Light-hearted humorous stories and jokes

When you live in society as a natural person, you must become a social person consciously or unconsciously. This does not depend on your willingness or not. Assimilate to society or be assimilated by society. This is when we need to learn humor. I have collected some for you below, come and take a look with me.

Selected

1 "In a physiology class, the female teacher said after finishing the class: "Students, if anyone still doesn't understand anything, please raise your hands and ask, teacher. Give you the answer. "After a while, a male classmate raised his hand and asked the female teacher seriously: "Teacher, when men and women have sex, is it more comfortable for men? Or for women?" The female teacher thought for a moment. Said: "When you pick your nose with your hands, does it feel better for your nose? Or does it feel better for your hands?" The male student thought, "Well, it feels better for my nose!" The female teacher then asked, "Students, who else doesn't understand?" Please raise your hand to ask a question, and the teacher will answer it for you. " After a moment of silence, the male classmate raised his hand and asked the female teacher: "Teacher, when men and women have sex, is it comfortable to wear a condom, and..."

2 At the beginning of this semester, a girl named "He Ping" was transferred from another school to the class. Everyone in the class welcomed her with both hands and feet, but her name was the same as the original one. A boy named "Heping" has the same name. Although there are some differences in the writing methods, misunderstandings will inevitably occur during roll call. For this reason, a class meeting was held to discuss how to solve this problem. Yan Wo spoke in a nutshell. "This is a small problem. It's easy to solve. Just change one of the names. "You can't just change the name." "Actually, there is no need to change the spelling, just change the name." "Everyone agreed to just change the name, so the discussion started again. ...

3 Like most countries, in the Federal Republic of Germany, schools have become more and more Even so, most principals thought it was important to know the names of all current students. At one meeting, one principal recognized one of his former students. Mr. Luo, a student in class, right?" "Indeed, Mr. Principal. "The young man replied. "You see, I never forget the name of any old student. "The principal said proudly, "So what job are you doing now?"...

4 "On this day, a message was posted on the door of the school cafeteria: ""Lost and Found: I I found a wallet in the teacher's apartment with some cash in it...""When I read it the next day, I found that the title of this revelation had changed to ""Teachers Don't Recruit""!"

5 The anatomy teacher’s class was not exciting. Very few people in the class were listening, and most of them were talking about chatting, WeChat, and games. Just now!! He said, students, please pay attention. I will say. In a word, hand in your mobile phone after class, and the remaining battery of your mobile phone will be your final exam score! ***, this is a rhythm that wants to kill us!

6 "Hello, you scumbags!" Hello, top students! "" Good job, you scumbags! " "Be at the bottom for the top students! "

7 One day I saw a weird test paper, as follows: "Teacher, I don't know how to do it, but you don't need to do the rest. "As a result, the teacher turned to the second page, which read: "Teacher, you don't believe me, do you..."

8 John is a smart child, his grades are not very good, but everything is unique. Once, the teacher asked a psychologist to test him, and the expert asked straightforwardly: "Whose work is "Romeo and Juliet"?" "How would I know?" John said indifferently. He replied: “At my age, I don’t know how to read Shakespeare’s works. ”

9 During the geography class, the geography teacher asked the students: “What phenomena will occur during a solar eclipse?” "Everyone ran out to see!" the student replied.

10 The teacher asked Georgie: "Do you know what the king of beasts is?" Georgie replied: "Yes." It's Tom's dad.

"Why?" The teacher was not satisfied with this answer. "Because his father is the director of the zoo!"

11 Xiao Guangfu was restless in class in the kindergarten. The teacher warned him many times and asked him to concentrate. But he always sat on the stool and swayed from side to side. The teacher asked him angrily: "Guangfu, why are you always restless? What is there to be happy about?" "Yes. "Guangfu said, "My father promised me that he would buy me a motorcycle when he waited for me. ”

12 Once after class, everyone had to go home after the bell rang. When I was going down the stairs, my left foot stepped on my right foot, and I fell in the middle of the road with a big "snap"... I was I thought: No, I’m so embarrassed, I pretended to be faint. But when the classmate next to me saw that I was motionless, he quickly picked me up, and then slapped me wildly...

13 The teacher gave national defense education to primary school students. In class, I asked what weapons everyone knows? Many children answered: pan...

14 I hope to be a master of learning and stay together forever. Take me to self-study and answer thousands of questions a day. . Review the test questions for Level 4 and 6. Sit next to me in the examination room and help me get through. He is a good friend every year, and we are never separated from each other!

15 In the university dormitory, there were two boys who were very good friends. A few days later, one of the boys made a girlfriend, a beautiful woman in his class. One day, the boy bought some underwear online for his girlfriend. After it was mailed, the boy inspected the goods in the dormitory. When another boy saw it, he said: "Didn't she have one of these?"

16 "The teacher found a student while marking the papers. Explain the word like this: Years and months: The time is too long, and the moon is tired. The teacher frowned. Soon he found another student's answer: The New Year's time is too long, even the moon is tired."

17 The teacher assigned a composition topic "The Last Me" in the fifth grade composition class. Xiaomei, a girl in the class, wrote: ...The weather is good today. I took my child to the park. When I went to play, I drove the high-end car that my husband bought for me. I wore the big diamond ring he just bought me on my finger, and the gold chain he gave me just last month hung around my neck. I took my lovely child with me. Walking in the park, people everywhere looked at her with envy. Suddenly, a homeless old lady with a stinky body and mud on her face rushed out. I took a closer look, my God! She turned out to be my fifth grader. Chinese teacher.

18 In the Chinese class in junior high school, I was learning "The Last Lesson". The teacher read the text to everyone first and read the last paragraph: "..'get out of class is over, you can go.' ...", a classmate was sleeping at the time. When he heard this, he rushed out of the classroom with his schoolbag, and the whole class laughed....

19 Our old man teaching chemistry was so short-sighted that once After writing on the blackboard in class, he turned around and suddenly pointed at me and shouted: What are you standing for!! Sit down!! I was sitting in the last row of seats, and there was a hanging on the wall behind me. The coat...

20 I had a crush on a handsome guy who was practicing Sanda in my class, but I couldn’t understand the hint. One day, I mustered up the courage to write “At xx o’clock in the evening of xx, xx, under the third tree on the playground, See you or leave. "The note was tucked into his textbook. I was shy and didn't sign it. That day, I waited elegantly under the tree. The handsome guy came, followed by a group of figures. The moonlight was bright, and when the handsome guy saw the figures under the tree, he was so excited Drink: "Is this the challenge?!" . .

He will be given a great job on the 21st. He must first steal his QQ, block his Weibo, and take away his computer. Mobile phone, so focus on studying so that you can not fail the class!

Complete Collection

1 On the weekend, the whole class went to the zoo. A gorilla sat melancholy behind the railing, looking at it. Moving forward, no matter how we teased it or spoke loudly, it always turned a deaf ear. Some people said it was a blind man? Some people said it was a wise man. Suddenly, the gorilla "swiped" the ground. Turning our eyes, we all looked in the direction: not far away, a young girl was walking gracefully.

2 A beautiful woman went to Chanel and fell in love with an ultra-low-cut evening dress. She tried it on immediately. When she came out, she asked the store owner: Boss, is this dress too low-cut? Boss: Excuse me, miss, do you have chest hair? The beauty said angrily: What are you talking about? Why do people have chest hair? Boss: That is indeed too low.

3 The person in charge of the beach implicitly said to a beautiful woman wearing a three-point swimsuit: "We do not allow two-part swimsuits here." The beautiful woman replied: "Okay, then you can see which part is more suitable for me to remove. ?”

4 A maintenance man came to repair the TV, and there was only one very sexy woman at home. The maintenance man kept looking at the woman while repairing the TV. After the repair was completed, the woman said to the maintenance man: "I have an embarrassing request. Can you agree to it?" The maintenance man felt something vaguely and said "yes" repeatedly. The woman continued: "The thing is, my husband's body is very weak, and some things cannot be blamed on him. You see, you are a man and I am a woman... In fact, I noticed your strong body as soon as you came in... ..." The man's saliva almost flowed out, and he couldn't wait to say: "Then let's get started!"...

5 A man went to visit his friend, but only the friend was young and beautiful. His wife was at home, and he was so bold that he seduced her into sleeping with him in exchange for the fact that he was willing to give her yuan. She thought about it and thought it was a good deal and it was easy money, so she actually went to bed with him. After dark, her husband came back from get off work and asked, "Has Fadi been here today?" "He has been. Why are you asking him?" she replied guiltily. "Did he give you yuan?" "What? yuan?" She felt panicked. "Well!" the husband said: "I lent him yuan last month and promised to pay it back to me today."

6 A newly married soldier wrote to his wife: "You will pay me back this week." Come over if you have nothing to do. I need someone to accompany me and I am short of money. Please bring yuan when you come. If you can't come, please send yuan."

7 In the evening, my husband went to the bar to have fun. . My wife was upset at home. It was almost two o'clock in the morning and her husband hadn't come back yet! So she sent a text message: "Come back quickly and hand in your homework!" I won't explain what handing in homework means, but after a long time there was still no response. , my wife couldn’t help but called her, and found that her phone was turned off! My wife was extremely angry! At this time, a strange number suddenly sent a message: I collected your homework for you!

8 A man left work early. A man came home and found his wife in bed with a strange man. He shouted angrily: "You bastard, I will make you pay for this." The strange man replied: "Nonsense, when I came in I I've already paid for it, I won't default on it!"

9 At a certain national highway toll station, a truck driver complained to the female toll collector: You have to climb two mountains to get here, it's too tiring. . The female toll collector said: Go down a little and you will reach flat ground. The driver said: Is there any grass next? Female toll collector: @#[email?protected]#[email?protected]#

10 A man saw a beautiful female nurse and fancied her. Said: "Miss, can you lift your skirt up, I can give you money." The lady lifted up the skirt a little and got it. "Miss, could you please lift it up a little more?" The lady lifted it up a little more and got it again. "Can you lift it a little higher?", the man said. The lady replied: "Don't you just want to see the place where a woman gives birth? You always give me yuan and I will let you see as much as you want."...

11 Mother and Daughter The two took a taxi through the city center. The daughter saw some sexy women standing on the street corner and asked her mother: "What are they doing?" "They are waiting for their husbands to have dinner together after get off work." The mother replied. "Oh my God!" the taxi driver couldn't help but interrupt, "Madam, you should tell the truth. They are prostitutes, waiting for clients to visit!" "Can prostitutes give birth to children?" The daughter asked her mother curiously. "Of course," my mother replied angrily, "otherwise, who would be the taxi driver?"

12 There was a man driving his girlfriend in a sports car.

The woman got up and said to the man, "If you drive the car to 150, I will take off my clothes." The man said, "What's the problem?" Then he stepped on the accelerator and drove to 180, the woman said. Sure enough, he took off his clothes. Just then an accident happened and the car overturned. The man was stuck in the car and couldn't get out, so he asked his girlfriend to get help quickly. Woman: "But I don't have any clothes on!!" Man: "Then I'll lend you a shoe and you cover the important parts." So his girlfriend held on to the shoe and ran to the neighborhood to ask for help. She went to the gas station and breathlessly told the guy at the gas station: "Hurry...hurry...help my...boyfriend, he...is stuck...stuck in there and can't get out!!" ......

13 After a man died, he came to hell. It was very hot in hell. But he saw a very beautiful woman in hell, and there was a bottle of fine wine beside her. He turned around and said to the kid: "It turns out that hell is so beautiful, with fine wine and beauties." The kid said: " You only know one thing, but you don’t know the other thing: There is a hole in the bottom of this bottle of wine, so you can’t drink it, but the beauty doesn’t.”

14 a: Since my girlfriend went on a business trip, my waist has been so tight every day. My legs are sore, my legs are weak, and I don’t even doze off at work... b: Since his girlfriend came on a business trip, my back is sore, my legs are weak, and I doze off at work every day...

15 A man As soon as he walked into the consulting room, he said to the doctor eagerly: "Doctor! Please help me! I really can't stand the pain!" The doctor couldn't help being shocked when he saw it: "Oh my god! Your nose was reworked." Yeah! It's swollen like a baby boy!" The patients all said with shame: "Hey! In order to do that, I took a few extra doses of Viagra!" Doctor: Wow! How could this happen!? Like this Come on! Invite your 'friend' out and let me take a look." The man did as he was told. After seeing the doctor, he said with certainty: "I mean, you eat more at first, so it turns out that it's not coming from the right place!"

16 Regarding the decision on punishment for Brother Sheng’s fart, regarding the issue of Brother Sheng’s fart, after research, it was decided to impose the following punishments on Brother Sheng: 1. Stay alone after farting Wait until the fart smell disappears; 2. Take off your pants before farting; 3. If you don’t tell me before you fart, eat a pound of peas after farting! It is hereby decided! Parent Committee

17 A man kissed a strawberry on his girlfriend's neck, and his seven-year-old niece saw it. The niece said, "Auntie, what happened to your neck?" She replied sheepishly: "It was bitten by a dog. The niece said in surprise: "Ah? Have you received the injection? You will get rabies." "A certain woman calmly replied: "I got beaten, I just got beaten last night!" Does anyone understand in seconds?

18 There are two young couples who have not been married for a long time, although they have no vaginal discharge for the time being. Car, but it has become an indispensable habit for the couple to spend time in the car era after dinner every day. They follow, fill in the water, do support, and make bricks... their car knowledge is increasing every day... It's late, so the couple go to bed. The wife started to caress her husband: Why is the paint on a domestic car so rough? The husband caressed his wife: You also have a joint venture car, it’s just a metallic paint. The wife couldn’t wait and touched her husband’s lower body, and the wife asked: Why not? On the road? Husband: Don’t worry, it’s a cold start. It’s still necessary to warm up the car after ignition. Wife: Didn’t you read the post just now? Experts say that heating the car in place after ignition is bad for the car! Husband: You are too incomplete, who? If you press the accelerator hard on a cold car, you should develop the habit of "warming up the car" every time you start it. After it is fully lubricated, it will be of great benefit to the service life of your car. ....

19 One day, a boy had just completed a circumcision operation, and a female nurse was preparing to remove his stitches and change his dressing. The patient said to the female nurse: Slow down, slow down, it hurts a little. The nurse sister said humorously: Are you enjoying this process? Otherwise, why would you tell me to slow down? I saw the patient's face and couldn't help but laugh.

20 At three o'clock in the morning, the doctor. The phone at home rang. "Hello?" The other end of the phone was panicked: "Doctor, our baby just swallowed a condom. The doctor said: "Bring him to the hospital. We will meet at the hospital in ten minutes." "He got dressed and was about to go out when the phone rang again.

He picked up the phone. "Hello?" A very calm voice came from the other end of the phone: "It's okay, doctor, we found another one, don't bother you." The girl and the boy fell in love with each other, and their feelings grew stronger, but they never went too far. The girl couldn't help it anymore and gave the guy a delicate condom as a hint. Unexpectedly, the young man proposed to break up the next day. The girl was distraught and regretful. At this time, the young man was complaining to his buddy: This woman is so awesome. She wanted to break up but she didn't tell me directly. She gave her a broken balloon and hinted that I would blow it up. md. If she did, she would blow it up.

21 I have a very good relationship with a girl in college. Every time I send her back to the dormitory, she always hugs me when she is about to go upstairs, because graduation will definitely separate the two places, and we never tell her. In the first year after graduation, the whole class got together, and we hugged each other familiarly. I said, "You haven't changed at all after working for a year, and you are still so beautiful!" She smiled evilly and said, "You have changed a lot. , now you won’t poke me when you hug me!”

22 Son, you really make your father and me proud. If you don’t know how to take the exam, then you can’t. Why did you write couplets on the test paper? First couplet: My son’s questions are too difficult. Second line: Sun Tzu’s invigilation is too strict. Hengpi: I don’t know how. I was invited to the office by your class teacher and I laughed when I saw the test paper. The teacher stared at me!

23 "Old baby, I asked my husband: "You call me baby now, when we have children, You call your child baby, so what do you call me?" The husband replied: "Old baby. "Wind, rain! My husband talked about his experience of marrying me: "Wind, come on; rain, come on; let the storm come more violently! So, my wife is here. "There is rice, but I am very sad that my husband never likes to eat rice. When he eats steamed buns at night, he says: "If there are dumplings, I will never eat steamed buns; if there are steamed buns, I will never eat fried cakes; if there are fried cakes, I will never eat steamed buns; if there are steamed buns, I definitely don't eat rice; with rice... I'm sad. "The Toad Prince's husband was drinking, and I got angry: "If I drink any more, we will get divorced! Three-legged toads are hard to find, and two-legged men are everywhere!~" My husband said, "I am your legendary Toad Prince. Is it hard to find a three-legged toad? Congratulations! You found it. "..."

24 A fellow clerk, Xiaoli, fell asleep at her desk at noon. Several male colleagues next to us were watching football league games on their mobile phones. Everyone shouted: "Cum, cum!!" Xiaoli woke up from her sleep and shouted: "Don't cum inside"... At that time, everyone was confused. . .

Encyclopedia

1 I was watching TV on the sofa, and my wife sat on my lap wrapped in a bath towel and said charmingly: "Uncle, you want this little girl, right?" "I deliberately kept calm: "No, no, uncle, I don't have any money today!" Wife: "It's all about money. I just want to make the little girl happy, and I can make up for the IOU afterwards!" I'm dizzy~~~~ ~There is still a debt in this matter! I held up my wife's chin with one hand and said teasingly: "Girl, come on, sing a song for me!" My wife clapped my hand and said, "Sir, sir. , please be more respectful, little girl, I only sell my body and not my art!” Surprise~~~~~~Now the muzzle is on! I was lying on the bed reading a book after taking a bath, and my wife came out of the bathroom and a hungry tiger pounced on me. He stood up and said with a ferocious face: "Hey, I'm good-looking, little girl, I want to try something new today!" I fought to the death. When my wife saw that I refused to obey, she turned to me and said gently: "Uncle, are you going to obey this little girl?" I said, "Give me a reason first!" My wife turned around and said: "This little girl has just been released from prison. I haven’t eaten meat for several years! "My mom~~~~~~~This is a good reason, and there is absolutely no reason not to follow it!...

2 When staying in a hotel alone, When he took the elevator upstairs, the elevator stopped at a floor and a beautiful woman walked in. He was stunned and kept watching. Beauty: "Is there anything good to see? You haven't seen it, have you, country bumpkin?" He replied: "Yes, it's nothing. My wife also has a set of pajamas like yours."

3 "You finally It's online!" "Yes.

"We have already shipped the inflatable doll you bought yesterday, but the Fan Bingbing version you asked for online is no longer in stock, so we sent you the Feng Jie version. But you can rest assured about the quality and the price." I’ll give you a call. The goods have been sent by express. Dear, please remember to leave a positive review!”

4 Before his son got married, his father embarrassedly taught him: When the time comes, you will be on top and she will be on bottom. That's it. On the wedding night, the bride saw that the new bed had been converted into bunk beds.

5 Keane asked his girlfriend: "Am I the first man to propose to you?" “Yes, you are the first, other men are straightforward and never sloppy. ”

6 That year, I went to the Canton Fair with a colleague. I was constantly harassed by calls from girls in the hotel, which was very annoying. By chance, we found out that the room number of the lady who called us was probably in The hotel reserved a room and then used the extension number to harass us, so we naturally found out the extension number of the lady. Many hotel extension numbers are arranged by room number. So one afternoon we were harassed again: "May I need a lady?" "?" We were very angry after the rejection, so our colleague called back. The lady who answered the phone was indeed the lady just now. The colleague lowered his voice seriously and said, "May I ask, sir?". I guess the lady has never encountered such a situation before, and she paused for a while. After a few seconds, he said angrily: "Yes, I want you to be tall!"...

7 At the school meeting, the dean of discipline made the final concluding remarks: "In short, I hope that no matter where you are, Wherever you go, you must remember that you are a student of this school. You must not smoke while walking, you are not allowed to wear shorts in the classroom, and you are not allowed to talk about indecent topics even in your own room. "Also, female students, if some pig boys pester you, don't pay attention to them." You have to ask yourselves, is it worth ruining your reputation for a lifetime just for an hour of happiness?" "Okay, are there any questions?" When the audience was silent, a delicate voice suddenly said: "Excuse me... what should I do to make it last for an hour?" When Wukong borrowed the banana fan from Princess Iron Fan, it happened to be the time when the Bull Demon King came back from work. The Bull Demon King heard the following conversation at the door of his house: Wukong: "Sister-in-law. , I'm inside you!" Princess Iron Fan: "Ah! No!!! Ah!!! It hurts!!! Don't move." Ah, please come out quickly!!! Ah. . . "Wukong: "Okay, I'm about to come out! Sister-in-law, please open your mouth!!!" Princess Iron Fan: "Ah——" When the Bull Demon King heard this, he left a divorce agreement at the door of his house and left sadly.

8 A man went to the business office to renew his subscription. Man: “I pay the broadband fee for half a year. Waitress: "It's best to pay once a year." "Man: "But I only brought half a year's money!" The waitress patiently explained: "You'd better pay for one year at a time, which is more cost-effective. Man: "I told you, I only pay for half a year, hurry up." Waitress: "It's not a man to be so stingy." "The man said angrily: "Then tell me, how long does it take to be considered a man after having sex!" A girl on the forum with whom I have a close relationship was in a bad mood, so she took me out to eat with her. Halfway through the meal At that time, she ordered a bottle of beer and then asked me: "Can you drink some wine with me? I'm in a bad mood today!" I hesitated, "Well, I'm sorry, I don't know how to drink." "Oh, me too. I’m not very good at drinking, and I’ll get drunk after just one bottle. Once I’m drunk, I’ll mess with my family members. Alas~” After saying that, I gave me a resentful look. I thought about it for a moment, then turned around and shouted: “Waiter, four more bottles of beer!!”

9 A couple held a wedding ceremony in a church. When it came time to exchange rings, the overly nervous groom actually forgot about it. The pastor anxiously raised his finger, made a ring gesture, and blinked. He closed his eyes to hint at the groom. The groom's face turned red and he stammered, "Pastor, didn't you just do that on the wedding night?"

10 A lonely man entered the bar. He found something to chat with the boss: "I'm running for president again..." The boss quickly stopped and said: "Don't talk about this, no one can talk about political topics in my bar, it's too boring.

The man changed the topic and said, "I heard that John Paul II..." was interrupted again: "Don't talk about religion, it's too boring." "Let's talk about football. Recently, the Paris PSG team has suffered repeated defeats..." "Don't mention this. How many people are fighting against me just because we talk about football..." The man couldn't bear it anymore and took a breath. Asked: "Let's talk about sex?"...

11 When taking the elevator, the man was surprised to find a naked woman in the elevator. The woman fell in love with him. He glanced at it and cursed: "What are you looking at? What's so good about it!" "Oh! I just want to say that my wife also has a leather jacket like this. ”

12 A certain *** has always gone his own way. Even if he feeds his child breast milk in public, he will never be shy. Once, he and his husband took their child to a restaurant for dinner, and the child started to cry because of hunger. , *** lifted up the hem of her clothes and started breastfeeding the baby. The waiter in the restaurant walked beside her and politely asked her not to breastfeed in public. *** was very angry and said, "Don't you think breastfeeding is obscene?" "No!" the waiter politely pointed to the notice on the wall and said, "But it is forbidden to eat food that is not provided by the restaurant. "

13 "The husband came home and found his wife having an affair with his best friend, so he shot them dead, and he was also convicted of murder. The news appeared on the front page the next day, and neighbors were talking about it. One of the neighbors who lived above the couple expressed his opinion: "It's lucky it happened on Friday, otherwise the situation would be worse." The neighbors disagreed. What could be worse than two people dying and one going to jail? "Because if her husband comes back on Thursday, I will be the one who dies! Wouldn't it be worse?" said the neighbor upstairs. "

14 A girl went to buy eggs with her cat in her arms. She put the cat down at the stall to pick eggs. The male stall owner praised the cat: "Your vagina is so big!" The girl was angry and said nothing. : Your *** is so white! The girl was furious: If you keep talking nonsense, I will crush your balls!

15 On a blind date, I sat across from a girl in a teahouse after getting to know both parties. After talking about work, education, family, and hobbies, the conversation got stuck, so I started talking about social topics. Me: What do you think of the housing market? mm was stunned for a moment, then lowered her head and was silent for a while: It’s better...it’s better not to do it too often...

16 The wife was quarreling with her concubine, and the husband cherished her and deliberately scolded her: "It would be better to kill you, so as not to annoy her." "When the concubine heard what her husband said, she fled back to the room crying, and the husband chased her with a knife. The wife thought her husband was really going to kill the concubine, so she chased after her and saw the two of them having sex. The wife said, "Cry loudly. Come on, if you’re going to kill like this, you’d better kill me first!”

17 A woman had just given birth to a baby. Her milk was too abundant and the swelling hurt. Unfortunately, her son was already asleep and she couldn’t find a way to suck him. In desperation, she asked her husband to help her pump her breasts. By chance, a male intern saw her and said: Sorry, madam, I think you have the wrong child.

18 "My son." Ah, you really make me proud of your father. If you don’t know how to take the exam, then you can’t. Why did you write couplets on the test paper? First couplet: My son’s questions are too difficult. Second line: Sun Tzu’s invigilation is too strict. Hengpi: I don’t know how. When I was invited to the office by your class teacher, I laughed when I saw the test paper. The teacher stared at me! A certain beauty decided to spend a lot of money to lose weight. After spending more than 100,000 yuan, she felt very satisfied! On the way home, She bought a newspaper at a newsstand and when she was looking for change, she asked the boss: "Excuse me, how old do you think I am?" The boss said: She was so happy! Then, she went to sell pawns and asked the lady at the counter the same question. . The lady said: I guess she was so happy: No,! She was so happy that she went to the Uni-President Supermarket on the corner to buy a pack of chewing gum, and couldn't help but ask the lady at the counter there. The lady said: Well, I guess she was very proud: Thank you! While waiting for the bus, she asked the old man next to her again. The old man said: I have bad eyesight and can't see it. However, there is a way to be sure when you are young. If you let me put my hand into your bra, I can definitely tell how old you are..."

19 A colleague got divorced because he found his wife cheating on him after returning home from a business trip. I asked How did he find out.

He said: Through condoms. I asked: "What, the condoms are missing?" "No, there were still condoms when I left, and they were still there when I came back." "What happened?" "When I left, it was James Bond, and when I came back, it was Durex. "It's..."

20 When I first started working, I went on a business trip to a far away place. It was the first time I invited someone to dinner. After we had a good meal, I asked the waiter: "Are there any sanitary napkins?" The waiter's eyes widened and he said, "What?" I repeated: "Sanitary napkins!" The waiter's face turned red. He said: "We don't have them here. If you need them, we can buy them." I was wondering, the hotel didn't have sanitary napkins. Is it wrong? Then I went to buy them. After a while, the waiter brought a pack of sanitary napkins on a shiny tray. Peace and happiness, I took the test, actually what I wanted to say was the napkin, I drank too much.

21 There are two fishermen brothers, both of whom are married. Unfortunately, their family is poor and they can only live together. The two brothers share a fishing boat. The couple's life is out of sync every night, the fishing boat keeps shaking, and the two brothers are distressed. After thinking about it for a long time, we reached a tacit agreement: drinking wine is the name. The elder brother or younger brother said: Let’s have a drink together! Do it at the same time. One day, after the two brothers finished, the younger brother was overjoyed and said: Brother! Let’s have another drink together! The elder brother replied: Brother, just one cup!

22 One day the director of the Women’s Federation came to a certain village to inspect the work. , the following is what he said: Hello everyone, you have done a good job. I am a big old man. How thick I am, your female village chief knows. We talked all night last night, and then she found out what I am, I know how deep she is...

23 I got up at around three o'clock this morning and went to QQ Farm to steal vegetables. My ex-girlfriend's pomegranate happened to be ripe, so I stole it without mercy. I didn't expect it when I got up in the morning. After Ban opened QQ space, I saw the message my ex-girlfriend left for me: If you were as lively as you are now at night, I would not break up with you.