your work, health, family, friends and soul. Only one of these five balls is made of rubber. When it falls, it will rebound. This is work. The other four balls are all made of glass. If they fall to the ground, they will break.

1. When we were young, we cried and laughed. When we grow up, we laugh and cry. . .

When you go out, remember that you will never leave anything, that is, "reach for money" (extension: ID card, hand: mobile phone, key, money: wallet).

My name has been published countless times. The first article I wrote was published in the newspaper. Everyone else is because Fang Zhouzi exposed my plagiarism.

4, the deceased is like a husband, not giving up day and night ... A classmate translated: The person who died seems to be my husband, and it is like this all day long.

You know the earthquake, tsunami, nuclear pollution, salt reserves, national quality, the situation in Libya, the interest chain between the United States, Britain and France, air strikes and wars. This proves that you are knowledgeable and occupy an important position. You turned out to be a brother!

6, just changed the HD TV, Niu X, just different. I have never seen the words "no satellite signal" so clearly.

7. I often hear that no one can live without money. I've never heard of anyone who can't live without anyone.

8, Cui Yongyuan said, telling the truth three elements: courage, knowledge, rabies vaccine.

9. If you want to learn sex education well, you have to take a chemistry class. . . . Do more experiments

10, the leader inspected "Jiangyin Wool Textile Factory" and asked the director with concern: Are the raw materials easy to handle?

1 1. I have never been a thief, but I want to steal happiness for you! I have never cheated anyone, but I want to cheat you to be happy! Never hurt anyone, but I want to give you a happy turn! I have never depended on anyone, but I want to deprive you of peace! Happy May Day!

12, there is a saint named Joan of Arc in France. There are indeed many leftover women in China.