Real estate jokes

Real estate jokes tell many embarrassing truths about the property market

Le Yile’s jokes about housing prices, listen to the sadness behind the laughter.

Tube buildings and single-family houses

——Why do snails look cute, but slugs make people sick?

——This is probably The difference between having a house and not having a house.

——Why are wasps annoying, but pearls are likeable?

——Children, this is the difference between living in a tube building and a detached house. ”

Creative Space

The most expensive land is called Land King; the most expensive house is called Building King;

The latest one built is called out-of-print; The highest one is called a landmark;

Being in the old city is called inheriting thousands of connections; being far away from the urban area is called ecological luxury;

The foreign name is called European style; the Chinese name is called classical;

Big and expensive is called a mansion; small and expensive is called a mansion;

Fine decoration is called "a five-star home for you"; rough house is called a "creative space"

Looking at housing prices from the sound of firecrackers

Looking at Shanghai housing prices from the sound of Spring Festival firecrackers:

The number of people who clearly hear the sound of firecrackers is 20,000-30,000, and those who hear the sound vaguely are 40,000-50,000. 80,000 to 200,000 is unheard of.

Imperial Capital House Prices

If your annual salary is above 3 million, you can buy wherever you like within the Second Ring Road;

If your annual salary is between 100-300W, within the 2nd to 4th Ring Road, you can buy wherever you like;

If your annual salary is between 50-100W, within the 4th to 6th Ring Road, you can Buy wherever you like;

If your annual salary is less than 10W, dig a hole for yourself and bury it wherever you like.

Mortgage

Mortgage. It means pressing you to the ground and peeling you off layer by layer.

Although the words are a bit rough, for most house slaves, this description is very vivid.

Housing prices. Ups and downs

When house prices rise, you will work for a developer for the rest of your life;

When house prices fall, you will work for a bank for a lifetime;

In fact, you have always been Working for an invisible hand for a lifetime.

Solving the congestion problem

The Chinese nation is a wise nation, and we invented staggered commuting to solve the congestion problem

p>

Next, we can also invent a staggered purchase of houses to solve the problem of high housing prices. To put it simply, some people will buy a house in this life, and some people will buy a house in the next life...

Discount

< p> A: “It would be great if the house prices were also discounted by 50% on Double Eleven! ”

B: “From what you said, it seems like you can afford it at 50% off!” ”

Buying and Selling

The agent called me and asked me if I want to buy a house. The house price will soar. If I don’t buy it, the price will no longer exist!

I said I had already bought it.

He then said, brother, do you want to sell the house? The house price is now good and at a high level. If you don’t sell it, the price will not be there.

Three major misconceptions in life!

The three major illusions in life: He still loves you, the stock price will rise, and the house price will fall.

I wanted to choose a city to live forever, but we can only stay together for the rest of our lives. A shares, repay a lifetime mortgage

Real estate couplet

First couplet: "Stupidly" come, "sillyly" buy, "sillyly" earn hundreds of thousands. ;

Second line: "Shrewd" calculations, "shrewd" reading, "smart" years have been in vain;

Horizontal comment: If you believe it, buy it, if you don't believe it, keep reading.

Which bubble is bigger, the property market or the stock market?

China has come up with a topic that can win the Nobel Prize in Economics:

Nearly half of the listed companies are not profitable enough to buy Beijing and Shanghai I want to buy a luxury house, but selling 1% of the shares is enough to buy several houses. Please explain which bubble is bigger, the real estate market or the stock market?

Magic lamp

Dumb picked it up in the alley. When he arrived at a magic lamp, he wiped it, and the genie appeared: "I can grant you a wish, just say it!" ”

Dumb shouted excitedly: “I want a house.”

"

The Deng God's face darkened: "What's wrong~, you're too greedy. If I can give you a room, why would I live in a lamp? "

Shen Dianping

An advertisement for a real estate project: "My mother said: If you buy a house here, I will marry you." "

Shen commented: "I can only reply to her: Is your mother forcing you to do this? ”

Talking about a house

Pu Songling has a Liaozhai, Liang Qichao has an ice-drinking room, Ji Xiaolan has a Yuewei Cottage, but I just want an affordable house.

< p> Different roads lead to the same destination

The so-called "Different roads lead to the same destination" is about the fact that Chinese children who once had dreams of becoming pilots, scientists, and politicians all changed their dreams to buying a house when they grew up.

Winning 500. Thousands

A reporter interviewed a passerby in Shenzhen: If you won 5 million, how would you spend it? Passer-by: Pay off the mortgage first... Reporter: What about the rest? Passer-by: Pay back the rest slowly... …

Buying a house is the only way to meet the standard

The wedding day is coming, domestic brothers, rich in apartments, but poor in living in a small house, looking at the Great Wall inside and outside, tall buildings, construction sites, and waves of people, get up early Staying up late and staying up all night, the mother-in-law said: Buying a house is the only way to meet the standard.

A generation of genius

It is difficult to buy a house with so much money and so many heroes. The former emperors of Qin and Han Dynasty shook their heads when they saw this, and the ancestors of Tang and Song Dynasties had no choice but to live in a yurt.

The most honest real estate developer. When a real estate project was launched, the real estate developer produced a large advertisement to attract the public, saying: No house, no wife.

At the end of the year, the real estate industry association's evaluation conference, the real estate developer of this real estate project won the "Most Honest Real Estate Developer". /p>

Which one are you?

Those who have a house but no money, I hope to learn from Russia, protect the house price and give up the exchange rate

I have a house but no money, I hope. Learn from Japan, maintain the exchange rate and give up the house price.

Those who have a house and money are eager to sell the house and allocate overseas assets.

Those who have no house and money feel that they have no self. What's going on, it's better to have a complete collapse...

Which one are you?

Hug the dog and watch the sea and drink coffee

The couple works hard. , and then bought a sea-view villa, and the mortgage payment was huge every day. She left early and came home late.

The most common thing their nanny did every day was to hold their dog on the balcony and watch the sea. Drink coffee.

The cure for the world

In the past year, we have experienced one of the cures that have worked in the United States:

Keynesian government Stimulating demand; the Marshall Plan's One Belt and One Road; Clinton's Internet and innovation; Friedman's money supply theory; Reagan's supply-side reform, oh, and the circuit breaker system; and finally, back to the familiar real estate-driven economy...< /p>

Yancheng Dongtai City 66 Reading