Teddy boy ————————————— joke.

1: One day, mosquitoes and mantis went to peek at a woman taking a bath. Mosquito proudly said: you see, I stabbed her chest twice ten years ago, and now it is so swollen; Mantis expressed unconvinced. What's the matter? I cut her between her legs ten years ago, and now she is still bleeding every month. ...

2. In the hospital, the family had a happy son. When the baby was born, he spoke. The child said, "Grandpa." Grandpa sighed when he died. The child said, "Grandma." Grandma sighed when she died. The child said, "Dad." His father died, and when he saw that he was not dead, the child's uncle died.

3: Kangaroo and frog go to * *, Kangaroo thrives and listens to the frog next door for one night. One, two, three. Hey! Kangaroos are so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! ~ ~ Brother Frog, you are great! . "The frog said," C, I didn't jump on the bed all night! ~~"

4. An elephant asked the camel, "Why does your MM grow on your back?" The camel said, "go away, I don't talk to things that grow on JJ's face!" " "The snake laughed hysterically after listening to the conversation between the elephant and the camel. The elephant turned to the snake and said, "Laugh P! You have face in JJ, you are not qualified! "

A poor scholar studied hard, so he wrote a couplet in front of the door to encourage himself. The first part reads: "Sleeping in the thatched cottage, closing the door", the second part reads: "Lying on your feet and playing the flute", and the second part reads: "I am willing to listen to my destiny". One day, a Henan man passed by and was curious to see this couplet. He read aloud in his hometown dialect: "Who is C, I am P", "I told him to get hurt." ... yo, there are also horizontal comments! But this time he read backwards: "Do it again tomorrow!" " "

6. The female teacher in the kindergarten led the students to swim and accidentally showed a Y-shaped hair. A student asked the teacher, what is that? The female teacher pulled it out cruelly and said it was a thread!

7. The little girl always shows off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy had no choice but to take off his pants and say you'll never have this! The girl also took off her pants and said that my mother said that as long as you have this, you can have as many things as you want!

A girl confessed her crime to a priest ... Girl: Father, I'm guilty. Father: Son, what crime have you committed? Girl: Yesterday, I scolded a man: "You son of a bitch! Father: Why? Did he do something to you? Girl: He ... He touched my X department. Father: You mean like this? (The priest reaches out and touches the girl's X department) Girl: Hmm … Yes. Father: You have no reason to scold him like that. Girl: But … take off my clothes again … Father: You mean like this? Girl: Yes, that's right. Father: But you still have no reason to scold him. Girl: Then ... he turned off the light and carried me to bed, so ... Father: (* smiles) You mean like this? (The priest also turns off the light and carries the girl to bed ... Girl: (A few minutes later) Yes ... That's it. Father: My dear child, even so, you still have no reason to call him "you …" Girl: But he has AIDS! ! Father: That son of a bitch! ! !

9. The driver sent the leader to the literary evening, and the leader entered the venue. The driver was stopped by the security guard. The driver said that I and the leader are a system. The security guard said: Chicken X and eggs are also a system. Chicken X went in, but can eggs go in?

10; A man came to a local gym to lose weight. There are all kinds of fitness programs in the gym, which look quite complicated, so this guy chose the cheapest one, that is, to lose a pound in an hour. He was taken to a house where a naked girl stood. The sign said, "If you can catch me, you can fuck me!" " "This guy immediately accepted the challenge and started chasing the girl, but every time he was about to catch the girl, he ran away from her. An hour later, he still didn't catch the girl, and the fitness instructor took him to weigh himself, just one pound less. " "That's good," the guy thought. I can lose weight and be happy. "This time, he chose a slightly more expensive weight loss program, which can lose two pounds in an hour. He was taken to a room where two naked girls stood. They both held signs that said, "If you can catch me, you can fuck me!"! ""This guy was so excited that he chased the two girls desperately, but in the end he didn't catch either of them. An hour later, the coach weighed him again, just losing two pounds. At this time, this guy was angered. He told the manager that he would choose the most expensive weight loss plan. The manager assured him that he would lose 10 pounds in an hour, but added that the plan was very dangerous. This guy thinks, isn't it just a few more girls? The more you have, the more opportunities you have. At least you can catch one. He urged the manager to send him to the most expensive room quickly, although the manager kept telling him of the danger. So the man was taken to a house a little farther away. After they let him in, they locked the door out. The room was dim and a chimpanzee was waiting for him. He saw a sign in his hand that said, "If I catch you, I will fuck you."

1 1: A naked girl ran into a taxi and the driver looked at her all over. The girl scolded, "What are you looking at? Have you never seen a naked woman? " The driver said, "I just want to see where your money comes from."

12: Every time Lao Shi and Lao Lin meet, they always tease each other. One day, Lao Lin suddenly touched Lao Shi's bald head and said, "You bald head really feels like my wife's ass." Lao Shi smiled and touched his bald head, and then said sympathetically, "Well! Indeed &

13: maid a: "poor me, I have to keep saying" yes, madam; Yes, madam.

Maid B: "I am even worse. I have to keep saying "no, sir" every day; No, sir.

14: Spaniards like beef balls.

After each bullfight,

They all cut off the testicles of cattle and ate them.

One day,

A Spaniard went to a restaurant to order beef balls.

The waiter in the restaurant said:

You paid a deposit,

Give it to you tomorrow.

The next day,

This man came to get the cow pill,

As it turns out, this pill is very small.

Just ask why,

The waiter replied, "sir, not every bullfight will lose ~ the matador lost today ~" "

15: A driver, because he is always moving, keeps a parrot to talk to relieve the fatigue of the journey.

Parrots will live up to their owners' high expectations and learn to speak quickly.

One day on a long trip, there were hens in the carriage and parrots were put among the chickens.

It was late at night, and I felt bored, and suddenly my eyes brightened.

A beautiful woman beckoned for a ride. She was overjoyed and got on it.

I am very happy when I walk and watch, and I can't help but have evil thoughts.

Think about how a beautiful woman dares to disobey and speak boldly in the wilderness: "Beauty, can you kiss me?"

The woman is very determined and says "no". The driver added, "Can you touch it?" The woman also said, "No."

The driver got angry and said, "No, get down."

So I hit that beautiful woman with my car. Move on, soon, conscience and lust still exist, and I regret it.

Invite beautiful women in reverse. Beauty should answer it.

The driver was secretly happy and said to himself, with my kindness, I can do anything!

Shortly after the trip, my heart itched and I stopped to ask the beautiful woman, "Beauty, can I kiss you?"

The woman refused, said, "No" and asked, "Can I touch it?" The woman replied, "No."

The driver was very angry and said, "No, go down" and knocked him down with his car.

Repeatedly, the driver finally failed.

Seeing the finish line approaching, the driver thought, if you don't succeed, there will be no chance.

The beauty asked again, "Beauty, can I kiss you?" The woman still said, "No."

"Can you touch it?" Women still say "no". The driver was very angry and said "No, go down" to get rid of it and leave it alone.

In the end, my god, a car full of chickens disappeared.

I was wondering when I suddenly saw the parrot holding the last hen and asked, "Beauty, can I kiss you?"

The hen shook her head. The parrot said, "Can you touch it?" The hen also shook her head.

The parrot replied, "No, go down" and threw the hen out of the car.

The driver was helpless and drove the parrot down.

One day, a lady was sitting on the bus with a bottle of fresh milk in her hand. When the bus arrived at a big station, there were more and more people and it was so crowded that it was difficult to breathe ... Soon, the young lady's fresh milk was squeezed out by the crowd and covered her stockings. The young lady was furious: yuck! ! Don't squeeze! You've milked her.

17; One day, the goddess of Aihe River in Kaohsiung came to the city council to ask for one for them.

Official professional name ...

Congressman: What title are you going to use? Is this not good?

W: Not bad .. We want a more formal name. ...

Congressman: Then you must use it.

* Female:: We will use the new name-"; * Individuals ..

At this time, the reporter who was originally nearby flew into a rage. ...

Reporter: How can I ... It's not confusing.

At this moment * woman loudly say .....

Why not? Your reporter is a "service industry". So are we. ..

"Welcome to contribute" ... so do we! !

18: A young girl and a handsome young man are dating in the park. Suddenly, I was a little embarrassed. The girl asked, "What's the matter with you?"

Xiao Sheng said shyly, "I want convenience." The girl didn't understand, but I didn't know that "convenience" meant going to the toilet until I saw Xiaosheng walking to the public toilet.

After a while, the girl asked Xiao Sheng, "When will you come to my house to play?"

Xiao Sheng replied, "I want to go at your convenience." ……

19: An old man lives in an old friend's house because his daughter-in-law is giving birth.

The friend asked why?

Answer: You're welcome! My daughter-in-law squeezed me out when she gave birth.

20. Professor Huang flew into a rage in the class of a girls' school: "I was half dead up there, but you didn't move. I have paid so much before and after, have you absorbed anything? " schoolgirl ..............

2 1: When couples want to * * *, they will use "washing clothes" as a code word. One day, after bickering and arguing, because his wife was angry and his husband needed money, he couldn't have sex with her, so he had to ask his son to send a message on his behalf: (Mom, dad said his clothes were dirty and needed washing. Mother said angrily, (tell your father that the washing machine is broken and won't be washed today. A few days later, it was the wife's turn, so she asked her son to take a message for her: (Go and tell your father that the washing machine has been repaired and you can wash clothes. The son immediately said: (mom, dad told me it was unnecessary. He has washed his hands. )

22: On a humid afternoon, in a quiet library, Adek was a little tired after reading all morning. He couldn't help stretching and accidentally bumped into the girl next door. The girl was shocked! I spilled the drink on the table and got a lot of clothes wet. Ade was very embarrassed and immediately apologized to the girl: "Miss! I'm sorry! I scared you. I will take care of it. The girl turned her head and said seriously to Ade, "Classmate! Have some common sense! You just touched me. I can't fertilize, but you make me wet. You'd better clean me with toilet paper quickly! 」

23: An alcoholic went to the street to buy wine. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of a notice posted in a hotel on the corner: "As long as you complete three difficult problems, you can drink wine for free for one year"! ! The drunkard saw that it was now or never, so he went in and asked the bartender to have a few drinks first. The bartender said, "Are you going to challenge three difficult problems?" The drunk said, "All right." "First of all, you must finish this cup of tequila filled with pepper in one breath. ""Second, there is a hippo in our backyard with a toothache for a long time. You must pull out its teeth. " "Third. See the apartment opposite? There is a woman who has not been satisfied for a long time. You have to satisfy her. " Hearing this, the drunkard was eager to try, so he drank the tequila in one breath. Suddenly, he felt that the whole person was going to burn, and he rushed to the backyard with all his strength. The screams of hippos came from the backyard immediately. After a while, the drunk rushed out and asked the bartender loudly, "Come on! Where do you think the woman with toothache is? "

24: A foreigner came directly to Taiwan Province Province to study Chinese. But he never understood the difference between "iron" and "steel". One day he came home very late. As a result, the door downstairs could not be opened. He had to shout loudly upstairs, "landlady, your steel door won't open." ....

25: Lao Huang was unlucky and sent back to his hometown. On March 8, the county magistrate will give a speech at a district women's conference. Knowing that Lao Huang could write, I forced him to write a speech. Old Huang was very angry with this bastard. He wrote an article, which was read word for word by the county magistrate: "… I am a woman, and I am very experienced." I recently touched under you and got first-hand information. I am a lout. Your woman director knows best how rude I am. I talked to her all night last night. At first, she didn't know my length and I didn't know her depth. I just hide and can't be together. After many confrontations, the situation finally came to the table. Now that the disguise has been stripped off, it is easy to do it below. We aim at the key points, take a correct attitude, make great efforts, explain things in simple terms and persevere until the backlog is completely solved. It's really a relief. It's so exciting. Finally, she was happy and I was satisfied. Well done! ..... All the lesbians stood up. "The lesbians present stood up for fear of the arrogance of the county magistrate and waited for instructions. The magistrate licked his finger, turned a page and read: "Yes! " "

There is a sign on the lawn in front of a church with a big book on it: "If you are tired of sin, please come in." There is also a line written in red lipstick: "If you are not tired, please call XXX in Amansa District."

After the doctor, daughter and thief died, they came to see the king of hell at the same time. The prince asked them what they lived for before they died. The doctor said, "Little people practice medicine. If others are sick, I can cure them and bring them back to life. " The prince was furious and said, "Every time I send a ghost pawn to hook up with a sinner, you always argue with me and send you to the frying pan to suffer!" " "

The second one asked * female, and * female said, "I'll bring a guest without a wife." Rebecca said, "You are very convenient for singles, and you can extend your life 12 years. "Ask the thief again, and the thief said," I am a thief. I will take some clothes that others have dried and some pocket money. "The prince said,' This is to help others do it, increase their life span by ten years, and bring their hair back to the world! "

Hearing this, the doctor quickly pleaded, "Your Majesty, if you make such a judgment, all you want is to release me and return me to Yang. I still have a son and a daughter at home, so let him be a thief and let her take guests! "

28: In the relay race, the woman is in front and the man is running behind. When the woman sees the man coming, she will rush forward, grab the man's penis and rush over ... Everyone is sweating. ..

38; One morning at Xiaoming's house, Xiaoming's father was having breakfast. Xiao Ming went over and asked his father:

"Dad, the heart has feet? 」

Dad pointed to the position of the heart and said:

"How can the heart have feet here? 」

Xiao Ming replied:

"oh! 」,

Then Xiao Ming went into the kitchen and asked his mother:

"Mom, does the liver have feet? 」

Mother pointed to the position of the liver and said:

"Silly child, how can the liver have feet here? 」

Xiao Ming added:

"But last night, I clearly heard ............'s sweetheart ... open your feet, .............."

39: An administrative official said indignantly after reading the newspaper: "There are so many extramarital affairs, what society!"

The official's wife replied, "Yes, they should all be arrested and shot!" "

The official stared thoughtfully at his wife. "Tell me honestly, have we been married for so many years?"

"How can you ask such a question?" The police officer's wife asked in surprise.

"Don't run, answer my question!"

"Well," Mrs. Guan was obviously afraid, "promise me that you won't hit me first."

"I haven't hit my wife for a long time." He said with emotion.

"All right," said Mrs. Guan through clenched teeth, "just three times."

"Three times? ! "The official is very anxious. "Which three times?"

"For the first time, do you remember that when you took the doctoral exam at the University of Chicago, one of the exam members made things difficult for you, just not letting you pass? If you don't get a doctorate, your family will be humiliated and our future will be ruined. Later, the difficult professor personally came to our home to congratulate you on passing, because I ... "

"No wonder you did it for me ... what about the second time?"

"The second time, do you remember that you were an ambassador in South America, and the king of that country threatened to break diplomatic relations with China? If you sever diplomatic relations, you will become a diplomatic ambassador and your political future will end. Later, the king suddenly changed his mind and stopped talking about breaking diplomatic relations because I ... "

"Oh, you did it for me ... for the third time?"

"The third time, do you still remember that you were nominated as the Premier, and when the Legislative Yuan voted, you were still short of 72 1 vote? ………"

40: A pair of friends of Party A and Party B meet for a drink before marriage.

A said: I asked my fiancee, and she blushed and whispered that her breasts were like oranges. I thought, oranges are oranges. We look so ordinary that one orange is enough for me to chew all my life.

B said: I also asked my daughter-in-law, and she didn't come in. She blushed and whispered to me that her breasts were like eggs. I thought eggs were eggs. Our family is poor, and one egg is enough for a lifetime.

They got married the same day and got together for a drink the next day.

A said: I was cheated by my wife. I never thought kumquat was also called orange.

B said: I also ate my daughter-in-law's yabakui, and poached eggs are also called eggs.

4 1: The Chinese Department of a university is teaching Shuowen Jiezi. Today, the word "male" is discussed.

Professor Huang asked you a question:

Why is Tian Zi above "people"? 」

"Because men are responsible for farming!" Hui replied.

"Good," the professor nodded and continued, "then why is there a word" force "below? Fang, you answer it. 」

A Fang thought for a moment and stammered, "Can a man be called a man if he has no strength below?" 」

42; There is a couple who are very loving and have sex for almost 30 days a month.

One day, my wife suddenly felt sick. Results the doctor said after examination: you have menstrual pain caused by too much sexual intercourse. You must stop having sex for three months, or your life will be in danger.

After coming back, the wife told her husband about it, so they had to endure it for three months and sleep in separate rooms.

However, just a week later, the husband couldn't help but go to his wife's room that night, just to see her leave the room. The wife was surprised to see him and asked, What's the matter?

The gentleman said seriously, "I'm here to kill you." What about you? "

The wife replied shyly, "I'm here to commit suicide."

43; Both the painter and the couple have a record of marital infidelity, and they don't trust each other. One day, when her husband was out, her wife was afraid of her husband's smuggling, so she drew two little monkeys on her husband's sex organs. Not to be outdone, her husband also drew a little guard on his wife's private parts and said, "You will take good care of the door for me. In the evening, when her husband came home, his wife took off his trousers and checked them. She found the two monkeys still there, but they were misplaced.

The wife said, "These two monkeys are not in the right position. I didn't draw them this morning. Looks like you went behind my back again. 」

The husband argued, "It's obviously these two monkeys, and you still have to pick on me. 」

The wife said, "My two monkeys are low and close to the grass. Hey! It's almost over now ... "

The husband argued, "Monkeys can climb trees. They were still in the grass in the morning, so it's not surprising that they climbed to the top of the tree now. 」

So he began to check his wife, only to find that the little guard he drew was standing on the left side of the gate, but now he is on the right. He suddenly became furious and scolded, "You thief and prostitute, how dare you argue with me?" Although you draw this guard very much, you draw it in the wrong direction. It used to be on the left, but now it's on the right ... "

The wife said, "Don't the guards at the gate change their posts? He went to the right, too! 」

The husband was furious: "Nonsense. 」

The wife sneered, "As long as your monkey can climb trees, my guards are not allowed to change their posts? You have gone too far! 」

44: A farmer bought some pigs, hoping that they could eat toads and bacon in the cave after being raised. A few weeks later, he found that none of the pigs were pregnant, so he called the veterinarian for help. The veterinarian told him that artificial insemination could be used. The farmer had no idea what this meant, but he didn't want others to see that he was ignorant, so he just asked the veterinarian how to judge that the pig was pregnant. Veterinarians say that as long as pigs lie in the mud and don't stop rolling, it means they are pregnant. The farmer hung up the phone, thought about it, and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he should fertilize these pigs. So he loaded all these pigs into the truck, pulled them into the Woods, dried them one by one, and then pulled them all back. When he woke up the next day, the farmer came to the pigsty and saw the pigs still standing there one after another. He thought it must be the first time that he didn't succeed, so he pulled the pig into the Woods with a truck again. This time, for the sake of safety, he tried to dry them twice. The next morning, he got up and went to the pigsty, and found the pig still standing there, without any movement. He thought, let's try again, so he put the pigs on the truck and pulled them into the Woods. It took him a whole day to fuck them one by one, and when he got home, he was so tired that he fell asleep in bed. The next day, he could hardly get out of bed, so he asked his wife to see if all the pigs were lying in the mud. His wife came back and told him, "No, all the pigs have run to the truck, and one of them is still honking his horn impatiently."

45. Someone confided to a friend: "I came home from work twice and saw my wife hugging a man. What do you think I should do? " "I don't know," my friend replied. "Why don't you try working overtime?"

One day, a husband's wife gave birth to a child. He rushed to the hospital and waited for n hours. The doctor came out and told him it was twins! He was ecstatic: I am a father! At this time, the doctor said sadly, the boy's penis grows on his face, but the girl's boobs grow on his back! Some gentlemen stayed there, wondering why. The doctor asked: Do you always refuse to reply?