Super funny and shocking joke graphic version: Send my sister safely to the city

Super funny and shocking joke graphic version: Send my sister safely to the city

Stop, damn it, there was a burglar. . .

Quickly, take off your pants and masturbate. Brother, what do you want to do?

Stop talking nonsense, hurry up

Brother, the fight is over. Do it again

Brother, what do you want to do? Stop talking nonsense and keep playing

Keep going. Brother, this is the third time

Brother, you can’t get out even if you kill me

ok

Sister, come out

Boy, listen, this is a super funny joke about sending my sister safely to the city

1. The two chief surnames are the most difficult to call: the chief surname is Fu (deputy), and the deputy surname is Fu The director's surname is Zheng (正).

2. Boss: Remember, the customer is always right. Employee: Really? Boss: Of course. Employee: Yesterday a customer said that the people who open the store here are idiots. Boss: Why are you late today? Clerk: Because you announced yesterday that newspapers can only be read at home.

3. The rent was due, and Yang Er didn’t want to renew the lease, so he asked the landlord to check out. The landlord came to inspect the house and found three holes in the curtains, so he demanded compensation of 50 yuan for each hole. Yang Er asked: "Are you sure it's 50 yuan per hole?" The landlord nodded. I saw this idiot picked up a cigarette butt and burned the three small holes in the curtain into a big hole. Then he gave the landlord 50 yuan and said, "If you can save a hundred yuan, just save a hundred yuan."

4. Teacher: "Nobita, the teacher will give you 90 yuan, and you can borrow another 10 yuan from Fat Tiger. How much money will you have in total?" Nobita: "0 yuan." Teacher: "You don't understand mathematics at all! Nobita: "You don't understand Fat Tiger at all!

5. The husband bought a glass of beer during the intermission of the theater. Wife: You swear not to drink for two months. Husband: Dear, according to the program! Single introduction, one year between the first act and the second act!

6. A: “This gentleman! A local charity nursing home is being built, and we hope you can donate. Contribute! "B: "Okay, but I don't have any cash with me. I'll sign a check for you! "A: "Uh, I'm sorry, sir, but you didn't sign it. "B: "I never leave my name behind when I do good deeds! ”

7. Two missionaries were caught by the cannibals and put in a pot, lit a fire and prepared to cook. After a while, missionary A suddenly laughed. B was very puzzled. A explained: I just I peed in the soup, hehe.

8. A middle-aged woman was chatting, and the woman said: "What troubles do you young people have? Just go to bed and relax and you will be fine!" "This verb is extremely useful!

9. It’s almost the Chinese New Year, and my family has a pig and a donkey. Do you think it’s better for me to kill a pig or a donkey? You say kill a pig, I You said the donkey thought so, and I said the pig thought so too.

10. The former administrative director was named Su Bo, and he liked to use his initials when signing internal documents. Abbreviations become popular on the Internet

11. “Do you know why we can feel each other’s heartbeats strongly when we hug? "Is it because our love is deep and our hearts are connected?" "No, it's because you are flat-chested." ”

12. Lao Zhang: Lao Li’s laundry is about to open! What should we give as a gift? Lao Wang: Let’s send a plaque. Lao Zhang: What should be written on it? Lao Wang: Just write to clear my name!

13. In the past, I admired a person’s courage even though he knew he had a bad stomach, but he still farted vigorously. No more, I just admire myself. During the meeting, I wanted to fart, but I was afraid of having a long night, so I tried my best to hold it in, but I forgot that I had a bad stomach, and the whole company was now filled with the smell of shit.

Fourteen , I was running in the morning this morning, and I saw the two girls in front of me, feeling like they couldn't run. I mustered up the courage to go up and talk to them: "Hey, why don't you run away, pretty girl?" Beauty: "I'm tired and can't run anymore." "I touched her breasts and ran away.

15. In the final history exam, there is a question: Which one do you admire more, Qin Shi Huang or Emperor Wu of Han? A student answered: I admire Qin Shihuang even more because he burned books and buried teachers so that students no longer had to go to school!

16. During a physical examination in the unit some time ago, a colleague’s fat blood vessels were not obvious. The doctor inserted several injections but failed to draw blood. He said helplessly, "Comrade, you are so~um, you are so strong." My colleague is very sincere, "Doctor, I'm not strong, I'm fat."

17. One person keeps farting loudly at work, and my colleague can't help but say: "Can you not say anything?" Then I saw him sitting there shaking. A colleague asked him what he was doing, and he replied: I have set it to vibration now!

18. Teacher: Now please create a sentence. This sentence must have the word "sugar" in it. Student: I'm drinking tea. Teacher: Where is ‘sugar’? Student: In the tea.

19. When mm went to take a shower, people around her asked: How old are you? Ten? My sister secretly rejoiced and said: I am already 27. The man was shocked: It doesn't look like that! Your breasts don’t look like those of a 27-year-old!

20. On the first day when Beijing implemented odd and even numbered vehicle restrictions, the bus was full of passengers... A man couldn't bear the crowding and shouted: "Stop being crowded, I'm fucking sitting there" It’s been several stops!” Another guy: "What the hell are you doing? I was just passing by, and I was all squeezed into the car"... A man in his forties squeezed his head out from the crowd and shouted: "Give me all, give me all." Let, I’m the fucking driver, who’s driving now?” ......

21. My wife has always been careful with money and advocates frugality. Every time I put the remaining egg white in the egg shell on my hands and even my face, saying it is the best protein-based beauty and skin care product. Today, my son caught a cold and suddenly sneezed behind me in the kitchen, causing his face to be covered with runny nose. I scraped the runny nose away with an eggshell. While we were cleaning up, my wife came in, picked up the eggshells and applied them on her face as usual, evenly, and muttered: "There is a lot of egg white left today!" Seeing this, I quickly took my son and fled the kitchen.

22. Question: If your goddess was called the moon, what would your name be? Answer: Bright. Question: If your goddess was named Mingliang, what would your name be? Answer: Meng Liang.

23. Today, a female colleague was cleaning the glass. Since she was tall and the glass was short, she didn’t want to bend down, so it was more laborious to clean the glass. I said to her: Change your position, you will clean more this way. Tired. Then we both froze.

24. Money counting machines are really a very sad product. They have to help count the money after being sold.

25. Teacher: Classmate, if you were a teacher, what would you most want to say to your students? The students walked up to the podium silently and said thoughtfully: Classmates, get out of class is over.

26. When my children were little, they liked to bite pacifiers, so the pacifiers on the baby bottles at home were all chewed up. My wife asked me to go to the nursery store to buy two when I got off work. When I arrived at the baby nursery store, I found that the pacifiers were hanging behind the front desk. So he said to the girl standing at the front desk: "Girl, show me your nipples!" The girl blushed and asked, "Can I also look at the girl's nipples?"

27. The teacher asked the student: "Why are your test scores not as good as your basketball performance?" Student: "Teacher, there is cooperation on the basketball court, but there is no cooperation on the examination court!"

< p> 28. Another interesting story about taking the driver’s license test. I heard from a friend that he was taking the driver’s license test. The first person to get on the bus was a girl. The girl was very excited at the time. She opened the door and got in. The girl was blinded at that time. Tell the examiner, why does this car have no steering wheel? The coach said: Sister, you have a steering wheel in the back seat!

29. When I was in college, my roommate smoked and burned a hole as big as a soybean in the thigh of his pants. I suggested that he stop wearing it. It was very unsightly to the female classmates. This guy ignored me and continued to wear it. He also said to me: In your eyes, this is just a small hole. For female classmates, this is a fatal temptation!

Thirty. My girlfriend just woke up, grabbed my ear and said: "Did you peek at the beautiful woman while I was sleeping?" I kept saying: "No!" He grabbed harder and yelled: "What! I've been sleeping for such a long time and you didn't even look at me!"

Thirty-one. The couple was having a lively fight. The police received a complaint and came to stop it. .

An angry woman opened the door, and the police asked: Who is the head of the household? Woman: I’ll tell you later, I’m deciding this with my husband!

32. A couple was fishing by the river, and the wife kept arguing. After a while, the fish was hooked, and the wife said: This fish is really pitiful. The husband said: Yes, won't it be fine as long as you shut up?

33. "Why do you do this?" Officer Li closed the file and said slowly. "I am a poor man. I have been afraid of poverty all my life. I am afraid that my son will be like me, so..." "I can understand the difficulties of you parents, but..." Officer Li changed the subject, "This is why you put your The reason why my son was sold to a rich man?”

34. I was photographed while driving at an intersection while turning right, and I couldn’t figure out why it was against the law after thinking about it all night! I tried driving again in the morning, TMD, two violations!

Thirty-five. Under the moonlight, the man sang softly to the woman: You ask me how much I love you, the moon represents my heart. The woman said with a snap: Damn, I know you are not devoted to me. Tell me, from the first to the fifteenth day of the new year, when did your heart not change? ! Man:...

Thirty-six. I went to the drugstore to buy medicine today, and a beautiful girl happened to come. When she came, I asked the boss directly if she regretted the medicine? The boss said there was an 8 yuan one, a 10 yuan one, and a 15 yuan one. Which one do you want? Then the pretty girl said it would be better to get the 15 yuan one. As soon as I heard that it was exciting, I immediately asked the boss if he really regretted it, give me some medicine. Box, the boss said it was a contraceptive pill! Nima

Thirty-seven. Two cars collided. A saw that the car was OK and said he should drink some wine first to calm down the shock. After B finished drinking, he said you should drink some too. A said, thank you, I will wait for the traffic police. Drink after investigating. Funny Quotes: Classic Shocking Jokes

A centipede was bitten by a snake and had to be amputated to prevent the venom from spreading! The centipede thought: Fortunately it has many legs~! ! The doctor comforted him: Brother, be considerate, you will be an earthworm in the future...

A farmer will kill chickens tomorrow. When feeding the chickens in the evening, he said: Eat quickly, this is your last meal! The next day, I saw the chicken lying down and leaving a suicide note: I have eaten rat poison, so you don’t want to eat me either. I am not someone to be trifled with~!

A group of ants climbed onto the elephant's back, but were shaken off. Only one ant held on to the elephant's neck tightly. The ants below shouted: strangle him, strangle him. He, the demo, even had sex!

A group of roosters chased a hen and crowed loudly. The hen was moved when she saw one of the roosters bowing his head and saying nothing. On the wedding night, the hen: You are so cool, why didn’t you crow? Rooster: I drank too much that day...I'm afraid of vomiting

The little donkey asked the old donkey: Why do we eat hay every day, while the cows only feed concentrate? The old donkey sighed: We men can't compare, we live by running errands , people rely on their breasts for food!

There was a parrot in a certain store. When customers came in, they said welcome. A girl didn’t believe it and left six times. The parrot said it six times in a row. On the seventh time, the parrot said angrily: Boss, there is someone here. Play with your bird!

A child stole a parrot raised in a brothel home. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot screamed: Moving! When he saw his mother, he yelled again: The boss has changed too! When he saw his sister, he shouted again: "The lady has changed too!" When he saw his father, he yelled again: We are still a regular customer!

A puppy climbed up on your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You said angrily: I will do whatever you dare to do to that roast chicken, but the puppy licked it. After touching the chicken's butt, you passed out, and the puppy said happily: Let's see who is cruel.

You were walking on the road, and a female dog pounced on you, bit a piece of meat from your foot, and quickly swallowed it. When I stretched my foot to kick it, the dog said with tears in his eyes: Just hit it, I already have your flesh and blood in my belly!

Mike: I'm sorry, I'm late, teacher, I dreamed about a football match. Teacher: Then why does that make you late? Mike: Because there was no tie between the two teams, overtime was played.

The son brought his girlfriend home: Mom, she is a very good girl, she can do laundry, cooking, cooking, housework, everything. Mother: Okay, I agree to hire her and let her come every Tuesday and Thursday

Secretary: Are you busy during my time off? Colleague: It’s okay, everyone is sharing your work. I read the newspaper, Xiao Zhang chatted on the phone, and Xiao Liu flirted with the boss.

One day, a certain gentleman’s wife gave birth to a baby. He hurried to the hospital to visit him. After waiting for n hours, crying came from the delivery room. He shouted happily, I am a father! At this time, the doctor came out with a sad face and told him that the child was born with a congenital malformation. A certain gentleman stayed there and didn't understand the reason. Suddenly his wife shouted from the delivery room: It's all his fault. He read the post but didn't reply. It's retribution.

Father: "Did you put the letter I asked you to bring this morning into the report box?" Son: "Report? Oh, I did. You forgot to write your name. I added it to you!" ”

At the military meeting of small countries, one person said: Iraq is at war, and we should send them a tank. Second person: We should give them two tanks. Third person: Why not give them all three cars?

A group of people went camping at the beach. On the way, there was a person who kept eating fried soybeans. Everyone was afraid that his farts would "bring harm to the common people" and advised him not to eat anymore. He said: You will set up camp in a while, and I will go to the sea to fry fish! My dear, I started to miss you again, and my love for you is growing tremendously every day, because someone told me, "The price of pork has increased, and you can sell it for a good price!"

The principal recognized it One of his former students: Are you John? "Yes, principal" "Look, I never forget the names of my students. What are you doing now?" "Teaching under you"

The family went to the theater and bought tickets upstairs. But the son always leaned on the railing and looked down. The father said to his mother: Don't let him fall. The ticket downstairs is first class. If he falls, it will be troublesome to replace the ticket.

The girl from the church said to an old man: Please donate some money to God. The old man waved his hand: I won’t bother you. I will definitely see God before you do, and I am ready to give the money directly to Him when the time comes.

Patient: Doctor, do you believe I have pneumonia? Sometimes, while doctors are treating pneumonia, the patient dies of something else. The doctor smiled slightly: When I was treating pneumonia, the patient died of pneumonia.

Clinton was surprised that the store sold checkered pajamas with numbers on them. The salesperson explained: If a flea bites you at night, you can say to your lover, "Levine, please scratch in square No. 17." "

Morrison bought a new pair of shoes but didn't wear them. A week later, my wife asked: "Why haven't you worn those shoes yet?" "You can wear them tomorrow. When I bought them, the salesperson said that these shoes will pinch my feet in the first week." 2021 Classic Funny Quotations_Super Funny

1. Xiaoli went to an art exhibition. She stood in front of a painting and looked at it for a long time.

She said: It would be great if I could know the author of this painting.

The painter stepped forward happily: You really have an eye for appreciation, I am the author of this painting.

Xiaoli said: This painting is so good!

Can you tell me where I can buy the dress that the lady in the painting is wearing?

2. It’s cool to meet 20 people who have never flown on a plane.

First, we took various photos, asked for various food, and then crowded to the window to look at the ground before landing.

When we were waiting to leave the cabin after landing, someone shouted, "You can get out through the back door!"

So a large number of aunts packed their luggage and rushed to the back cabin.

The stewardess was photographed on the toilet door with an expression like "Oh my God, I'm going to die now"

3.A: Why are you like this? He's so timid and afraid of getting into trouble, he doesn't even dare to fart at critical moments!

B: Try farting when you have diarrhea!

4. I was eating snacks just now, and my wife asked me to give her something to eat. She opened her mouth and let me feed her.

My brain suddenly twitched and I shook the snacks from side to side above her head. Then jump and catch it.

My wife reached out and slapped me!

5. I was chatting with a female best friend last night, LZ: What are you doing so funny?

Best friend: How do you know? (A bunch of shy expressions behind)

What do I know? Can anyone tell me?

6. Husband: Dear, give me some money, I want to buy a Hongta Mountain!

Wife: No, you are not allowed to smoke!

Husband: Even my husband smokes, why can’t I smoke?

Wife: Do you have to smoke even if others smoke?

Husband: Yes!

Wife: What if that person is crazy? Husband:

7. I took the bus in the morning. Since it was the departure station, it was still very crowded. The driver was a woman.

It was nothing at first, but she suddenly said, "Everyone." Go in, go in,

The time is up, the car is about to roll over (start)!

I also emphasized that it was the start of the train, but I was still shocked. Jiang Zi is really good~

It was so early in the morning

8. My husband is now I love looking beautiful more and more, and my clothes don’t match as randomly as before. I look brand new from the inside out.

I have to wash my hair every morning and style my hair in front of the mirror afterward.

You also need to apply skin care products every day.

Do I want to go shopping with him?

Buy back all the things I usually like to go to but don’t buy because they are too expensive.

Then tell him, beautiful You have to pay a price

9. When I was a child, my two brothers would share a little bit with each other in advance every time my parents bought snacks.

My eldest brother and I ate relatively slowly. , the second brother eats faster.

Every time he finishes eating, he comes to lie to me or rob me.

When he runs in front, I cry and chase after him. , and when I caught up with him, he had finished eating.

Then I cried. When my parents saw it, they called my eldest brother over.

Come on, give your sister some, look. She cried

Haha my poor big brother.

10. A family member is ill and hospitalized in the neurological ward.

In fact, my condition is not serious anymore and I don’t need to accompany him every day, but I insisted on taking a week off.

They all said that I was filial and so on, so I feel ashamed.

Actually, the purpose...

is to see the hot little trainee nurse, because I probably won’t be able to see her after she is discharged from the hospital.

Now I really want to be sick, and it must be crazy.

11. I was playing with my wife today, but I didn’t even hit her. She weighed 190 pounds and I weighed 115 pounds.

She lowered her head and hit me, but I couldn’t stop her.

There are two of us who usually have more to eat, and I feel like there is no hope

Wife, let’s be good in the future, please don’t fight, okay! ?

12. My number always receives sales promotions for various properties.

One woman calls at a time to say hello, we are at XX shop with a total price of **, and the down payment is only **, no purchase limit, no loan limit,

I answered excitedly: Huh? Really? Where?

There are such cheap shops, huh. . . (disappointed) It's a pity that I don't have any money.

The other party was immediately petrified after hearing this.

13. We live in a rural area. At that time, we kept food in the room to avoid being eaten by rats.

We put some rat poison in the corner of the room.

I heard from my mother that when I was a child, I had to be held by her, and I would crawl away as soon as I was put down.

One time, she put me on the sofa because the water was boiling and she went to pour it.

I was gone in the blink of an eye. When I found me, I found that I was eating rat poison in another room.

I was so frightened that I was so big. Life is pretty tough. . .

14. When I was a child, my family was poor and I never saw any big money.

During the Qingming Festival, I bought Ming coins at home, and then I saw them, so I secretly took a dozen and five yuan.

I laughed so hard that I quickly ran to the shop to buy food. , almost made the shop owner laugh out loud.

15. I took the bus to work. This morning, the beautiful woman in the seat next to me fell asleep and snored.

She was snoring quite a lot. Everyone was looking at her. I So I pushed her gently,

No idea, she said leisurely: Well~~ My husband doesn’t want it anymore,

I’m so tired, let’s do it tomorrow, is tomorrow okay?

16. My girlfriend has a bestie who is a bitch. One day I met her on the way home and told me in a loud voice, "Your wife is making chicken at home!"

In an instant, the eyes of passers-by were directed at me, and Nima asked whether cooking would kill me.

17. Lao Wang is a doctor. Once, a painter friend asked him to look at a portrait of a dying person he had painted.

After looking at it repeatedly, he said: This man has a heart attack. sick.

18. When the coach was teaching, he said that the monks in xx temple all had calluses on their hands

The students said without surprise: We understand, is that because of practicing?

The coach shook his head and said: No, it’s not true, because they are very lonely at night.

The students understood it instantly.

19. I was hospitalized with a fever. A beautiful nurse from the hospital walked by, looked at the sling bottle, and asked me how my fever was going.

I said: It was cooked very well!

20. The company organized an exam, and the female colleague hid the answers in her skirt. The invigilator was a male colleague.

After discovering her behavior, the male colleague thought about it for a long time.

Ask the female colleague to stand up and take two steps.

The woman said: This is an exam, how can I have time to walk with you?

21. The bus stopped at the stop. A beautiful woman came up and said to the driver that I didn’t bring any money. Can I pay for the ticket with a kiss?

The driver thought for a while and agreed. The beautiful woman actually got a kiss on the face from the driver.

The man behind saw him and without saying a word, he held the driver’s face and kissed him hard several times and said,

I also forgot to bring money, and the driver’s face turned green. Hum

That woman is my wife.

22. In an art gallery, a woman stood in front of a portrait of a beggar.

She shouted in surprise: This beggar didn’t even have any decent clothes, but he asked He deserves someone to paint his portrait.

23. Xiao Ming, who was in the art design class at the university, heard the bell ringing and ran out in a hurry.

He accidentally knocked a bottle of glue to the ground and the bottle broke.

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The pieces were mixed with glue and a glue brush.

When Xiao Ming came back, he found that the pile of things was gone.

It turned out that someone had handed it in as a modern design exercise assignment.

24. Go out for a drive today! When I got to the intersection, I saw a traffic policeman holding a breathalyser and stopping the car! Stop me and let me blow.

I blew it and the tester showed that it exceeded the standard!

Damn, did I drink?

Don’t I just eat more and get drunk faster? ! !

25. I was enjoying the fish for lunch, and my roommate said next to me:

The news reported that a person was stuck in a fishbone and was sent to the hospital to die.

Okay Well, I drank Coca-Cola, and my roommate said: Drinking too much of this blended drink is harmful to your health and bad for your teeth~

Okay, I'll bear it, eat chestnuts, I'm so happy,

She said next to her: Experts have said that eating six or seven chestnuts a day will be fine.

Eating too many after meals will block the gastrointestinal tract and make you easy to gain weight.

I

That’s enough. Can I make people eat well? Come over and let’s talk about life.